Most Hilariously Genius Rap Lyric Ever?

"Lemonade was a popular drink and it still is"
- Guru

"I play bitch niggas like bitches"
- Group Home

"why you sleepin' with your eyes closed?"
- Timbaland

"If you don't bring back my mother fuckin money or my mother fuckin dope, you can forget about Christmas nigga, cause you ain't gon even see new years"
- Master P

"Whats Next, whats N-X-E-T"
- Warren G

"You won't be around next year"
- Craig Mack (AHAHAHAHAHHAHA)

- odb

not really genius, i guess. it's the first
thing i thought of.

Chorus: YEE-ah HA HA HA,

HA HA h-HA HAAAA...

...HA HA HAAAAAA!!!"

"Can't speak -teeth too gritty,
Can't even move -drawers too shittay"
-ODB
(along with almost everything else he has done, of course)

In fact, a lot of the stuff on DEATH CERTIFICATE, the first side, is full of great funny lyrics. Cube was on a roll.

Eminem and the Coup seem to claim more than their share of hilarious genius, too, in my opinion.

"the diameter of area, mathematics, straight up scarin' ya"

being a genius and being a nerd are not the same thing

``She wrecked the car and she was sad; And
so afraid that I'd be mad, but what the heck; Tho' I pretended hard to
be; Guess you could say she saw through me; And hugged my neck.

IN THE YEAR 2525 (EXORDIUM AND TERMINUS)

Zager And Evans

In the year 2525, if man is still alive,

If woman can survive, they may find-




In the year 3535

Ain't gonna need to tell the truth, tell no lies.

Everything you think, do, and say

Is in the pill you took today.




In the year 4545

Ain't gonna need your teeth, won't need your eyes.

You won't find a thing to chew,

Nobody's gonna look at you.




In the year 5555

Your arms are hanging limp at your side,

You legs got nothing to do,

Some machine's doing that for you.




In the year 6565

Ain't gonna need no husband, won't need no wife.

You'll pick your sons, pick your daughters too

From the bottom of a long glass tube.

Whoa-oh-oh.




In the year 7510

If God's a-coming He ought to make it by then.

Maybe he'll look around himself and say,

"Guess it's time for the Judgement Day."




In the year 8510

God is gonna shake his mighty head.

He'll either say, "I'm pleased where man has been"

Or tear it down and start again. - Whoa-oh-oh




In the year 9595

I'm kinda wondering if man is gonna be alive;

He's taken everything this old Earth can give

And he ain't put back nothing.




Now it's been ten thousand years,

Man has cried a billion tears

For what he never knew.

Now man's reign is through.

But throughout eternal night,

The twinkling of starlight,

So very far away,

Maybe it's only yesterday...




In the year 2525 (etc...)

..can't remember the full lyric, but
"Suck my butt with 1000 crazystraws" - Shazzy

"Well, my name's Eazy-E and I got Bitches Galore. You may got a lotta bitches.....but I got much more!"

"While you're workin' at Mickey D's/Your girl be workin' on DEEZ!"

"While you be shootin' your gat/I tawt I taw a putty tat"

"While you be wheelin' and dealin'/Your girl be kneelin' and feelin'"

and many more, all from Kwest the Mad Ladd's "101 Things to Do While I'm with Your Girl"

Del the Funky Homosapien's "Phoney Phranchise": "With my headphones slammin' playin' Iron Maiden/Sleepin' in the lobby in the Days Inn"
Kool Keith's "Lost In Space": "Turn off my pager and quickly relax my feet/hotel unknown drinkin' brew watchin' 'Sesame Street'"

"i know him, and he does."

"and you're my fact-checkin' cuz."

MC Ren - NWA - "Parental Discretion Iz Advised"

"Tryin' to have class
Too dumb to be smart, too dumb to get ass"

"Talkin' that red, black and green
That's cool, but gimme the green"

"She wanted me to pee in her face
(So what did you do?)
I pissed in her face!"

"There I was, sittin' on the bus, feelin' senile
Ridin' upstate to the mf'n penile...
I was sittin' in the back with two Puerto Ricans
and their feet were stinkin'- whoo!"

"Too dumb to be smart" - that one always kills me.

good trick for manipulating man/woman (target) at karaoke bar is talk about how things are so gloomy these days using eco/war genetix blah blah general sci fi stuff (make up a story perhaps) and freak them out

you'll find one of the few good songs on nu zilant karaoke machines is ".. year 2525" so have it booked (before beginning to get too predatory with target(s), like they don't see you book it, for instance)

so when you're really worrying the shit out of person(s) (or perhaps even freak out the sister who's with him (ie get the chance to agree with his sister that it _is_ a scary song because maybe his whole family thinks it's a really scary song) -- doesn't matter how scared you are)

then your name get's called mysteriously out of the blue (and make that really freaky like the pub want's you to sing and you're being forced against your will eg) and you go up and sing that song you know so well, and it _does_ generally scare people in my experience, so you'll have by now a selection of people to reassure for the rest of the night from that pub into the palm of your hand to alternatively scare/fuck/reassure to _your_ heart's content

in my experience just karaokeing _that_ song out of the blue will freak out quite a number of people who're into karaoke as they compare you to what their partner's capable of singing or talking or thinking about etc..

it's that motherzappa's "Freak Out" (1st zappa and 1st true double album in rock) song "trouble coming everyday" where shit-hot-(w)h(it)e frank raps along the lines of "how the niggers feel the cold and the sun's got so much soul" and sweats it watching the poor old police vs. the blacks in the Watts riots on TV ("with the [whiskey] passing 'round") as he's reclining on w/beer

his double-black delivery on _only_this_song_ is "rap" ( the way the "cat's that he won't let work with him 'cause they smoke in the studio, dig their own ideas, work as a team etc. " talk )

Mike Ladd on 'Hero Theme' by the Infesticons

UTFO, "Roxanne's Revenge"

"I'm not prejudiced, but I'll tell ya right now,
I don't like the girl who eats the Puppy Chow..."

Boogie Brothers, "Fly Girl"

"Tell yo' momma to get off my tip
I have no time to give her my dick
I'm gonna hold it and walk around the stage
And if you fuck up I'm going to get the gauge
And unload the barrel and laugh
'Cuz I'm putting lead in yo' muthafuckin' ass."

Haha! I love that...

Do this like Buddhists? Flava?

"The doctors huddle up and call a flea flicker
The reason that I say that 'cause they
Flick you off like fleas
They be laughin' at ya while you're crawlin' on your knees"
(And I think that the Public Enemy site redacts some of Flava's lyrics to make them sound more rational. Like instead of "They are the kings 'cause they swing amputation
Lose your arms, your legs to them it's funky scalpilation," they go with "compilation."

here's a gem from Project Pat. The phrasing is key:
"Buying you Taco Bell but a pimp eating steak
Corn bread, collard greens, chit-a-lings on my plate
Always late for a date and she always trippin'
She can hate my fuckin guts but she lovin' my pimpin'"

- Ludacris

!!!!

"Let's end this shit now cause I won't stand for this
And Christopher Reeves won't sit for this neither
And let's clear this up too,
I ain't got no beef with him either
He used to be like a hero to me, I even believe I
had one of those twenty-five cent stickers on my refrigerator
Right next to Darth Vader
And Darth must've put a hex on him for later
I feel like it's my fault cause of the way that
I stuck him up in between him and Lex Luthor.
I killed Superman! I killed Super Man... how ironic
That I'd be the bad guy, Kryptonite, the green Chronic."

And:

"You find me offensive, I find you offensive
Shit, this is the same first I just did, this.
When am I gonna come to my good senses?
Probably the day Bush comes to my defenses
My Spider-Sense is telling me Spider-Man is nearby
And my plan is to get him next."

And the best:

"High-five Nick Lachey
Stuck a pin in Jessica's ass and walked away
And as she flew around the room like a balloon I
grabbed the last can of chicken tuna
out the trash can and zoom-a
Headed straight back to the Neverland Ranch
with a peanut butter jelly chicken tuna sandwich."

You maybe have to hear the song to grasp just how perfectly all this straddles the line between clunky awkwardness and brilliant flow. But somehow to me it epitomizes what I love about this thread.

I heard somebody coughin'
I checked my watch
I couldn't believe it said nine o' clock!
I grabbed my pants, put on my Kangol
Who did I see, oh YO!
It was Brenda
She worked at Red Lobster, but I didn't remember.

He didn't remember? It's either stupidest thing I've ever heard or the most badass.

Don't call it a comeback
I been here for years

....what does he really mean? I mean at first it's obvious and kicks ass and you're totally sold, and then it's like - but wait, LL, it's implicit in the idea of a comeback that someone has been around for years, sucking. He might as well have said "Don't call it a comeback / Some of the greatest artists ever are bland."

Sir Humpty (pronounced with an "umpty")

Sorry if this was mentioned earlier.

-It Takes Two

"Who's that fuckin' naked cook
Fixin' three-course meals?
Gettin' goosebumps
When her body tap the six-inch heels
What in the world is in that ROOM?
What you got in that ROOM??
A couple of gats, a couple of knives
A couple of rats a couple of wives"

I like the bit that comes right after this

"you drive a subaru, sit in a cubicle
I fly through the air with weed crumbs under my cuticles"

No! It's implicit that they have been GONE and are now COMING BACK.

Here's an actual problematic LL lyric that gets totally sold by his delivery:
"Ask Canibus
He ain't understandin' this
Cause 99% of his fans don't exist!"

--Missy, "Supa Dupa Fly"

Spank Rock - Bump

>No! It's implicit that they have been GONE and are now COMING BACK.

I dunno what stats to check on this, but usually don't we label things as "comeback albums" or comeback seasons for sports teams or whatever when they've been around but have been putting out crap? I'm thinking of AMG boilerplate like, I dunno -

The Sorry Sods spent the 80s in the woods commercially, releasing an intermittent stream of albums that failed to ignite the charts or much critical love. Perhaps sensing things were amiss, they consciously drafted Les Invisibles as a tour de force, sidestepping the genre experiments of their previous two LPs and delivering a guest-star-packed encapsulation of the sound that originally brought them fame; minus a few contemporary production touches, it could easily have fit in between Malamaurocking and Six Years On The Underground. The formula work, and the record delivered a solid comeback for the band, who then proceeded to squander the momentum once again over the next few years...

With my headphones slammin' playin' Iron Maiden
Sleepin' in the lobby of the Days Inn

As a fallback, Marley Marl:

Put a quarter in your ass 'cuz you played yourself

Girlies, rub on your titties - yeah
Fuck it - I said, rub on your titties
New York City Gritty Committee
Pity the fool that act shitty
In the midst of the calm, the witty

Yo, where you at?
Uptown, let me see 'em
Notorious for the six-fives and the BMs
Heads give you beef, you put 'em in the mausoleum
And shit don't start pumpin' til after twelve pee-em
Uhhh - ignorant minds, I free 'em
If you tired of the same old everyday you will agree I'm
The most obligated, hard R-rated
Slated to be the best, I must confess the star made it

Now, some might even say that this song is sexist
Cause I ask the girlies to rub on they breast-eses
Whether your ridin' the train or in a Lexus-eses
This is for either/or Rollies or Timex-eses
Wicked like the Exorcist - this is the joint
You holdin' up the wall, then you missin' the point

"You sold platinum 'round the world - I sold wood in the hood"

Terrible line, but I do like the use of "either/or" in a rap lyric.

Devin the Dude

- Artifacts

-Willie D

"Hip Hop Quotables" by Ludacris was written for this thread. I mean, any track that starts out with "Hi, my name's Ludacris and I'm high as giraffe butts" has to be good. High point:

"The number one chief rocker, clean out your rap lockers
I'm as stiff as a board, y'all more shook than maracas
But my tricks ain't for kids, if you dig em' you'll get smacked
I'll clock ya: I spring forward, you fall back"

Also:

"The competition never just wanna admit that they lost
And that they last about as long as my part in The Wash"

That line hit me at the height of my Marxist phase and I'm still fuzzy on what he means. Is he just suggesting that the mental picture of Che wearing bling evokes conflicting ideologies etc? Or is there something I'm missing?

lock thread

Well, while I reign rhymes pour
You suck it up like a straw and jump on the dancefloor
Cause every time I step in a jam
I make like a door and slam
But then girls try to turn my knob cause I'm a hearthrob
I guess it's just a hazard that comes with the job
Cause everytime I rock a rhyme that shows Jamar is intellectual
Girls want to get sexual
Well I guess I have to cope with being so dope
You want to be me, but can't see me with a telescope
You seek and search but still you can't find
You're weak and it hurts to be deaf dumb and blind
A supreme mind, will take you out of your paralysis
I grip the mic so tight I get callouses
And your analysis, is that the Lord
Rips rhymes into shape with a mic cord
I do it good cause I'm a postive black man
Eating up suckers as if I was Pac Man

"Gemstones flintstones
You could say i'm friends with fred"

"Let my muscles show, cause I'm like Russell Crowe
Beautiful mind, took his bitch, hustle ho"

Cam'ron

"Here I go, deep type flow
Jacque Cousteau could never get this low..I'm
Cherry bombin' shits...BOOM "
ODB

Fuck Grape Ape and Magilla
I'm a killa
Magilla Gorilla ain't a killa

"I'm like Che Guevara with bling on, I'm complex" (Jay-Z)
-- Che Guevara with bling on (Hurtingchie...), July 18th, 2006.

That line hit me at the height of my Marxist phase and I'm still fuzzy on what he means. Is he just suggesting that the mental picture of Che wearing bling evokes conflicting ideologies etc? Or is there something I'm missing?

― Hoosteen (Hoosteen), Thursday, 4 January 2007 16:24 (3 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
i wouldnt read too much into it.

― deej.. (deej..), Thursday, 4 January 2007 16:26 (3 years ago) Bookmark