Lazy Critic Translator

timeless = they're trying to sound like this was recorded in 1970

maturing = every song on this album is slower than every song on their last album

spectoresque = uses the be my baby drum intro at least once

the new dylan = artist likes old dylan

punk = swears

particularly fine = you may ignore the reviewer

raw sexual energy = a guy shouting into a microphone

anthemic choruses = a guy shouting into a microphone

pretty awesome = the lex may ignore the reviewer

artistic credibility = was making records before I was around to give them negative reviews

this thread is pretty OTM so far

overrated = got a good review on pitchfork before the reviewer was aware of the band

eclectic = Beck

their best album since (daydream nation, exile on main street, paul's boutique, etc.) = their new album

jaunty = annoying cornball schtick

reminiscent of smile-era beach boys = there is a friggin french horn on one track

Incohesive = eclectic but didn't like it

collective = more than four people

proggy = more than four chords

shoegazer = more than four pedals

garage(y)=Three chords or less

particularly fine = you may ignore the reviewer

― Ned Raggett

hah.. bit of a self-jab there Ned?

their best album since (daydream nation, exile on main street, paul's boutique, etc.) = their new album

― brio, Thursday, May 12, 2011 6:18 PM (2 hours ago)

This one really bothers me. I hate seeing this in reviews and especially in short blurbs.

the funny part is that it's so durable. remember reading reviews like that in rolling stone back in the 80s, and even then, as a kid, i knew exactly how the code worked.

"less than the sum of its parts" = eclectic but diddn't like it

"more than the sum of its parts" = eclectic but did like it but doesn't know why

"earworm" = when I just listened to it for the first time an hour ago I could imagine still having the hook stuck in my head in two months

futurist = drum machines

Also can someone find the old thread about second level cliches?

sounds like MBV = probably does not sound anything like MBV

or sounds excessively close

"if you told me a month ago that I'd be tapping my feet to [a Hasidic reggae rapper, an English sister trio doing big-band covers of indie chestnuts, or something similarly 'wacky'] I'd have said you were crazy."

=

insufferable gimmicky crap that only gets written about because it has such an obvious journalistic hook. the reviewer didn't even listen to the album because the press release and band photo basically did all the work for him.

literate = wholly unmemorable and awkwardly phrased

"like a marching band on acid" = "like a bunch of sober indie rock dudes wailing away on trumpets and clarinets they hadn't touched since high school"

a flawed masterpiece = flawed. really, really flawed.

"If no one in this band ever goes on to make another record, they can all content themselves in the fact that they helped make this one."

=

"I hope no one in this band ever goes on to make another record."

Radiohead-esque = UK band shooting for BNM

Coldplay-esque = UK band shooting for radio/mainstream success

Beatles-esque = Pop band with rock instrumentation

sounds like spacemen 3 = i took some drugs once

Would like to add:

punk = more frequent snare drum use

literate = band dresses in corduroy blazers

a flawed masterpiece = flawed. really, really flawed.

so tru

overrated = got a good review on pitchfork before the reviewer was aware of the band

― brio, Thursday, May 12, 2011 9:13 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Truest yet

"baroque" = "there is a song with a violin and a weird keyboard sound that isn't a piano)"

"they really mean it" = their execution is poor, but it's the thought that counts.

joyous, carefree, effortless, etc = this band consists mainly of women

Ha, I just used "joyous" about Le Tigre's Hot Topic but dammit, it is joyous.

I forgive you

inscrutable=they won't agree to an interview

seminal=I read about them in a book before I heard them

ambitious=long

ambitious=expensive

ambitious=even longer and more expensive than the album before it

seminal=I read about them in a book before I heard them

― Josh in Chicago, Friday, May 13, 2011 8:01 AM Bookmark

So OTM. In fact, in "younger" publications it often means "I first read about them in a magazine profile last month that was written as part of a revival of interest in this band that was once not considered all that important."

Postmodern = I really like this, I really don't like this OR I'm really not sure if I like this.

Like x on acid = like x if they didn't practice or write good songs
like x on speed = like x, and they do practice

"you *need* to hear this album" = "I'm hoping I'm the first person to review this and if so, I want everyone to know that I was first."

inscrutable=they won't agree to an interview

Ha!

Why did this stop? Best thread yet.

Comparing rappers to the beastie boys, eminem, wu tang

Translation?

= 'im totally winging it'

good point, fair enough

Comparing rappers to the beastie boys, eminem, wu tang = listening to Goblin

Decries white male indie-rock band with guitars = critic is white, male, and used to be in an indie-rock guitar band that never really made it

(option 2)

Decries white male indie-rock band with guitars = critic is repressing self-guilt for having listened to white male indie-rock guitar bands for majority of his/her life

(option 3)

Decries white male indie-rock band with guitars in favor of [experimental rock / hip-hop / dance / psychedelia / world music] = critic just discovered [Radiohead / Kanye West / LCD Soundsystem / Animal Collective / M.I.A.]

deriding an EP for being "too short"

decries critics who decry white male indie-rock bands with guitars = poster used to be a WMIRBG-decrying critic who never really made it

uhh I think I did that right
my head is sorta spinning now tho

oh thanks i wasn't aware i was decrying such critics? cool

decrial is not just a river in egypt

reminiscent of smile-era beach boys = there is a friggin french horn on one track

Also:
Gorgeous Beach Boys-style harmonies = At some point on this record more than one person sings at the same time

their best album since (daydream nation, exile on main street, paul's boutique, etc.) = their new album

― brio, Thursday, May 12, 2011 9:18 PM (2 days ago)

Bill Wyman had a nice takedown of this approach vis-a-vis the Stones here: http://www.chicagoreader.com/chicago/doodoo-lounge/Content?oid=885084

"jazzy"-it has a trumpet
"dancey"-it has a drum machine

Decries white male indie-rock band with guitars = critic is white, male, and used to be in an indie-rock guitar band that never really made it

― ilxor running, w/ laptop in hand, checking ILX as he sprints (ilxor), Saturday, May 14, 2011 11:12 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

(option 2)

Decries white male indie-rock band with guitars = critic is repressing self-guilt for having listened to white male indie-rock guitar bands for majority of his/her life

― ilxor running, w/ laptop in hand, checking ILX as he sprints (ilxor), Saturday, May 14, 2011 11:13 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

(option 3)

Decries white male indie-rock band with guitars in favor of [experimental rock / hip-hop / dance / psychedelia / world music] = critic just discovered [Radiohead / Kanye West / LCD Soundsystem / Animal Collective / M.I.A.]

― ilxor running, w/ laptop in hand, checking ILX as he sprints (ilxor), Saturday, May 14, 2011 11:14 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark

damn, you got the lex pegged perfectly THREE TIMES

"jazzy"-it has a trumpet

Also- The drummer uses alot of "cymbal action".

"Southern Fried Boogie"- They sound like ZZ Top and/or Lynyrd Skynyrd circa 1975.

wait, wouldn't that be accurate?

I probably should have said: "One of the members has: 1. A beard, 2. A cowboy hat, or 3. Both 1+2."

"Spiky guitars" - this thing is too trebly

ambient = boring

most rewarding ambient record of the decade = i got stoned and listened to this one for close to an hour yesterday

"nothing spectacular here, just some old masters playing standards" - who really listens to jazz anyway?

atmospheric = they didn't write any songs

or alternately, they used a wooshing noise in the background

haha yes totally

by the way some dude, i dont know what you think of disco or 70s dance music in general but ive been reading vince alletti's 'the disco files' & for some reason i think that you would probably enjoy the writing style.

fyi this is not a backhanded insult

lol

thanks for the rec, i'll check it out -- started reading Last Night A DJ Saved My Life recently and am finding the writing style kind of obnoxious/uninspired so maybe that's closer to what i was hoping for

aletti (this is the correct spelling) was actually writing about disco as it was happening, and was p much the only critic to do so in such a comprehensive way, so it has a very different feel -- a lot closer to how 'we' write about new music today

its a comprehensive collection of his columns for record world, plus some essays for the voice, rolling stone, etc from '73-'78

also an interview with him from '98

Yeah the Aletti book is gold, would recommend it to anyone.

"pisses off the squares" = I wish I was 14

must-listen = pretty sure everyone knows about this band/album already but acting like they haven't to save face

damn, you got the lex pegged perfectly THREE TIMES

haaaaaa

'songwriter's songwriter' = obscure singer-songwriter who wrote a couple of minor hits for Glen Campbell and Waylon Jennings in the '70s. he has some good ideas, but he's such a drab, uncharismatic performer that the only people who listen to his albums are other musicians, who do so more for academic reasons then for pleasure. 5-10 years after his death, The Forgotten Genius of [This Fucking Guy]: 1967-1975 comes out on Light in the Attic with PR and liner note blurbs courtesy of Bonnie 'Prince' Billy and Six Organs of Admittance. P4K 8.9 BNR GENIUS.

'criminally underrated' = it's a crime that this music even exists amirite

The Aletti book discussed up thread is now going for hundreds of dollars O_o

"Boogie" should be enough, but I guess tacking on "southern-fried" is a Band-Aid (get it?), for the kids, who don't know what "boogie" means. That is, if there's a reason at all (oh yeah, could be for the flavah!). I'll 'low it.
Also, I know "overrated" just means, "some people actually enjoy this, or claim to, the nutless climbers", but Eddie Van Halen really is or was overrrated. You could snicker at Van Halen, becuase of the vocalists and songs, but Ed got a certain acknowledgement. He was effective sometimes, but jeez the same moves on every track (unless he added keyboards). Mainly it was like with William F. Buckley Jr in his heyday: "I'm no conservative, but I must tip my hat to your wit, sir!" No.
Some albums can be impressive for a while, then I get to the end, and realize: th-they really are less than the sum of their parts! But I'd rather try to figure out why, than just put it like that (at least if I'm getting paid to do so).