they're made up!!

(label etc can be real, so can band members, tho probably not all of them: make it convincing!! convince yrself!! they needn't be that good!!)

Sorry, the name is a dead giveaway that they are not real.

Come up with a better band name, and we really CAN do this. It should be just believable enough ... Slur, Rusk, The Plungers ... we've done this before on a fanzine level with amusing enough results.

sorry kate: this is the material we have to work this => the "reality" of the band name is their fault not mine (They Might Be Giants are obviously not real based on that argument) (ie we are not inventing some ho-hum generic loser indieband: the name has to be justified and integrated and made convincing in terms of subcult and attitude and blah blah blah)

It is not the crapness of the name that is the problem, it is the closeness to the Beatles. Meatls will never be perceived as anything except a Rutles-style parody of that band.

stop making excuses!! answer my thread or start yr own!! first one to get their band written up in an arm of the ira robbins leisure industry wins the pony i keep forgetting to fax to geeta!!

Meatls: "tracks in our arms" was the special fanclub only release of demo's and featured: "we are the champions" (a Queen cover!), "don't leave me baby" "Sir Inge" and "piggy".

Dave Grave was their original drummer but he left to become an organic farmer.

(really we need some mock record covers, get to work photoshop people!)

The first single taken from the album will be called "Meatl Weapon".

Mark I am completely into this idea but must say that Kate is right - the title's a dead giveaway & so we'd just be playing around on ILM instead of trying to jam the Q poll - all the same you're right that it's your thread so here you go:

The Meatls rose to underground prominence on the tide raised by the success of Tortoise's Millions Now Living Will Never Die, but resisted pressure from all corners to expand their efforts beyond their immediate neighborhood. Seldom has a band adhered to a more strict hermeticist principle: between 1996 and 1998 they played exactly three shows, all of them in the lounge of a bar across the street from the hotel they called home in Ealing.

With the addition of vibraphonist James Oderon, however, the band's appeal could no longer be contained. Crowds began to spill out onto the sidewalk during their increasingly-less-rare shows, and demand for an appearance in a more central venue was keen. Enter promoter Philip Sloan. Sloan saw a way to bridge the gap between the original members' Thin Youghurts-style post-punk and Oderon's background in jazz fusion, and seized the moment during the now-legendary recording session that produced the band's first single, "Escape from Return to Forever" b/w "Mahavishnu!" It was the nervous, wiry sound of this record's guitars juxtaposed with the deep, resonant vibraphone that sould set the course for all that was to follow.

Dave Grave only left after the recording of "Escape from Return to Forever". Amazed by what producer/promoter Philip Sloan made out of the band sound he broke relations with all band members. (invent a name cos im not good at it) joined the band and is still the drummer, but the freshness and sound of that first single could never be achieved by (drummers name)

John, you did that very scarily well. You know, now that I think about it, let's see if I can come up with a mock AMG entry for them in my style. Hem hem:

"Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it, but in the case of the Meatls, their knowledge of the past is as much a potential hindrance as anything else. Thankfully, on Meet the Meatls (admittedly, the Residents did that joke better), the Chicago-post-rock inspirations get chucked around with a bit more fervor than most Pale and Interesting Types locked in a rehearsal studio below the Loop could come up with. James Oderon has received most of the credit for the band's swift rise to underground attention, winning praise from the likes of Steve Albini and Godspeed you Black Emperor; if his style is jazz-fusion in derivation, there's an agreeably rough edge that he provides which gives songs like "The Quanitization of The Farthest Angle" and "Fits = The Repossession" a needed kick. The guitar playing, reminiscent of any number of fellow UK acts from two decades past (Joy Division, certainly, but also the Gang of Four, Orange Juice, even the Comsat Angels), adds a melancholy but energetic tinge that prevents the album's mid-song epic, "Omphalos The Inverted," from sinking into sheer noodling, though admittedly it edges close. Quite where the band will go next is a matter of time and debate, but so far it seems like the Meatls may yet have something to break out of the Thrill Jockey-inspired ghetto."

They did a secret gig at RoTa yesterday. Overrated really. The only good thing about them is that Theramin player, and she's leaving.

Actually, you know, if we could persuade Andy Kellman to create an actual AMG entry... ;-)

Band Members:

Neil Allan Halliday (lead vocals, additional percussion, 1996-?)
Spencer Matthew Gascott (lead guitar, 1996-?)
Nicodemus Sharpe (rhythm guitar, pedals, 1996-1997)
Barney Goddlin (rhythm guitar, pedals, 1997-?)
Mitzi-Lou McIlroy (bass guitar, backing vocals, 1996-?)
James Oderon (vibraphone, 1998-?)
Dave Grave (drums, 1996-1999)
Everton 'J.F.' Kennedy (drums, 1999-?)
Lisa Jayne Arkwright (vocals, theremin, 1999-?)

i'm really influenced by the Meatls.

Great stuff, Ned! Then we would be getting somewhere - if only to the end of your AMG career, which isn't a good thing, obv...

Of course I saw them in a smaller venue back in 1994.

Hey now Martin, the database is big enough to hide a small joke entry in, surely. And besides, Di already said she was influenced by them -- and we have an entry for her! ;-)

1994? Sure you're not confusing them with Red Leicester? They did have Oderon on board for a brief while, but he just got too disillusioned with their Britpop leanings later that year.

And so he left, obviously. Red Leicester would go on to record a session for the original XFM before splitting due to their prolonged commercial and critical obscurity.

That, of course, is another story entirely.

its a shame about their pro-meat politics.

haha I was living in Leicester in 1994 too!

Maybe they chose the name to show how we're all meat in God's abattoir.

Editors at said magazine are already aware that I am a mock AMG editor and DO NOT EXIST = dead giveaway

Furthermore: AMG applications are designed to send off piercing warning alarm throughout office whenever freelancers attempt to submit info on bands/artists that do not exist = GAME OVER

*weeps* And it was a foolproof plan!

"I mean well obviously there's the Beatles, right, triffic'lly huge band that you can't get away from. But they're like so huge that in a way we've all got our own versions of the Beatles, right? So if your version is all happy-three-chord-songs an' his version is all huge-psych-masterpieces, right, an' maybe her version has something to do with Brazilian soca music...well, mine has to do with vibraphones that remind you of the sound that flanks hanging in a meat locker might make, if they actually had a sound. And that's the Meatls. Kinda glaringly obvious, really, innit."

-- Neil Allan Halliday, on the band's name, from an interview in "How's Yer Face" fanzine, December 2001.

Did I just hear the hook from "escape from return to forever" in an Burger King commerical??sellouts

I like how Neil Allan Halliday's initials are NAH!

Andy Weatherall frequently drops the cut Recycle 2:1 into his DJ sets and is rumoured to be organising a remix cd with contributions from Fennesz, Super Furry Animals, Mum and many others.

Meanwhile, in Chicago, Walter Weasel has been overheard telling people about "how the Meatls will kick all your lame over-rehearsed asses!"

AMG fails to acknowledge the very real Derrero and Tystion, though. It ain't over till it's over.

I'll get around to Tystion yet, though. I've got one of their albums around. And hey, MC Mabon's in there.

From my review of their Washington, DC Black Cat second stage show, opening for All Scars:

UK post-rockers the Meatls opened, making their U.S. debut. Reviews comparing the ensemble to Godspeed You Black Emperor and Tortoise ensured that the Corcoran School of Art set turned up on time. However, they and the rest of audience (numbering perhaps 70) seemed largely unimpressed by the band's 40-minute set, which consisted of an unnaturally prolonged jam on "Meatl Weapon," the title track of their 1997 debut EP. The only entertaining moment happened when frontman Neil Allan Halliday abruptly concluded his Tuvan throat-singing solo and turned around to hump Lisa Arkwright's theremin, followed by it and him falling off the small stage. One concertgoer's overheard comment, "wank for wank's sake," summed up the impression made by the opening set.

"This is Nardwaur talking to Neil Allan Halliday of the Meatls. Neil Allan Halliday of the Meatls, tell us about the Meatls."

"We're...uh...we are. We are Meatls, you are crime, ha ha."

"Ha ha. Neil Allan Halliday of the Meatls, tell us, why do you hump theremins on stage?"

"That only happened once! But it was done because I had to show how much the music moved, you know what I mean? Because I had to let the feel of music overcome me, so I could join with it in front of everyone."

"Neil Allan Halliday of the Meatls, that's fascinating. Tell us, do you people over there in BritainLand still drink nothing but sugary tea, Neil Allan Halliday of the Meatls?"

"Um, not all the time..."

Found on E-bay:

'"THE MEATLS VS. WINDHOEK, LEUVEN 1999"

CONCEPT ALBUM LIVE WITH BANDS PLAYING EACH OTHER SONGS AT SAME TIME - HOWEVER EXPAND 'VS.' CONCEPT IN GET FEMALE BAND MEMBERS MUD WRESTLE V. SEXXXXY!!! '

Assume that this would be a bootleg recording of a live conceptual gig that was done at an alternative arts festival in Leuven, Belgium, sometime in 1999 - Windhoek being a German ambient four-piece whose fame had never expanded beyond the continent, but who indirectly aided the Meatls' profile in mainland Europe after Mitzi-Lou McIlroy was reported to be being lesbian-esque with Mara Braunfelder, Windhoek's harpsichordist. Apparently it was something of a musical failure, but the mud-wrestling went down very well.

"The Meatls new single "I smell sex" starts of as a rolling thunder of bass noise and analogue synths. Tempered by the cooing repeated refrain of "i smell sex, wanna touch you with my hex". No other band in 1997 has come anywhere near recording a single as poigant as this. How do they create these heart wrenching sounds coupled with such juvenile bravado? Somewhere in the noise Mitzy-Lou is offering a prayer to the Gods of rock'n'roll, "jeg tror ikke det er alvoring" she sings in her native Norweign. And then the song collapses into coda of minor chords and beach boys esque harmonies. My tears are flowing."
Archie Newton - Select October 1997.

it wasn't intended surely, but this all seems like a parody of cul de sac.

To clarify that last one - from Action! Five! fanzine issue #K, early 2000:

"MITZI-LOU MCILROY:

Born Astrid Maria Jakobsen, Oslo, 1975. One of the 4 founding members of MEATL, English band who formed Nottingham 1996, alongside NEIL ALLAN HALLIDAY (Voxx, xxylophone), NICODEMUS SHARPE (gittarrz) and SPENCER MATTHEW GASCOTT (gittarrz 2). MCILROY name taken at suggestion of then boyfriend NICODEMUS SHARPE, who insisted on her inclusion in band. She and NICODEMUS SHARPE split up in 1997 when he caught her doing SPENCER MATTHEW GASCOTT in the nastee. NICODEMUS SHARPE then sacked by rest of band.

Plays:

Basss gittarrz
Bakkin voxx

HOTROKKCHIXXX.COM rating: 6.9/10"

Just to clear that for the uninitiated.

www.meatlsizmurder.co.uk is supposed to be their official web page, but all that is to be seen there is the text "Nobody here. Go way [sic]."

Correction -- that should be meatlsizmurder.co.uk.

Ah - you see:

"The Internet is a cliché, and it is not a cliché that we have any part of. The fanboys want an internet presence, they can fuck off and listen to Gene. We could have called ourselves Cock-Sucking Corporate Whore Bitches, but we didn't, and there's a reason for that."

James Oderon, "If This Is Punk Give Me Garth Brooks" fanzine, 2001

"I had this revelation last fall, see, and it was called 'Meatl Weapon' and it sounded like Tortoise doin' anal with Diamanda Galas!"-Ryan Schrieber, Pitchfork

Anyone heard this from the McSleazy forums? It's the new Freelance Hellraiser bootleg, "Hot In Forrevere" (Nelly vs Meatls). It's quite good, actually, definitely takes away some of the bombast of the original, makes Nelly sound quite emo really. The chorus is shit though.

http://www.mp3storage.com/freelance/nellyvsmetals.mp3

Hey has anyone else heard the rumour that Di Smith(NZ band Murdering Monsters keyboard player) is doing some jams with The Meatls that may enter their next album? I even remember some quote from her saying that they had influenced her a lot

hi, I just found this wicked site. But, some of you are haters, you don't deserve to breathe the same air as Spencer! I <3 spencer!

i was wondering if anyone has any meatl mp3's? i need sling it to the slaughter boombox baby. my friend said this song isn't real, but i don't believe her, she thinks spencer emailed her, but it was me pretending to be him. hehehe.

meatl 4 evah!

i have a meatl tattoo on my...hehe

Dude, face it. The Meatls SUCK!

"The Meatls? Yeah, I don't fucking mind them at all. It's all fucking rock'n'roll, innit? It's just a fucking noise!" - Noel Gallagher

"Fuck 'em. We're better." - Liam Gallagher

"I like what they do but I couldn't say I want to hear it every day." - Paul McCartney

"They're fucking awful, probably the worst band in the whole state of Britain, and they look like the bloody Pogues on a bad day!" - Mark E Smith

"Bands like the Meatls remind us why we got into rock'n'roll in the first place." - Bono

haha justyn that reminds me of a gaga nme used to run in the gossip column in the v.early 80s, where bowie wd be quoted as saying "Yeah Wire [or whoever], they're great, I really rate them, who are we talking about again?"

Justyn those are brilliant.

the last posts havent been so good, i think the hype over The Meatls is gone

Hatin'. As soon as the Meatls get some success, out come tha hayterz. Do not playa-hate the Meatls. Congratulate the Meatls. Thank you.

Hey im not a Meatls hate, if you see i made covers for two of their singles, im just saying that the hype seems to be gone. They are still the best thing in post-rock these days

I am a 15 year old living in Akron, Ohio. Dude, The Meatls are like my generations Nirvana..all I had was this stupid rap shit booming past my house..when I saw Neil sing "Given the chance, I'll dig my heels in the ground" over and over and over again while they were rocking through "Meatl Weapon"....I just felt fucking transported...it was the most intense, visceral moment in my life...and who knew a vibraphone could ROCK so hard...The Meatls are the future of rock music!

Hey, *dude*, we're talking about UK pre-post rockers The Meatls here, not Meatl, that lame set of so called nu emo-core bandwagon jumping whiners on Kerrang TV every 10 minutes. You want to get your FACTS right around here else you'll get your big-flared dangly keychain butt kicked. As for the lawsuit - 'Meatls UK' my ass.

The Meatls are Back!

After a whopping four years in the studio, a prolonged hush in the Meatlmania hype, and reports that the band had "sold out" or "lost their edge", the Meatls are about to return in triumph. The new album, which may be called "Me-581x" or "My Meatlometer Log", and was produced by Kraut microsample-master Akufen, is set for release in December. Cries of "Meatls go techno!" and "Pumpin' Meatl beats!" have been heard all over the sub-underground. Believe the hype!

-Bob Daffer, NY Meatlmuzik Mag

hey heavy meatl. you better never come to milton keynes coz i am gonna kick your ass! hater!

Individual profiles 2 b added 2nite...

Hey -- I just saw an online gossip column claiming that James Oderon is Winona Ryder's latest musician-conquest. Sure hope that doesn't mean that the Meatls will go the Soul Asylum route.

meatls iz murder is in fact my fansite, but it's er "under construction" as we in the web design biz say. pardon our dust. coming soon, however: full meatls discog, a revamped message board with search facility, and a 'useful links' page. i'm also working getting some of the early videos put on there.

(Dom - that mp3 link has f**ked up all the settings on my computer grrr)

i went on ile and saw that that jel guy was saying he had meatls peel sessions?

what is a peel session?

Does anyone remember Nicodemus Sharpe's cameo in The DuWights video for "Shame on the Shamen"? © .. I haven't seen any pictures of him since that video came out - were the collagen treatments real?
Apparently, Phillip Sloan's estranged brother-in-law, Rusty, was road manager & (occasional) clarinet player for The DuWights.

The Japanese bootleg CD of "Beat the Meatls" contains a bedroom recording of "Wiggin' for Some Meatls" - which they only performed one other time.

Peel Sessions - regular Sunday afternoon gigs held at The Old Orange Peel pub, Ruislip.

You live in Milton Keynes and have seriously never heard of a Peel session?

woah, this is all getting too real!

We've already done this....

remember?

i'd like to peel their arses across their gelatin-fed mugs.... Grave nicked all our fuckin pedals one night in Surrey and I know it was him cause he could never shave his head right.... fuckin Grave hahaha I've got some experimental hearse music for all those fucks

so did they break up yet?

nah! I heard they were making a soundtrack for a film or was it a computer game?

Shame about the drummer...

Barney Goddlin is totally boring and hot!

Heh, funny to find this old thread. I met an old classmate of mine who's semi-friendly with Astrid. She told me that in addition to the occasional DJ spot, she apparently devotes quite a lot of time to a sort of crusade against lossless music compression formats(!).

MP3s work by eliminating the sounds that humans can't hear anyway, due to their being "masked" by other sounds, while (e.g.) oggs merely compress the data. Now, her argument seems to be that playing these humanly inaudible sounds anyway (which will happen unless they are removed) – even if they are impossible to sense – pulls a lot of megawatts of loudspeaker power every day, and is thus environmentally unfriendly!

(btw she chose the name McIlroy because her brother was a *HUGE* Manchester United fan in the early 80s)

Haha, crusade against lossless formats, could be something in that! Although, with low bitrate MP3s, I hear the computing power required to re-assemble the lossy data, contributes to 2% of the current world carbon emissions.