Alex James and Jamie Oliver bring YOU...Feastival

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Musician Alex James and chef Jamie Oliver are to host a new music and food festival in Oxfordshire this weekend.

Jamie Oliver presents The Big Feastival is being held at the Blur bassist's farm in Kingham.

More than 10,000 people are expected to attend two days of music headlined by Paloma Faith and Texas.

Oliver will also show off his drumming skills on stage with James for a one-off performance in a band called The Farm Lovin' Criminals.

urge to kill rising

After he fucked up that festival so badly last year (where he nearly bankrupted one of the local schools in the process) why why WHY is he doing this again?

There's a point in celebrity and wealth where people's self belief and entitlement way outstrips their abilities and Alex James passed that point a long time ago.

I think he claimed he didn't actually organise the last one. It was just held on his land and had his name attached to it.

Between them, you think they'd be able to find more interesting bands.

"Back one night only...Toploader!"

Actually I love how bare bones and nothing their Wikipedia entry is:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toploader

Reflects how nothing they are.

being held at the Blur bassist's farm in Kingham.

Instead of 'Feastival', they could reasonably call this whole thing 'Cockfarmers',

Because they are cocks, and farmers.
And cockfarmers.

Is anyone going to get paid this time, then?

Oliver will also show off his drumming skills on stage with James for a one-off performance in a band called The Farm Lovin' Criminals.

Oh Christ, I only just spotted this line. I despair for humanity, I really do.

Come, friendly bombs...
http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/About/General/2011/9/15/1316103329634/Alex-James-looks-on-as-Je-007.jpg

Cock-Farming Criminals has a good ring to it.

I am just so ashamed of every thing that man touches these days. He makes my vagina weep. Why couldn't I have been a Dave fan?

i dunno being a tory pm isn't great either.

I meant the ginger one that played drums and campaigned for New Labour... Oh, shit, wait.

What on earth is Our Beloved Leader wearing in that photo?

boutique baby accessory.

Alex James came dressed as an English teacher rapidly approaching hatred of all children.

no leather elbow patches - perhaps those are the teacher's signifier of having finally reached hatred of all children

hopefully someone will drunkenly abscond with a tractor and mow down the ruddy lot of them

So, is anybody going?

I don't think they'd let me in with my 'bottles pre-filled with urine' stall.

ya, thinking of signing up as a "rotten vegetables for throwing" vendor

disappointed to find out that "The TG Collective" wasn't what i thought

Jamie Oliver could do a cover of 'Hamburger Lady', dedicated to the woman who fed her kids hamburgers through the school railings.

Actually it would have been great if something called The TG Collective had turned out to be the TG equivalent of ABBA Teens or S Club Juniors.

...formed of all Alex James' billion children?

so now this is finished we can look forward to the first angry creditors by the end of the week?

Somebody had fun writing this...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-oxfordshire-19455856

The Britpop star, who now makes cheese,

No change there, then.

Texas due to perform on Sunday.

The true mark of a shitty 3rd tier summer festival.

http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/62630000/jpg/_62630873_62630452.jpg

What's the likelihood that every single fucking person in that picture is white? (not least because of the obscure Oxfordshire by-law which bars anyone with an amount of melanin above a certain level entering the county)

posh cunt mainly on a major label bemoaning indie

http://www.standard.co.uk/showbiz/celebrity-news/blur-s-alex-james-claims-that-the-culture-of-independent-music-has-disappeared-completely-a3094221.html

hes worse than the gallaghers.

"The spirit of independence has been transferred to food."

"whereas we got transferred from Food to EMI"

There might be a srs point there in that the whole toilet venue tour circuit, grass roots independent fanzine network doesn't really exist any more (there is of course a different grass roots Soundcloud / tumblr / whatever young people call webzines if young people even write for or read those anyway / other stuff I probably don't know about network instead and we could debate the differences, similarities, pros, cons, etc) but I don't think either I nor Alex James really know what the hell is going on these days so I'll just roll my eyes instead at things like:

"All those bands that I used to see when I went to school, such as Gay Bykers on Acid, it’s really hard to exist like that now."

...

PS I was in Aldi the other day and some guy started telling the lady in front in the queue that the colours of her fairly nondescript top reminded him of his "days as a punk... was a very cool colour combo then... bla bla Gaye Bykers On Acid". She laughed nervously and shuffled closer to the checkout.

PPS I don't actually know anything about them except Mary Byker's later career in Apollo 440 and Hyperhead, who made the worst album I ever paid 49p to Oxfam to own on cassette. Perhaps GBOA were brilliant. Let me know!

There might be a srs point there ..

Yeah, I thought there might be, but then I read the article. And yes, there are more artisan food places in Notting Hill than music shops (even if you include Oxfam, etc), but.

All those bands that I used to see when I went to school, such as Gay Bykers on Acid, it’s really hard to exist like that now."

It was hard to exist like that then too.

... unless you were on a label like Virgin, like, errrrr, Gaye Bykers on Acid

This piece was originally in The Daily Express, which says all you need to know.

'Feastival' name reminds me of this abomination i saw advertised a while back

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CNS5ljCWoAQHnqA.jpg

Perhaps GBOA were brilliant. Let me know!

Only one way to find out!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nz2F4cUDCYE

xpost -- Good god, that's a lineup of despair, Grandmaster excepted.

I was going to say that I remember quite liking Cuban Brothers, but then I realised that I was thinking of Cuban Boys

ilx's sole Cuban Boys thread got two replies:

The Cuban Boys: Visionaries or unspeakable novelty hardcore indie techno drivel?

ilx's sole Cuban Brothers thread got zero

Cuban Brothers

Aren't Fun Lovin Criminals and Razorlight huge in the UK? I remember seeing the former stuck on Euro U2 bills and thinking, wow, did they win a contest or something?

is that poster the line-up or the menu?

huge in the UK in 2004 maybe xp

Eyup, Razorlight got to number one in 2006.

FLC? 2001 or thereabouts

2001? Dude's managed to carve quite a nice little career out of it.

He did quite well over here (compared to back home), so he came over and stayed.

(Not with me, I don't mean)

just watched that Gaye Bykers on Acid video, suddenly don't feel so bad about the culture of independent music having disappeared completely