North Sea Scrolls: Luke Haines, Cathal Coughlan, Andrew Mueller

Uncut
Dec 12, 2012
30 An in-joke gone horribly wrong. [Jan 2013, p.80]

http://userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/_/82298803/North+Sea+Scrolls.jpg

An alternative musical history of the British Isles, The North Sea Scrolls was originally performed at the Edge Festival in Edinburgh in August 2011.[1]

The premise behind the show is that historical documents showing a different version of history were passed to Haines and Coughlan by the actor Tony Allen.[1] The show featured songs based on this alternative history performed by Haines and Coughlan, with narration from Mueller.[1][2]

Haines described his motivation for the project: "It occurred to me that we understand everything now. I wanted to do something that made people go, 'What the fuck is this?' There comes a time in a man's life, when he must make the ultimate concept album."[3]

An album of the show was released on the Fantastic Plastic label on 19 November 2012.[4] A limited edition two-disc version featured a full performance of the show on a second disc.[5]

The album was described by Simon Price in The Independent as "deeply engrossing" and ringing "resoundingly with cultural and historical truth".[4] Will Hodgkinson, Writing in The Times gave the album a four star review.[6] Jude Rogers, writing in The Guardian, described it as "a discombulating listen, but also a daft, enjoyable one".[3]

Quietly came out last month. Anyone give it a listen yet? Only heard the songs on Spotify. Haven't yet bought the full album with all the narration. There's a really great line on one of the Luke Haines tracks: "The pot-head pixies on my shoulder are getting more right wing as I get older." Of course, there's tons more good lines.

L. Haines tearing into Gomez of all things:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfVkJE_fT20

I gave it a listen and was unimpressed. I prefer Cathal when he's evil, or at least louder.

i didn't realise this was those guys. my brief listen left a bad taste in my mouth

why does anyone even care about luke haines anyway? sure, the memoirs of an also ran from such a pivotal moment (?) in pop music history are intriguing. but, really? it's not like the auteurs were really any good.

i said it.

i know that was cold, but really, i'd probably rather just read old brett anderson interviews??? i just feel like that auteurs album is being elevated to a status it doesn't deserve. i mean, whether or not we're talking britpop, there are probably more valuable uses of your time.

but, i guess he's still better than that fucking guy from gene.

Haha! While I still dig those early Gene singles, you're probably right.

Cathal Coughlan, though, still has much to say. His solo albums are good but not great (though his last, "Foburg", was his best).

Loved the first 3 Auteurs album. Still love them, actually. New Wave & Now I'm a Cowboy are flawless... really heard nothing like them. After Murder Park is also great, but some of the songs seem a bit mindless. I love the production. It's amazing on "Everything You Say Will Destroy You." I think Luke's solo records have overall been pretty good, though the last one seemed a bit tossed-off. I would love him to go back to being a more traditional songwriter than being this British Pop Vampire, but I still enjoy most of his output. Baader Meinhof was an amazing one-off. He hasn't really matched it since. BBR were alright.

Surprised Cathal's getting more love than Luke. I adore Microdisney.

Cathal's definitely got a voice Luke could never dream of having. That said, I love Luke's voice. It's weak, but he uses it well.

my brief listen left a bad taste in my mouth

This goes for pretty much everything Haines has released in the last 10 years. He's an uncurious man with a closed heart and that makes it hard to sustain a long-term career as an songwriter. Then he really has no particularly talents as a musician or singer so what's the point really?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2FYs1DASNE

I don't think he's done a bad job.

I just don't understand why would anyone want to listen to that. The first minute sounds like the Pink Fairies tuning up and I don't have any problem with that. He should've just done four minutes of that. The actual song itself is garbage. The music is bland, pointless and has nothing at all interesting about it. Not even one note. It's like Casio invented a Black Box Recorder pre-set loop. The lyrics are his usual list of obselete English pop culture references, supposed to conjure up melancholy and dislocation maybe, but saying nothing about the supposed subject matter or about anything really. How many dozens of songs like this has he churned out? Finally his voice is a monotone, lacking any character or personalization. He is not able to invest the words with any kind of depth. He can't really sing which is not necessarily a problem, but he just sounds bored. The song barely scans and his timing is terrible. It is all so pathetically amateur.

I know this album got a few decent reviews - the one I read enjoyed the concept but to me it was, as the saying goes, like a dog's walking on his hind legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all.

Well, I like it! ;)

oh, boy. i feel pretty bad about my posts up-thread. i was kind of rating Mr. Luke Haines against himself. i mean, i like what i know of him personally, he seems like a very cool man, and the auteurs were better than gene (and others), etc. i kind of just get tired of people pretending that 'New Wave' is the holy grail of indie/britpop. it is NOT! but, i can easily accept that some are indeed fans of the man's work. i probably prefer that c86 band he was in.

anyway, the auteurs would probably grow on me if i gave them more time. but, why should i? suede just released all those deluxe re-issues a year ago. then again, i kind of feel like the auteurs are like shopping at your local mom & pop's, and suede is like shopping at kroger's. i kind of feel bad that i don't like the auteurs more.

this is not an auteurs thread! sorry!

well anyway, in the end: the auteurs are good music, just as all music is good music. (i just felt it necessary to state my simple philosophy since i'm new. all music is good music to me. i rate artists against themselves, just like amg does.)

just so y'all know i flag-posted every fucker who criticised Haines in any way on this thread :D

also "Britpop" GET TAE FUCK

Fucking right. Haines is all-time. He's now doomed to be seen as some bitter cunt, but the last two solo albums were unironically heartfelt and affectionate. Do people really go on about New Wave? Maybe Suede fans lol. After murder park is the best Auteurs album but Baader Meinhof is better than that.

North Sea Scrolls is pretty good. Mueller's narrating voice grates and his bits aren't very well written, but the songs are decent. I like a Gomez slew war dub.

Haven't really rated any of Luke Haines solo albums that I've heard. Still love The Auteurs and Black Box Recorder. New Wave still sounds great to me but After Murder Park is his masterpiece, one of the best albums of the 90's.

Just read his second book over the summer, not quite as brilliant as the first one but still a really entertaining read. Loved reading about him actually getting some success with The Facts of Life era, that's a great album.

I'd like to see the documentary that came out this year.

His bitter persona is a bit of a joke, I think. At least it's gotten to the point where he's just having fun with it. His blog is great fun:

http://hainesoutsidermusic.blogspot.com/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=A3H61oDvflc

Yeah the film looks great. Hopefully it will appear on a streaming service of choice at some point. The Haines food blog was fun while it lasted. His wife's books are also good, if you are ever stuck for things to buy a 10 year old.

Luke Haines is NOT the bitter cunt. I am. The Auteurs were, in fact, better than millions of other bands (but not Suede, Pulp, et al). I apologize.

Carry on.

Surely the guy who trawls the internet to insist Haines ripped off Denim will be along in minute

lawrence > luke tbh

the solo album by the singer from gene is on metacritic's 'best of the year that less than five people reviewed' list

fucksakes i'm too young to know who these people are

a bouncer explained who dappy was to me the other day

he looked sympathetic

Spaghetti Alla Putanesca & 2 Bottles of Red Wine

You will need:

1 tin of anchovies
2 cloves of garlic
Birds eye chillies, red or green
About a dozen salty olives (stone in) - Moroccan dry could be good
Olive oil
Spaghetti

2 bottles of poor quality red wine

Hail Hungry Muthafuckas,

I am about to share with you some (not very) secret knowledge. You will thank me forever. This really is the best pasta dish you can make, and it will freak your mind the fuck out. It is cheap, it is possibly a bit nutritional and most importantly if you cook this - and you fucking cook it right - you will definitely score with a lady, or if you are a lady - a man (or another lady) - or if you are a man another man, or perhaps a lady and a man. In a jacuzzi.

So first: your look. I like to wear black from head to toe when I start fucking about with pasta dishes. A man in black and spaghetti. Maybe a little music, perhaps some David Crosby. Probably not. Let's cook.

Firstly, heat up some olive oil in a large pan, now finely chop up 2 cloves of garlic and 2 birds eye chillies and chuck 'em in the oil. It is time for the secret ingredient - anchovies. God was playing fucking hardball when he invented the anchovy. They really are the most useful little guys. You can add them to loads of things, a beef stew, roast lamb, and the great thing is they won't make everything taste fishy - just salty. So fear not the anchovy fish pussies, just reach into that tin and grab four of the hairy little scamps and add them to the oil and chillies. Oh God. Once the anchovies have started to dissolve add a glug of red wine. NB The kind of people I really can't stand are the kind of people who have a few unfinished bottles of wine lying around. I am not one of those people. You don't have to be either. This is why you have bought two bottles of wine. Open the first bottle of wine and pour a few glugs in the pan. You can now drink the rest of the first bottle of wine whilst you do the fucking cooking. Have the 2nd bottle after dinner. This might be a good time to send your dining partner out to the shops if they would like a drink. Once the wine is bubbling enthusiastically, add the tinned peeled tomatoes. You now have the makings of a good tomato sauce, just stone a bunch of salty sailor olives and chuck 'em in.

It is now time for the fucking 'reduction.' I recently saw an interview with Kylie Minogue where she mentioned a '20 minute reduction' on a tomato sauce. What she means is cook the sauce over a medium heat until it 'reduces'. All this talk of 20 minute reductions makes me like Kylie more. Though i'd give it about 23 minutes.

The key to Spaghetti Alla Putanesca is simplicity. There are several variations - you can add tuna, capers, and red pepper, but purists usually insist upon the garlic, anchovies, chilli, olives version. The purists are right. You are looking to achieve a 'primordial' holy trinity of rich concentrated tomato, saltiness and chilli heat. The sauce is now bubbling away - drink some fucking wine. Cooking is essentially about chopping stuff up and heating stuff up. As I've said before - to the point where people have said to me, "Actually, you have said that before?" - cooking is not a black art. Now get a pan of water on the boil, take it easy, there's no need to panic.

Fuck, shit, boiling heads, boiling fucking oil. You've now got to make your spaghetti. Actually you don't have to make any spaghetti, and now I'm going to tell you why, because there is another world, far away from the world we live in - the world full of arseholes with superinjunctions, arseholes with superinjunctions who write newspaper columns about arseholes with superinjunctions, and arseholes writing stupid food blogs - yes, this is a world where people do useful stuff, a world of doctors, nurses, and most importantly- spaghetti makers. The spaghetti makers get the fucking spaghetti into the shops, to feed the doctors and nurses and the arseholes with superinjunctions, and of course, you. NEVER MAKE YOUR OWN PASTA.

Once the spaghetti is cooked - I prefer al dente - drain and douse liberally with olive oil, then plonk the reduced sauce on top just like Kylie does. Now finish off the first bottle of red wine and get to work on the second. Chin, chin, and bon appetite.

Yours,
LH

This thread's where the bitter cunts are.

Been listening to Now I'm a Cowboy pretty much nonstop. I think The Auteurs were every bit as great as Luke thinks they were.

yes they definitely were. one of the few britpop related (though that does them a disservice) bands i can wholeheartedly still love (alongside Pulp and ..... well that's it)

There's a classiness on Now I'm a Cowboy. Maybe it's the cello. I don't know what it is. At times, I feel like I'm listening to a really dark baroque musical.

Anyone read Post Everything? I ordered it a week or so ago. It seems like it didn't get much attention, so I don't know what to expect.