U2 -- Ten Reasons to Exist (2013)

Let the dad jokes fly.

Within the band we've been calling it '10 Reasons To Exist'" Bono said, according to The Sun. "But I will tell you we might have at least six [working titles].”

that is so fucking lame

For extra roffles, google 'u2 ten reasons' without the quote marks and note what first comes up after the news results.

psyched

i will throw down my hard earned cash and say, store clerk give me that new U2 album.

U2 is not a reason for sure

10 Reasons To Get Pissed

10 Reasons To Have One Off The Wrist

10 Reasons To Check Out That Cyst

reason to exist:
someday U2 won't exist.

10 Reasons To Make A Fist

10 Reasons To Draw Up A List

10 Reasons to Send ILX Pre-Cover-ers a Cease & Desist

10 Reasons to Send ILX Pre-Cover-ers a Cease & Desist

― pure dressed up like a white ninja (snoball), Wednesday, January 16, 2013 8:44 PM (50 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

:D !

10 Reasons... You Get The Gist

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1. all of the members of U2 are gradually dying
2. possibility of future memory wiping device that erases all U2-related memories
3. slow motion footage of coldplay/U2 beach holiday + glistening sweat
4. bono is a fundraising dynamo
5. U2 reminds us that even in these terrible times of global crisis, writing more than one attempted anthem per year is just shameful
6. some sort of dad joke that involves the edge dating your daughter and how the edge is going to have to get past DAD first
7. pumpkin pie
8. internet pre-covers of the album will be much better than the actual album
9. every year they continue to exist is another year of possibilities that people will finally shake themselves out of their stupor and throw shit at U2 everywhere they go
10. maybe it will actually be good! (ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, dad joke sorry)

their last album was their best since 'zooropa', a certifiable classic. four and a half--no--FIVE stars.

out of six.

Thanks, Larry.

Moe and Curly hated it though.

I always get the impression whenever I hear a U2 track that Bono stole his entire lyrical lexicon from an Earth, Wind & Fire tour poster.

Hate these fkin ppl so much

Probably the only band that make me go "love them as people (even Bono), loathe the musi."

imo the rhythm section would be more fun to hang out with but bono and edge seem fun and of course the music they make together is simply wonderful.

1. all of the members of U2 are gradually dying

i think there are news stories about the edge being embroiled in big hollywoodish stories, like buying land or annoying villagers or something fame-related, but i always imagine him being deeply, harrowingly conflicted by the tension between his everyday vibe & his rockstar dayjob. like he has to psyche himself up for ten minutes before he leaves the house, staring in the mirror & deciding whether or not he should wear the hat or just be super regular, "down to earth", wear the hat, don't wear the hat, wear a black embroidered waistcoat, just wear a jumper. that afternoon he is in the small train station shop, somewhere remote in Ireland, buying scourers and a birthday card wearing a cowboy hat & shades, being asked to speak up as he asks for safety matches at the counter & fighting the temptation to take off his sunglasses so the cashier can see where he's looking.

in all honesty though he never doesn't wear the hat, i mean the hat is stapled on. which probably contributes somewhat to the intensity of his playing.

Edge: (mumbling) "A box of safety matches please."
Shopkeeper: "Sorry?"
Edge: "A box of safety matches please."
Shopkeeper: "Could you speak up a bit."
Edge: "I said, a box of safety matches please."
Shopkeeper: "Alright... 'ere hang on, aren't you that Edge from U2?"
Edge: "Er, no. I get that a lot though."

he is def a retail mumbler

You should eavesdrop on him when he goes to the chemist's to buy condoms.

his life is a mixture of micro and macro, he is at the store to buy scourers, he will get in the car and drive twenty minutes to buy the bleach that they will soon need when the current bleach is exhausted, but because he does not enjoy buying condoms he bought a condom factory fifteen years ago, it was the first time he knew he had enough money in the bank to spend profligately & in accordance with his wishes for an easier life, it is there & he need do little, he need not talk with anyone to have his contraceptive stockpile restocked

Emaj7 | 48 minutes ago
Unforgettable Fire was the album that served as the soundtrack to a dark and destructive period of my life.
Reply

I heard that owning a condom factory is still too embarrasing. Every time he wants some condoms, he has to sneek in there in the dead of night, like a ninja. And the hat he often wears really rolls down to cover his face like a ninja mask.

I wonder if Edge will play the blues on this one.

one long epically sustained note quivering like a liquid echo

would love to hear Edge sing the blues.

Just not the desert blues.

LOL i can't believe there is someone running around out there with the login name Emaj7. I feel like that's all I need to know about that individual.

the condom factory execs are constantly trying to "edge" the edge about the possibility of edge-related marketing and new prototypes with "edges" on them.

Two words: square condoms.

the edge has to weigh the ambitions he is stifling in his little power vacuum against the ability to never ever have to run to walgreens stoned at 10:30.

10 Reasons U2 Still Exist

Ten Weird Reasons to Exist

LOL i can't believe there is someone running around out there with the login name Emaj7. I feel like that's all I need to know about that individual.

― consistency is the owlbear of small minds (Jon Lewis), Wednesday, January 16, 2013 10:28 PM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

It's almost like their personality is reflected by the sound of the chord(!)

U2 -- Ten Reasons to Exit

I thought the entire band perished in a fireball when the Boeing 787 they were touring in went into a fatal mach 2 nose-dive into the pacific. They couldn't even recover the black box, all the wreckage sunk to deepest part of the marianas trench. I am sure I saw that on Future Air Crash Investigation or it may have been a wonderful nicorette dream.

Someone should really write a song called 'I Saw U2 Perish In A Wonderful Nicorette Dream'...

Edge: I think we should just call it "Ten New Songs"
Bono: Great idea as always Edge I might tweak that a bit but I think you've nailed it once again

Clearly, given that Bono is time-dropping '79, they should just call it "U2" and put the kid from "Boy" and "War" on the cover.

and call it "bloke"

Really need an interior life of these guys. Would like to see Edge having a trip to Noel Gallagher's.

I bet (hope) this won't be the final title.

We need a separate "fan fiction the minor details of the Edge's life thread," I would finance

The Edge is the outstanding candidate for such a thread. Definitely not Bono.

Agreed.

What banal mysteries lurk behind those aged eyes?

"As middle age became old age, The Edge was finding even everyday goatee maintenance especially difficult. No matter how precisely he sculpted, why did one side or another always sit at a slightly awkward, not-quite 90-degree angle to the base of his wooly hat. It wasn't always like this, not before The Joshua Tree. He'd literally done it on top of a hill in the wind a couple of times. Without a mirror. How time makes fools of us all."

All this fanfic needs to be run through the marcello carlin 'oo-er' dialect filter though.

I mean, does it really matter (when it all comes down to it) what this album is called and how good it is? Even if the album has the most hilariously awful title and musical content in the known universe: hardcore U2 fans are going to lap it up and Q Magazine will likely run a 20 page feature and a gushing 5-star review about how U2 are "back and more vital than ever". Everyone else will either ignore it, maybe have a moderate chuckle at it or go "oh god, not these fucking idiots again... they just don't know when to stop!"

Wait, Dangermouse is producing this? And U2 is threatening, again, to release two albums? This fucking band.

TWO

Ten Reasons To Resist

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