Funniest or most interesting quotes you can find from people in music

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http://rateyourmusic.com/list/Six_o_the_Clock/great_rock_n_roll_quotes

...I was reading this last year, a good variety of people and it made me laugh so much (especially the Nick Cave quotes) that I just wanted more and I thought it could make a great thread with the amount of people here.

I'm wary that some people might not like the idea of having to paraphrase things you dont quite remember or not being able to cite where the quote came from and I hope no musicians get upset about inaccuracy.
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- From a book about Black Sabbath roadie memoirs, cant find the title, "Bumble was heading towards us, obviously fancying another go at me. I had to deprive him of that, so I gave him the old 'one-two' and he went down like a bag of shit"

- A famous Miles Davis quote I looked up has a longer story to go with it
http://www.snopes.com/politics/quotes/milesdavis.asp

- Edward Ka-Spel of Legendary Pink Dots talked about their visa applications being rejected for touring in america because they were told their music lacked artistic merit. "Last year we were turned down for our visas. This year we must be of artistic merit because they let us in. I can just see them all in the immigration department bopping away under their headphones going, "Ah, those Pink Dots, they've redeemed themselves,"
from this article...
http://brainwashed.com/common/htdocs/publications/lpd-1991-ap.php?site=lpd08

- Liam Gallagher "You know them shoes that just come out at you like a f*cking snooker cue? It’s like, ‘Leave it out, man! You got a licence for them bastards or what?"
And a whole load of other quotes, some are gloriously stupid...
http://www.shortlist.com/entertainment/music/50-liam-gallagher-quotes

My favorite Liam Gallagher thing is in the Live Forever documentary when he was unenthusiastic about meeting with politicians and didnt go with Noel to meet Tony Blair, "looks like a shit house anyway".

- I love this Elton John quote from Shortlist magazine "I really hate [reality shows]. Full of fucking mediocre fucking wannabes.
[...] We see enough in the newspapers every day without having to tune in to some poor cunt boiling an egg in EastEnders and having his fucking head chopped off because his wife doesn't like him. Oh fuck off, there's so much misery around. Fuck off. We're addicted to misery in this country. Fucking EastEnders."

- In the Metal: Headbangers Journey (cant remember if it is the main feature or a dvd extra) when Sam Dunn is interviewing Lemmy and defends Venom, saying he was blown away by Venom at age 12 and Lemmy responds "Anything will blow you away when you're twelve. A day at the beach will blow you away when you are twelve." Just the idea of some kid being blown away by a day at the beach is hilarious.

- An old clip of Motorhead's Phil Taylor shouting "We're Fucking Artists! We're Sensitive as shit!"

Robert Adam Gilmour, Wednesday, 26 June 2013 20:49 (twelve years ago)

"Let us drrink your blood, we suck" --Vampire Weekensd

copter (waterface), Wednesday, 26 June 2013 20:50 (twelve years ago)

Steve Albini

"I don't give two splats of an old negro junkie's vomit for your politico-philosophical treatises, kiddies. I like noise. I like big-ass vicious noise that makes my head spin. I wanna feel it whipping through me like a fucking jolt. We're so dilapidated and crushed by our pathetic existence we need it like a fix." - Big Black noisenik and prolific record (non)producer Steve Albini on what makes him tick musically.
GG Allin

"Rock 'n' roll has to be destroyed and rebuilt in my name if it's ever gonna accomplish anything." - Shock rocker GG Allin, with trademark modesty.

"I look at the audience the way I look at the world and the way I look at society as a whole. When I walk up on that stage and I look at that group of people, they're my enemy. Basically, that's the way to weed it out. When the smoke's cleared and the broken bones are counted and the bloodshed is thick, the ones that are still intact at the end of the shows are the ones you take on as the allies, and the other ones are usually the cowards that run to the fucking police because they find themselves caught up in the real fucking brutality crossfire of a GG Allin show." - Allin on his approach to live performance.
Phil Anselmo

Phil Anselmo on musical miscegenation and bands today: "As far as I'm concerned Pantera was extremely influential in heavy metal. Then white kids started rapping over the top of the music. The true rappers ought to be offended as well as the heavy-metal bands. Every genre ought to have its purity."

I'd hate to hear his thoughts on race...

Gina Arnold

"I stepped into an elevator one day alongside Jason Bonham, son of John 'Bonzo' Bonham and the leader of the band Bonham. As we rode downward together silently, I couldn't help thinking Snoopy-like, 'Here I am riding in an elevator with a man whose father is revered for suffocating in his own vomit and who allegedly once made a woman fuck a live shark. What's more,' I added to myself before we hit bottom, 'I am now riding in an elevator with a man who knows I know his father is revered for suffocating in his own vomit and who allegedly once made a woman fuck a live shark.' Yes, the elevators were a constant source of interest for a reporter with his or her ears open." - Music journalist Gina Arnold recounts a surreal experience at the early '90s New Metal Seminar in LA.
Lester Bangs

"The ultimate sin of any performer is contempt for the audience." - Rock critic Lester Bangs' greatest pet peeve (no wonder he hated Led Zeppelin!)

"Look at it this way: there are many here among us for whom the life force is best represented by the livid twitching of one tortured nerve, or even a full-scale anxiety attack. I do not subscribe to this point of view 100%, but I understand it, have lived it. Thus the shriek, the caterwaul, the chainsaw gnarlgnashing, the yowl and the whizz that decapitates may be reheard by the adventurous or emotionally damaged as mellifluous bursts of unarguable affirmation." - Bangs on noise rock.

"The first mistake of art is to assume that it's serious."

"I hate Stanley Clarke, but I have to admit he's playing Jazz whether I like it or not." - A lesson certain Ivory Tower metalheads could stand to learn.

Dan Bejar

"When anyone's talked about an ultimate "religious" experience at a rock show over the past 30 years, it's in reference to bands like U2 or Bruce Springsteen or some other shit I could care less about. When people talk about "great energy" or an "intense live experience," it would always be talking about the Fugazi show, not the Pavement show. People go to church at a Clash show, not an Only Ones show. Things usually have to be balls-out rockin or brood teetering on the verge of collapse. It's quite possible that if you're not interested in creating cathartic moments, both you and your audience are fucked, to which I say, "Oh well." No one appreciates a professional anymore. Everyone's a mystic. Which is why I take drunk Jim over acid Jim-- the argument all roads eventually lead to." - Dan Bejar of Destroyer and the New Pornographers on live performance.
Irving Berlin

"Popular music is popular because people like it." - Great early-20th century pop maestro Irving Berlin on the 'class' of music.
Chuck Berry

"I can’t kiss you, baby—you smell like piss!" - Sensitive rock n' roll pioneer Chuck Berry, after peeing in a woman's face.

(Thanks to stclair @ Sound Opinions)

"Beware of middlebrows with electric guitars."
Jello Biafra

"Punk is not dead. Punk will only die when corporations can exploit and mass produce it." - Ex-Dead Kennedys frontman Jello Biafra delivering a grim prognosis.

"This is my home. Home is where the disease is. As long as I stay in America, I'll never run out of subjects for songs." - Biafra on inspiration.
Bono

"Celebrity is currency, so I wanted to use mine effectively." - U2's controversial singer-philanthropist Bono on his political activity. Kind of sums up the simultaneous sensation you get that he is both capitalizing on the misery of others AND doing legitimate good work with the status his position affords him.
David Bowie

"I always had a repulsive need to be something more than human. I felt very puny as a human. I thought, 'Fuck that. I want to be a superhuman.'" - Rock's legendary chameleon David Bowie on his larger-than-life characters.

(Thanks to NinjaEater @ 5/8)

Peter Buck

"I wore Patti Smith jackets, Patti Smith shirts, Patti Smith ties and I even got the local barber to give me a Patti Smith haircut. I walked out of the place expecting everyone to admire me, but Atlanta, Georgia wasn't quite ready for men who dressed like their favourite woman artist. They were queuing around the block to beat the living shit out of me." - R.E.M. guitarist Peter Buck on the culture the band developed in.
David Byrne

"The better a singer's voice, the harder it is to believe what they're saying. I use my faults to an advantage." - The singing Talking Head David Byrne on his inimitable vocal stylings.

(Courtesy MegaDead @ 5/8)
Bill Callahan

"Spend a night with an owl and you'll see more blood than sleep." - Singer-songwriter Bill Callahan, off-handedly poetic.
Vivian Campbell

Ex-Dio axeman Vivian Campbell on Ronnie James Dio: "Oh yeah, night after night, [Ronnie] was absolutely on the money. An incredibly strong voice and within that niche genre of dungeons and dragons and rainbows and midgets... You know, the sorta old school heavy metal, he's an incredible talent. But he's an awful businessman and way more importantly, one of the vilest people in the industry."
Cat Power

"Like Mariah Carey, is she only thinking [mocks her melodramatic melisma and does a screeching vocal scale]. Is that all she thinks? Or does she think, 'My sister has AIDS, I've been raped by my dad, I've been so manipulated, I can't see straight, I'm on anti-depressants, I've got so much money, I don't know who to trust'? Are those things going through her mind?" - Chan Marshall, likely after watching Mariah's episode of MTV Cribs.
Nick Cave

"I'm forever near a stereo saying, 'What the fuck is this GARBAGE?' And the answer is always the Red Hot Chili Peppers." - Aussie singer-songwriter Nick Cave on pet peeves.

(thanks to Sid Hartha @ Sound Opinions)

"I want to write songs that are so sad, the kind of sad where you take someone's little finger and break it in three places." - Cave displays his talent for mixing poetry with psychosis.

"Writing songs is like trying to squeeze a watermelon out of your ass. And you would think after having done it hundreds of times, the aperture would get wider and they'd just sort of start falling out of you. But it doesn't. In fact as you go on it rather... puckers." - Cave on songwriting at a bookreading in Ottawa, ON.
Vic Chesnutt

"Other people write about the bling and the booty. I write about the pus and the gnats. To me, that's beautiful." - Athens, GA singer-songwriter Vic Chesnutt on his inspirations.

Robert Christgau

"Why is it always Bobby Kennedy or John Lennon? Why isn't it Richard Nixon or Paul McCartney?" - Village Voice critic Robert Christgau, quoting his wife's reaction to John Lennon's murder.

"Primitivism is rarely better the second time around."

On CBS Records decision to sue the hell out of anyone sampling their properties in the early '80s: "Maybe G.L.O.B.E. & Whiz Kid or James Brown can legitimately claim partial credit for the vitality, meaning, and commercial value of their respective mastermixes. But to make the same kind of claim for Culture Club or Ed McMahon is like forcing Tom Wesselmann to get a clearance from House Beautiful, or wherever he cut out the gardenscape you can see through the Great American Nude's window. I'm not saying there isn't a kick to hearing Culture Club or Ed McMahon changed utterly--to hear the thing, not almost-the-thing, subjugated by a rival culture and vision. And I'm not saying they should like being taken over by hip hop's new generation of Americans. But they shouldn't be able to stop it by administrative fiat. As long as the copyright is a weapon of censorship, "postindustrial" capitalism will remain armed."

Les Claypool

"I see all these guys now-a-days who are like the Michael Jordan of bass playing... I've always considered myself the Evil Knievil of bass playing. I just go 'out there'. In the early days all I hoped was to make a living out of what I did best. But, since there's no real market for masturbation I had to fall back on my bass playing abilities." - Bassist Les Claypool of Primus on the origins of his bass 'wanking.'

(Suggested by skamatrix @ Sound Opinions)
Kurt Cobain

"I just can't believe that anyone would start a band just to make the scene and be cool and have chicks. I just can't believe it." - Kurt Cobain of Nirvana on artistic motivation.

"We're so trendy we can't even escape ourselves." - Cobain before he gave it his best shot. (Too soon?)
Phil Collins

"People used to criticise us… ‘You’ve got how many hit singles now? Why are you writing short songs? Why have you changed?’ Well, do you still read the same kind of books? Do you still wear the same kind of clothes? No, you change, you grow up, and that is reflected in what we are writing." – Genesis drummer/vocalist Phil Collins on why Genesis turned into a godawful synth-pop group in the '80s.

(thanks to gaz @ 5/8 for this one)
Alice Cooper

"If you're listening to a rock star in order to get your information on who to vote for, you're a bigger moron than they are." - Alice Cooper on rock 'n' roll politicos.

"The hippies wanted peace and love. We wanted Ferraris, blondes and switchblades." - Cooper on the difference between his band and those of the '60s.

"He has a woman's name and wears makeup. How original." - Alice Cooper on Marilyn Manson.
Billy Corgan

"For someone who's had the level of success I've had, there's been very little critical review of my work, which is pretty fascinating. I mean, there are books on Radiohead, theories. As far as a theoretical point of view for my generation, I'm probably the most successful theoretician. I mean, double albums and concepts and dresses and major disasters and wonderful successes and yet you don't see the critical review of my work. Why? Because it's all focused on the persona. Billy Corgan. But I get to sort of jump in and be Billy Corgan. But then I get to sort of jump back out and be like, sensitive man in the corner." - It's really a pity nobody's paying attention to Billy Corgan.
Elvis Costello

"I am rock n' roll's scrabble champion." - The "Singing Dictionary" Elvis Costello on his early lyrics.

"Congratulations! You just bought our worst album!" - The first sentence of the Goodbye Cruel World reissue liner notes.

"My ultimate vocation in life is to be an irritant."

"Writing about music is like dancing about architecture." - Costello delivers one of the most pithy indictments of rock crit ever.
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dylannn, Wednesday, 26 June 2013 20:52 (twelve years ago)

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A list by Six_o_the_Clock

Categories: Best of, Humor, Individuals

[List182567] | | +97

When Joey DeMaio speaks, you listen. A receptacle for some of the most witty, poignant and/or brainstingingly dumb statements ever made about the music we all love so much.

If you have any suggestions throw them into the chatbox on my page and if I like 'em, I'll give you full credit.

[Update: Mark E. Smith & Genesis P-Orridge.]

dylannn, Wednesday, 26 June 2013 20:52 (twelve years ago)

1973 marked the pinnacle of rock’s classicalized maturation, with artistic frontrunners Genesis, Gentle Giant, Yes, Emerson Lake & Palmer, Pink Floyd and a mightier-than-ever Who unveiling crowning capsules of complex glory.

Lining the English Channel and North Sea were the dashing upstart talents of Cockney Rebel, Mike Oldfield, Clearlight, Esperanto, Kayak and Zao; the graduate triumphs of Ange, Aunt Mary, Brian Eno, CMU, Gong, Home, Kevin Coyne, The Pink Fairies, Renaissance, Robin Trower, Stealers Wheel and Titanic; and the momentary might of Cirkus, Fantasy, Fusion Orchestra, Gygafo, Ithaca, Magenta, Mayfly, Mouse, Sindelfingen, Travelling, Weaslesnout and Public Foot the Roman.

The lone-gunner was embodied by the transatlantic likes of Andy Pratt, Danny O'Keefe, Dave Ellis, Duncan Browne, Gary Farr, John Martyn, Peter Hammill, Peter Tessier, Ron Davies and Tony Hazzard, while songbirds Carita Holmström, Cheryl Dilcher, Collie Ryan, Jane Getz, Judee Sill, Lynsey De Paul, Shona Laing and Turid lyricized the feminine side.

Italy enjoyed a banner year with classics from Alphataurus, Area, Blocco Mentale, Campo di Marte, Cervello, Dalton, De De Lind, Dedalus, Duello Madre, Festa Mobile, Il Giro Strano, Le Orme, Museo Rosenbach, Nuova Idea, Osanna, Pholas Dactylus, Rocky's Filj, Rovescio Della Medaglia, Semiramis and The Trip; whilst Germany stood ground by the weight of Amos Key, Analogy, Cornucopia, Dyzan, Kollektiv, Lily, Nektar, Parzival, Sahara and Andy Marx. Eastward, Yugoslavia emerged as the most thriving Balkan nation with the formidable talents of Fire, Josipa Lisac, Pop Masina, Tomaz Pengov and YU Grupa.

MPB warmed the South Seas with the sensual swagger of Gal Costa, Maria Creuza, Edu Lobo, Guilherme Lamounier, Milton Nascimento and Satwa, whilst Color Humano and Pescado Rabioso packed double wallops of Argentinean pride.

The USA extended in all directions, wielding tunefulness (Buckingham & Nicks, Hall & Oates, Billy Joel, J. Geils Band) emotiveness (Betty Davis, Bloodstone, Stevie Wonder, The Stylistics) dexterity (Alphonse Mouzon, Billy Cobham, Eddie Henderson, Michael White) stridency (Blue Oyster Cult, Granicus, Montrose, Zerfas) rusticism (Little Feat, Lynryd Skynyrd, Merry Airbrakes, Space Opera) and eccentricity (Maelstrom, Nik Raicevic, Roger Powell, Stardrive), while Canada claimed one from each respective slot (Cousineau, Zylan, Jackal, Thundermug, Scrubbaloe Caine, John Mills-Cockell).

Greener still were the clover crops of Ireland, where Clannad, Fruupp, Horslips, Mushroom, Peggy’s Leg, Planxty, Tír na nÓg and Thin Lizzy commanded applause.

1. The Who – Quadrophenia
2. Genesis – Selling England By the Pound
3. Gentle Giant – In a Glass House
4. Kayak – See See the Sun
5. Horslips – The Tain
6. Stories – About Us
7. Fusion Orchestra – Skeleton in Armour
8. Hall & Oates – Abandoned Luncheonette
9. Cockney Rebel – The Human Menagerie
10. Todd Rundgren – A Wizzard, A True Star
11. Fleetwood Mac – Mystery to Me
12. Aunt Mary – Janus
13. Return to Forever - Hymn of the Seventh Galaxy
14. Le Orme – Felona e Sorona
15. Renaissance – Ashes are Burning
16. Brian Eno – Here Come the Warm Jets
17. Duncan Browne - Duncan Browne
18. War – Deliver the Word
19. Space Opera – Space Opera
20. Gong - Angels Egg

dylannn, Wednesday, 26 June 2013 20:56 (twelve years ago)

Steve Lukather on Jean-Michel Byron, the vocalist in Toto who lasted all of two tracks on a Greatest Hits album (mostly cuz it's lol to me to hear Steve Lukather talking shit, even though there is a bit of a blunted homophobic type comment in there which = ugh Steve):

Singing in the studio was really hard. I never heard anybody with louder headphones in my life. He had a real pitch problem too.
We worked with James Guthrie who worked with Pink Floyd, and we got these great tracks for what that kind of music was and stuff. Killed the tracks and did what we were supposed to do. We tried to implement this guy into our scene. We'd never seen him perform live. We go to rehearsals and we're going on this tour, the 'Greatest Hits' tour. And he wasn't belting out Bobby's stuff, very few people can. So the guy, he's sitting on his stool in rehearsals, getting through it, it was OK. Singing better in the rehearsal room, as far as pitch and all that stuff. We'd never seen him perform.

So we do all this rehearsal and we go on tour, the first fucking gig and we see the guy putting on his fucking clothes. A little sheriff's badge on, he puts one golf glove on. We're thinking, man that's fucking funny, that's great, man that's a great joke. Hey says, “What are you talking about?” I go, “You're not going to go out there with a fucking glove, that's Michael Jackson's shit.” He said, “No it's not, it's my stuff.” I'm going, you've got to be fucking kidding me. We get on stage and we start the first tune, 'Love Has the Power' and he starts dancing around like fucking Richard Simmons on acid. Some fucking fruity shit going on man. And the crowd is like looking at me and going, something's up. They're looking at him and flipping him the bird telling him to get off the stage. And I'm looking at Jeff Porcaro and he's looking at me going, what the fuck is that? I mean is was unbelievable…He thought he'd come to save the day. Like Christ had come down and blessed us. We get off the gig and we're like, what the fuck is that? We're nuts, we're psycho. You can't do that. He goes, “I'm going to make you all very famous.”
He thought he was the shit, he was hysterical. And I was single, newly single at the time after my first divorce and I was out there for the chicks and every time I got with a chick, he'd try to get with her.

Neanderthal, Wednesday, 26 June 2013 20:57 (twelve years ago)

Morrissey

"A week or two ago I fell into conversation with a constituent, a middle-aged, quite ordinary working man employed in one of our nationalised industries.

After a sentence or two about the weather, he suddenly said: "If I had the money to go, I wouldn't stay in this country." I made some deprecatory reply to the effect that even this government wouldn't last for ever; but he took no notice, and continued: "I have three children, all of them been through grammar school and two of them married now, with family. I shan't be satisfied till I have seen them all settled overseas. In this country in 15 or 20 years' time the black man will have the whip hand over the white man."

I can already hear the chorus of execration. How dare I say such a horrible thing? How dare I stir up trouble and inflame feelings by repeating such a conversation?

The answer is that I do not have the right not to do so. Here is a decent, ordinary fellow Englishman, who in broad daylight in my own town says to me, his Member of Parliament, that his country will not be worth living in for his children.

I simply do not have the right to shrug my shoulders and think about something else. What he is saying, thousands and hundreds of thousands are saying and thinking - not throughout Great Britain, perhaps, but in the areas that are already undergoing the total transformation to which there is no parallel in a thousand years of English history."

That booby's are HOTTT (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 26 June 2013 20:58 (twelve years ago)

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there.”
― Bob Marley

Romantic style in da world (crüt), Wednesday, 26 June 2013 21:00 (twelve years ago)

" يجد الإنسان لمرة واحدة في حياته من يستطيع جعله محوراً لدنياه، هذا ما أومن به فعلاً.
تخبره بالأشياء التي لن تتحدث بها أبداً مع نفس أخرى، ويستوعب كل ما تقول، ويريد الاستزادة منك حقاً.
تقتسم معه آمال المستقبل، والاحلام التي لن تتحقق أبداً، والأهداف التي لن تصل إليها، واحباطات كثيرة قذفتك بها الحياة.
وإذا حدث شيئا رائع، لن تطيق صبراً حتى تبلغه الخبر، وانت تعلم انه سيشاركك انفعالك.
لا يتحرج من البكاء معك إذا تألمت، ولا الضحك معك إذا سخرت من نفسك.
لن يؤذ مشاعرك، او يجعلك تشعر كما لو كنت أقل من القدر الكافي، بل سيعلي شأنك ويظهر لك أشياء عن نفسك تجعلك خاصاً، أو حتى جميل.
لن تجد معه أيه ضغوط أو غيره أو منافسة، ولكن السكينة التامة ستحضر فقط عندما يكون بقربك.
تستطيع ان تكون نفسك دون قلق مما قد يظنه بك، لانه يحبك كما أنت.
الأشياء التي قد لاتبدو لمعظم الناس مميزة، مثل ملاحظة أو أغنية أو السير في الطريق، ستصبح كنوزا لا تقدر ستحفظها في قلبك، لتبقى آمنة تعتز بها للأبد.
ستعود إليك ذكريات الطفولة، وستكون من الصفاء والحيوية وكأنها ردتك صغيراً مرة أخرى.
ستصبح الألوان اكثر إشراقا وتألقاً.
ستبدو الضحكات جزءاً من يومك، مع إنها كانت شحيحة أو حتى غائبة تماماً.
مكالمة تليفونية أو اثنتان اثناء النهار، تساعد في تغلبك على يوم عمل طويل، وتجعل بسمة حاضرة دائماً على وجهك.
في حضوره، لن تحتاج إلى احاديث متصلة، فقط تجد نفسك في كامل الرضا لمجرد وجوده قريباً.
أشياء لم تكن تهتم لها من قبل، ستصبح فاتنة، لأنك تعلم أهميتها لهذا الشخص شديد الخصوصية بالنسبة لك.
تفكر في هذا الشخص في كل مناسبة، وفي كل ما تقوم به.
تذكرك به الأشياء البسيطة، مثل سماء زرقاء شاحبه، أو رياح لطيفة، أو حتى عاصفة قد تلوح في الأفق.
تفتح قلبك، وانت تعلم انها فرصة قد تتلاشى ذات يوم.
وبانفتاح قلبك، تعرف حالة الحب والفرح التي لم تحلم يوما بإمكانية وجودها.
تجد في تعريض نفسك لهذا الخطر، طريقاً وحيداً ليتاح لقلبك الشعور بالسعادة الحقيقية، التي تخيفك من شدة ما هي حقيقية.
تجد قوة في معرفة ان لديك صديقا حقيقياً، ومن الجائز أن يكون شقيقاً للروح يبقى على وفاءه إلى النهاية.
تبدو الحياة مختلفة تماماً، مثيرة وجديرة بالاهمتام.
ويصبح أملك الوحيد وأمانك، في معرفة انه جزء من حياتك.
بوب مارلي”
― Bob Marley

Romantic style in da world (crüt), Wednesday, 26 June 2013 21:03 (twelve years ago)

Kate Bush

"Up to the day I killed my father, there wasn't a person in Ireland knew the kind I was, and I there drinking, waking, eating, sleeping, a quiet, simple poor fellow with no man giving me heed. And I after toiling, moiling, digging, dodging from the dawn till dusk with never a sight of joy or sport saving only when I'd be abroad in the dark night poaching rabbits on hills, for I was a devil to poach. I'd be as happy as the sunshine of St. Martin's Day, watching the light passing the north or the patches of fog, till I'd hear a rabbit starting to screech and I'd go running in the furze. Then when I'd my full share I'd come walking down where you'd see the ducks and geese stretched sleeping on the highway of the road, and before I'd pass the dunghill, I'd hear himself snoring out, a loud lonesome snore he'd be making all times, the while he was sleeping, and he a man 'd be raging all times, the while he was waking, like a gaudy officer you'd hear cursing and damning and swearing oaths after drinking for weeks, rising up in the red dawn, or before it maybe, and going out into the yard as naked as an ash tree in the moon of May, and shying clods against the visage of the stars till he'd put the fear of death into the banbhs and the screeching sows. He'd sons and daughters walking all the great states and territories of the world, and not a one of them, to this day, but would say their seven curses on him, and they rousing up to let a cough or sneeze, maybe, in the deadness of the night. I'm telling you, he never gave peace to any, saving when he'd get two months or three, or be locked in the asylums for battering peelers or assaulting men. It was a bitter life he led me till I did up a Tuesday and halve his skull."

That booby's are HOTTT (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 26 June 2013 21:04 (twelve years ago)

STATELY, PLUMP BUCK MULLIGAN CAME FROM THE STAIRHEAD, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. A yellow dressing gown, ungirdled, was sustained gently-behind him by the mild morning air. He held the bowl aloft and intoned:
-- Introibo ad altare Dei.

Halted, he peered down the dark winding stairs and called up coarsely:

-- Come up, Kinch. Come up, you fearful jesuit.

Solemnly he came forward and mounted the round gunrest. He faced about and blessed gravely thrice the tower, the surrounding country and the awaking mountains. Then, catching sight of Stephen Dedalus, he bent towards him and made rapid crosses in the air, gurgling in his throat and shaking his head. Stephen Dedalus, displeased and sleepy, leaned his arms on the top of the staircase and looked coldly at the shaking gurgling face that blessed him, equine in its length, and at the light untonsured hair, grained and hued like pale oak.

Buck Mulligan peeped an instant under the mirror and then covered the bowl smartly.

-- Back to barracks, he said sternly.

He added in a preacher's tone:

-- For this, O dearly beloved, is the genuine Christine: body and soul and blood and ouns. Slow music, please. Shut your eyes, gents. One moment. A little trouble about those white corpuscles. Silence, all.

He peered sideways up and gave a long low whistle of call, then paused awhile in rapt attention, his even white teeth glistening here and there with gold points. Chrysostomos. Two strong shrill whistles answered through the calm.
- Thanks, old chap, he cried briskly. That will do nicely. Switch off the current, will you?

He skipped off the gunrest and looked gravely at his watcher, gathering about his legs the loose folds of his gown. The plump shadowed face and sullen oval jowl recalled a prelate, patron of arts in the middle ages. A pleasant smile broke quietly over his lips.

-- The mockery of it, he said gaily. Your absurd name, an ancient Greek.

He pointed his finger in friendly jest and went over to the parapet, laughing to himself. Stephen Dedalus stepped up, followed him wearily half way and sat down on the edge of the gunrest, watching him still as he propped his mirror on the parapet, dipped the brush in the bowl and lathered cheeks and neck.

Buck Mulligan's gay voice went on.

-- My name is absurd too: Malachi Mulligan, two dactyls. But it has a Hellenic ring, hasn't it? Tripping and sunny like the buck himself. We must go to Athens. Will you come if I can get the aunt to fork out twenty quid?

He laid the brush aside and, laughing with delight, cried:

-- Will he come? The jejune jesuit.

Ceasing, he began to shave with care.

-- Tell me, Mulligan, Stephen said quietly.

-- Yes, my love?

-- How long is Haines going to stay in this tower?

Buck Mulligan showed a shaven cheek over his right shoulder.

-- God, isn't he dreadful? he said frankly. A ponderous Saxon. He thinks you're not a gentleman. God, these bloody English. Bursting with money and indigestion. Because he comes from Oxford. You know, Dedalus; you have the real Oxford manner. He can't make you out. O, my name for you is the best: Kinch, the knife-blade.

He shaved warily over his chin.

-- He was raving all night about a black panther, Stephen said. Where is his guncase?

-- A woful lunatic, Mulligan said. Were you in a funk?

-- I was, Stephen said with energy and growing fear. Out here in the dark with a man I don't know raving and moaning to himself about shooting a black panther. You saved men from drowning. I'm not a hero, however. If he stays on here I am off.

Buck Mulligan frowned at the lather on his razorblade. He hopped down from his perch and began to search his trouser pockets hastily.

-- Scutter, he cried thickly.

He came over to the gunrest and, thrusting a hand into Stephen's upper pocket, said:

-- Lend us a loan of your noserag to wipe my razor.

Stephen suffered him to pull out and hold up on show by its corner a dirty crumpled handkerchief. Buck Mulligan wiped the razorblade neatly. Then, gazing over the handkerchief, he said:

-- The bard's noserag. A new art colour for our Irish poets: snotgreen. You can almost taste it, can't you?

He mounted to the parapet again and gazed out over Dublin bay, his fair oakpale hair stirring slightly.

-- God, he said quietly. Isn't the sea what Algy calls it: a grey sweet mother? The snotgreen sea. The scrotumtightening sea. Epi oinopa ponton. Ah, Dedalus, the Greeks. I must teach you. You must read them in the original. Thalatta! Thalatta! She is our great sweet mother. Come and look.

Stephen stood up and went over to the parapet. Leaning on it he looked down on the water and on the mailboat clearing the harbour mouth of Kingstown.

-- Our mighty mother, Buck Mulligan said.

He turned abruptly his great searching eyes from the sea to Stephen's face.

-- The aunt thinks you killed your mother, he said. That's why she won't let me have anything to do with you.

-- Someone killed her, Stephen said gloomily.

-- You could have knelt down, damn it, Kinch, when your dying mother asked you, Buck Mulligan said. I'm hyperborean as much as you. But to think of your mother begging you with her last breath to kneel down and pray for her. And you refused. There is something sinister in you.

He broke off and lathered again lightly his farther cheek. A tolerant smile curled his lips.

-- But a lovely mummer, he murmured to himself. Kinch, the loveliest mummer of them all.

He shaved evenly and with care, in silence, seriously.

Stephen, an elbow rested on the jagged granite, leaned his palm against his brow and gazed at the fraying edge of his shiny black coat-sleeve. Pain, that was not yet the pain of love, fretted his heart. Silently, in a dream she had come to him after her death, her wasted body within its loose brown grave-clothes giving off an odour of wax and rosewood, her breath, that had bent upon him, mute, reproachful, a faint odour of wetted ashes. Across the threadbare cuffedge he saw the sea hailed as a great sweet mother by the well-fed voice beside him. The ring of bay and skyline held a dull green mass of liquid. A bowl of white china had stood beside her deathbed holding the green sluggish bile which she had torn up from her rotting liver by fits of loud groaning vomiting.

Buck Mulligan wiped again his razorblade.

-- Ah, poor dogsbody, he said in a kind voice. I must give you a shirt and few noserags. How are the secondhand breeks?

-- They fit well enough, Stephen answered.

Buck Mulligan attacked the hollow beneath his underlip.

-- The mockery of it, he said contentedly, secondleg they should be. God knows what poxy bowsy left them off. I have a lovely pair with a hair stripe, grey. You'll look spiffing in them. I'm not joking, Kinch. You look damn well when you're dressed.

-- Thanks, Stephen said. I can't wear them if they are grey.

-- He can't wear them, Buck Mulligan told his face in the mirror. Etiquette is etiquette. He kills his mother but he can't wear grey trousers.

He folded his razor neatly and with stroking palps of fingers felt the smooth skin.

Stephen turned his gaze from the sea and to the plump face with its smokeblue mobile eyes.

-- That fellow I was with in the Ship last night, said Buck Mulligan, says you have g.p.i. He's up in Dottyville with Conolly Norman. General paralysis of the insane.

He swept the mirror a half circle in the air to flash the tidings abroad in sunlight now radiant on the sea. His curling shaven lips laughed and the edges of his white glittering teeth. Laughter seized all his strong wellknit trunk.

-- Look at yourself, he said, you dreadful bard.

Stephen bent forward and peered at the mirror held out to him, cleft by a crooked crack, hair on end. As he and others see me. Who chose this face for me? This dogsbody to rid of vermin. It asks me too.

-- I pinched it out of the skivvy's room, Buck Mulligan said. It does her all right. The aunt always keeps plain-looking servants for Malachi. Lead him not into temptation. And her name is Ursula.

Laughing again, he brought the mirror away from Stephen's peering eyes.

-- The rage of Caliban at not seeing his face in a mirror, he said. If Wilde were only alive to see you.

Drawing back and pointing, Stephen said with bitterness:

-- It is a symbol of Irish art. The cracked lookingglass of a Buck Mulligan suddenly linked his arm in Stephen's and walked with him round the tower, his razor and mirror clacking in the pocket where he had thrust them.

-- It's not fair to tease you like that, Kinch, is it? he said kindly. God knows you have more spirit than any of them.

Parried again. He fears the lancet of my art as I fear that of his. The cold steelpen.

-- Cracked lookingglass of a servant. Tell that to the oxy chap downstairs and touch him for a guinea. He's stinking with money and thinks you're not a gentleman. His old fellow made his tin by selling jalap to Zulus or some bloody swindle or other. God, Kinch, if you and I could only work together we might do something for the island. Hellenise it.

Cranly's arm. His arm.

-- And to think of your having to beg from these swine. I'm the only one that knows what you are. Why don't you trust me more? What have you up your nose against me? Is it Haines? If he makes any noise here I'll bring down Seymour and we'll give him a ragging worse than they gave Clive Kempthorpe.

Young shouts of moneyed voices in Clive Kempthorpe's rooms. Palefaces: they hold their ribs with laughter, one clasping another, O, I shall expire! Break the news to her gently, Aubrey! I shall die! With slit ribbons of his shirt whipping the air he hops and hobbles round the table, with trousers down at heels, chased by Ades of Magdalen with the tailor's shears. A scared calf's face gilded with marmalade. I don't want to be debagged! Don't you play the giddy ox with me!

Shouts from the open window startling evening in the quadrangle. A deaf gardener, aproned, masked with Matthew Arnold's face, pushes his mower on the sombre lawn watching narrowly the dancing motes of grasshalms.

To ourselves... new paganism... omphalos.

-- Let him stay, Stephen said. There's nothing wrong with him except at night.

-- Then what is it? Buck Mulligan asked impatiently. Cough it up. I'm quite frank with you. What have you against me now?

They halted, looking towards the blunt cape of Bray Head that lay on the water like the snout of a sleeping whale. Stephen freed his arm quietly.

-- Do you wish me to tell you? he asked.

-- Yes, what is it? Buck Mulligan answered. I don't remember anything.

He looked in Stephen's face as he spoke. A light wind passed his brow, fanning softly his fair uncombed hair and stirring silver points of anxiety in his eyes.

Stephen, depressed by his own voice, said:

-- Do you remember the first day I went to your house after my mother's death?

Buck Mulligan frowned quickly and said:

-- What? Where? I can't remember anything. I remember only ideas and sensations. Why? What happened in the name of God?

-- You were making tea, Stephen said, and I went across the landing to get more hot water. Your mother and some visitor came out of the drawingroom. She asked you who was in your room.

-- Yes? Buck Mulligan said. What did I say? I forget.

-- You said, Stephen answered, O, it's only Dedalus whose mother is beastly dead.

A flush which made him seem younger and more engaging rose to Buck Mulligan's cheek.

-- Did I say that? he asked. Well? What harm is that?

He shook his constraint from him nervously.

-- And what is death, he asked, your mother's or yours or my own? You saw only your mother die. I see them pop off every day in the Mater and Richmond and cut up into tripes in the dissecting room. It's a beastly thing and nothing else. It simply doesn't matter. You wouldn't kneel down to pray for your mother on her deathbed when she asked you. Why? Because you have the cursed jesuit strain in you, only it's injected the wrong way. To me it's all a mockery and beastly. Her cerebral lobes are not functioning. She calls the doctor Sir Peter Teazle and picks buttercups off the quilt. Humour her till it's over. You crossed her last wish in death and yet you sulk with me because I don't whinge like some hired mute from Lalouette's. Absurd! I suppose I did say it. I didn't mean to offend the memory of your mother.

He had spoken himself into boldness. Stephen, shielding the gaping wounds which the words had left in his heart, said very coldly:

-- I am not thinking of the offence to my mother.

-- Of what, then? Buck Mulligan asked.

-- Of the offence to me, Stephen answered.

Buck Mulligan swung round on his heel.

-- O, an impossible person! he exclaimed.

He walked off quickly round the parapet. Stephen stood at his post, gazing over the calm sea towards the headland. Sea and headland now grew dim. Pulses were beating in his eyes, veiling their sight, and he felt the fever of his cheeks.

A voice within the tower called loudly:

-- Are you up there, Mulligan?

-- I'm coming, Buck Mulligan answered.

He turned towards Stephen and said:

-- Look at the sea. What does it care about offences? Chuck Loyola, Kinch, and come on down. The Sassenach wants his morning rashers.

His head halted again for a moment at the top of the staircase, level with the roof.

-- Don't mope over it all day, he said. I'm inconsequent. Give up the moody brooding.

His head vanished but the drone of his descending voice boomed out of the stairhead:

And no more turn aside and brood
Upon love's bitter mystery
For Fergus rules the brazen cars.

Woodshadows floated silently by through the morning peace from the stairhead seaward where he gazed. Inshore and farther out the mirror of water whitened, spurned by lightshod hurrying feet. White breast of the dim sea. The twining stresses, two by two. A hand plucking the harpstrings merging their twining chords. Wavewhite wedded words shimmering on the dim tide.

A cloud began to cover the sun slowly, shadowing the bay in deeper green. It lay behind him, a bowl of bitter waters. Fergus' song: I sang it alone in the house, holding down the long dark chords. Her door was open: she wanted to hear my music. Silent with awe and pity I went to her bedside. She was crying in her wretched bed. For those words, Stephen: love's bitter mystery.

Where now?

Her secrets: old feather fans, tasselled dancecards, powdered with musk, a gaud of amber beads in her locked drawer. A birdcage hung in the sunny window of her house when she was a girl. She heard old Royce sing in the pantomime of Turko the terrible and laughed with others when he sang:

I am the boy
That can enjoy
Invisibility.

Phantasmal mirth, folded away: muskperfumed.

And no more turn aside and brood

Folded away in the memory of nature with her toys. Memories beset his brooding brain. Her glass of water from the kitchen tap when she had approached the sacrament. A cored apple, filled with brown sugar, roasting for her at the hob on a dark autumn evening. Her shapely fingernails reddened by the blood of squashed lice from the children's shirts.

In a dream, silently, she had come to him, her wasted body within its loose graveclothes giving off an odour of wax and rosewood, her breath bent over him with mute secret words, a faint odour of wetted ashes.

Her glazing eyes, staring out of death, to shake and bend my soul. On me alone. The ghostcandle to light her agony. Ghostly light on the tortured face. Her hoarse loud breath rattling in horror, while all prayed on their knees. Her eyes on me to strike me down. Liliata rutilantium te confessorum turma circumdet: iubilantium te virginum chorus excipiat.

Ghoul! Chewer of corpses!

No mother. Let me be and let me live.

-- Kinch ahoy!

Buck Mulligan's voice sang from within the tower. It came nearer up the staircase, calling again. Stephen, still trembling at his soul's cry, heard warm running sunlight and in the air behind him friendly words.

-- Dedalus, comedown, like a good mosey. Breakfast is ready. Haines is apologizing for waking us last night. It's all right.

-- I'm coming, Stephen said, turning.

-- Do, for Jesus' sake, Buck Mulligan said. For my sake and for all our sakes.

His head disappeared and reappeared.

-- I told him your symbol of Irish art. He says it's very clever. Touch him for a quid, will you? A guinea, I mean.

-- I get paid this morning, Stephen said.

-- The school kip? Buck Mulligan said. How much? Four quid? Lend us one.

-- If you want it, Stephen said.

-- Four shining sovereigns, Buck Mulligan cried with delight. We'll have a glorious drunk to astonish the druidy druids. Four omnipotent sovereigns.

He flung up his hands and tramped down the stone stairs, singing out of tune with a Cockney accent:

O, won't we have a merry time
Drinking whisky, beer and wine,
On coronation,
Coronation day?
O, won't we have a merry time
On coronation day?

Warm sunshine merrying over the sea. The nickel shaving-bowl shone, forgotten, on the parapet. Why should I bring it down? Or leave it there all day, forgotten friendship?

He went over to it, held it in his hands awhile, feeling its coolness, smelling the clammy slaver of the lather in which the brush was stuck. So I carried the boat of incense then at Clongowes. I am another now and yet the same. A servant too. A server of a servant.

In the gloomy domed livingroom of the tower Buck Mulligan's gowned form moved briskly about the hearth to and fro, hiding and revealing its yellow glow. Two shafts of soft daylight fell across the flagged floor from the high barbicans: and at the meeting of their rays a cloud of coalsmoke and fumes of fried grease floated, turning.

-- We'll be choked, Buck Mulligan said. Haines, open that door, will you?

Stephen laid the shavingbowl on the locker. A tall figure rose from the hammock where it had been sitting, went to the doorway and pulled open the inner doors.

-- Have you the key? a voice asked.

-- Dedalus has it, Buck Mulligan said. Janey Mack, I'm choked. He howled without looking up from the fire:

-- Kinch!

-- It's in the lock, Stephen said, coming forward.

The key scraped round harshly twice and, when the heavy door had been set ajar, welcome light and bright air entered. Haines stood at the doorway, looking out. Stephen haled his upended valise to the table and sat down to wait. Buck Mulligan tossed the fry on to the dish beside him. Then he carried the dish and a large teapot over to the table, set them down heavily and sighed with relief.

-- I'm melting, he said, as the candle remarked when .

But hush. Not a word more on that subject. Kinch, wake up. Bread, butter, honey. Haines, come in. The grub is ready. Bless us, O Lord, and these thy gifts. Where's the sugar? O, jay, there's no milk.

Stephen fetched the loaf and the pot of honey and the buttercooler from the locker. Buck Mulligan sat down in a sudden pet.

-- What sort of a kip is this? he said. I told her to come after eight.

-- We can drink it black, Stephen said. There's a lemon in the locker.

-- O, damn you and your Paris fads, Buck Mulligan said. I want Sandycove milk.

Haines came in from the doorway and said quietly:

-- That woman is coming up with the milk.

-- The blessings of God on you, Buck Mulligan cried, jumping up from his chair. Sit down. Pour out the tea there. The sugar is in the bag. Here, I can't go fumbling at the damned eggs. He hacked through the fry on the dish and slapped it out on three plates, saying:

-- In nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti.

Haines sat down to pour out the tea.

-- I'm giving you two lumps each, he said. But, I say, Mulligan, you do make strong tea, don't you?

Buck Mulligan, hewing thick slices from the loaf, said in an old woman's wheedling voice:

-- When I makes tea I makes tea, as old mother Grogan said. And when I makes water I makes water.

-- By Jove, it is tea, Haines said.

Buck Mulligan went on hewing and wheedling:

-- So I do, Mrs Cahill, says she. Begob, ma'am, says Mrs Cahill, God send you don't make them in the one pot.

He lunged towards his messmates in turn a thick slice of bread, impaled on his knife.

-- That's folk, he said very earnestly, for your book, Haines. Five lines of text and ten pages of notes about the folk and the fishgods of Dundrum. Printed by the weird sisters in the year of the big wind.

He turned to Stephen and asked in a fine puzzled voice, lifting his brows:

-- Can you recall, brother, is mother Grogan's tea and water pot spoken of in the Mabinogion or is it in the Upanishads?

-- I doubt it, said Stephen gravely.

-- Do you now? Buck Mulligan said in the same tone. Your reasons, pray?

-- I fancy, Stephen said as he ate, it did not exist in or out of the Mabinogion. Mother Grogan was, one imagines, a kinswoman of Mary Ann.

Buck Mulligan's face smiled with delight.

-- Charming, he said in a finical sweet voice, showing his white teeth and blinking his eyes pleasantly. Do you think she was? Quite charming.

Then, suddenly overclouding all his features, he growled in a hoarsened rasping voice as he hewed again vigorously at the loaf:

-- For old Mary Ann
She doesn't care a damn,
But, hising up her petticoats...

He crammed his mouth with fry and munched and droned.

The doorway was darkened by an entering form.

-- The milk, sir.

-- Come in, ma'am, Mulligan said. Kinch, get the jug.

An old woman came forward and stood by Stephen's elbow.

-- That's a lovely morning, sir, she said. Glory be to God.

-- To whom? Mulligan said, glancing at her. Ah, to be sure. Stephen reached back and took the milkjug from the locker.

-- The islanders, Mulligan said to Haines casually, speak frequently of the collector of prepuces.

-- How much, sir? asked the old woman.

-- A quart, Stephen said.

He watched her pour into the measure and thence into the jug rich white milk, not hers. Old shrunken paps. She poured again a measureful and a tilly. Old and secret she had entered from a morning world, maybe a messenger. She praised the goodness of the milk, pouring it out. Crouching by a patient cow at daybreak in the lush field, a witch on her toadstool, her wrinkled fingers quick at the squirting dugs. They lowed about her whom they knew, dewsilky cattle. Silk of the kine and poor old woman, names given her in old times. A wandering crone, lowly form of an immortal serving her conqueror and her gay betrayer, their common cuckquean, a messenger from the secret morning. To serve or to upbraid, whether he could not tell: but scorned to beg her favour.

-- It is indeed, ma'am, Buck Mulligan said, pouring milk into their cups.

-- Taste it, sir, she said.

He drank at her bidding.

-- If we could only live on good food like that, he said to her somewhat loudly, we wouldn't have the country full of rotten teeth and rotten guts. Living in a bogswamp, eating cheap food and the streets paved with dust, horsedung and consumptives' spits.

-- Are you a medical student, sir? the old woman asked.

-- I am, ma'am, Buck Mulligan answered.

Stephen listened in scornful silence. She bows her old head to a voice that speaks to her loudly, her bonesetter, her medicineman; me she slights. To the voice that will shrive and oil for the grave all there is of her but her woman's unclean loins, of man's flesh made not in God's likeness, the serpent's prey. And to the loud voice that now bids her be silent with wondering unsteady eyes.

-- Do you understand what he says? Stephen asked her.

-- Is it French you are talking, sir? the old woman said to Haines.

Haines spoke to her again a longer speech, confidently.

-- Irish, Buck Mulligan said. Is there Gaelic on you?

-- I thought it was Irish, she said, by the sound of it. Are you from west, sir?

-- I am an Englishman, Haines answered.

-- He's English, Buck Mulligan said, and he thinks we ought to speak Irish in Ireland.

-- Sure we ought to, the old woman said, and I'm ashamed I don't speak the language myself. I'm told it's a grand language by them that knows.

-- Grand is no name for it, said Buck Mulligan. Wonderful entirely. Fill us out some more tea, Kinch. Would you like a cup, ma'am?

-- No, thank you, sir, the old woman said, slipping the ring of the milkcan on her forearm and about to go.

Haines said to her:

-- Have you your bill? We had better pay her, Mulligan, hadn't we?

Stephen filled the three cups.

-- Bill, sir? she said, halting. Well, it's seven mornings a pint at twopence is seven twos is a shilling and twopence over and these three mornings a quart at fourpence is three quarts is a shilling and one and two is two and two, sir.

Buck Mulligan sighed and having filled his mouth with a crust thickly buttered on both sides, stretched forth his legs and began to search his trouser pockets.

-- Pay up and look pleasant, Haines said to him smiling.

Stephen filled a third cup, a spoonful of tea colouring faintly the thick rich milk. Buck Mulligan brought up a florin, twisted it round in his fingers and cried:

-- A miracle!

He passed it along the table towards the old woman, saying:

-- Ask nothing more of me, sweet. All I can give you I give. Stephen laid the coin in her uneager hand.

-- We'll owe twopence, he said.

-- Time enough, sir, she said, taking the coin. Time enough. Good morning, sir.

She curtseyed and went out, followed by Buck Mulligan's tender chant:

-- Heart of my heart, were it more,
More would be laid at your feet.

He turned to Stephen and said:

-- Seriously, Dedalus. I'm stony. Hurry out to your school kip and bring us back some money. Today the bards must drink and junket. Ireland expects that every man this day will do his duty.

-- That reminds me, Haines said, rising, that I have to visit your national library today.

-- Our swim first, Buck Mulligan said.

He turned to Stephen and asked blandly:

-- Is this the day for your monthly wash, Kinch?

Then he said to Haines:

-- The unclean bard makes a point of washing once a month.

-- All Ireland is washed by the gulfstream, Stephen said as he let honey trickle over a slice of the loaf.

Haines from the corner where he was knotting easily a scarf about the loose collar of his tennis shirt spoke:

-- I intend to make a collection of your sayings if you will let me.

Speaking to me. They wash and tub and scrub. Agenbite of inwit. Conscience. Yet here's a spot.

-- That one about the cracked lookingglass of a servant being the symbol of Irish art is deuced good.

Buck Mulligan kicked Stephen's foot under the table and said with warmth of tone:

-- Wait till you hear him on Hamlet, Haines.

-- Well, I mean it, Haines said, still speaking to Stephen. I was just thinking of it when that poor old creature came in.

-- Would I make money by it? Stephen asked.

Haines laughed and, as he took his soft grey hat from the holdfast of the hammock, said:

-- I don't know, I'm sure.

He strolled out to the doorway. Buck Mulligan bent across to Stephen and said with coarse vigour:

-- You put your hoof in it now. What did you say that for?

-- Well? Stephen said. The problem is to get money. From whom? From the milkwoman or from him. It's a toss up, I think.

I blow him out about you, Buck Mulligan said, and then you come along with your lousy leer and your gloomy jesuit jibes.

-- I see little hope, Stephen said, from her or from him.

Buck Mulligan sighed tragically and laid his hand on Stephen's arm.

-- From me, Kinch, he said.

In a suddenly changed tone he added:

-- To tell you the God's truth I think you're right. Damn all else they are good for. Why don't you play them as I do? To hell with them all. Let us get out of the kip.

He stood up, gravely ungirdled and disrobed himself of his gown, saying resignedly:

-- Mulligan is stripped of his garments.

He emptied his pockets on to the table.

-- There's your snotrag, he said.

And putting on his stiff collar and rebellious tie, he spoke to them, chiding them, and to his dangling watchchain. His hands plunged and rummaged in his trunk while he called for - a clean handkerchief. Agenbite of inwit. God, we'll simply have to dress the character. I want puce gloves and green boots. Contradiction. Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself. Mercurial Malachi. A limp black missile flew out of his talking hands.

-- And there's your Latin quarter hat, he said.

Stephen picked it up and put it on: Haines called to them from the doorway:

-- Are you coming, you fellows?

-- I'm ready, Buck Mulligan answered, going towards the door. Come out, Kinch. You have eaten all we left, I suppose. Resigned he passed out with grave words and gait, saying, wellnigh with sorrow:

-- And going forth he met Butterly.

Stephen, taking his ashplant from its leaningplace, followed them out and, as they went down the ladder, pulled to the slow iron door and locked it. He put the huge key in his inner pocket.

At the foot of the ladder Buck Mulligan asked:

-- Did you bring the key?

-- I have it, Stephen said, preceding them.

He walked on. Behind him he heard Buck Mulligan club with his heavy bathtowel the leader shoots of ferns or grasses.

-- Down, sir. How dare you, sir? Haines asked:

-- Do you pay rent for this tower?

-- Twelve quid, Buck Mulligan said.

-- To the secretary of state for war, Stephen added over his shoulder.

They halted while Haines surveyed the tower and said at last:

-- Rather bleak in wintertime, I should say. Martello you call it?

-- Billy Pitt had them built, Buck Mulligan said, when the French were on the sea. But ours is the omphalos.

-- What is your idea of Hamlet? Haines asked Stephen.

-- No, no, Buck Mulligan shouted in pain. I'm not equal to Thomas Aquinas and the fiftyfive reasons he has made to prop it up. Wait till I have a few pints in me first.

He turned to Stephen, saying as he pulled down neatly the peaks of his primrose waistcoat:

-- You couldn't manage it under three pints, Kinch, could you?

-- It has waited so long, Stephen said listlessly, it can wait longer.

-- You pique my curiosity, Haines said amiably. Is it some paradox?

-- Pooh! Buck Mulligan said. We have grown out of Wilde and paradoxes. It's quite simple. He proves by algebra that Hamlet's grandson is Shakespeare's grandfather and that he himself is the ghost of his own father.

-- What? Haines said, beginning to point at Stephen. He himself?

Buck Mulligan slung his towel stolewise round his neck and, bending in loose laughter, said to Stephen's ear:

-- O, shade of Kinch the elder! Japhet in search of a father!

-- We're always tired in the morning, Stephen said to Haines. And it is rather long to tell.

Buck Mulligan, walking forward again, raised his hands.

-- The sacred pint alone can unbind the tongue of Dedalus, he said.

-- I mean to say, Haines explained to Stephen as they followed, this tower and these cliffs here remind me somehow of Elsinore. That beetles o'er his base into the sea, isn't it?

Buck Mulligan turned suddenly for an instant towards Stephen but did not speak. In the bright silent instant Stephen saw his own image in cheap dusty mourning between their gay attires.

-- It's a wonderful tale, Haines said, bringing them to halt again.

Eyes, pale as the sea the wind had freshened, paler, firm and prudent. The seas' ruler, he gazed southward over the bay, empty save for the smokeplume of the mailboat, vague on the bright skyline, and a sail tacking by the Muglins.

-- I read a theological interpretation of it somewhere, he said bemused. The Father and the Son idea. The Son striving to be atoned with the Father.

Buck Mulligan at once put on a blithe broadly smiling face. He looked at them, his wellshaped mouth open happily, his eyes, from which he had suddenly withdrawn all shrewd sense, blinking with mad gaiety. He moved a doll's head to and fro, the brims of his Panama hat quivering, and began to chant in a quiet happy foolish voice:

-- I'm the queerest young fellow that ever you heard.
My mother's a jew, my father's a bird.
With Joseph the joiner I cannot agree,
So here's to disciples and Calvary.

He held up a forefinger of warning.

-- If anyone thinks that I amn't divine
He'll get no free drinks when I'm making the wine
But have to drink water and wish it were plain
That I make when the wine becomes water again.

He tugged swiftly at Stephen's ashplant in farewell and, running forward to a brow of the cliff, fluttered his hands at his sides like fins or wings of one about to rise in the air, and chanted:

-- Goodbye, now, goodbye. Write down all I said
And tell Tom, Dick and Harry I rose from the dead.
What's bred in the bone cannot fail me to fly
And Olivet's breezy... Goodbye, now, goodbye.

He capered before them down towards the fortyfoot hole, fluttering his winglike hands, leaping nimbly, Mercury's hat quivering in the fresh wind that bore back to them his brief birdlike cries.

Haines, who had been laughing guardedly, walked on beside Stephen and said:

-- We oughtn't to laugh, I suppose. He's rather blasphemous. I'm not a believer myself, that is to say. Still his gaiety takes the harm out of it somehow, doesn't it? What did he call it? Joseph the Joiner?

-- The ballad of Joking Jesus, Stephen answered.

-- O, Haines said, you have heard it before?

-- Three times a day, after meals, Stephen said drily.

-- You're not a believer, are you? Haines asked. I mean, a believer in the narrow sense of the word. Creation from nothing and miracles and a personal God.

-- There's only one sense of the word, it seems to me, Stephen said.

Haines stopped to take out a smooth silver case in which twinkled a green stone. He sprang it open with his thumb and offered it.

-- Thank you, Stephen said, taking a cigarette.

Haines helped himself and snapped the case to. He put it back in his sidepocket and took from his waistcoatpocket a nickel tinderbox, sprang it open too, and, having lit his cigarette, held the flaming spunk towards Stephen in the shell of his hands.

-- Yes, of course, he said, as they went on again. Either you believe or you don't, isn't it? Personally I couldn't stomach that idea of a personal God. You don't stand for that, I suppose?

-- You behold in me, Stephen said with grim displeasure, a horrible example of free thought.

He walked on, waiting to be spoken to, trailing his ashplant by his side. Its ferrule followed lightly on the path, squealing at his heels. My familiar, after me, calling Steeeeeeeeeephen. A wavering line along the path. They will walk on it tonight, coming here in the dark. He wants that key. It is mine, I paid the rent. Now I eat his salt bread. Give him the key too. All. He will ask for it. That was in his eyes.

-- After all, Haines began...

Stephen turned and saw that the cold gaze which had measured him was not all unkind.

-- After all, I should think you are able to free yourself. You are your own master, it seems to me.

-- I am the servant of two masters, Stephen said, an English and an Italian.

-- Italian? Haines said.

A crazy queen, old and jealous. Kneel down before me.

-- And a third, Stephen said, there is who wants me for odd jobs.

-- Italian? Haines said again. What do you mean?

-- The imperial British state, Stephen answered, his colour rising, and the holy Roman catholic and apostolic church.

Haines detached from his underlip some fibres of tobacco before he spoke.

-- I can quite understand that, he said calmly. An Irishman must think like that, I daresay. We feel in England that we have treated you rather unfairly. It seems history is to blame.

The proud potent titles clanged over Stephen's memory the triumph of their brazen bells: et unam sanctam catholicam et apostolicam ecclesiam: the slow growth and change of rite and dogma like his own rare thoughts, a chemistry of stars. Symbol of the apostles in the mass for pope Marcellus, the voices blended, singing alone loud in affirmation: and behind their chant the vigilant angel of the church militant disarmed and menaced her heresiarchs. A horde of heresies fleeing with mitres awry: Photius and the brood of mockers of whom Mulligan was one, and Arius, warring his life long upon the consubstantiality of the Son with the Father, and Valentine, spurning Christ's terrene body, and the subtle African heresiarch Sabellius who held that the Father was Himself His own Son. Words Mulligan had spoken a moment since in mockery to the stranger. Idle mockery. The void awaits surely all them that weave the wind: a menace, a disarming and a worsting from those embattled angels of the church, Michael's host, who defend her ever in the hour of conflict with their lances and their shields.

Hear, hear. Prolonged applause. Zut! Nom de Dieu!

-- Of course I'm a Britisher, Haines' voice said, and I feel as one. I don't want to see my country fall into the hands of German jews either. That's our national problem, I'm afraid, just now.

Two men stood at the verge of the cliff, watching: businessman, boatman.

-- She's making for Bullock harbour.

The boatman nodded towards the north of the bay with some disdain.

-- There's five fathoms out there, he said. It'll be swept up that way when the tide comes in about one. It's nine days today.

The man that was drowned. A sail veering about the blank bay waiting for a swollen bundle to bob up, roll over to the sun a puffy face, salt white. Here I am.

They followed the winding path down to the creek. Buck Mulligan stood on a stone, in shirtsleeves, his unclipped tie rippling over his shoulder. A young man clinging to a spur of rock near him moved slowly frogwise his green legs in the deep jelly of the water.

-- Is the brother with you, Malachi?

-- Down in Westmeath. With the Bannons.

-- Still there? I got a card from Bannon. Says he found a sweet young thing down there. Photo girl he calls her.

-- Snapshot, eh? Brief exposure.

Buck Mulligan sat down to unlace his boots. An elderly man shot up near the spur of rock a blowing red face. He scrambled up by the stones, water glistening on his pate and on its garland of grey hair, water rilling over his chest and paunch and spilling jets out of his black sagging loincloth.

Buck Mulligan made way for him to scramble past and, glancing at Haines and Stephen, crossed himself piously with his thumbnail at brow and lips and breastbone.

-- Seymour's back in town, the young man said, grasping again his spur of rock. Chucked medicine and going in for the army.

-- Ah, go to God, Buck Mulligan said.

-- Going over next week to stew. You know that red Carlisle girl, Lily?

-- Yes.

-- Spooning with him last night on the pier. The father is rotto with money.

-- Is she up the pole?

-- Better ask Seymour that.

-- Seymour a bleeding officer, Buck Mulligan said.

He nodded to himself as he drew off his trousers and stood up, saying tritely:

-- Redheaded women buck like goats.

He broke off in alarm, feeling his side under his flapping shirt.

-- My twelfth rib is gone, he cried. I'm the Uebermensch. Toothless Kinch and I, the supermen.

He struggled out of his shirt and flung it behind him to where his clothes lay.

-- Are you going in here, Malachi?

-- Yes. Make room in !he bed.

The young man shoved himself backward through the water and reached the middle of the creek in two long clean strokes. Haines sat down on a stone, smoking.

-- Are you not coming in? Buck Mulligan asked.

-- Later on, Haines said. Not on my breakfast. Stephen turned away.

-- I'm going, Mulligan, he said.

-- Give us that key, Kinch, Buck Mulligan said, to keep my chemise flat.

Stephen handed him the key. Buck Mulligan laid it across his heaped clothes.

-- And twopence, he said, for a pint. Throw it there.

Stephen threw two pennies on the soft heap. Dressing, undressing. Buck Mulligan erect, with joined hands before him, said solemnly:

-- He who stealeth from the poor lendeth to the Lord. Thus spake Zarathustra.

His plump body plunged.

-- We'll see you again, Haines said, turning as Stephen walked up the path and smiling at wild Irish.

Horn of a bull, hoof of a horse, smile of a Saxon.

-- The Ship, Buck Mulligan cried. Half twelve.

-- Good, Stephen said.

He walked along the upwardcurving path.

Liliata rutilantium.
Turnia circumdet.
Iubilantium te virginum

The priest's grey nimbus in a niche where he dressed discreetly. I will not sleep here tonight. Home also I cannot go.

A voice, sweettoned and sustained, called to him from the sea. Turning the curve he waved his hand. It called again. A sleek brown head, a seal's, far out on the water, round.

Usurper.

--Obi Wan Kenobis

9

copter (waterface), Wednesday, 26 June 2013 21:06 (twelve years ago)

They were queuing around the block to beat the living shit out of me."

calling bullshit on this one, no American uses the word queue as a verb

the Spanish Porky's (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 26 June 2013 22:41 (twelve years ago)

I always loved this quote from Seiji of Guitar Wolf:

S: Oh really? But maybe from long time ago. I always, I like, I need noise. Because we are no skill. Our skill is no good. No technique. We need...Basic rock and roll is: Number one is looks; Number two is guts, tension; Number three is action; Maybe four, five nothing; Six is skill, technique.

frogbs, Friday, 28 June 2013 14:04 (twelve years ago)

Actually this whole interview here is great
http://www.j-popworld.com/Interviews/Seiji.php

Do you have a message to all your fans?

Seiji: Lend me some money!!

frogbs, Friday, 28 June 2013 14:04 (twelve years ago)

waterface likes ulysses =)

Treeship, Friday, 28 June 2013 14:09 (twelve years ago)

Ouch, I really thought this thread would be on fire! Some funny examples but mainly a quote of the first page from the link I provided, a big block of text from someones work but seemingly no mention of who did it, and a photo I don't have any context on.

Robert Adam Gilmour, Friday, 28 June 2013 14:25 (twelve years ago)

sorry for disappointing you

10zing blogay (seandalai), Friday, 28 June 2013 14:51 (twelve years ago)

i agree the thread should be on fire

for many people a really special folder makes a huge difference (Noodle Vague), Friday, 28 June 2013 14:52 (twelve years ago)

a big block of text from someones work but seemingly no mention of who did it

This alone is arson-worthy.

emil.y, Friday, 28 June 2013 14:53 (twelve years ago)

Sorry, I haven't read Ulysses yet. I knew I was taking a risk when I complained, but what is the Obi Wan Kenobi thing at the end of the quote?

Robert Adam Gilmour, Friday, 28 June 2013 15:08 (twelve years ago)

Stately, plump Obi Wan Kenobi came to the top of the starhead carrying a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed.

Treeship, Friday, 28 June 2013 15:14 (twelve years ago)

^^^^This guy gets it

copter (waterface), Friday, 28 June 2013 16:34 (twelve years ago)

- Andy Partridge of XTC when he was having serious personal problems: “I am becoming like Howard Hughes, only without the money”.

I'm still curious about the Ulysses quote and that photo, I dont think I can figure them out. And what is that Kate Bush quote from?

Robert Adam Gilmour, Monday, 1 July 2013 18:47 (twelve years ago)

This is so fun! Especially when there was a time when I came across with this chatroulette (www.bazoocam.org) then one quoted a celebrity from Mean Girls! That was #pow I'm telling you!

RRRRR, Tuesday, 2 July 2013 22:21 (twelve years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDurDVHDGP0

dylannn, Tuesday, 2 July 2013 22:24 (twelve years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckkOdkllq34

dylannn, Tuesday, 2 July 2013 22:27 (twelve years ago)

three years pass...

Still don't know what Dylannn and Waterface were doing upthread but I love this interview.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrE5VPkldXY

Robert Adam Gilmour, Monday, 7 November 2016 14:32 (nine years ago)

three years pass...

wtf at this thread

came to post this:

“I always felt Fletcher should have stayed a stomp band and stomped all other bands out of existence.” - Coleman Hawkins

brimstead, Thursday, 14 November 2019 01:18 (six years ago)

Hooray for revive!

Robert Adam Gilmour, Friday, 15 November 2019 18:27 (six years ago)

Maybe Dylannn and Waterface will explain someday.

Robert Adam Gilmour, Friday, 15 November 2019 18:28 (six years ago)


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