ladies of ILS: wedding dress help desperately needed!!

ok so our proper ceremony is in about 3 months and now i'm starting to stress about a dress. was gonna wear this one i already have but pretty sure it's too small for me now, plus it's black with a coloured slip. here are my main problems:
1. i'm fat. seriously, i've gained so much weight in the last 18months, nothing is gonna hide that on my wedding day, and i'm feeling pretty blah about being the centre of attention.
2. i have short legs that are not particularly shapely
3. but on the other hand i'm short of stature so a long dress might look dumb
4. and i have really, really big hips compared to the rest of me (45" hips, 32" waist, not very busty either)
5. the wedding is sort of semi-formal so i'm not looking to buy a really super fancy dress with a train and shit, and it'd be great if i could wear it more than once
6. i'm fairly conservative, i guess - no super hip, weird stuff for me

= really hard time finding a dress

and i also hate shopping for this stuff!

so here's what has caught my eye so far

http://ny-image0.etsy.com//il_fullxfull.107164624.jpg
http://ny-image1.etsy.com//il_fullxfull.107049541.jpg

http://ny-image2.etsy.com//il_fullxfull.104978834.jpg

http://ny-image2.etsy.com//il_fullxfull.104290210.jpg
http://ny-image0.etsy.com//il_fullxfull.104290212.jpg
http://ny-image3.etsy.com//il_fullxfull.104290211.jpg

http://ny-image2.etsy.com//il_fullxfull.105843142.jpg

http://ny-image3.etsy.com//il_fullxfull.102161771.jpg

these are all 'chameleon' dresses, except for the second one, which i like the idea of

also: ignore the colours, i'm thinking of ivory or hunter green or a super pale mint green

Justine those are all really pretty in their own way but I think this is really the kind of of thing where you won't know until you try it own. Are you planning on shopping for one online? I would not recommend doing so tbh unless you order a bunch and just return the ones you don't like. What I do recommend doing is looking at BM dresses that come in white/off white or whatever color you want. It will literally save you thousands of dollars to do so and they will by the nature of BM dress designs, be less formal than most traditional wedding dresses but still dressy enough.

what on earth is a chamleon dress?

the purple one - at the bottom - is really pretty - I think I have the same kind of legs that you do - and would probably go with ankle or floor length, unless I was wearing really high heels.

Also I think the 2nd and 4th up from the botom are my fav and would probably be the most figure flattering and comfortable to wear if you're feeling insecure about your weight right now. I love the kimino-inspired bodices on both. They remind me of something a friend of mine wore. She accented hers with a hair clip that had an eye level bird-cage veil and it looked downright awesome.

the 4th up from the bottom is really nice too - the 2nd one up from the bottom is way cute, but even the model looks like she's got a gut in that dress.

I think that's probably the lighting in the shot but I guess I can see what you mean even though I'd hardly call that a gut. They're both really similar (2nd and 4th from bottom) but just short v. long.

oh i meant to explain the chameleon thing: they're convertible - the whole top part of the dress is bacsically two big pieces of fabric so you can wear it in about 7 different ways. the white dress is the same dress in all 3 pics, just worn in different ways.

I like the 3rd one from the bottom - it reminds me of a Marilyn Monroe dress.

i like that the model has isn't super slim - it gives me a better idea of what i would look like in the dress

ugh i don't even know where to go to find BM dresses irl! that is what is stressing me out - having to hunt for places, bc i do not know anyone here to tell me this stuff, and then dick about trying on a bunch. i just want to buy online! but these dresses are all from etsy and are all custom made so no returns :(

damn - i'm trying to think who I know that would know about local places.

and i know i'm gonna get real depressed when i go try on all these pretty dresses and i look tubby and gross in all of them :(

http://ny-image2.etsy.com//il_fullxfull.107789422.jpg

i know the feeling :/ - maybe if you have a budget, you can get something tailored/altered so that you feel more comfortable and awesome in it.

Yeah that's the shitty thing about etsy - no returns. I really wouldn't recommend buying online like that esp with no returns cause if you hate i then you're stuck.

Hmmmm.

Have you checked www.indiebride.com? They have a msgboard with area-specific threads about well, everything. There is normally really good advice on there and reccomendations regardings dress shope and vendors. I would check there and ask about shops in San Fran. It might be a good place to start. I really really think that this is something that you'll need to try on in perosn.

pretty sure i would look terrible in a strapless dress but this is cute

http://www.davidsbridal.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplayView?storeId=10052&catalogId=10051&catentryId=6097473#

shit

http://www.davidsbridal.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplayView?storeId=10052&catalogId=10051&catentryId=6097473#

It is cute. Wore a bridesmaid dress from David's for a wedding last year and wasn't thrilled with quality. Like I said check indiebride.

i got that link from indiebride! ;)

this is the same dress upthread, worn as a halter by a lady closer to my size:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/__Y1FClURDtE/SEGM-cFmkmI/AAAAAAAAATE/3AB-l8oWJLM/s1600-h/chameleon2.jpg

what do you think? honest opinions appreciated!

what the shit

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/__Y1FClURDtE/SEGM-cFmkmI/AAAAAAAAATE/3AB-l8oWJLM/s1600-h/chameleon2.jpg

gah

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/__Y1FClURDtE/SEGM-cFmkmI/AAAAAAAAATE/3AB-l8oWJLM/s1600-h/chameleon2.jpg

i really like this one
http://ny-image2.etsy.com//il_fullxfull.105843142.jpg
the wrappy/kimono thing is v flattering, esp with the cinched waist.

also the thing about the more maxi dress looking ones is that you have to be careful w/ all that draping + empire waist that it doesn't start looking maternity like.

that is what is worrying me! not sure if this one^^ might be too fitted thru the hips for me? my hips are so much huger than the rest of me :(

oh i think that one would look ok on you!
i meant the others with lots and lots of skirt. you'd be lost in them.

that short black one has the same waist as the white one, just a shorter, more pencil-like skirt. it really depends on where/how you wrap the two super long strap pieces

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/821832/chameleon%20dress%201.jpg

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/821832/chameleon%20dress%202.jpg

^^^ all the diff ways that one dress can be worn

i want that dress!

my fav is the short black one too, but i really think the skirt is too narrow for my huge hip/ass combo ;_;

despite all advice i think i am probably gonna buy the long white one ($277 incl shipping from canada!)

tbh i am kind of regretting this whole 'proper wedding' idea

tza that black one is only $130 incl shipping from canada, and comes in a bunch of colours AND is custom made to yr measurements!!

oh damn... i'm in trouble. xp to dresses: want thread!

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=35497706

am i missing something that says what the fabric actually is? that would affect the fit/drape, too.

i like the first one, seems like it would be a good silhouette on most everybody.

are you tall? imho whether or not one of the floor length ones would work, depends some on height

nah, i'm pretty short - about 5'5" i think

tza, the dress comes in either organic bamboo jersey (which is $400) or modal jersey (rayon), but they look/feel the same (the lighter colours are lined)

i like all of the long ones, i think you would look lovely in any of them.

have already accepted that if i get the floor-length i will have to master the art of wearing 3.5" heels for the ceremony

the legs on that red-dress mannequin seem absurdly long? It is making me wonder if on a real person w/ shorter legs it wouldn't end up being sort of mid-calf, which is a length i'm not super fond of in a straightish skirt - i always think it makes normal legs look extra dumpy. If the skirt kicks out at the knee or is swirly/drape-y I think it works better, you don't have that fear that the skirt ends in a straight line right at the chunky bit of your calves. I dunno about you, but I think I'd feel prettier with floorlength or ankle-length, even with the fear of falling over in silly heels.

I like the black kimono dress the most also, but I think you're right that it will be made for person whose proportions are more samey and not as hippy, and it's hard to alter things LARGER so you might be stuck with a non-fitting dress. HOWEVER, I very strongly think that if your wide hips are your defining proportion (ie the area furthest from "normal" that you should take them as your crowning glory and go with it.

A skirt that ends at the chunky bit of your knees just doesn't fit you, that's easy. Have it hemmed higher, to the narrow part of your knee, right about in the middle/lower kneecap. You want the inward curve of the top of the calf to show, but not so short that it shows your upper knees. FYI.

What about something from Red Dress Shoppe?

They don't offer a big range of colors, pretty much what you see there is what you get. But at least you can return things to them if they won't work out.

Also, don't laugh, but I think the Jovani dress company, who make prom and "special occasion" dresses, do a lot of sort of interesting, pretty things. The new ones (2010) seem to run in the $300-500 range, based on a quick google, but I'll bet you could find the 2009 stock in stores still, too.

Also, seriously, I just went to a normal department store in MI, in this case something called "Younkers", which is pretty mid-level, not even particularly fancy, just Midwestern, and found a LOAD of pretty dresses on the racks for the holiday season. It being winter, they might run more to black and champagne than to pastels and spring colors, but I could have had a lot of fun if I needed a party dress. Also, the prices were like $150, seriously now.

I probably won't be online again today, so...good luck!

i think the thing about the shorter dress is that it's custom made, so you can send in the measurement you'd like for the length and avoid having to get it hemmed or ending up w/ an odd length - as long as you are accurate in judging how many inches from waist or hip to hem.

Also meant to suggest this yesterday but couldn't remember the url: Unique Vintage.

Not as good a site as I remembered -- they've redesigned/refocused and gotten cheesier -- but it's a decent round-up site for other vendors.

http://www.unique-vintage.com/images/unique-vintage/9704larger.jpg

http://www.unique-vintage.com/images/unique-vintage/11466larger.jpg

http://www.unique-vintage.com/images/unique-vintage/8199bernielarger.jpg

If you scroll down and look left and click on "Shop by Style" and then "1940s-1950s Swing Style Dresses", you'll get a lot of options with fitted or halter tops and plenty of room in the hips.

I LOVE the second one.

i had terrible nightmares about the wedding last night: it was the day of the wedding and i didn't have any hair or makeup appointments, and we couldn't find anyone to do it professionally because we were in a really remote area, and i had huge zits on my chin, and i was SO UPSET :(

not really feeling any of those 3 dresses; maybe the first one, but i don't really like that swing style all that much. pretty sure that being so short, having bad legs AND huge hips and not very busty = i would look like a pudding in that dress.

Oh never mind, but the site might still work -- I was trying to find a couple of non-fitted things for you but YMMV.

Personally I think you should pick out a mermaid-style fitted pattern and have it tailored to your hippy hips and lined so it falls right and just rock it, but that's just me.

this is actually my favourite dress style of all time:

http://www.unique-vintage.com/images/unique-vintage/11476larger.jpg

if my hips were just a few inches narrower, and if i wasn't so pudgy all over, i would totally wear this

that is so cute - i really like the top and the pattern.

i think people with hips should embrace them!

Yes! The are good for having babbies or so I am told. I myself intend not to test this theory but whatevs

there is a fine line tho... for example: 18 months ago my hips were about 5" narrower - still putting them at 40", which is pretty big - and i was really into pencil skirts. but i've reached a tipping point where that just doesn't work. the thing is, i'm not carrying this extra weight very well, if you know what i mean. i have caved and my one friend in this town is going to take me shopping this weekend to look at some dresses. she's very cute and stylish and also british so i totally trust her to be brutally honest.

My hips are more than 40" also, although I haven't measured lately. I know everyone's proportions are different so I'm not suggesting any measurement to be a rule, but I have not stopped with the pencil skirts as long as they're well-tailored and lined.

Clingy jersey things are out, which is why those convertible dresses up top make me very wary. You don't want bumps to show so you add volume to the skirt, but then you get the Grecian pillar/maternity look where it's the same diameter from shoulder to hem, and bunchy.

yeah, i totally see your point laurel, but i've seen pics of you and the two us carry our weight v differently imo - you look 'curvy' and i look 'chubby'

kind of in love with this dress from modcloth:

http://static1.modcloth.com/productshots/0020/3092/6260-1.jpg?4a00a5e542f5a62cf4a7b643481ea835f1feb9b0

that is v cute! but i think the pleats would enhance chubby feelings... i wish i could just come shopping with you and your friend!

I made my above post specifically b/c I tried on shapely jersey dresses while shopping over hols and uh, NAGL atm. No worries! Good luck with shopping!

that's a great dress (the green)!

in happier dress news, i found a 'vintage' anna sui sleeveless wrap dress (above the knee) for $40 (a girl i work with is selling her vintage finds thru the stores and i'm hoping to talk her down to $30 with the offer to pay her cash directly, since she's on a 50/50 consignment deal). i would totally wear it as wedding dress, since it's so cute and actually looks good on, but it's shades of brown/dark yellow/orange.

oh damn, that sounds lovely!

oh yeah I don't do jersey. I feel much better in a more structured fabric--jersey is very unforgiving of lumps and bumps!

"thru the stores" = the stores i work at

lol i will almost definitely be investing in some spanx type of get-up

umm that was an xpost up there

brown/yellow/orange wedding dress sounds loveley! You could have great flowers to go with it.

it's true, but i think it might be ok if properly lined?
xpost

yeah those colours would be do-able if we hadn't already set the wedding colours as shades of green. i also have the perfect shoes already for the anna sui dress!

i have this dress by a nz designer which cost almost $400 a couple of years ago and which i have only worn twice. i didn't want to wear it since it's black (and let's face it - i wanted a new dress) but i'm caving under all this dress-buying stress:

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/821832/dress.JPG

i think i'm just gonna get an emerald green slip to replace the gold one and be done with it. at least then i not only save $$ on the dress, but i already have shoes to wear with it.

although i haven't tried it on in 2yrs so it may look ridiculous (it's stretchy but i'm a lot heavier now)

I missed this thread! Did you end up getting the green slip?

no! i ended up going with the white chameleon dress from etsy... against everyone's advice! should be receiving it next week, so fingers crossed that i don't look terrible.

hey lexy, do you wanna make this a general wedding talk thread? our date is about 4 weeks away, it'd be nice to vent about shit in one place, since wedding talk is boring to about 99.999% of ppl!!

sounds good to me!!

i'm glad you went with the white dress - I think it's cute and I also think brides take on a sort of magical sparkle that glosses over the perfections that jersey doesn't. ;) I didn't want to say anything about the black dress in case you'd gone with it but I think while it is pretty, it seems too sombre for a wedding!

I was looking at Etsy yesterday for dress ideas too - I had to go dress shopping for a party I am going to tonight and it was so depressing (I'm a 16, in addition to being 6'1".. so everything veers quickly into too-tight-too-short hooker territory) I thought maybe I should drop some coin on a rewearable dress instead of a fancy wedding dress (though I do continue to be tempted! I never knew I was so traditional..) and I am really liking this one:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=41478682

if I had that done in white with maybe some cerulean blue touches somewhere I think it'd look pretty cute with my bright red hair!

Are you going to wear a veil? I want to have sort of a 40s/50s theme (i.e. HELP, LAUREL, ERICA, NEED YOU!!) and I was thinking of seeing if my hair can hold an interesting style - maybe victory rolls - and I think a birdcage veil with a peacock feather clip or something would be lovely.

Of course my wedding isn't til August 2011 so nothing is set in stone, hah! you saw my invitation on twitter aye? I am so proud of my Photoshop mastery there!

also a rock and roll theme. on the cheap hopefully, I have no money but my fiance makes a decent amount and his mom is helping us out.

so far we've:
-amassed a list of 12 hours of music (LOL) that we intend to create ipod playlists out of
-decided our first dance is the Luckiest by Ben Folds (fiance's request.. kinda makes me cringe but I agreed because of the next point)
-I am walking down the aisle to Sleepwalking by Modest Mouse (he proposed at a MM concert.. as well as driving me to Wisconsin from Toronto to see them on my birthday a few years back!)
-using LPs as plate chargers/settings
-naming tables after bands: Joni Mitchell for his mom's table, David Bowie for my Mom's, Creedence CR for Grandparents [family o'hippies], Led Zeppelin for my stoner friends, etc ;)
-Thinking I'd put just the album name on the place setting cards, and then maybe an actual record by each as part of the centerpiece on the table? Can anyone figure out how to make this pretty? I don't want to spend a bunch of money on flowers if at all possible.. not really into candles.. my MOH found a music-note paper punch but we're going to see if we can actually just purchase music note/guitar pick/?? confetti to sprinkle around..

birdcage veil with a peacock feather clip

One of my friends wore just that and it looked AMAZING. I know that she bought it on Etsy. Will try to find pictures/seller info this weekend for you. :D

Oh yay!!!! I think there is just something so classy about birdcage veils - wish I had the look to pull it off daily!

i'm not wearing a veil - i dunno, i just feel like it will look to busy on me. husband wanted to pick out a nz green orchid for me to wear in my hair, but have decided to go with a simple white silk flower instead. i can't decide whether i will wear my glasses during the ceremony or not???

also lexy i like that 50s dress, very cute! i was surprised by how traditional i ended up going with a lot of things, too.

are you thinking about photographers yet? jordan surprised me by booking my dream photographer, who i thought was way out of our budget, and i'm so freaking happy (except now i feel like i need to lose a ton of weight, because y'know there's only so much the photographer can do).

re wedding music: i think walking-down-the-aisle (in my case, this will actually be walking down a short flight of stairs and then into the living room) music is gonna be a neko case song, just gotta figure out which one.

here are our invites, which i hand-made:
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/821832/wedding%20invites/envelope%20back.JPG

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/821832/wedding%20invites/invite%20front.JPG

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/821832/wedding%20invites/invite%201.JPG

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/821832/wedding%20invites/invite%202.JPG

i just bought a stamp and a couple of inkpads from michaels (a gold pigment and a black), i stole the swirly design on the inside from some other invite i saw online, j found a piece of poetry from a poet we both like, and then i hand-sewed them all. just used kraft-paper squares for the RSVPs: printed that same swirly design on one side, then printed our address and a 'but of course/so sorry' on the other, along with a postcard stamp. also bought a double-rectangle puncher thing for creating the little slits for the ribbon to tie the envelope.

not super happy with the fonts or the layout - by the time i got round to doing them i was just so over it, i sort of rushed it :/

oh my god it happened and I missed it!!! I just remembered to come looking for this thread. Bookmarked now, too late :( PICTURES? is there another thread?

oh and the invites are cute! since my fiance and I are much less then traditional I went hog-wild in Photoshop one day (inspired by a bridal blog) and ended up with this fun thing:

http://i48.tinypic.com/2nhes10.jpg

I am useless with my hands/crafting but at least I can Photoshop!

lexy! i actually love your invites; quirky is good! the wedding day photos aren't up yet, but our engagement shoot from the day before is - friend me on facebook and you can see them (just1n3 hurd3r).

we also did mini chapbooks as wedding favours - similar design to the invites - with a love poem ytth wrote me awhile ago. ppl were in tears reading it!

we also did our vows non-traditionally: my father-in-law performed the service, and him and my MIL wrote a really beautiful service, i'll have to post it sometime, i was so moved. BUT i really didn't want to read my vows aloud bc i am a crier, so we wrote them, sealed them in envelopes like the invites, and gave them to each other, and all of the guests got the same envelopes, so we all silently read them at the same time. weird, but good.

awwww, I love the chapbook idea, and the printed vows are a great idea - I myself have been worried about my inability to control my tears as I stand at the altar... eeek!

for favours we're thinking of renting a photobooth for a few hours - most places will give strips to guests but also make a scrapbook for the bride and groom to keep after the ceremony. Going to hit up post-Halloween sales for wigs, fake mustaches, etc for people to dress up with!

love that idea! also you are now my friend on fb :)

btw that is like the greatest wedding invitation I've ever seen, non-traditionalwise

thank you! only thing is we're aiming for a 1950's rock&roll theme of a wedding (think vinyl records as placemats, maybe a stack of LP covers as centerpieces) and I crashed and burned trying to make a concert poster, which is what I'd really like our invitation to be. I might stick with boxing or scrap it and hammer out something a little more musical, maybe use this invitation for an emailed save the date or hte stag & doe flyer..

xp to j - I actually just sneaked through twitter and found those engagement photos there! :) I really liked them, so much love just radiates out of those photos - the photographer had some nice touches too with the tree shadows, your profiles in the tunnel.. love it! hoping I can convince a friend with an SLR and a good eye for photos to take some of us, we can't afford a pro because this wedding will eat up all of our spare cash (lol 2x divorced families)

my one major piece of wedding advice is: make photography your financial priority; skimp wherever you need to, in order to make sure you can afford the best photog around. the wedding day, and the days leading up to up, are just a nightmarish blur, ime - so much stuff ends up fucking out at the last minute, no matter how hard you try to plan things - so the one nice thing is to have these beautiful photos to look back on. and how many times in your life will you have a super professional taking your pic?

pro tip: our photographer is usually twice as much as what we paid, but my husband emailed him and asked if he would give us a lower quote for a shorter time frame (we only wanted him for a couple of hours). also: don't plan your wedding during 'wedding season'. i didn't know there was such a thing and planned ours to coincide with a couple of anniversaries: it turns out we were our photog's first couple of the season. if you're catching them at a non-busy time they're more likely to be accommodating and flexible on the pricing.

just1n3 - the dress looks great, and you look great in it - from the pics you just posted on fb!

thanks <3

totally! :D

I clicked on this thread and as soon as my wife noticed wedding dresses on my monitor she was here like a dart to a bullseye. I get this feeling she'd get married (to me, hopefully) all over again if she could go through the whole looking at dresses again.

ugh trying to find a dress was a nightmare! never want to do it again!

btw my wedding dress is currently in a plastic shopping bag at the bottom of my wardrobe. i'm going to shorten it to knee-length and then figure out a colour to dye it (which, luckily, i can do myself at work).

gah like 40 some odd days, guys! 0_0

I made my & my bridesmaids' bouquets out of hair clips, one inch pins (a lot which I made - borrowed a friend's machine) and some tin birds that I ripped off of dollar store 'garden fences'! I felt so crafty!
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/248220_10150208564738578_516053577_7207201_1799129_n.jpg
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/249091_10150208566438578_516053577_7207207_1665216_n.jpg

bridesmaids bouquets don't have the birdies or the leaves, which I ordered off of eBay for like $25 :P but they are cute and apparently Hungarian glass or something.

made some slight changes from invitation upthread, this is what ended up going out:
http://api.ning.com/files/9HsiTUwm*mBIe90unR1B3ZNF1TRcsyzfD853NwEK1ENrMrDu8R4ThDSbn36HbzG2cfy1vtIqRXVPYshtVK5kwKl0P42GH*kw/025.jpg?width=750

i was reading your description of the bouquets and thinking "uh-huh...." but then i scrolled down and they actually look really cute!

yeah haha I faced lots of skepticism but they look really cute! here is my sister in her dress, holding her bouquet. they still need more buttons added to fill in the little spots, and I need to wrap teh handles with soemthing:

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/267499_10150234825618578_516053577_7460060_1727249_n.jpg

and here is a shitty picture of my dress. I've got a birdcage veil and a gigantic-ass hair flower to attach.

http://i54.tinypic.com/24v4l0p.jpg