Evening wear for fatties

Hello. I am a very short, very very fat woman, and I have an invitation to a formal-ish dinner.

Not knowing exactly how smart or dressy the event will be, a thinner woman might resort to a Little Black Dress. However, I would need a Large Black Dress, and in my experience these are hard to find, mostly resemble bin bags (that's British for a big black refuse sack) and show a lot more cleavage and leg than is advisable for my age and figure. Ending above the knee is an especially cruel trick for short, fat 30-something women with bad legs and horrible knees.

So, what alternatives are out there? Is there a more flattering style of dress I should be looking out for? Or how can I dress up a trouser suit or a skirt, blouse and jacket to look like less like office-wear?

What if you were to get a calf-length/ankle-length dress, and then wear a scarf/wrap over it?

This is where I really miss MODE magazine!

About styles of dress: I...don't know? I think even when you're generously figured, what flatters you will still be more about your specific proportions and not about your overall condition of "fatness". The same things do not work for all fat people.

Would you consider something like this?

I don't like floor-length or even ankle-length for women who already have big visual presence. By the time the skirt gets to the floor, it's just a big block of color, and your lower legs, ankles, and feet, which SHOULD have more definition, are covered up by a wall of skirt. That gets so mother-of-the-bridey, so fast. The last thing you want is to be a steamship of a person with your bosom as the prow. It's so...New Yorker cartoonish.

my general thoughts:
something that makes you feel comfortable
something that doesn't make you look pregnant
something that doesn't make you look/feel like a sausage

Are you a shoe person, I forget?

Mid-calf skirt and a dressy blouse?

Good black slacks and a "festive" blouse seems dressy enough, especially with a fresh pedicure and strappy heels?

^^^^ I have a hard-to-fit figure and have a lot more luck with separates than dresses.

http://www.plussizesuperstore.com/plus-sizes-black-evening-dress-1.jpg

what about something like this?

xxxp I'm not a shoe or a dress or a jewellery or an anything person! So formal occasions are horrifying to me, I eagerly accept them on the rare occasions they present themselves and then go "oh god, what have I done?" for the week beforehand.

Laurel, if I saw a dress like that I would def. try it on - the length is a little close to the knee-length that makes me feel like a short, wide cube, but I like that it's at least just below the knee and not just over. I like the cut of the top half - low enough to show off a necklace (err, I can't find my dressiest necklace, but anyway) but not so low I'd feel like a slab of meat.

I do think I stand more chance of finding an eveningy blouse to pep up a plain-ish skirt than finding a dress which fits well, but I plan to look for both when I go shopping.

If you're a shorty as well as a fatty, the length of a knee-length dress might work out just fine on you and hit that place right where your calves narrow into knees but not show the kneecaps . (Plus-sized models usually are like 5'10" or 6' tall.)

sarahel, that length of dress is about what I was imagining getting in my fantasy world scenario where shops actually have what I want - was also imagining a black lace blouse (like the one I used to fit in, sigh) to wear over the top half to hide my gut and my upper arms, but your suggestion of a wrap may be easier to find in the real world

(thanks for all yr help, everyone!)

Laurel otm - probably the knee-length dresses you'd try on would end up hitting you mid-calf, which is generally a flattering length -- not too short if you're concerned about showing leg, but not too long so that it looks like the dress is wearing you.

Well, depends on the dress: that purple one I linked to shouldn't go to mid-calf. The sweet spot is the top of your calf but not to the knee.

Macys.com actually has really young-feeling and cool plus-sized dresses, I'm surprised to see.

Or kind of a loose cardigan-y type sweater in a fancy fabric? Lace, velvet -- probably depends on weather/temperature

http://cache-images.pronto.com/thumb2.php?src=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.pronto.com%2Fimages%2Fproduction%2Fproducts%2F5c%2F12%2Fneimc4e205d543b1f702fd8368d07185-1294567027_451x564.jpg&wmax=180&hmax=240&quality=80&bgcol=FFFFFF

i'm thinking something with these kinda sleeves & drape (in terms of gut coverage)

The more I can get away with and still look eveningy the better, tbh!

my inclination would be to also avoid shiny fabrics

can you wear a fancy hair accessory?

imho:
- avoid loooong skirts and dresses: laurel otm
- give us some more specifics on this alleged 'fatness' of yours; as laurel pointed it, proportions are everything when it comes to getting dressed. are you pear-shaped? do you have waist definition? big hips? big shoulders?
- def wouldn't ask you to post a pic of yourself but maybe a pic of celebrity who has a similar body shape?
- my general recommendation would be knee-length dark skirt, complementary (complimentary?) sleeveless blouse, some type of beaded/formal-fabric cardi (3/4 or half sleeves), pantyhose and heels

the one problem with a wrap, I find, is it slips and I have to keep rewrapping it around my shoulders and then I feel like I am drawing attention to my shoulders and obviating the entire point of covering them up with a wrap. So I'd suggest a bolero or little cardigan might be easier.

Laurel very otm on dress length - I actually prefer knee-length to mid-calf, because I feel like having the curve of the calf visible makes my legs look longer and more... shapely?

you are uk-based, yes? As someone who bears a bit of weight herself, I think m&s shoes are really good for sturdy but good-looking heels.

you can use dress tape on a wrap that you're not going to take off AT ALL and stick it to your skin or your dress straps, but you have to drape it sort of cunningly to hide the taped parts. Might be too much bother. And yeah, slinky wraps falling off yr shoulders all night is nagl.

yeah, i think just1n3's suggestion of

some type of beaded/formal-fabric cardi (3/4 or half sleeves)

is good

What I would really like to tell you to wear is some totally over-the-top fantastically beaded or spangly thing with a jeweled turban and a fur shrug, but that seems probably too posts-very-out-of-character and you wouldn't be comfortable/happy.

Ha, I think having a body shape like mine pretty much precludes being a celebrity if female. I'm just dumpy all over but a big gut is the worst - no waist definition at all. Used to have hips but they're now dwarfed by belly. Shoulders not particularly big; the wrap would be more to distract from the gut and cover my upper arms, which are a bit too puffy for a sleeveless or short-sleeved dress.

Thanks ladies, I think I have some plans to work with (although more are still gratefully accepted!) - the next challenge will be what I can actually find in a shop in my size, cz that is when plans start to evaporate.

Yes, I am UK-based. Will look at the M&S shoe section, thanks!

xp haha, that idea is charmingly seductive in its not-at-all-me-ness but no

Remember alterations are possible!! The shoulders need to fit and the waist should be more or less at the right height, but things can ALWAYS be taken in, shortened, or even lengthened with a contrast color or a strip of lace or trim on the bottom -- you could add like 2-4" to a hemline if necessary! Don't let those minor changes stop you from feeling good in something.

laurel otm again

really easy to cover everything up in an attempt to 'hide' yourself - but more often than not, it's just a trap that leaves you looking somehow more exposed. don't be afraid to try lots of stuff on that you would normally assume isn't for someone of your 'size'.

do you have a reliable friend you can take who will give honest feedback?

I'm a fatty, too, and I used to think I looked bad in dresses until I discovered the shift dress! That's the key for me, at least. Any dress that tries to "emphasize" the waist usually emphasizes a tad too much for me and I end up looking like I have the most ginormous hips known to man. As far as length, slightly above the knee works best for me.

In the end I got more details on the dress code and it wasn't as dressy as I'd thought. So I went with separate skirt, blouse, jacket and it went OK, though I did look kind of more job interview/funeral than night out.

also I bought a nice skirt but I couldn't find the right shoes, was hoping it would be OK with a pair I had at home but no luck so went for a plainer fallback skirt I also picked up. This is the second nice skirt I have but will probably never fit into an outfit - they both have shiny diagonal stripes, I guess that stuff is catnip to me in the shop but requires me to level up my ensemble skillz

BUT the advice itt was not wasted, you were def. right about not being afraid of just-below-the-knee dresses (and I'm glad I read it because apparently long dresses are LONG this year, as in a foot longer than my legs) - tried on several dresses of this length which looked pretty good below the waist but my top half still looked kind of boxy. So I was holding out for some awesome wrap/bolero/lacy top/whatever to mask that, but didn't find one.

But, maybe next time! And now I know that if I see such a thing in a shop even if I'm not looking for one I need to buy it ASAP.

i would also look into wrap dresses in the future! super flattering!

ugh i totally forgot to mention: shaping underwear!!! this is basically a godsend - esp if you are self-conscious about your belly.

YES!!

i think most of the time when we look in the mirror and 'ugh i look terrible in this', it's less about our size and more about unfortunate lumps and bumps - good quality shapers totally fix that!

yes and another thing - while you don't want a dress that is too tight, make sure that it fits you well and is not too baggy or you may end up looking rounder than you actually are. a lot of larger people make the mistake of trying to hide and think anything that is fitted will be too exposing, but with the right undergarments, you will look shapely and more flattered with a well-fitted dress than a drapey or shapeless one.

yeah, the garbage bag dress phenomenon -- made worse when the dress in question is shiny and black.

I had thee shaping tights which were great until the top part decided to roll up and drag my skirt downwards, necessitating some unsubtle correction since a discreet moment did not seem to be arriving </tmi>

giant belly: too much even for debenham's shaping tights. must look into this "gym" thing i'm told adults are expecting to spend many of their non-working hours in

expectED! "expecting" is just how i look, currently

where do those things: shaping tights, underwear -- where do they push the fat?

nah, shaping tights don't really cut it - you gotta get the real-deal shaping underwear.

into your boobs!!! xp

they don't really push it anywhere - they just smooth things out. like i said, quite often you might look 'bad' in something simply bc you have inappropriate lumps, not bc you're a size 14 or 20 or whatever.

i bought a pair that looked like nude cycling shorts to wear under my wedding dress last year: the effect didn't make me look any skinnier, but i def looked less... pudgy, i guess?

i had a pair of those once, and they made me look lumpy in an unnatural place (like right below the boobs) -- i think i'm just incompetent when it comes to shaping garments, so i gave up on them.

I am a fan of the Spanx power panty. They are helpful when I am carrying a few extra pounds (like now) and my pants don't want to lay quite right.