your most important local news story the world must know about

it really says NOT 2 BE MISSED on top, i didn't write that. it just pasted in lowercase for some reason.

OMG, I wish I lived in Kiowa, Kansas! Here's an update to the George Jones story that I posted 2 weeks ago:

http://www.kiowacountysignal.com/features/x57965003/Gallagher-doing-show-same-night-as-Jones

Greensburg, KS — Acting on a tip from a reader The Signal discovered Wednesday morning the May 1 George Jones concert will have some regional competition. Nationally known pop comedian Gallagher will be performing that same night at 8 p.m. at Dodge City’s Civic Center. Jones is slated to take the stage at 9 p.m.

“I didn’t know that,” was Spirit of Greensburg Committee member Steve Kirk’s response when informed of the Gallagher event later Wednesday. “It’s hard to say what effect that will have on our concert here, but you hope it’s minimal.” He also said an attempt had been made to “see if there were any conflicts on that date. Looks like we missed that one.”

While advance tickets to the Jones event are $23 and $25 at the gate those to Gallagher are $20.50 in advance for general admission and $30.50 for VIP seating ($5 more for tickets at the door.)

Like Jones, Gallagher is still performing past his prime, the 63-year-old’s act reaching its zenith in the 80’s, when he was one of the most popular and recognizable American comedians. He produced at least one special a year from 1981 to 1987, all of which aired on the Showtime cable network. As of last year he’d done 16 television specials in all.

Relying heavily on physical prop comedy, Gallagher is best known for his “Sledge-O-Matic” sketch, in which he uses a large wooden mallet to smash a variety of objects including computer keyboards, tubes of toothpaste and watermelons. Audience members in the first several rows often wear raincoats as a precaution against the mess of that particular act, which is a parody of mid 60’s to 70’s television ads for the Ronco Veg-O-Matic kitchen appliance used to slice and dice vegetables.

Jones’ ticket sales moderate to date…

Jones concert promoter Landon Laughban was asked Wednesday evening by The Signal how advance ticket sales were progressing. “Great, we’re almost to our goal,” Laubhan said. Asked want that goal might be, Laubhan said such information would have to be released by Spirit of Greensburg members.

While not citing a specific number Thursday morning following a long meeting the night before between Spirit of Greensburg and Laubhan, committee member and treasurer Steve Kirk told The Signal he estimates sales of 1,250 tickets would allow the event to break even, due to funds proceeding from sponsorships. Asked if that goal had yet been reached, Kirk said “no.” Asked if the total from outlets and phone orders were “within striking distance” Kirk said, “You could say that.”

Copyright 2010 Kiowa County Signal. Some rights reserved

http://www.kiowacountysignal.com/archive/x43868471/g12c00000000000000045ca486eb3666a513c98ab3b4e6a3a770661fd92.jpg

Sorry to like, bomb this thread with stories from small news markets other than my own, but this story from a Fox affiliate in Sacremento is pretty rad:

SACRAMENTO - A Sacramento woman has 700-roaches in her home -- not only did she bring them in, now she can't get rid of them.

The insects are called Dubai Roaches. People buy them on places like Craigslist to feed there reptiles. But if the lizards or animals don't like them, the owner is stuck with the bugs and that's exactly what happen.

"There too big that's the only reason he wont eat them"...that's what Jade the bug owner told FOX40 when talking about her pet lizard.

She says she bought a few hundred of the bugs a 2 months ago and now they turned into 700. The Dubia roaches are originally from South America. The males have wings and the females carry around huge sacks full of babies..which means - you guessed it they multiply a lot.

Sign up for FOX40.com Mobile Text Alerts

But Jade the bug owner doesn't want, so not the roaches are back on the market..."I'm asking $100, but I dropped that from $300".

The state requires bug breeders to get a permit, still if the roaches like this get loose they could cause a few problems.

Dr. Lynn Kimsey "The Bug Lady" at UC Davis told FOX40..."they might establish...that's how we get big pest in houses sometimes they get into agricultural area's".

Still Jade the bug owner is hoping her guests will be gone soon and if she can't get cash for them, she might consider giving them away.

SO...DO YOU WANT THEM????

This is close to "how is babby formed" levels of illiteracy.

http://resources1.news.com.au/images/2009/08/28/1225766/926029-cockroach.jpg

http://www.thestandard.com.hk/news_detail.asp?pp_cat=30&art_id=93528&sid=26788922&con_type=1

Sex 'Superman' caged

Colleen Lee

Friday, January 22, 2010

ADVERTISEMENT

Heavenly powers that Au Yeung Kwok- fu is said to possess were not enough to prevent him crashing to Earth yesterday after he was jailed for duping a 19-year- old model into having sex with him.
She believed that sex sessions were part of a ritual that would improve her luck and career prospects.

But there was no luck for anyone as the self-styled Taoist master, 55, who works as a truck driver when not involved in spiritual matters, was jailed for six years and nine months by District Court Judge Stanley Chan Kwong-chi.

That was after the judge was handed more than 20 mitigation letters - some from celebrities and businessmen - praising Au Yeung for his kindness. Seven of his admirers even said they were impressed by his "super power."

Rejecting such arguments, the judge remarked: "I hope this case will alert those who are very superstitious."

He also hoped people would understand the attitude reflected in a Zen master's saying: "Flowers blossom in spring; the moon shines in autumn; the breeze blows in summer; snow falls in winter. It will be the best season of all times if no trivial matters linger in your mind."

Seeking to ensure that Au Yeung also gets the message, Chan ordered that he receive psychiatric treatment and psychological counseling in prison.

Au Yeung, who bills himself as a Mao Shan master, was found guilty earlier this month of nine counts of having sexual intercourse under false pretences between April and December 2007 with the teen model.

As he passed sentence, the judge slammed Au Yeung for showing no remorse and for abusing the girl's superstitious beliefs to fulfill a personal lust.

"It is not a crime for the female victim to be superstitious or ignorant, but the defendant abused her trust and duped her into having sex with him," he said.

"He is a few decades older than her and she had no affection for him.

"In order to impose a deterrent effect, the court has to heavily punish those who harm ignorant girls and the underprivileged."

The judge also called Au Yeung "shameless" for claiming he had no control of his body when having sex with the girl. That was in response to Au Yeung having testified that his sigung - his master's master - possessed him.

The judge said too that Au Yeung had posed a health risk to the victim as he had assured her he would not make her pregnant, so no precautions were taken. But the girl became pregnant and aborted the fetus on January 21, 2008.

Chan also raised a point made in a report from two psychologists that Au Yeung did not have much self-esteem and liked to control others.

The psychologists said Au Yeung abused trust to satisfy his lust, the judge noted, and there was a moderate to high risk he could repeat the offenses.

Au Yeung's barrister, Christopher Wong, said his client did not agree with the remarks, insisting there will not be any repeat act. Au Yeung just wanted to help the girl, he added.

The girl has now left the modeling industry, the court heard.

Jones doesn't play possum

Though hitting the lower notes was a hit and miss proposition for the 78-year-old Jones, he did take the stage shortly after 9 p.m. and performed until 10:30.

By Mark Anderson, Editor
Kiowa County Signal
Posted May 03, 2010 @ 12:35 PM
Greensburg, KS —

Country music legend George Jones performed for nearly 90 minutes before a crowd of approximately 1,200 fans Saturday night at Greensburg’s Airport. Though the hair and voice have thinned since Jones’ first hit song more than five decades ago, he retains a loyal following, with dozens of women near the foot of the stage yelling “We love you George!” throughout the concert.
Spirit of Greensburg Treasurer Steve Kirk told The Signal Monday morning he didn’t yet have preliminary numbers on total tickets sold or whether the event made money for the Twilight Theatre, and wasn’t sure how much information he’d later be able to disclose on the event’s outcome. Kirk had told the Signal two weeks ago that around 1,250 tickets would need to be sold for the event to break even. Any proceeds that might remain after expenses are paid is earmarked for the rebuilding of the Twilight Theatre.

Laubhan pays band with hot check

By Mark Anderson, Editor
Kiowa County Signal
Posted May 18, 2010 @ 04:30 PM
Greensburg, KS —

The Signal was able to confirm late Tuesday afternoon the validity of a rumor that concert promoter Landon Laubhan paid country performer Jason Savory with a hot check not long after Savory and his band had finished performing as the warm up act for George Jones the night of May 1 in Greensburg.

Savory told The Signal by phone Tuesday during a break from a recording session in Tulsa that Laubhan had agreed to pay Savory and his band $1,000 for their appearance, and that when he asked Laubhan for payment after having packed to return to Oklahoma (Savory calls Ripley, OK home, near Stillwater) Laubhan repeatedly put him off.

“He told me he needed two separate signatures on the check and he kept going back to a trailer near the front gate,” Savory said. “Finally, after about 45 minutes he told me, ‘I can’t find one of the other guys, so I’ll write you a (personal) check myself. They can pay me back later.’”

Even at that, Laubhan wrote the check for only $850, deducting $150 for six tickets that he said should have been charged for Savory’s parents (from Ripley), his in-laws and aunt and uncle. When Savory balked at the deduction, Laubhan said, “My hands are tied. That’s their (Savory understood “they” to be the Spirit of Greensburg Committee) decision.”

“Now that I think about it, I think he just said that so he could knock $150 off what was owed me,” Savory said.

After learning last Friday from his bank that Laubhan’s check had bounced, Savory sent the promoter an email, notifying him of the default. He was finally able to talk to Laubhan Monday afternoon.

“He (Laubhan) told me Monday that he was sorry the check bounced, and that he had a meeting with them (Spirit of Greensburg) Wednesday night and that they still owed him money, and once they paid him he could make good on the bad check," Savory said.

Savory also said he’d spoken to Mayor Bob Dixson Monday about the matter, Dixson telling him he wasn’t aware of the Spirit of Greensburg owing anyone connected with the concert any money. Dixson did tell The Signal Monday that while his committee was responsible to make sure George Jones was properly compensated for his appearance, it was up to Laubhan to take care of Savory and his band.

Savory, meanwhile, had to take money out of his own pocket—a total of $800—to pay each of his four band members $200 apiece for the trip to Greensburg. “I went in the hole on this deal, believe me,” he said Tuesday afternoon.

Savory said he plans on calling Laubhan again Thursday morning to ask about getting his $850 wired to him following the promoter’s Wednesday meeting with the Spirit of Greensburg Committee.

Asked what his next move might be if Laubhan doesn’t make good on the bad check soon, Savory quickly responded, “I’ll probably just whup his ass. I’m not very big, but I’m bigger than he is.”

Shortly before 8:30 p.m., Hamington Luis Ravanales Orozco, was outside a home in the 10100 block of Georgia Avenue with a group of people when he was shot. A call came into police that "a very small man or a dwarf" could be responsible, said Lucille Baur, a police spokeswoman.

That led police to quickly issue three different lookouts, Baur said: "Hispanic midget," "possible Hispanic dwarf," and "possible Hispanic adult midget."

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/06/04/AR2010060404826.html

Porn film role 'will not hurt hurler's career'

Romantic Ireland's dead and gone.

http://www.showbiz.ie/photos/2009-03anyaate.jpg

No, thank you.

kkvgz's local news story-

"Local man proclaimed world class liar"

Mukilteo ferry checks in on seaplane after emergency landing

http://www.heraldnet.com/apps/pbcsi.dll/bilde?Site=DH&Date=20100606&Category=NEWS01&ArtNo=100609907&Ref=AR&MaxW=328&MaxH=235

Anyway, I don't know if it's the same guy, but...

Maryland State Police say a Pennsylvania man attacked a fellow driver who was trapped in his car after they crashed in Ocean City.

Police say 29-year-old Jason Mackulin of Spring Grove, Pa., was driving one of two cars that crashed at Route 611 and Sunset Avenue at about 4:30 a.m. Monday.

While the other driver, 66-year-old Hubert Burchette of Pittsville, was trapped in his car, police say Mackulin punched his face and head, and was still attacking Burchette when police arrived.

Mackulin is charged with first- and second-degree assault, reckless endangerment and driving under the influence.

Police say Burchette was treated for minor bruises at Atlantic General Hospital and released.

http://i166.photobucket.com/albums/u120/kingkonggodzilla/carscarscars.jpg

"Racing Racing"

Hahahahaha is a pretty good book

Lemurs bold escape derailed by a fruit salad

Man, everything in the world should be that cute. Holy shit.

http://www.thecomet.net/news/surprise_tits_for_letchworth_smokers_1_420114

surprise tits!!

amongst the best kind

http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/breaking/2010/0618/breaking44.html

bizarre murder cold case, or at least the facts ar laid out there seem strange. just decided to beat husband/future father in law to death for the hell of it, and went about it systematically and methodically.

ok

top this one, ilx

http://www.herald.ie/national-news/city-news/woman-in-sumo-wrestler-suit-assaulted-her-exgirlfriend-in-gay-pub-2231315.html

choice quote

The accused was escorted out and had to be asked to partially deflate her costume so she could get out the door.

really, clicking the link and reading the story would just ruin it tbh

The row developed as the victim tried to wave at a man dressed as a Snickers bar

Lol

Nobody posted this one?
http://www.thisisleicestershire.co.uk/news/Lord-Mayor-s-trousers-fall-children-s-event/article-2360982-detail/article.html

Tiger 'Hussein' Woods
http://i50.tinypic.com/160wwhv.jpg

http://www.herald-mail.com/?cmd=displaystory&story_id=249110&format=html

The wife called 911 while the husband got a snow shovel from behind the house and made sure the back sliding glass door was locked, according to records. Wagaman came to the back of the house and banged on the door, then walked to a dining room window and smashed it with her head, records show.

Mental health case, so apply the lol/sad ratio of your choosing here. Keep in mind that this was during the second blizzard of 2010.

Arrest after dog injured by firework - A man is jailed for alleged animal cruelty after his neighbor's dog was euthanized when a firework exploded in its mouth.

on same page:

Is whale facing orca attacks?

surreal shit to read all in one page when u are druuuuunk

the dog story :(((((((

http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/maryland/baltimore-city/bs-md-cheech-chong-pot-20100723,0,143669.story

In a space usually reserved for defining arcane legal verse, Harrell took pains to describe Cheech & Chong, noting the popular series of movies that began with "Up in Smoke" in 1978 and "portrayed recreational drug use in non-threatening situations."

Greene countered with the more up-to-date South Park reference, penning that in the "immortal words of Mr. Mackey, 'Drugs are bad.'"

He used his footnote to put the quote into full context, and it's most likely the first time an opinion from the state's highest court has included the phrase, "It's a bad thing to do drugs, so don't be bad by doing drugs, m'kay, that'd be bad."

Man Charged In Semen Attacks In Md. Stores

http://wjz.com/local/Man.charged.semen.2.1842083.html

"Oh, that's nasty. Oh, that's really not good. That's disgusting," said a resident.

a resident otm

http://i166.photobucket.com/albums/u120/kingkonggodzilla/juxtaposition.jpg

So I've been quoted in our local newspaper after I wrote to them to let them know they'd got the venue of one of the gigs I'm helping to run wrong.

http://www.thecomet.net/news/business/restrictions_and_licences_killing_music_scene_promoter_says_1_578007

Ended up in a short email conversation about why the mentioned venue had closed recently and I said I assumed it was to do with the recession, the smoking ban etc not making people want to come to gigs. Now he's quoted my email and put it on the second fucking page of the local paper underneath a story about local people being killed in Afghanistan or something.

I wouldn't be too annoyed, but not only did they bugger up my promotion and confuse my audience by getting the venue wrong, but now they've gone and had me slagging off the council and supporting smoking in one fell swoop, which isn't going to help me promote anything at all really.

http://www.guardian-series.co.uk/news/656302.the_trolley_found_far_from_its_shop/

Okay, that's great.

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l7q0gbklKR1qzyx8yo1_500.jpg
"CHIPPS AND DIPS!
America's Got Talent and Jersey's got Chipps Cooney!"

http://wjz.com/local/cumberland.stabbing.2.1857672.html

Twenty-five-year-old Jeremy Wigger

http://llnw.image.cbslocal.com/29/2008/07/31/320x240/stabbing.jpg

Forks, is that from the weird low-quality central jersey magazine with all the strip club ads?

i've never read it so not too sure on strip club ads. The cover caught my eye when I was getting sushi with the girl and i immediately thought of this thread.

http://www.brooklynpaper.com/stories/33/34/wb_drclawcuffed_2010_08_27_bk.html

Just read the first line of the news story and then click on dudes myspace:

http://www.hometownannapolis.com/news/for/2010/09/21-41/Man-gets-4-years-in-drug-fueled-assault.html
http://www.myspace.com/450862317