your most important local news story the world must know about

there's a pileup on basically every exit ramp and every bridge leading in and out of the city

Most important story here:

http://img518.imageshack.us/img518/1368/picture3gc7.png

lik my ballz

Seattle Police arrested a 35-year-old man for indecent exposure at Green Lake Park on Monday afternoon after a woman caught the man beating off in the bushes.

According to the police report, the woman hid behind a tree and called police while she watched the man masturbate. While on the phone, the woman told police she “thought that [the man] had some kind of flesh-colored realistic-looking phony penis strapped to his genitals.”

The woman also told police she recognized the man who, according a police report, had masturbated in front of the woman and her daughter near the Green Lake Community Center three days earlier.

Officers arrived and contacted the man, who produced a dildo from his pants told police that he only had it “to make it look like he did have a large real penis through his tight fitting pants.”

Police arrested the man and confiscated his dildo. The report says the man has a prior conviction for indecent exposure.

:]

Bill would rename D.C. streetWashington Business Journal - by Jonathan O'Connell Staff Reporter

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U2 famously sang about a place where the streets have no names.

The Irish rockers apparently don’t know how it works in D.C.

A bill before the D.C. Council would rename a portion of South Capitol Street SE as “Taxation Without Representation Street.” And you thought it was hard finding your way around when it was South Capitol. Try sticking “Taxation Without Representation Street” into Google Maps or your GPS.

It’s unclear what portion would be renamed. Our guess: The stretch near Nationals Park, ensuring plenty of out-of-towners are introduced to D.C.’s fight for a vote in Congress.

The defacto D.C. slogan is already on the city’s license plates. The city approved adding the slogan to the official city flag, though no new design has been introduced or approved. Officials tried — and failed, thanks to the feds — to have it imprinted on the District’s quarter.

Council members Kwame Brown, Carol Schwartz, Harry “Tommy” Thomas and Tommy Wells sponsored the bill, which was referred to the Committee of the Whole.

Seattle Police have arrested a man who allegedly robbed Capitol Hill's favorite dildo emporium, Babeland, last Thursday night.

Yesterday, police arrested Charmarke Abdi-Issa, 28, for investigation of robbery. Police believe Abdi-Issa has robbed seven small businesses and one cab driver since October 28th.

According to Babeland staff, Abdi-Issa came in to their store around 9pm on November 13th and told an employee he was looking for a Fleshlight. When an employee opened the cash register to ring him up, Abdi-Issa allegedly pulled a gun and told the staff member to go to the back of the store.

Babeland's Assistant Manager, Status Causey, says Abdi-Issa left with about $175 and the Fleshlight.

quite a pull

Ohio 'underwear researcher' admits molesting kids
Thursday, December 11, 2008 4:57 PM

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

CINCINNATI -- An Ohio man has pleaded guilty to charges he fooled parents into letting him be alone with their children so he could sexually touch them while pretending to be an underwear market researcher.

Forty-four-year-old Ben Hawkins, of Springfield Township in suburban Cincinnati, could receive a maximum of 44 years in prison at his Jan. 29 sentencing.

Hamilton County prosecutors say Hawkins looked for boys and girls between the ages of 9 and 16. They say he arranged to meet parents and children at schools, hospitals or at their homes and told parents he needed to measure underwear for research.

Hawkins pleaded guilty yesterday to nine charges of importuning and three counts of gross sexual imposition.

???

there is this guy who rammed a petroleum delivery truck into the original local hell's angels motherbrain. he has no regrets at all , we are all baby panda baout him

http://www.wusa9.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=82520

Woman Injured In Sex Toy Mishap

LEXINGTON PARK, Md. (WUSA) - A Southern Maryland woman was seriously injured in a mishap involving a sex toy over the weekend. The case was first reported on TheBayNet.com, and Saint Mary's county public safety sources confirmed the information to 9NEWS NOW.

The accident was reported to local fire and rescue personnel about 1:30 a.m. on March 7, from an address on Rogers Drive. The man who made the 911 call said he had placed a sex toy over a saber saw blade, and then used the power tool on his partner, but the blade cut through the plastic and injured the woman.

The victim, a 27-year-old woman, was reportedly injured and bleeding. She was later flown to Prince George's hospital center by Maryland State Police helicopter.

On Wednesday, Saint Mary's County Sheriffs released an update on their investigation. Detectives conducted an investigation which determined the injury was a result of a consensual act between two parties and no crime was committed.

.
Written by Bill Starks
9NEWS NOW & wusa9.com

Ow!

>:O

oh fuck

http://www.tool-net.co.uk/data/tools/sasagsa900e.jpg

Chemistry TA fired

Melissa Stredney allegedly gave undeserved grades, encouraged students to cheat
Gina Ferrentino
Issue date: 3/12/09 Section: Campus

LAKELAND. Fla. — It’s a practiced art among most middle-school boys: passing gas and blaming it on someone nearby.

It has been going on for years, maybe decades — heck, maybe since the dawn of mankind. It’s always, well, usually funny. But beware of laughing out loud at farts. It could land you and your sense of humor in the toilet.

Just ask Jonathan Locke Jr., a Polk County eighth-grader who got blamed for farting on a school bus this week and ended up being banned from the bus for three days. It wasn’t the farting that resulted in his ouster; it was the disruption that followed, school officials said.

“I guess it was just because I was laughing so hard,” he said Thursday. “I don’t know.”

The 15-year-old attends the Bill Duncan Excel Center, an alternative school in Lakeland. Jonathan denied making the sound on the bus Monday. He said a friend was making fart sounds with his mouth.

That cracked him up, he said. Then came a rank odor, which made the situation hysterical, he said. “I just thought it was funny.”

A day later, when Jonathan walked on the bus to go home, he was handed a note telling him he had been barred from the bus for three days.

“Jonathan passes gas on the bus to make the other children laugh and it is so stink that you can’t breathe after he does it,” the bus driver wrote in a disciplinary note levying the three-day suspension.

Jonathan’s father, Jonathan Locke Sr., said the school went a bit too far in the flatulence fracas. He said the ordeal has disrupted his son’s education.

“I don’t know how they can do it, but apparently they can,” Locke Sr. said. “They say it’s disrupting the bus and they can do whatever they want to if it comes to disrupting the children on the bus.”

Polk County School District officials either declined to talk about the matter or didn’t respond to messages Thursday.

oh oops i didn't notice that is not a local news story but i found it from local news site sry :(
that makes it even better though like why am i supposed to care about some kid in florida farting on the bus, but i do care i really do

we are all jonathan locke jr

http://www.malaspina.com/jpg/locke.jpg

http://✧✧✧.w✧✧✧.com/video/?id=57✧✧✧@w✧✧✧.dayp✧✧✧.c✧✧

wtf

this is a link, click it

ha ok well the parser is saying it wasn't funny i guess

Dogs Helping Children Learn To Read

http://wbns.com/wwwexportcontent/sites/10tv/local/stories/2009/04/06/images/dog03.jpg

Prof called me a 'gay leprechaun'

Nasty bickering between William Meezan, dean of the College of Social Work, and professor Rudolph Alexander has been going on for four years, and there's no end in sight. Meezan alleged in a May 2008 deposition that Alexander referred to him as a "gay leprechaun" to one of his classes and falsely accused him of having AIDS.

The community Easter Party Saturday afternoon at Douglass Park was interrupted by a gun scare. No one was injured, and no arrests were made.

At about 5:10 p.m., an announcement was made warning partygoers that someone in the park was carrying a gun. Families were advised to find their children and leave the park immediately.

Columbia Police Department Sgt. Dan Beckman said officers were called to an incident near the basketball courts at the park. When they arrived, Beckman said, the disturbance had apparently ended.

About a half hour later, Margaret Hickem, one of the event's organizers, said an incident involving 10 men had occurred in the park some distance away from the celebration.

i was at the park playing bball

City police seize dozens of tiny turtles from vendors

Two men arrested for selling animals as pets

http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,25858290-3102,00.html

<3

http://www.goldcoast.com.au/article/2009/07/31/103455_gold-coast-top-story.html

http://wbal.com/apps/news/templates/story.aspx?articleid=33918&zoneid=24&utm_source=rss

http://www.phinneywood.com/2009/09/01/cougar-sighted-in-magnolia-and-possibly-greenwood/

Police: 'Chunky' escorts rip off intoxicated men

Mountlake Terrace police are on the lookout for a trio of escorts who are alleged to have stolen about $440 from four customers who had invited them over for a weekend party. The cops have their work cut out for them since they're relying on four victims who were "incredibly" intoxicated and provided only the barest of descriptions.

The suspects were all described as being about 5-feet-8, white and "chunky," in their late 20s, possibly from Tacoma.

While trying to describe the suspects to police, the men decided to rate the women on a scale of 1 to 10. Three said the women all rated a "2." But the man described by police as the most intoxicated disagreed and claimed they rated a "4."

Man shocked with 100,000 volts of electricity after chasing rabbit into power station, police say.

A man who was listed as a missing person in Greenville County walked into the emergency room of Greer Memorial Hospital naked and covered with electrical burns on 90 percent of his body, authorities said.
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The man said he chased a rabbit into a power station and suffered several electrical shocks, according to a Greer Police incident report.

http://www.wyff4.com/news/21251063/detail.html

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/10/19/u.s.espionage.charge.israel/

pretend i live in south dakota

Man who listed 'robbery' as occupation sentenced

The Associated Press

RAPID CITY, S.D. - A 60-year-old Rapid City man has been sentenced to four years in prison for robbing a bank in the city. Police said Lonnie Pannell walked into the downtown Dakotah Bank on Feb. 5 without a weapon and demanded money. He got away with about $2,800.

Pannell was arrested less than 24 hours later when his car ran out of gas near Chadron, Neb. Court documents said that when Pannell was booked into jail, he named "robbery" as his occupation.

Pannell, who also goes by the last name King, pleaded guilty in July.

also http://www.myfoxdc.com/dpp/news/local/102109_naked_man_arrested_after_making_coffee_update

almost posted that yesterday

Wally
We now have to protect ourselves from the Police and their peeping tom wives-OMAL
Today, 18:29:07
– Flag – Reply

http://nz.news.yahoo.com/a/-/top-stories/6458222/sharks-born-via-bizarre-caesarean-section/

woah that is awesome

http://wjz.com/local/bra.inmate.wash.2.1307686.html

http://www.thepeoplesentinel.com/news/hauling-heavy-superload-shipment-makes-its-way-slowly-through-region
---->
http://www.greenvilleonline.com/article/20091130/NEWS01/91130006/Protesters-arrested-in-Greenville-at-Duke-Power-generator

http://img215.imageshack.us/img215/1281/bigrig.jpg

http://cmsimg.greenvilleonline.com/apps/pbcsi.dll/bilde?Site=BS&Date=20091130&Category=NEWS01&ArtNo=91130006&Ref=AR&Profile=1004&MaxW=550&MaxH=650&title=0

Totally thought dude on the left was this happy Juggalo:

http://media.modbee.com/smedia/2009/04/23/20/755-LIVE_p0424_24b1ferrell.standalone.prod_affiliate.11.jpg

http://www.thepeoplesentinel.com/news/hauling-heavy-superload-shipment-makes-its-way-slowly-through-region

I am loling @ this story

"I'm anxious to see that turn onto Clinton Street - that's a tight turn. There's a lot of jackknife turns," Riley said.

http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/maryland/crime/bal-plane-stolen1228,0,98027.story

FREDERICK - Authorities say a homeless man tried to leave town in a stolen plane but crashed the single-engine aircraft on a Frederick Municipal Airport runway before he ever left the ground.

Calvin Cox, 51, remained in custody Monday after a District Court commissioner set his bail at $10,000 on felony charges including theft, burglary and trespassing.

Lt. Clark Pennington said a Frederick County Sheriff's Office canine team found Cox unhurt in woods near the runway after an airport worker reported the crash of the Piper Super Cub at about 2:15 a.m. Monday.

Pennington said Cox is familiar with airplanes but not proficient in their operation. The plane, owned by the Mid-Atlantic Soaring Association, sustained damage to the fuselage and propeller, according to Pennington.

What does the fox say? Something threatening, apparently.

The Golden Triangle Business Improvement District sent a message to its property managers Wednesday advising of a bizarre incident involving a person dressed in what appears to be a Miles "Tails" Prower costume — Tails being the closest friend of Sonic the Hedgehog — and another person who, based on a circulated photo, was filming it.

An influencer? A TikTok prank? One of a million possibilities we haven't thought of?

“At approximately 11:00 a.m. today, the two individuals … attempted to gain access to the elevators at a building within the Golden Triangle BID,” the BID wrote. "The security officer stopped them prior to the elevators and asked them to leave the building. The individual in the fox costume then looked at the security officer and stated, 'You are a dead man walking.' No further motive for entry was demonstrated.”

Not Boring, District of Columbia

Classic Tails.

at the Orl@ndo International Fringe Festival, starting around 2016, an avantgarde show popped up, called Young Man Dressed as a Gorilla Dressed as an Old Man Sits in a Rocking Chair for Fifty-Six Minutes and Then Leaves. The entirety of the show is described in the title. that's all it was. it gained a cult following, as audiences loved the absurdity of it, some of them enjoyed taking pics with the gorilla, others got a little more raucous and got drunk and rowdy and joined the gorilla onstage.

It lead to a thinkpiece from a local theatre critic about the 'appropriate' way to watch this piece, with that author feeling that those who joined the gorilla onstage were out of control, endangering the performer, and this missed the point of the piece. Nonetheless, it's come back just about every year, and usually never announced in advance, often spread by word of mouth until being formally announced a few hours in advance.

well...controversy is afoot. because earlier today, the word of mouth begin spreading that gorilla show was back. but then it was announced, and people quickly noted a huge change in the title...as the gorilla was now a rabbit. and word quickly spread that the change was not one made by the artists, but that the Fringe staff informed the artist that the creature could not be a gorilla. the rationale given was that someone could take or has taken offense (though the only offense I've ever seen logged in the past was the way people acted at the show, though admittedly...I've never seen it and don't care about it).

Now, there's a heated debate online about how this makes the festival fall outside of the guidelines of a sanctioned Fringe festival, because a sanctioned Fringe festival must be unjuried, meaning the staff cannot select the plays performed based on merit, or make content adjustments. This is being viewed as artistic interference and there are some who are going to boycott the show now because of this.

tl;dr - a dialogue-free play that was once about a gorilla is now about a rabbit and people are upset. i love theater people.

my guess? it'll probably come out that the artist themselves made the decision and everybody will feel silly by midnight

(I guess the show originated in the UK and it was ported over here by an Australian performer)

Now we can't even have Young Man Dressed as a Gorilla Dressed as an Old Man Sits in a Rocking Chair for Fifty-Six Minutes and Then Leaves", because of woke

Trump has vowed that the rabbit will be a gorilla again if elected

What if they just made it Young Man Dressed as a Gorilla, Dressed as a Rabbit, Dressed as an Old man Sits in a Rocking Chair for Fifty-Six Minutes and then Leaves, as a compromise?

I'd need to see a snippet first before making a decision

Musselburgh ‘missing out’ due to ‘inadequate’ pétanque piste
By Avril Campbell22nd May
2
A call has been made for a better pétanque piste in Musselburgh.

The boules game has been regularly played by members of the local twinning association during the summer months on a “small piste squeezed in” next to the tennis courts in Lewisvale Park, which is provided by East Lothian Council.

But its temporary closure due to the tennis club pavilion being replaced, together with the “impossibility” of staging larger matches, has led the association to call for a “much better and larger facility” like those in a number of nearby towns.

Barry Turner, president of Musselburgh Twinning Association, told the Courier: “Pétanque is a popular game in France and it is catching on here in Scotland but Musselburgh is missing out in not having a decent playing area.

“Go to Haddington, Dunbar, Newtongrange, Penicuik and Roslin and you will see wonderful large pistes on which a number of teams can play at the same time. Another is about to be provided in Dalkeith, funded by the town’s equivalent of our Common Good fund. So why not Musselburgh, where we have what can only be described as an inadequate facility?

“If we had what the other towns have, we could attract more players, set up a club and hold inter-town tournaments as part of a proposed Lothian league. A good piste in one of the town’s public open spaces would cost £10,000 to £12,000, requires little maintenance and would be available free of charge to all-comers.

“This sociable, easy-to-play game is particularly attractive to older folk. All you need for a game is a set of boules, which cost about £20.

“We have been told by the council that if we can get a sizeable club going then a better piste might be possible. But we are in a catch-22 situation because we cannot interest enough people without a better piste.”

He pointed out that, in June, the twinning association had a party coming from its twinned town of Champigny, near Paris, and some games of pétanque with other twinning associations were in the programme.

He said that Musselburgh would like to host the games for its visitors but, even if the “modest” Lewisvale Park piste were available, games would only be possible by travelling to Haddington and Newtongrange in order to use the “excellent facilities” available there.

An East Lothian Council spokesperson said: “The council’s club and community sport officer has been liaising with the group regarding the current piste within Lewisvale Park.

“The immediate focus has been how to accommodate key dates for the club whilst the adjacent new tennis pavilion is built and officers will continue to engage regarding the wider aspirations for alternative provision.”

so Gorilla-gate has ended, the show did indeed go on with a rabbit. people were pissed but it's over. since that time, the following has happened at this festival...

...one of my friends, who is probably in his 70s, and actually sponsored one of the venues for years, fell during a show he was watching and broke his leg last night.

...one of the most seasoned out of town performers, who is infamous for G0d is a Scottish Drag Queen, which he does every year, promptly cancelled all of his remaining performances because he's pissed at the venue over something. one of my other friends took to social media to say "God is a diva!"

...another friend of mine was once married to one of the performers at the festival this year and then went through a brutal divorce w/ her, who decided to put on a musical cabaret where she basically shits on him frequently (without naming him) throughout the show. and two of his friends are in the show.

god theatre people never skimp on the drama.

just to be clear i will never go to haddington

Neando, no offense to you and perhaps some of your pals, but theatre people are the reason I stopped acting. I was good at it and enjoyed it, but the constant drama made me just loathe the experience

No I feel the same way trust me lol

Like it's the main reason I cut back on doing it

Ha, what next? Gonna stop working at the hospital because of all the sickos?

big youthful vandal energy around these parts lately among a certain age demographic

https://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/local/azusa-serial-slingshot-shooter-vandalism-arrest/3422679/

An 81-year-old man described by authorities as a "serial slingshot shooter" and accused of victimizing neighbors in Azusa for years was arrested last week in the San Gabriel Valley community.

Police responded Thursday to the 900 block of North Enid Avenue for a "quality of life issue." Neighbors told officers a man armed with a slingshot and ball bearings had been breaking windows and car windshields over the past nine to 10 years.

In some cases, people were nearly struck with ball bearings, police said.

Officers served a search warrant in the neighborhood where the crimes were reported and arrested an 81-year-old man. During the search, ball bearings and a slingshot were found at the suspect's home, police said.

https://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/local/pasadena-explosions-arrest/3417425/

A man has been arrested in connection with more than 150 mysterious explosions that baffled people in a Pasadena neighborhood for about two years.

Police, who shared video of one of the explosions with NBCLA, announced the arrest this week of a 63-year-old man in the case.

Some of the loud blasts near Allen Avenue and Washington Boulevard were reported by residents. Most were captured by ShotSpotter technology, commonly used by law enforcement departments to identify and locate the source of gunfire.

Kamaron Harris, who lives in the neighborhood, was one of the resident who noticed the loud sounds every few weeks late at night.

"It was always one big pop," Harris said. "Late at night I would hear loud pops. A single firework explosion. Sometimes, I would even see a flash outside my window."

The ShotSpotter system helped investigators track the sounds, police said.

"At times, we were getting numerous hits on the fireworks," said Lt. Monica Cuellar. "Based on that information the arson investigator was able to put together an investigation."

There were 14 explosions in the area during the last two weeks. Investigators identified two vehicles connected to the explosions and tracked down the registered owner, a Pasadena man.

On May 16, officers in the area heard an explosion and saw a white cloud rising from the neighborhood. Officers saw the man's 2013 BMW in the area of the explosion and took him into custody at the scene.