your most important local news story the world must know about

LAKELAND. Fla. — It’s a practiced art among most middle-school boys: passing gas and blaming it on someone nearby.

It has been going on for years, maybe decades — heck, maybe since the dawn of mankind. It’s always, well, usually funny. But beware of laughing out loud at farts. It could land you and your sense of humor in the toilet.

Just ask Jonathan Locke Jr., a Polk County eighth-grader who got blamed for farting on a school bus this week and ended up being banned from the bus for three days. It wasn’t the farting that resulted in his ouster; it was the disruption that followed, school officials said.

“I guess it was just because I was laughing so hard,” he said Thursday. “I don’t know.”

The 15-year-old attends the Bill Duncan Excel Center, an alternative school in Lakeland. Jonathan denied making the sound on the bus Monday. He said a friend was making fart sounds with his mouth.

That cracked him up, he said. Then came a rank odor, which made the situation hysterical, he said. “I just thought it was funny.”

A day later, when Jonathan walked on the bus to go home, he was handed a note telling him he had been barred from the bus for three days.

“Jonathan passes gas on the bus to make the other children laugh and it is so stink that you can’t breathe after he does it,” the bus driver wrote in a disciplinary note levying the three-day suspension.

Jonathan’s father, Jonathan Locke Sr., said the school went a bit too far in the flatulence fracas. He said the ordeal has disrupted his son’s education.

“I don’t know how they can do it, but apparently they can,” Locke Sr. said. “They say it’s disrupting the bus and they can do whatever they want to if it comes to disrupting the children on the bus.”

Polk County School District officials either declined to talk about the matter or didn’t respond to messages Thursday.

oh oops i didn't notice that is not a local news story but i found it from local news site sry :(
that makes it even better though like why am i supposed to care about some kid in florida farting on the bus, but i do care i really do

we are all jonathan locke jr

http://www.malaspina.com/jpg/locke.jpg

http://✧✧✧.w✧✧✧.com/video/?id=57✧✧✧@w✧✧✧.dayp✧✧✧.c✧✧

wtf

this is a link, click it

ha ok well the parser is saying it wasn't funny i guess

Dogs Helping Children Learn To Read

http://wbns.com/wwwexportcontent/sites/10tv/local/stories/2009/04/06/images/dog03.jpg

Prof called me a 'gay leprechaun'

Nasty bickering between William Meezan, dean of the College of Social Work, and professor Rudolph Alexander has been going on for four years, and there's no end in sight. Meezan alleged in a May 2008 deposition that Alexander referred to him as a "gay leprechaun" to one of his classes and falsely accused him of having AIDS.

The community Easter Party Saturday afternoon at Douglass Park was interrupted by a gun scare. No one was injured, and no arrests were made.

At about 5:10 p.m., an announcement was made warning partygoers that someone in the park was carrying a gun. Families were advised to find their children and leave the park immediately.

Columbia Police Department Sgt. Dan Beckman said officers were called to an incident near the basketball courts at the park. When they arrived, Beckman said, the disturbance had apparently ended.

About a half hour later, Margaret Hickem, one of the event's organizers, said an incident involving 10 men had occurred in the park some distance away from the celebration.

i was at the park playing bball

City police seize dozens of tiny turtles from vendors

Two men arrested for selling animals as pets

http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,25858290-3102,00.html

<3

http://www.goldcoast.com.au/article/2009/07/31/103455_gold-coast-top-story.html

http://wbal.com/apps/news/templates/story.aspx?articleid=33918&zoneid=24&utm_source=rss

http://www.phinneywood.com/2009/09/01/cougar-sighted-in-magnolia-and-possibly-greenwood/

Police: 'Chunky' escorts rip off intoxicated men

Mountlake Terrace police are on the lookout for a trio of escorts who are alleged to have stolen about $440 from four customers who had invited them over for a weekend party. The cops have their work cut out for them since they're relying on four victims who were "incredibly" intoxicated and provided only the barest of descriptions.

The suspects were all described as being about 5-feet-8, white and "chunky," in their late 20s, possibly from Tacoma.

While trying to describe the suspects to police, the men decided to rate the women on a scale of 1 to 10. Three said the women all rated a "2." But the man described by police as the most intoxicated disagreed and claimed they rated a "4."

Man shocked with 100,000 volts of electricity after chasing rabbit into power station, police say.

A man who was listed as a missing person in Greenville County walked into the emergency room of Greer Memorial Hospital naked and covered with electrical burns on 90 percent of his body, authorities said.
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The man said he chased a rabbit into a power station and suffered several electrical shocks, according to a Greer Police incident report.

http://www.wyff4.com/news/21251063/detail.html

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/10/19/u.s.espionage.charge.israel/

pretend i live in south dakota

Man who listed 'robbery' as occupation sentenced

The Associated Press

RAPID CITY, S.D. - A 60-year-old Rapid City man has been sentenced to four years in prison for robbing a bank in the city. Police said Lonnie Pannell walked into the downtown Dakotah Bank on Feb. 5 without a weapon and demanded money. He got away with about $2,800.

Pannell was arrested less than 24 hours later when his car ran out of gas near Chadron, Neb. Court documents said that when Pannell was booked into jail, he named "robbery" as his occupation.

Pannell, who also goes by the last name King, pleaded guilty in July.

also http://www.myfoxdc.com/dpp/news/local/102109_naked_man_arrested_after_making_coffee_update

almost posted that yesterday

Wally
We now have to protect ourselves from the Police and their peeping tom wives-OMAL
Today, 18:29:07
– Flag – Reply

http://nz.news.yahoo.com/a/-/top-stories/6458222/sharks-born-via-bizarre-caesarean-section/

woah that is awesome

http://wjz.com/local/bra.inmate.wash.2.1307686.html

http://www.thepeoplesentinel.com/news/hauling-heavy-superload-shipment-makes-its-way-slowly-through-region
---->
http://www.greenvilleonline.com/article/20091130/NEWS01/91130006/Protesters-arrested-in-Greenville-at-Duke-Power-generator

http://img215.imageshack.us/img215/1281/bigrig.jpg

http://cmsimg.greenvilleonline.com/apps/pbcsi.dll/bilde?Site=BS&Date=20091130&Category=NEWS01&ArtNo=91130006&Ref=AR&Profile=1004&MaxW=550&MaxH=650&title=0

Totally thought dude on the left was this happy Juggalo:

http://media.modbee.com/smedia/2009/04/23/20/755-LIVE_p0424_24b1ferrell.standalone.prod_affiliate.11.jpg

http://www.thepeoplesentinel.com/news/hauling-heavy-superload-shipment-makes-its-way-slowly-through-region

I am loling @ this story

"I'm anxious to see that turn onto Clinton Street - that's a tight turn. There's a lot of jackknife turns," Riley said.

http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/maryland/crime/bal-plane-stolen1228,0,98027.story

FREDERICK - Authorities say a homeless man tried to leave town in a stolen plane but crashed the single-engine aircraft on a Frederick Municipal Airport runway before he ever left the ground.

Calvin Cox, 51, remained in custody Monday after a District Court commissioner set his bail at $10,000 on felony charges including theft, burglary and trespassing.

Lt. Clark Pennington said a Frederick County Sheriff's Office canine team found Cox unhurt in woods near the runway after an airport worker reported the crash of the Piper Super Cub at about 2:15 a.m. Monday.

Pennington said Cox is familiar with airplanes but not proficient in their operation. The plane, owned by the Mid-Atlantic Soaring Association, sustained damage to the fuselage and propeller, according to Pennington.

He is a terrorist who should be tried as Al-Quaida. Look at his pic. He looks like Taliban.

ChrisM929 (12/28/2009, 4:23 PM )

Pennington said Cox is familiar with airplanes but not proficient in their operation.

this is a weird sentence because it could mean anything from "he saw a plane in the sky one time and thought it was a pterosaur" to "he's a pilot but not a very good one."

he looks like a drowsy Aristotle.

http://www.goupstate.com/article/20100105/ARTICLES/100109906/1083/ARTICLES?Title=GSP-concourse-cleared-after-threat-suspected-near-plane

A concourse at the Greenville-Spartanburg International Airport was evacuated for a short time this morning after a TSA employee discovered an open, unattended door, an airport official said.

GSP spokeswoman Rosylin Weston said the employee made the discovery at about 10:30 a.m., and officials evacuated Concourse B and a Delta plane, which only had crew on board. The Delta plane was the only one on the tarmac at the time.

A bomb-sniffing dog was brought in and smelled something on the plane's front wheel. A bomb squad was called in, but later found nothing. The scene was cleared just before noon.

About 50 passengers were sent back through security and are on their way.

http://www.wltx.com/news/story.aspx?storyid=77595

Richland County (WLTX) -- Deputies in Richland County say they've arrested the final suspect who they say robbed a cell phone store on Sparkleberry Lane.

One of the suspects, however, died shortly after the crime took place.

Investigators with the Richland County Sheriff's Department say 24-year-old Thomas James spray-painted his face to conceal his identity during the crime.

Deputies say the man began having trouble breathing shortly after the crime, then died. The exact cause of his death has not been released.

http://www.thestate.com/breaking/story/1122710.html

News - Breaking News
Friday, Jan. 22, 2010

Eat chicken with a deputy

Looking for something to do today at lunch?
The Chick-fil-A at 2600 Decker Blvd. is inviting area residents to eat with a Richland County sheriff’s deputy, part of "Sheriff’s Appreciation Day."
The event, which will include games and other activities, runs from 10:30 a.m. to 2 p.m. Sheriff Leon Lott will be on hand from 11 a.m.-noon.

Sheriff's Appreciation Day was this story printed in the old west?

Newville man was driving on I-81 with pants down, police say
By CHRIS A. COUROGEN, The Patriot-News
January 22, 2010, 3:01PM

When state police questioned David F. Line about a report from a truck driver who allegedly saw Line driving on Interstate 81 in Silver Spring Township, Cumberland County, with his pants around his ankles and without both hands on the steering wheel, Line had an explanation.

According to court documents, Line, 49, of Doubling Gap Road in Newville, told police he had been eating a cream-filled doughnut and some of the filling had fallen on his pants. He pulled them down so he could clean himself, Line said, according to court documents. The truck driver saw his private parts because he was wearing loose-fitting underwear, Line said, according to court documents.

Nonetheless, state police charged Line with open lewdness and disorderly conduct. Line will receive a summons to appear in court to answer those charges. No hearing date has been set.

David F. Line, 49, of Doubling Gap Road in Newville, is a terrible liar.

http://thestandard.com.hk/news_detail.asp?we_cat=4&art_id=83499&sid=24232911&con_type=1&d_str=20090616&fc=2

The Consumer Council has warned shoppers that what may look like a toilet paper bargain at their local supermarket may in fact be a tissue of lies.

is this local 4 anyone

Authorities believe Wash. man electrocuted by urinating on downed power line after car crash

By Associated Press

3:53 p.m. EST, March 1, 2010

MONTESANO, Wash. (AP) — Authorities believe a Washington man was killed by accidentally urinating on a downed power line after a car crash.

Grays Harbor County sheriff's Deputy Dave Pimentel (PIM'-en-tel) said Monday 50-year-old Roy Messenger was not seriously hurt after he collided with a power pole Friday and called a relative to pull his car from a ditch.

However, family members found Messenger electrocuted when they arrived.

Pimentel says Messenger apparently urinated into a roadside ditch but didn't see the live wire. The urine stream likely served as a conductor, allowing the electricity to reach his body.

Pimentel says there will be an autopsy but burn marks indicated the way the electricity traveled through Messenger's body.

LOL totally misread dude's name and thought http://www.roydmercer.com/ had died a death by flaming genitals. I was pretty pumped to tell my dad.

Today is a good day for Brighton, UK:

http://www.theargus.co.uk/news/5048949.Window_cleaner_killed_himself_with_giant_pencil/

http://www.theargus.co.uk/news/5047984.If_you_can_t_find_a_pregnant_woman__find_a_big__fat_man/

Mr Craze! It's like a new Roger Hargreaves

"His only psychotic episode..."

sheesh

Haha, I hadn't actually noticed 'Mr Craze' before. That is an awesome name.

I hadn't realized that "Mr." is not punctuated in the UK

too bad punning opportunities are sadly limited because there is only one word in the English language which starts with "mr"