You know you're from Parma if...

Half your friends work at Marc's and the other half don't work

You don't know where the ghetto is but you know it exists since half the kids from your school live there

Everybody tries to pimp out their automatic Cavaliers like they're hot

Every other lawn is decorated with chrome balls or windmills

When Wal-Mart is connected to the mall

You move to the country and have a pond bigger than your whole lot

You get lost walking 3 blocks over to your friend's house because the guy who designed the side streets let his 4 year old son draw the plans for them

All you see are shopping plazas

There are more masses held in Ukranian than there are in English

Pierogies are often used as currency

There is a pizza shop within walking distance

Jimmy Sentz is your hero

Anything you need, you know you can get from Parmatown

You think that Marc's is secretly run by the Mob

You saw Marc Glassman in public and were disappointed that he didn't have a parrot on his shoulder like in the cartoons

Everyone in your town goes to Myrtle Beach for vacation

You know where to find the BK Lounge

You drink pop. . . soda doesn't exist unless its orange

Your city bird is the flamingo but you've only seen them at the zoo

You have 3 high schools for one city

You have fish fries and/or pierogies every Friday

All the places you can hang out after a Friday night football game are right across the street from Byers
aka. . .Denny's or Taco Bell

The word Polcar strikes fear in your heart

There's a church on every corner. . . right across from a bar

You can find absolutely nothing to do

You can walk into Denny's at any time day or night and know at least half of the people eating and at least half of the workers

Big ghetto vans are cool

When you're driving on the roads, you feel like you're white water rafting because it's so bumpy and crappy

The snow plow never comes down your street

It could be Alaska weather and you still wouldn't get a snow day. . .unless it's in April

The one side of the street is bumper to bumper cars

You're never ever really sure if you should be shopping at Tops or Giant Eagle and now kind of wish the two were connected so that you wouldn't have to drive across the parking lot just to finish buying groceries

You thought Chris Rock was absolutely hilarious until you realized he was referring to your mall when he was talking about "the mall white people used to go to"

You actually go to the high school football games not to see the band or the football team because they both tend to suck. You go because it's a huge social event

You leave Parma. . .well you never really leave Parma. . .you're always drawn back somehow

You know who Ondo is

When you know what hybrid stereotypes are. Ghetto meets goth in one person, as if both weren't scary enough

You deny the fact that you are from Parma when someone brings up how ''cool'' the 2 kids on MTV's Real World/ Road Rules are

You're used to crossing 4 lane roads on the back nine of a golf course

The phrase "lake effect snow" strikes fear in your heart

You know what lake effect snow is

You wear white socks with everything. . .especially Adidas sandals

You thought it was the whitest town ever until you looked across Broadview Road and saw Seven Hills

While figuring out what direction you're heading, you refer to Broadview Road and Pleasant Valley

You STILL can't figure out where Pearl intersects what street

Valley Who?
Parma What?
And
Invade This!

Every place you shop at is off Ridge Road

There's a bowling alley within walking distance

You think you can find a shortcut through side streets and you end up farther away from your destination

The only thing you know about NEOEA day is that you don't have to go to school

At any given time nearly 99% of your city's cops are all sitting at Java Joe's at Ridge and Pleasant Valley, all on coffee break, all together, all at the same freakin' time. With that said, speed all you want!

Cops often sit parked in dead ends just waiting to catch you speeding or making a rolling stop

You've seen Parma Police swarm a guy speeding like a bee swarms that dumb guy that throws rocks at the beehive

You tell people who aren't from Ohio that you're from Parma, they say, "Oh, like the Drew Carey song!"

You can live on the same street as someone living in Parma Hts. then turn the corner and you're in Parma again

Polish jokes aren't considered offensive, because chances are, the person telling it is Polish

You wish that you could read Ukrainian so you could understand what the heck 2/3 of the businesses on State Road are selling

You remember leaving PSH's parking lot every day and you would pass "The Captain's" house - the guy who would drive around in that blue open top car with a captain's hat on

You go to Parmatown Mall to just walk around and then leave

You wonder if your May wedding will have snow or sweltering heat

You know the bird flu has hit Parma when you see a bunch of pink flamingos flopped over on your lawn

You and some friends drive through State Road's drunk driving checkpoint completely sober, just to see what actually goes on over there

You join a group called you know you're from Parma when. . .

You know you're from Parma when Marc Glassman has control over your pay rate and his mother has yelled at you for taking too many days off

You associate every other city around Cleveland in 30 minutes distance from you when actually it could be an hour or more from your house

The only reason you ever get excited to come back to Parma is at night when you're coming back from North Royalton, and that's only because Parma has street lights

Half the cars in the city, whether they're Cavaliers or busted up vans, still have neons underneath them or decals on the front window

People come from only 2 areas - those that live "on top of the hill" and those that don't

People ask you where you live and you say Cleveland just to make it sound better

Oddly enough, many of your friends' last names end in "ski"

Your mall has a store that has rims and neons for Cavaliers

You're starting to cope with the fact that you're becoming a minority to the foreign community

You end each sentence with "I'm so sure"

It's the dead of winter, -5 degrees with like 11 inches of snow, and you wake up to find that EVERY school system is closed EXCEPT for Parma City Schools

Some kid in your chem class sees you with socks and flip flops on and says, "It must be a Parma thing"

You walk in to Southpark Mall for the first time and you automatically say, "Man, this place is huge"

You know Brookpark is good for porn shopping

You know that school won't be closed due to snow, but you still insist on sitting in front of the tv for an extra 20 minutes. . .hoping

Somebody from the east side makes fun of you for living there, and you secretly get offended

You call Tri-c West "The University of Southern Parma"

You move to a different state and are shocked that they don't sell pierogies at the grocery store. In fact, nobody even knows what a pierogi is!

Every high school and junior high shares the same football field on Friday night

There are two streets named Stratford within 5 minutes of each other in two different cities

You forget what it's like to drive on a road without construction

You can't roll houses because there are no trees

You're on the Parma border when Seven Hills cops are swarming Broadview waiting to pull you over for something totally retarded

The St. Charles Carnival is one of the best things to do over the summer

One of your parks used to be a missile silo during the Cold War and the name of it keeps changing. . .Nike Site-Nike Park-James W. Day Park

Zero Zest, Super Kream, or Honey Hut is your favorite ice cream shop!

Zero Zest is your summer employment if you're between ages 15 and 21. . . and you're a girl

When everyone MUST have a system in their car, even if it is stock, and you have to turn it up just to blast your rap music

You know that the pirates vs. ninjas debate originated in Parma, and you take it more seriously than any where else

You move to the south and when you say "mom," they tell you that YOU have an accent

You don't have to think about where they came up with the street name Amrap

You have been woken up by a marching band at 8:30 in the middle of summer vacation

You still get lost in Coral Gables...even when your up there all the time

You know that Layor Drive off of Snow is actually royal spelled backwards

The main event of summer is the Rib n Rock

Your fondest memories were from USA Skates

You know that the Canadian tuxedo is really the Ukrainian tuxedo

Your friends that didn't go to college are either married, pregnant, have a kid, and work as a waiter

You know that riding your bike up "The Hill" is a great accomplishment

When State Road Park is the only park that you can run someone who is fishing over while you are trying to jump the sidewalk around the pond on your bike

You brag when Clinton came to Parma Pierogies

You get excited for Cyr's Super Scary Ghost Stories

You've gone sledding on the hill below state road pool

at one time or another, you were totally gypped at one of the random catholic carnival games by some sweet little lady telling you that you suck

You go to the church carnival to gamble and it's also the place where most large fights occur

You've gotten into at least one fight at Macdonald's across the street from Byers Field after a football game

You don't bother putting your mailbox back up after the plow guys knock it down for the fifth time that day

You knowledgeably wear white socks to a black-sock sorta affair

For at least one summer you worked at one of its many pools...or still work there

You remember "Tribe Days" in grade school where you had to come to class in red, white, and blue Indians clothes or you got made fun of

You think anything north of snow is "ghetto" because you haven't seen the real ghetto before

You know who crazy Joe is that walks around on the streets and you only see once in a while and if you scream at him he will scream back

The name Mrs. Crosley strikes fear in your heart and the thought of a recorder makes you want to vomit

You know about that guy from Parma Hts that walks around barefoot all the time... even in the winter

The Cleveland Indians visit your school and someone asks them why they suck (Greenbriar Middle School, 2003)

You don't know where Parma begins and Parma Hts ends

The bowling alley's name is never completely lit up...Yorktown

The local businesses tear down their buildings just to rebuild the same thing on that spot (McDonald's on Pearl Road, Dairy Queen on Ridge Road)

You go to the fireworks at Tri-C just because they are near by, not because they are any good

You still call the red, white and blue popsicle a "bomb pop"

You get excited about a change in the menu at Friendly's, Arabica, or Applebee's

You graduate from college and are looking for a professional job and your parents say, "well, there's always Parmatown"

Your school, church, mall and hospital are all within walking distance of each other

You never go to Parmatown by yourself...ever

You start a statement with, "I'm not gonna lie"