I Hate My Flatmates

2: Bone-Idle Indolent Shit Two had friends over for dinner last weekend. It's about the fifth time he's cooked in my memory. He still hasn't done the dishes. I pointed out to him that i refused to do his dishes this time [I do a sinkful every morning, even the days when i haven't been home, just to keep the place clean and vermin-less]. They are now growing new and exciting strains of penicillin.

3: The last time i cleaned the oven of Indolent Shit toasted-sandwich-cheese mess, both Indolent Shits bought me a present in gratitude. Both presents were a bottle of household cleaner and a back of cleaning sponges.

4: Indolent Shit One has a ponytail mullet. Worse, he has a shedding ponytail mullet. The bathroom basin was blocked by a great greasy clod of it.

5: Indolent Shit Two lent our laundry room to a friend of his to store his stuff for a few months, blocking access to the wash tub, cleaning products cupboard and my washbasket. Judging from the smell of the Indolent Shits' bedrooms, they don't believe in washing clothes.

6: Indolent Shit One likes canto-pop. He sings along. Loudly. Offkey.

7: He also reads all the 'interesting' articles out of the newspaper, whether anyone wants to hear them or not, especially when i am trying to have a conversation or listen to the radio news.

8: He also gave my boyfriend and i food poisoning.

9: Indolent Shit Two is a drug hoover. He bludges tobacco off any smoker friends that happen to visit me. He regularly spots up on the stove even when i am trying to, say, cook dinner or bake in the same space.

10: We already lost one female flatmate and my female aquaintances don't visit because B-I I S 2 is a lecherous creep.

On the plus-side, neither of them have declared their undying love for me yet, or gotten evicted for pocketing the rent money, or started sleeping with each other and pretending not to [as far as i know...].