I Hate Musicians Complaing About Their Reviews

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YOU SENT YOUR FUCKING CDS TO US, OK? WE DIDN'T ASK FOR THEM, YOU SENT THEM TO US. TO GIVE AN OPINION ON. WE GAVE ONE. YOU WANT TO FUCKING WHINGE? FUCK THE FUCK OFF FUCKERS.

Seriously, suck my dick and choke to death on my semen. Oh, and don't give me that "Oh, a bad review by them means that my album is good". You're saying you hold the direct opposite opinion in everything to me? You think child rape should be legalised? Go away and get a proper fucking job. Twats.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 22 November 2002 23:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Wwell the sucky one for me is the whole journos are failed musos by bands who get slagged the fuck out of. but wot about the ones they giv good reviews to, how come they ain't jealous there, baby. im not a music journalist, i'm a burning journalist.

― naked as sin (naked as sin), Saturday, 23 November 2002 01:01 (twenty-three years ago)

or building. fuck the world.

― naked as sin (naked as sin), Saturday, 23 November 2002 01:01 (twenty-three years ago)

but did Kantuta have legitimate complaint against their Duane Zrakov review?

― spectra, Sunday, 24 November 2002 03:47 (twenty-three years ago)

I really miss the A Palmer edited days of Real Groove, it was great, they even put Cheap Trick on the cover... I think Russell Baillie took it up after him and he's kind of a WIMP. Hey Spectra that record arrived, it was BROKEN.

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Sunday, 24 November 2002 11:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh but thanks still for the thought etc, it'd be pretty dumb to complain about a FREE record being broken. I blame those useless postal workers.

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Monday, 25 November 2002 04:42 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah sorry 'bout that..

― Elisabeth (Elisabeth), Monday, 25 November 2002 04:44 (twenty-three years ago)

I think it's just fucking better when the musicians in question get to review the reviewers:

"It gets off to a strong start, until in the second half of the first sentence the so-called journalist says that there are 4 members in The Lollies, despite a picture and press release that make it clear that there are 3. And then, early in the second sentence, the
hack leaves an e off the end of St. Claire and moves right into a misplaced modifier. By the time the third sentence rolls by me eyes, I can barely look, but there it is, a cliche, followed by a typo, followed by a misused colon. The next sentence is meant to be a question, but suffers from not ending with a question mark. After about 6 sentences, the writing just becomes irritating, though it's nice to see the word "pickle" worked into a music review."

Your opinion is your opinion, fair fucking enough, but if you want to slag off *MY* craft, you should bloody well know YOURS.

― kate, Thursday, 28 November 2002 19:44 (twenty-three years ago)

You see? Now, that I could cope with. All we're asking you for guys is something above the level of "dude, were we even at the same gig?".

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 28 November 2002 21:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Why can't the musicians just sing bad things about the reviewer? We used to do it: "Gerard is a hippy and you know it's true/cos he gave ole Sammy a bad review/he think he got away with it but he ain't right/cos we're gonna get him tonight tonight yeah......."

It makes I smile whenever I think of it. Never did get him though.

― Pooster (pooster), Tuesday, 3 December 2002 02:17 (twenty-three years ago)

two weeks pass...

Ha ha Kate. The first ever review of the first ever band I was in contained, by a coincidental symmetry, exactly 10 statements of "fact" and 10 statements of opinion. ALL of the "factual" statement were either untrue or partially untrue.

One reason was that the journalist came along to a rehearsal to do an interview prior to the gig and hung around to listen to some songs. Later we found out that he'd turned up at the gig right at the end of our set, incoherently pissed. Realising he'd missed us, he asked a couple of foax he knew what they'd thought of the band and cobbled together a review between what he'd heard of the last song, what he'd heard in the rehearsal and what a couple of his mates thought. Hence references to songs we'd played at the rehearsal but dropped for the gig in addition to the usual getting names wrong etc, etc.

"dude, were you even at the same gig"? - Not necessarily a rhetorical question.

― ArfArf, Wednesday, 18 December 2002 20:44 (twenty-three years ago)

nine months pass...

i've had a couple of reviews, some were funny as hell. "the international telepaths put me off instantly by covering bryan adams." OH NO!! NOT BRYAN ADAMS!!!

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Sunday, 5 October 2003 07:23 (twenty-two years ago)

i got another bad review! i am a bogan who can't play lead!

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Monday, 6 October 2003 22:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Do you have a link??

― Elisabeth (Elisabeth), Monday, 6 October 2003 23:14 (twenty-two years ago)

nah its only in the paper version of the critic.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Monday, 6 October 2003 23:51 (twenty-two years ago)

hey non-leady bogan this weeks critic?

― ducklingmonster, Tuesday, 7 October 2003 06:01 (twenty-two years ago)

i like vivid pen cubicle reviews best: "the monsters cant play there insttruemants" "international telepaths rulz" etc

― ducklingmonster, Tuesday, 7 October 2003 06:27 (twenty-two years ago)

hahaha. the review was last weeks critic, apparently. the dude was right, i have a song about rooting in a vauxhall, i can't pretend to be anything BUT a bogan. wasn't there graffitti about how hot the keyboard player of the monsters was in the girls loos? hopefully a boy didn't write it. i will have to bring a vivid to the pub next time you lot play. i hope the futurians left their permanent mark in wellington.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Tuesday, 7 October 2003 06:35 (twenty-two years ago)

oh no bryan adams. oh no bogan. oh no fun.

― ducklingmonster, Tuesday, 7 October 2003 06:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Worrying about lead guitar ability sounds suspiciously boganish anyway

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Tuesday, 7 October 2003 09:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Besides, I think you can really wail

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Tuesday, 7 October 2003 09:51 (twenty-two years ago)

thanks! i found a copy of the review today, and wrote down the exact words, cos its really poetic and beautiful. "there were some songs from a squawking bogan who demonstrated that, while they may have the right to walk home unmolested, girls still can't play lead."

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 06:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah Di, you really need to quit playing all those endless guitar solos

― Elisabeth (Elisabeth), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 08:32 (twenty-two years ago)

That five minute Slash impersonation in "Not Home" fucks the whole song up pretty badly, y'know

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 11:04 (twenty-two years ago)

I think you should use "Squawking bogan" in yr PR somewhere, it's really funny

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 11:09 (twenty-two years ago)

weeedley weeeeedly weeeeee!

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 20:45 (twenty-two years ago)

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