band monogamy

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so, i am currently writing songs and trying to start a band; i am jamming with an awesome drummer, but he is already in a band. it is hard to tell the extent to which i should/can make him part of 'my band' since he is already in one. this is the thread to share stories of being in an 'open relationship' with other musicians already in committed musical relationships, everything from successful collaborations to full-on member stealing, band-wrecking kinda stuff.

― dhsjk, Saturday, 4 March 2006 22:40 (nineteen years ago)

too drunk/tired to post more, but i'm all for open relationships in music. this is not dating, people.

― AaronK (AaronK), Sunday, 5 March 2006 06:07 (nineteen years ago)

i think if majority of people on this thread says yes, then you're ALLOWED

― ken c (ken c), Sunday, 5 March 2006 12:32 (nineteen years ago)

I live in Portland. There is only one person in my band who is not in at least one other bands, and that is because she mostly doesn't think of herself as a musician.

It does, however, mean that out of the 35-ish shows the band played in the past twelve months, only two of those shows featured the "standard" line-up, and they were one day after another, and one was a radio show. The drummer, especially, plays in a lot of bands, for he is very good, and one of them is much more "career-oriented" than we are.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Sunday, 5 March 2006 14:28 (nineteen years ago)

i dont think there's any problem in asking people who have bands already to play with you but you're going to have to live with not being a top priority in their totem pole of band responsibilities and learn to get used to being called "the side project". of course, this person might not care too much about their responsiblities in the first band, which you know, should you ever want to get serious, might be a sign of their inability to commit. [ie, if they don't care too much about one band, then why should they care about you?]

and what about being serious? well, if you feel they cant commit to you well enough, perhaps its best to find someone who isnt involved with other bands.

too drunk/tired to post more, but i'm all for open relationships in music. this is not dating, people.

i don't agree with this! playing in a band is so much like dating for a variety of reasons. there's issues of commitment, compatibility, control, etc that mirror so many of the experience people undergo when trying to date. hell, it even has its own kinds of speed dating [rock lotto, hoot nights].

― maria tessa sciarrino (theoreticalgirl), Sunday, 5 March 2006 16:07 (nineteen years ago)

[rock lotto, hoot nights]

is there more than one hoot night besides the one that thomas dunning runs in chicago and dublin?

― jaymc (jaymc), Sunday, 5 March 2006 20:00 (nineteen years ago)

jaymc, hoot nights are a tradition in austin, most well-known being the [now retired] GBV hoot night at sxsw. i think the guy who does the chicago ones did them in austin prior to relocating, according to my information.

― maria tessa sciarrino (theoreticalgirl), Sunday, 5 March 2006 21:42 (nineteen years ago)

I'm up for a side thing, if anyone's interested.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Monday, 6 March 2006 05:59 (nineteen years ago)

haha, i was being semi-facetious in the relationship-advice-column phrasing of the question, but maria described what i was really getting at.

casuistry what band are you in? i am also in portland

― hjkdfsz, Monday, 6 March 2006 09:37 (nineteen years ago)

Back in my session player days in NYC, I considered myself a failure if I wasn't playing in at least 3 bands.

These days, I tend to be a bit more monogamous for simple reasons of time constraints.

But sharing drummers and bassists is just the Way Of Things.

― All Is Wub (kate), Monday, 6 March 2006 11:36 (nineteen years ago)

My band is called the Min0r Thirds, and I play in a few other bands as well, as needed or wanted.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 6 March 2006 16:07 (nineteen years ago)

Hey hjrtrdzs, what kinda band are you trying to start? I recently moved to Portland and am not in any bands! I have been asked to play (and very well may eventually play) trumpet for said Min0r Th1rds, but I will consider myself a failure if I am not playing guitar in some band somewhere at some point. (I also sing, make up songs and play bass when it's not really difficult bass.)

― martin m. (mushrush), Monday, 6 March 2006 17:50 (nineteen years ago)

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