How do I shot promo sheet?

The most "boring" aspect of one-sheets is how many of them drift off into hopelessly vague praise about how records are "full of emotion" or "cathartic" or "majestic" or how the people who made it are so in love with music, etc. Critics hate this stuff in large part because that's their job to decide -- hence calls for "just the facts." What works better is if -- in addition to explaining facts about where the band comes from -- you can find a way to talk about what you're trying to do that doesn't sound self-important or manifesto-like. (In fact, if you can come up with a nice-sounding line about what you think the band does -- one you wouldn't mind being reprinted everywhere -- feel free to quote yourself on the sheet: "We're just trying to play music that's like XXX.")

Things to avoid: don't try to be super-clever or funny. Don't go over the top trying to make the band seem like something it isn't ("an epochal release from..."), and don't try too hard to make yourself seem like pure, modest kids who Just Love Music -- a lot of one-sheets seem to be shooting for some kind of "they're so nice" pity that's actually kind of a turnoff. Don't brag, especially about stuff like "crowd-thrilling live shows." Don't make too many cheeky claims, like "we'll be taking over your local radio!" Just tell a nice story explaining who you are and what you're about. And when it comes to the hard facts, just list them in a sidebar, all the stuff that matters to critics on a professional level -- where do/will you tour? Will the album be widely released? Etc.

(Alternately, n/a, you could also ask me to write this for you!)

NB, what I'm describing is the basic route: if you happen upon some kind of "panache" that actually is catchy and likeable and clever and non-lame, run with it! Just remember that some people will approach a pile of promo CDs much like they'd approach a pile of junk mail, which is to say that there's a lot to get through and they're going to have their guards up against hucksterism or bullshit.

Yeah, that's what I figured. This is hard.

(nabs: did you ever reply to my email a long time ago where I asked for your address so we could send you a copy of the cd when it's done? If not, send yr mailing address to naamme @ yahoo dot com for the hook-up.)