Your worst gig experiences please!!

Have had some not-so-great gigs lately, but not freaking terrible on that scale in a while. Though I think my worst was posted on the "bad experiences with sound dudes" thread.

The booker tells us we have to play *unplugged* in spite of the fact that most of our material is country-tinged shoegazer/psych rock now. We try to do one song at about half volume. The booker says "This isn't going to work." Lead singer wants to just leave (Yeah! That'll show him! And the people who came to see us too!). Guitarist thinks we should just start playing again without telling the booker (That'll REALLY show him!)

Finally I insist that we talk to him, tell him we'll do some songs more quiet. I guess it went ok. I was mostly pissed because I said the gig was a bad idea and no one listened.

In fact, we had a gig coming up in a week and a half in DC at a not-regular-music-venue, and on a hunch I e-mailed the owner (show was booked by a third party). Turns out they not only don't usually do loud music, but they don't even have room for amps and a drumkit. So much for that.

In a way, it was kind of beautiful.

Anyway, why they booked us - a horrendous schitzoid rapcore band - I'm still not sure, but we got the PA (our PA) set up and everything was a go. I'm doing my thing, mist is rolling out of my mouth with each syllable, at this point I find it somewhat hilarious. The crowd consists mostly of 9-15 year olds, 3 of which apparently like what they hear (they REALLY seem to like it). Then I get a better look at them (they are on the other side of the rink) and realize their rocking out is actually more like MOCKING out.

Song 2...suddenly there is no kick drum. We finish the song (only like 2 1/2 minutes anyway) and all look at the drummer, who PICKS UP HIS KICK DRUM, turns it around so we can see it...BAM, HUGE HOLE IN HEAD. He runs home (TEN MINUTES AWAY) to get a replacement head, the manager is like "wtf", we're like "dunno", our set ends now.

The next band comes on and plays a cover of FNM's "Epic" and suddenly everyone is all HOORAY, except us, who are now drinking secret Irish coffees and playing in the arcade. BTW the singer for that band is an epic douche whose sole artistic goal is to imitate 1990 Mike Patton.

Or get a different beater.

http://www1.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/563653/2/istockphoto_563653_meat_mallet.jpg

Until pieces of the building started falling down.

I mean, it was FILLING UP the basement, we went down there a few months later and the "watermark" was only like a foot below the actual floor, ie the poowater almost completely filled the basement.

So many great memories of that place.

When we got to the club, the promoter was nowhere to be seen, though there were a couple of guys with the PA (who were actually quite cool). The other band had brought all their own stuff (apart from the kit), what we'd been told to bring and which they hadn't let us borrow.

The club itself was a really plus place with big comfy chairs and a jacuzzi, holding it's weekly indie/metal/whatever disco night, and we were playing in a side room. So we hung out for a bit, and then went to see the other band, and were quite impressed by the size of the crowd. Until the band stopped playing that is, when everyone fucked off into the disco, leaving us to play to about six people. The band offered us not one word of thanks for bringing the kit, we got pulled over by the police on the way home and we nearly ran out of petrol. Grrr, at least we got a few dfrinks out of it.

On the plus side we got paid a dollar per person so we bought a sack for thirty bucks, smoked it that night with all of our fans/coworkers and talked about what badass rockstars we were. sadly it was our last gig.

That would be the case, yes.

We were playing a show set up by some straight-edge political-types, but because we were vaguely "posi" lyrics-wise, they were game. We played 2nd, after The Pretty Fairy Princesses or something like that, whose schtick was to play completely unrehearsed bullplop, but, in drag, and wearing tiaras.

Anyway, during the 45 minutes between us arriving there and our actual set, our guitarist managed to drink 12 beers. We played a fairly decent set, except for the giggling horrendous tomfoolery of the guitarist. Afterwards every member of the band besides me at some point got into fisticuffs with each other, each time a dozen or so posi-/edgers came running up "no no no no!". This is band breakup number 2 I believe (we would have at least 2 more before it was for real). I walk halfway home, mortified, before friend picks me up (this was roughly 12 miles from my house). Not until a few days later do I realize I left my bag with all my vocal fx etc there.

I was asked to guest (lapsteel) for a few songs for a reasonably big show for this somewhat locally-notable singer/songwriter-type. He promised me $100 for 3 songs so I said sure what the hell. We hook up twice and go over the songs, nothing too complex (I suck at lapsteel but I can fake it okay I guess?).

So gigtime, he plays a few songs then I come up onstage and he goes into the next one. I start playing along but it sounds horrible, like I'm horribly out of tune but since I'd spent a good 5 minutes tuning prior to coming onstage, I am completely baffled... coupled with the looks the guy is shooting me just completely pisses me off. So by the second verse I realize I'm a half-step flat so I'm just transposing by this point. After the song ends, I look over at him and he's shaking his head at me. So I pipe up: "you're way out of tune" and then he looks at his guitar and he realizes he left his capo on from the song before I came on... He shrugs his shoulders and mouths "Whoops!" with a stupid smirk. What a douchebag.

hahah

That would be the case, yes.

hahahahahahahaha, I haven't been there since it changed from 'Kartouche' (and before that, 'Hollywoods') but that sounds so much like a typical Ipswich crowd. Hey, at least you've only had to endure it once, rather than the hundreds of times I've had to! Thank fuck I don't live there anymore.

Some of the first "gigs" I ever had as a teenager were in some coffee shops in my home town in New Jersey. Most of them would pay a flat fee, but one told me there would be a cover and I'd get a percentage of it. I thought that I could make more money from that one than from my other summer gigs if I told absolutely everyone I encountered that they should come. So I talked it up to all of my Wawa customers, told my friends for weeks, etc.

I ended up playing for my parents, my grandmother, a homeless guy who didn't pay the cover, and one stranger. My set was three hours long and I didn't have that many songs of my own, so I think I performed the entire Decemberists catalogue and a good chunk of The Beatles. I made $13 that night.