HOW DO I SHOT NEW DRUMMER?

oh fuck

gig's on saturday, had our first all-band rehearsal today

and oh my fucking god

i'm sharing a rhythm section with a certified clown

guitarist wants to pull out, frontman merely pulling his hair out, this guy can't even keep time or lay down a simple hi-hat shuffle

i mean the drum intro on "bring it on home" confused him so much he got it wrong around 30 times before giving up, each time going "Sorrysorrysorrysorry let's do it one more time, just one more time and I'll get it"

this is a GROWN MAN

his interpretation of the intro to "smells like teen spirit" sounded like a hippo trying to organise a fridge

who'd be a fucking bassist

i mean he even OWNS HIS OWN STUDIO FOR FUCK'S SAKE

his interpretation of the intro to "smells like teen spirit" sounded like a hippo trying to organise a fridge

lol

why the hell did you book a gig before the band had even rehearsed together???

studio ownership is certainly no guarantee of musical competence, as muggins here demonstrates every time he picks up a guitar

ALSO, YOU COLOSSAL DICKWEED, THE ENTIRE POINT OF PLAYING JIMI HENDRIX'S MAGNIFICENT SONG "FIRE" IS SO YOU, YES YOU, THE MAN HOLDING THE TWO STICKS IN HIS PATHETIC MALCOORDINATED LITTLE PAWS, CAN DO ALL THOSE FANCY FILLS IN BETWEEN BASS/LEAD GUITAR VERSE LICKS, YET YOU PERSIST IN THAT SAME CLUMSY, JUST-LEARNED-TO-BASH-DRUMS SNARE WHACKING 'BEAT' THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE FUCKING THING SO IT SOUNDS LIKE A RUBBISH INDIE SONG THAT NICKED ELEMENTS OF THE GREAT MAN'S WORK BUT KNOWS AS MUCH OF THE BLUES SPIRIT AS BAREFUCKINGNAKED LADIES' COSTUME DESIGNER

DITTO "FOXY LADY"

AND INDEED EVERY OTHER SONG WE THOUGHT WE HAD NAILED WHEN IT WAS JUST ME, THE HARMONICA/VOCALIST AND THE LEAD GUITAR DUDE LAST NIGHT

I MEAN WHY EVEN BOTHER PLAYING "HARD TO HANDLE" WHEN YOU FUNK LIKE AN UPTURNED COW

ALSO, STOP APOLOGISING EVERY TIME YOU FUCK UP, IT GETS TEDIOUS VERY QUICKLY

This was meant to be the reunion of the band that played several summer parties, but people kept dropping out, and needing to be replaced, until the only remnants of the original band were me and the frontman harmonica slide guitar fella. The other replacements were known quantities, but the sudden lack of a drummer meant a quick trip (by harmonica fella) to the local blues jam and after a cursory cast-around a "you own kit, you'll do". This. Is. Never. The. Way. To. Find. A. Drummer. Seriously.

what are you guys called

For the summer parties we were (the admittedly rubbish) Snuff Cadillac, now we need a new (better) name, but sadly I think we deserve an even worse one. Suggestions? We're a blues-rock combo for the most part.

how about Ruse Block

Bruise Lock

^

Fuckwant

Shut down due to health inspection violations

that'll do

omg Bruise Lock is great

'Bloke Party'

lead singer's a broad

i like that one, it does what it says on the tin and will get some dudes along to your gig

/custos

Slash Custos

L0uis J@gger and the Poppage

Crucial Bonus and the Epic Points

Severed Head and the Neck Fuckers

"What The Who Might Sound Like If They Got Some Dick In On Drums"

OUR AMAZING EX-DRUMMER WHO IS ALSO THE SAFEST DUDE ON EARTH SAID YES!!!!!!!!

All we gotta do is tell this schmuck the gig's cancelled. Which will be a hard thing to do. :D

Ah, just be (semi)honest about it and say the old gang's back together. It is a reunion gig after all.

And one of my bands needs a new drummer. We're supposed to be playing a (relatively big) gig next month, first one in ages. I don't want your man, fanks.

If he was fucking up and apologising so much he might be relieved not to have to do it. Tell the truth!

Drummer before the one that just quit, well drummer is overstating it a bit - we had one rehearsal with him and it became painfully apparent that he couldn't play. My main-guy phoned him up the next day to tell him it wouldn't work, and the dude was shocked, and he thought it had gone really well.

But yeah, if he's apologising he's aware he's a bit crap, I guess.

Well, I left my bass at his place so I'm the one who'll be doing the explaining. I think he actually rates himself, to be honest. I'll try and rein in the tactlessness.

http://www.have-you-met-ted.com/wp-content/uploads/segel-drumming-himym.jpg

Lead Singer's A Broad would probably get you a record deal based on the name alone!

you could call yourself "Picture of Lead Singer Wearing a Dress" and get some internet crossover appeal.

"eels.jpg"

?

lol the best thing is that this dude looks quite a lot like john justen :D

"We're sorry, this video is no longer available." <<< great name for a band

i bet he's accidentally destroyed my bass or something

the video doesn't work. who was the dude that looked like me?

Yeah, get it back before you tell him. I've lost a tremolo pedal to someone I didn't want to play with anymore. It's only the crappy Boss TR2 but still.

the really terrible drummer :D

your facial hair is more magnificent than his, don't worry, although i reckon you don't have such a neat model railway in your studio

and i don't think he's the vindictive sort, just the completely gormless

ok. the phone call has been made. i feel like such a lying shit, but it had to be done. better this than tell him he ain't good enough.

not really.

Yeah you are basically opening yourself up to twice as much pain when he finds out about this.

I think that Ed was trying to post a link to this (different performance)

well, this was our frontman's doing, deal was that i had to be the mouthpiece. there's a moral quandary in there somewhere but i'm probably kidding myself for convenience's sake

frontman is now on phone to o.g. drummer fretting about how to hush this up. fortunately it's a private event we're playing so it should be fine

why would you lie about this??? say you got your old drummer back and you'd rather play with him... argh too late

just got offed =

http://www.theage.com.au/ffximage/2006/12/01/JTGEORGE_big.jpg

yeah, should've just said "[old drummer] can do it, so we're just going to do that." it's honest and then he can assume that he needs to do some shedding.

well the frontman's argument is that you don't play at someone's house and then kick him out the next day, it's gotta be all-round terminal. and as we gotta go all the way there to pick up my bass, i had to make the call (not to mention that the frontman didn't want to do it).

what the hell is that video

well the frontman's argument is that you don't play at someone's house and then kick him out the next day, it's gotta be all-round terminal. and as we gotta go all the way there to pick up my bass, i had to make the call (not to mention that the frontman didn't want to do it).

it sounds like your frontman is a pussy

^

wait i thought the front "man" HAS a pussy

well changing drummer so suddenly, especially so close to the gig, and immediately after playing with him, is gonna surely tell this guy what we think of him, and the slight euphemistic deception will be plain. basically we all panicked, and i'm a mug who'll do anything for a friend, but i'm mostly confident this white-ish lie will stay so

http://heavenandheck.files.wordpress.com/2006/12/george_costanza.jpg

as a last word, neither of us are comfortable with our moral choice, but he'll be the one getting shit :D

ugh. gotta side with everyone else, fake cancelled gig is a terrible way to do this.

i've run out of george costanza jpgs

Results 1 - 7 of 7 for "bruise lock". (0.20 seconds)

Answer: 12 gauge coz they usually fat

This happened to a friend of mine. I asked him why he wasn't in such and such band anymore, "original bass player moved back to town, wanted his old spot, y'know..." and he was disappointed cuz he liked playin with those guys, but he wasn't exactly hurt. Really, you should have just told the dude straight up, and if you really needed to sugar coat it with some white lie you could have added the ol "nothin personal". Ah well...

Have to agree about being straight with the bad drummer.
I've played in and out of bands for half my life and in the last few years I've realised that all that passive agressive let-medown-gently stuff can get you in a terrible tangle, best just to say, 'I'm sorry, but we have a gig coming up you aren't quite up to scratch and you need to practice more...soz'

How did it go btw?

It went well! The previous day, our dress rehearsal, was even better, but that's mostly because we did it at my old college's Freshers bop (bar party), and were surrounded by a wild "home crowd". Fire into Rock And Roll, Hard To Handle and Whole Lotta Love into Got My Mojo Working (the latter with a near-15-minute crossover jam) were absolutely electric, especially considering the band in its present incarnation had been together for around 4 hours. Saturday night was almost as good but we made a right dog's ear of Dead Letter Blues, possibly because our harmonica/singer frontman was completely sozzled, and spent the entire 2nd half playing a long and winding harp solo. The vibe was less euphoric, too, due to the overwhelming prevalence of graduate students and the "rock lounge" setting. But good stuff overall, and we've potentially been offered a few more nights at various establishments.

Hopefully the discarded sticksman will have forgotten about us by now. If you're reading dude, none of this happened.

Another potential difficulty will be when I inevitably push for the setlist to contain a more varied, challenging and interesting mix of songs than the usual blues-rock/R&B staples. And better modern stuff than Valerie, Are You Gonna Be My Girl or Smells Like You've Heard This Song 400000 Times And Counting. Trouble is, the frontman is a) besotted with blues and blues alone, so won't want to play much that doesn't involve soulful mouth-harping or slide guitar, and b) besotted with our frontwoman('s voice), hence will only want us to perform ball-busting rock'n'blues, nothing with an edge or any hint of vulnerability. Experimentation can forget it. You know me, and you know I'll get bored very quickly if this remains the case.

Plans are afoot, though. The guitarist and I decided that a rock cover of Glory Box would probably make the audience come, notwithstanding that almost no covers band ever tries that shit out. We'll see.

*entire 2nd half = of the GIG

BLUES EXPLOSION!

I played in a local blues rock covers band as a teen, we were called The Mudsharks and played the usual, lotsa Lynyrd Skynyrd, Thin Lizzy, The Who (actually, Young Man Blues would be a pretty cool song to do) and I would have killed to have done a cool song instead of fecking Robert Cray and that Cocaine song.

Well they're all learning Fiery Gun Hand whether they like it or not tbh.

Even Jon couldn't play the solo for FGH live, although he had a fucking good try.

ya I love that video!

Actually I feel some folks need education:

(the studio version involves a cut-and-paste psychotic bit of mixing from timmy smith, mistreating Jon Poole's widdlings until they were damn near impossible to follow let alone play. as Mare's Nest says, Jon's efforts are game)

There's one point in the studio version solo that makes me laugh every time I hear it.

Okok, which would be best for a blues quintet with 2 singers and no keyboardist? Erm...maybe Fast Robert? Cry Wet Smile Dry? Argh...

Which bit would that be? I'd better have another watch!

(the chances of me successfully playing a Jim Smith bassline are remote at this point in my ability so all is possibly moot)

Arnald?

Nurses?

Umm, there's little or no blues or funk in the Cardiacs sound.

Spinney?

Actually that's ridiculous, but Spinney is one of my all time favourites.

Ya I know there's no blues (which, to be all Geir about it, is for the best), but I'm wondering which would a) be easiest and b) fit best with the rest of the set, considering we're mostly a band who deal in simple things. Nurses might work. But like so many of the others it NEEDS that keyboard to really work.

Cry Wet Smile Dry might actually be the answer, you know.

Maybe we should walk before we can unicycle while juggling, though.

Okay, 3:40-3:42 is the solo section segment that makes me laugh, I'd love to see a transcription but in a modern classical graph style score.

http://media-2.web.britannica.com/eb-media/11/2911-004-2DEA0AEC.gif

Ya, that'd be great! I don't think even Frank Zappa saw Fiery Gun Hand coming.

Milk Cow Blues
Corrina, Corrina
You're Crackin Up
Whoa Boys, Can't You Line Em
Pallet on Your Floor
Shotgun Willie
Big Boss Man

etc etc