ALL GUITAR CATALOGS ARE ACTUALLY THE SAME GUITAR CATALOG:
1/hundreds of endorsees are pictured/listed. These divide up into the people you've heard of, the session guys who play for people you've heard of, then there are the people you've never heard of. The never heard ofs outnumber the other 2 by something like 50:1
2/Guitars' descriptions are all about tone, bass guitars descriptions are all about how sturdily constructed & reliable they are. Guitar tech is all about trad materials, bass tech is all about futuristic design advancement/innovation etc. In the Yamaha catalog, the main guitar innovation is a way of artificially aging the inastrument so it plays like an old one, even though it's fresh out of the box, the bass innovation is a fancy bridge/string anchor that isolates the string from the other strings and has a built-in piezo pickup.
3/WTF endorsees. The Schecter catalog has some woman who plays in a band called "hanzel und gretyl" (!) the photo shows some demented looking goth chix0r, she is wearing knee-length rubber boots with iron crosses stencilled on the knees. WAU. The Yamaha catalog features the john myung signature bass guitar. This is a fancy-looking six-stringer with all the appointments. John Myung is the bassist for dream theater, one can assume he's very adept at his instrument. In every one of their records I've heard, live or in the studio, he is totally, utterly inaudible.
....? more?
― Pashmina, Wednesday, 28 November 2007 15:33 (seventeen years ago) link
sub category for three would be the patented use of a female guitarist supposedly to show that you aren't a big lunkheaded boys club and that ladies can play the geetar too.
of course, she will inexplicably have chosen of her own free will to wear a rubber tank top and leather pants to the photoshoot, and be either in mid live shot pelvic thrust or holding the guitar suggestively while licking her lips. these gals today!
― John Justen, Wednesday, 28 November 2007 16:20 (seventeen years ago) link
4 a motorcycle or hot rod.
― John Justen, Wednesday, 28 November 2007 16:22 (seventeen years ago) link
5 black and white photo of an old dude on the production floor applying his "old world craftmanship" to an unfinished guitar body.
― John Justen, Wednesday, 28 November 2007 16:25 (seventeen years ago) link
The Schecter catalog is RIFE with this. If the pictures are to be believed, EVERY metal band in the USA has a hott female bassist!
― Pashmina, Wednesday, 28 November 2007 16:40 (seventeen years ago) link
How long before members of Dethklok get their own signature lines?
― El Tomboto, Wednesday, 28 November 2007 16:46 (seventeen years ago) link
Already endorsed by Gibson, shouldn't take too long for an epiphone dethklok model.
― John Justen, Wednesday, 28 November 2007 16:47 (seventeen years ago) link
As an addendum to #5, a half assembled guitar surrounded by traditional luthiers tools, even though everything the company makes is made on a CAD/CAM lathe.
― snoball, Wednesday, 28 November 2007 16:49 (seventeen years ago) link
>>the photo shows some demented looking goth chix0r, she is wearing knee->>length rubber boots with iron crosses stencilled on the knees
She used to be one of the Cycle Sluts from Hell, who wore similar things. They were very entertaining as is Hanzyl & Gretyl. Their album Shit Messiah was the last one I heard. It wasn't too shabby. Can't remember her name, might have been Venus Penis-Crusher.
Guitar mag ads often of similar comedic value.
― Gorge, Wednesday, 28 November 2007 16:51 (seventeen years ago) link
Schecter also rocks the odd GO USA REMEMBER 9-11 angle in many of their catalogs and ads, which is funny as hell as that company is as made in Asia as you get.
― earlnash, Wednesday, 28 November 2007 23:37 (seventeen years ago) link
the cosmic schecter (adam schecter ha ha)
― nickalicious, Thursday, 29 November 2007 15:20 (seventeen years ago) link
Can we make this into a Hanzel and Gretyl thread?
http://www.google.com/musica?aid=bt_mmuIjHwG&sa=X&oi=music&ct=result
I kind of want to hear their 2004 opus Scheissmessiah!
― HI DERE, Thursday, 29 November 2007 16:34 (seventeen years ago) link
Review of Uber Alles by Hanzel und Gretyl.
― Gorge, Thursday, 29 November 2007 17:30 (seventeen years ago) link
http://www.myspace.com/hanzelundgretyl
"fukken uber death party" and "stern kreig" sound riotously entertaining. The stupid thing is, I nearly went to see Cradle of Filth in Newcastle recently, for the laffs, and I see that HuG would have been the opening act, gah I am an idiot.
― Pashmina, Thursday, 29 November 2007 21:05 (seventeen years ago) link
6. At least one representative from a batshit insane entertaining band that is new to you.
― HI DERE, Thursday, 29 November 2007 21:59 (seventeen years ago) link
http://www.hanzelundgretyl.com/Hanzel%20Und%20Gretyl%20Merchandise%20_%20Online%20Store%20-%20T-shirts,%20Posters,%20CD%27s_files/classic%2520tube%2520red%2520black%2520cream.jpg
― rogermexico., Saturday, 8 December 2007 20:41 (seventeen years ago) link
7. Shirts that say "More BASS in the monitor!"
― Pleasant Plains, Saturday, 8 December 2007 23:25 (seventeen years ago) link
7b. Shirts that say "Groupies Wanted!"
― John Justen, Sunday, 9 December 2007 00:41 (seventeen years ago) link
like, TERRIBLE 'swingers'/fake gas station shirts displaying the logos of the company.
all of the Fender apparel is just SO FUCKING DREADFUL
― horrid bluegrass clicktrack, Monday, 10 December 2007 09:36 (seventeen years ago) link
[Musician you have never heard of] endorses [product whose purpose you do not understand]
― Hurting 2, Tuesday, 11 December 2007 05:13 (seventeen years ago) link
whatever gibson with brass knuckle inlays and a blower scoop behind the bridge
― the galena free practitioner, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 20:48 (seventeen years ago) link
then the "road ready" version without the scoop
― the galena free practitioner, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 20:49 (seventeen years ago) link
From, not the Paul Reed Smith Catalog, but - get this - "Signature - the official magazine of PAUL REED SMITH GUITARS":
"I use PRS guitars because they are reliable yet temperamental, versatile and sensual...like a woman who loves you unconditionally..."
Sergio Vallin/mana
Uh...
― Pashmina, Sunday, 28 December 2008 11:29 (sixteen years ago) link
"reliable yet temperamental" - yeah, it's 100% reliable right up until it stops working properly...
― snoball, Sunday, 28 December 2008 11:41 (sixteen years ago) link
8. zakk wylde
― atlas thugged (m bison), Sunday, 28 December 2008 15:26 (sixteen years ago) link