This is the thread where people can post some of their lyrics and others can critique them

The Strange Death Of The British Pop Lyric

you're only pretty when you smile, and you haven't smiled in a while

but I don't sing or really write pop songs.

and, my lyrics suck :)

I might actually post some I'm working on now, because I could use some help.

I capture the castle but I've got you on the run
You were playing for keeps but I was only having fun

Isn't a pity (isn't it a pity?)
Isn't it a shame (isn't it a shame?)
You were so pretty (I was so pretty)
You were so game

etc. etc. blah blah ad nauseum because I can't remember the rest of the lyrics. Totally meaningless!

Rose by any other name would not taste so sweet
You only want me with no expectations to meet

Das is nicht mein boyfriend
Das is nicht mein boyfriend
Das is nicht mein boyfriend
Das is meine NEUFRIEND!!!

What's in a label what's in a name
Why can't you say it, are you ashamed?
Categorise micro-genres of life
Somewhere between a stranger and a wife

(Chorus)

Friends with benefits, fuckbuddy, bitch
Booty call or scratch that itch
Partner, lover, girlfriend, date
Common law wife in certain states

(Chorus)

(It is funny because it is set to a krautrock pastiche)

it's a work in progress - be gentle with me.

You got a car that looks like a bug
Best to stick to the side streets
Insect patterns all around the town
Cruise around in bucket seats

Making money is such a gas
Please to kick me in the ass
Sleep nine hours and I'm in great shape
Wonder if they'd let me wear a cape?

Baba Ram Dass is a sacred cow
But I might not wanna "be here now"
My daydreams are like TV waves
This is how Modern Man behaves

I saw you standing in a fog
The bitter Monday that we met.
A sentence broken by your smile--
It's been awhile, yes, quite a while.

Since I've never seen your frown,
Let me think of how you stare.
I'll jump the fence and turn around,
Dreaming I might not be there.
But when you smile when I'm around,
When those eyes light up so brown,
I think no reason, feel no pain,
Know no wisdom, bear no shame.

Walk away, the door's right there.
Your breath is wasted on these activists.
But when they're old, they'll understand:
They'll fall asleep in bed and
Wake up in the bathroom.

That's what it means to be naked.
The best you can do is to fake it.
A silent face, a closet door:
They keep you from becoming an eyesore.

Walk away, quietly,
don't tell these kids your name.
You'd think they might be grateful.

They put their trash out in the halls
In clear plastic bags,
But when they're old, they'll understand:
God bless the garbage man.

He drives away, quietly,
You never even see his face.

And we should all be grateful.
You keep yourself to yourself.
These girls, these boys:
They're only noise.

Walk away, walk away, walk away.
And when they're old, they'll understand:
No one will be listening,
No one will be listening.

You're pretty when you steal;
You're prettier in handcuffs.
You feel no shame,
And I get hot when you get bothered.

You're sexy when you drown;
You look good in that life vest.
I will call your name
From the shore, beneath my parasol.

Actually I think that's really good, esp the way that last line keeps with the theme yet contrasts with the simple list that precedes – it has a certain wit without seeming forced. The trajectory throughout the verse from more informal to more formal terms is also nice.

Here are some I wrote, which I quite like:

Mary is remembering the fallout days
Cos now they’re back in mode
Her blackened lips swap fashion tips
In the bunker she calls home

Henry’s in the attic with his gas mask on
Ready for tonight’s big show
Casey puts on lipstick in the fading light
Her hands never lost their glow

Their parents are upset
Cos it was never quite like that
“You’re always getting us wrong”
But they don’t really care
Cos it’s fun to wear your hair
In the shape of an atomic bomb

I got my jeans from Nagasaki
My specs by Hiroshima
And my groceries from Sellafield
Vintage shirts from Arizona
Oh isn’t it a joke
Once the burns have all been healed?

Living out our half-lives in the shopping mall, I’m
Goin out this season with the nuclear fall--
-out, and if it gets too hot I’m gonna buy a parasol and
Chill out in the sun

Sweethearts of the fallout
We’ll always remember
Sweethearts of the fallout
Don’t know what to do
Sweethearts of the fallout
It couldn’t get better
Sweethearts of the fallout
You’re lovin it too

Decontamination
Oh what a celebration
Get on the dancefloor just because
We’re getting down with radiation
A groove for all the nation
Gamma rays are just the buzz

Decked out in our trefoils
Skin peeling from our faces
So glad that we pulled through

We never felt much better
Than in the Anderson shelter
Steppin to the Geiger groove

http://www.myspace.com/mightysandyheathtransmitters