Can this be real again?

Denis Norden has a programme about them on Radio One.

;-)

Here at Daymaker Grange we are currently worried about what will happen to Sue Denim during the move. We didn't strap down the back of the cart very well and I fear she may have flown off the end and into the muddy gutter. While I feel she might do well there I can't help but think of how better she would be decorating the walls of our new residence.

Do the toilet rolls here have nice crocheted covers? If not, why not?

And a wine cellar.

OK: I'll try to start. If you don't agree with the beginning, you can always start again. I'm not proud!!

It was a dark and stormy night...

No!

My creative writing teacher just told me that that was wrong: Sultry! It was a "sultry" night!

Ach ... it's up to you guys. I can't even provide the first line of the novel ... but I'll contribute with all my (albeit slight) mental strength when the true first line comes along. Promise.

Who knows, we might win a Webby award if it turns out any good...

OK: here's my last go, and the one you must run with (Good luck):

"There he was."

OK ... friends, go for it! I know you, we, are up to it...

xxxJ

Reminder: "There he was."

And Mr. Clown, I suggest a name change to Zen Critique. I know Mr Hall got everybodys back up, but lets all take some Blissium, calm down and get back in the swing of things. Mr. Stackpool is a sort of electronic knight. His skills in Googlewhacking were top notch. It's nice to see him Back in the Habit as Sister Act would say.

We are still gathering ourselves together, Robin is sans the net at the moment, Matt is too busy being bitter about other peoples jobs, Rex and Sue are still lost in the wilderness possibly unaware of the move.

So we few here must double, nay quadruple our efforts. Why? Because we can. When? Now!. Where? here, stupid.

Hic!

Lynskey, much pleasure have I derived from being called an "electronic knight", and my forelock is nigh plucked out from humility and humbleness. But, alas, if truth be told, I was not even an electronic squire. In my Googlewhackery I was merely the apprentice fool to King Rex; my role pure fol-de-rol, purveying virtual bladders-on-a-stick for his retinue.

Face licks all round for the compliment though. I, as you, await the return of our exiled overlord with increasing fervour...

PS: Is our collaborative narrative destined to be entirely composed of first paragraphs!? So be it!

I have found the Internet was sadly lacking with a piece of information that I thought it ought to be able to provide. Perhaps your combined processing power will be able to help though...?

I wanted to find out what the correct expression was: whether it was "you look like you've lost your shoe and found sixpence" or "you look like you've lost your shoe and found a tanner".....

Myself, not knowing the exact expression, I've always used the self-coined "you look like you've lost your shoe and trodden in poo", although this doesn't actually reflect the intended 'lost-and-found' nuances of the actual (Victiorian?) phrase.

Does anyone know what the correct expression is, or do I have to refer this to John Peel at Home Truths?

Incidentally, since I'm banging on about Home Truths, does anyone know the expression "It was so small you could fit it in the corner of your eye"? It was something my (Liverpudlian) grandmother used to say, but I have never, ever heard anyone else say anything remotely comparable. Mind you, my grandmother also used to say "I looked so hard for it, I had segs on my eyes", 'segs' being a dialectal word for calluses. I doubt anyone else on this forum ever heard that ... or you may want to prove me wrong...

Calling all Scousers....

bisous,
Jon

“Never trust a nun, son. You won't know your throat's been cut until your head starts nodding.”

To the question “What’s for dinner?”
“Shit with a big spoon”

“Id keep your buzzbomb out her confessional, she’s a dock rocker un all.”

With regards to question I believe it should read.
“You look like you’ve lost your shoe and found a cosmoplast of blissium….....lahggggghh”

All well and good, but they are shear tripe in comparison with the ever expanding Ormslang

1. “Nip te Baggie B and get Dr.Coke un some Lamb-Butties(fags)”

3. "Iz not chiggen iz terkeee" (you appear to have my sandwich order incorrect)

4. "Whaa yous lookin at, yer fucken twad" (please, sir, you invading my personal space)

5. "Enee of yous godda ciggee?" (I am about to beat you up)

6. "Youz a fuken bosss!" ( I am about to beat you up)

"I like Claymation" (I am about to beat you up)

(BTW, claymation: something the Christian Buggers, sorry Brothers, send you to if you're not quite up to perdition?)

Speaking of claymation ... and this is something I have been asking my colleagues recently:

Chas, or Morph? CHAS ..... or MORPH .....?

Some people have been coming up with the right answer latterly (a ratio of about 1:5), but I still haven't had sufficient numbers to make my confidence in human humanity restored.

I repeat: Chas ............ or Morph? Remember, there is no right answer, although there is. And I'm not telling. Chas, or Morph? (hint: Morecombe, or Wise?)

"*" : I am about to beat you up

* = wildcard

Hence "fu'khen di'khed" (I am about to beat you up)

Ask A Drunk about ILE

Search only if meaning to destroy upon completion of search.

His, hopefully, final spiteful message is here.

1. History is boring

2. History is dirty

3. Ancient Civilisations are wierd

4. History smells

Whether "history" will ever get round to teaching us a fifth is unlikely if not impossible. Look at the story of the great nation that some of us call Belgium. It's boring, it's dirty, it smells and in ancient times was very, very wierd. It's cyclical and almost totally unhorny.

How do we improve the quality of something as cut and dried as our history? By lying, of course. Let us all pretend that we are a race of superbeings who arrived here from the Planet Guitars and are currently living and dying in wait of Captain Frets who will return us to our homeplanet of Eminors and third fret bar a-shape C's. A pipedream? So's democracy and we go around chasing that one up the flagpole like it's some sort of Bionic Fox.

Since we're talking Belgian here, check out the number 1 film ever made by any Belgian anywhere (ie, in Belgium): Man Bites Dog (C'est arrivé près de chez vous). I promise you, it's one of the best movies ever, and Vinnie Wossisname will have to wait a long time to equal it.

xxx J

The above is my new home!

I now bold text

I come in peace.

Nordicskillz has probably wandered across to see us in AAD because he is traumatised by the car chase he was in yesterday and is in need of a drink to calm down. Or some Ventolin :)

I really like it over here, so I just thought I'd pop in and say hello. I will be lurking for a bit, but hope to contribute in my own small way. As you were.

Welcome to AAD Nordicskillz

Yes. Come out of that rain and into this fog.

The timing's key, miss the door and it'll all go tits up.

If you bounce a few times off the doorframe, that's within normal tolerances.