Urgent and Key: the great Lost Threads of I Love Everything

New ‘Sorry, I’ve never read I Love Everything so I don’t get any of it’ answers

"Men who shave their kittens' pubic hair."

Now that is just sick. That is worse than wrapping a hampster in duct tape so they don't explode when you fuck them.

Obviously someone has posted using my name. I would never misspell hamster or engage in sexual intercourse with a small pet without a proper engagement and legal wedding.

Dear Sir:

The above communication from your solicitors Messrs. Urgent & Key was a little incomprehensible to one as unversed in (and, indeed, supremely contemptuous of) the law as my good self. I presume that Mr Key is the podgy and useless third-choice England opening batsman, but Mr Urgent is unknown to me. Perhaps he plays for Northamptonshire.

Could you ask your learned friends to explain some of the more preposterous charges against me? I am innocent of bestiality, have never so much as tweaked a kitten's pubic hair and most certainly cannot find my arse with both hands. Nor do I remember having shat on either of the moderators of this forum. I remain, Sir, in the firm hope of one day finding the opportunity to do so,

Yours faithfully,

Jabez Felcher-Warglestein

You left out

Love My Country or Get the Damn Hell Out of It!
Are u Luvving IT, Luvving IT, Luvving IT?
Cherry Cobbler Mavens
4H or Venture Scout?
Gilly Anderson is Goddess!!!

What is I Love Everything? (and can we eat it?)

Yeah, apparently it tastes like chicken.

"extreme pulpit prayer"
"frothing for fun and fitness"
"shaving and it's dangerous alternatives"
"gang signs for beginners"

Jordan ? I Love Everything is ? this thing.

Be sure not to miss the Ask A Drunk on ILE thread, as it contains a link that will bring you straight back here, safe and sound!

"Getting your job and family taken from you by a ruthless Warlord and consequently not being able to get back in time for drinks with Darius's PA at the Met Bar - C or D?"

"What does the recent John Leslie incident tell us about the basslines of Strangelove?"

"I met the man of my dreams but unfortunately he is inherently racist and into guns in a big way"

"'fremme neppa venette', 'fremme neppa venette' and its effect on dogs"

"Last Night I Dreamt I was giving Richard Briers really messy head - Am I Wierd?"

"Newsflash - Kevin Shields contracts supernatural anti-aural syndrome meaning he can never record any music ever again"

"Your Public Humilitation (Or Forbidden Joy?): ILX Posters Who Spend Half their lives Shouting at Dogs"

"Ned Raggett goes Skiing"

"My Kitten smells : Should I "run the bath"?"

Happy birthday to someone I don't care about
I'm mad, me
My boyfriend doesn't like Kant
Is everyone as nice as I like to think they are?
What's with the bodies that keep piling up under my house?
I think you're lovely, but please stop howling under my windoew at three in the morning just becuse someone's sold you a bag of oregano
Anyone up for a meet in Llandrinodd Wells?
Isn't stuff nice?

Anal beards -- classic or dud?
Anal beads -- classic or dud?
I've read a lot of books, am I normal?

No, really, what's with the bodies that keep piling up under my house?

Ah, Matthew, you underestimate yourself.

Those bodies are offerings.