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"Grandpa, what was Ormskirk like in the old days, before the blissium epidemic, when the antelope frolicked untuned?"

― scottai (scottai), Tuesday, 5 November 2002 23:21 (twenty-three years ago)

I had prepared a very fine disquisition upon this subject, but prior to posting it I visited a site that strangled my browser and tossed it aside like the corpse of a cat, causing my work to vanish. Please excuse the delay caused by this mischance. I'm as upset as a bandicoot in a bucket of boiling piss.

― Aimless, Friday, 8 November 2002 06:33 (twenty-three years ago)

In maaa day, thurwura grehrt big markit on Sat'dee afternooooons. Y'c'd buy ennythin frum Tishwarna Brass plers Britney Spears ter groutin guns. Course, thorse er banned these days.... tooo menny mastickins in t'high street, t'all gott'outta hand! Ever tried gerrin' mastic out yer 'airpiece? It's a bluddy nartmare! An me a councillur n'all! Oh, 'n by th'weh, enny o' yous try to make a funny comment about mastickins, ah'll report thee.

― Pooster (pooster), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 02:20 (twenty-three years ago)

An' yer c'd bah buckits er piss, but yer adta boilit yerselts, fer't bandicoot laahk.

― Pooster (pooster), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 02:22 (twenty-three years ago)

Boiling bandicoots in buckets of piss is a subject of such depth and esoteric study, consideration and discussion that it deserves a thread, if not a forum, of it's own. I, due to the coma and all, would like to hear about Ormskirk, in the old days.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 05:15 (twenty-three years ago)

As far as I'm concerned these ARE the old days for Ormskirk. I will only consider this the present when we've got broadband, drains that don't reek of shit, a decent deli again, a swimming pool with non-brown water, non-extortionate council tax, a decent amount of properties for first time buyers rather than loads of half empty student dumps, a secondary school that cope with the amount of intake, no CCTV, a decent wine merchants, more than two decent pubs, more fucking dealers, a reasonable cafe . . . .

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 14:38 (twenty-three years ago)

and fucking hover-fucking-craft access, fuckers.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 15:36 (twenty-three years ago)

Jarlr'mai, that silly innertube from the big lorry with the box fan taped to it that you are so proud of is NOT a goddamn hovercraft! Have you ever seen a REAL hovercraft? Did you see an extension cord attached to it? No! Besides that, on real hovercraft, the fans blow DOWN. I vote no on hovercraft anyway. They scare the bandicoots.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 21:04 (twenty-three years ago)

would it help if we moved Ormskirk to France? I think that would solve most of Lynskey's issues? With the side benefit of course that it would be easier to understand the locals.

― Weebleman (StillSimon), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 21:29 (twenty-three years ago)

Is France in the same time zone? I don't like to pull on that little thing on my watch. It would be nice to live in France, though. Bathing is SUCH a bother.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 23:06 (twenty-three years ago)

Hello I'm visiting from ILE but I felt I had to say that I used to spend a great deal of time in Ormskirk as a result of my then girlfriend studying there. My opinions on the town are neither here nor there (actually they're here and not there). But once upon a time in Ormskirk I purchased the very saltiest meat pie I've ever tasted, from a little pie shop a little way oiut of the centre of town, down a road I don't know the name of (I think you went past the pie shop if you got the train to Wigan but I'm not sure).

Is that pie shop still there?

― Tim (Tim), Wednesday, 13 November 2002 14:21 (twenty-three years ago)

by 'train' I meant 'bus', obv.

― Tim (Tim), Wednesday, 13 November 2002 14:23 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, don’t you worry: the legendary Ormskirk Pie Shop still does a roaring trade.

As you can see, it is one of the principal architectural glories of West Lancashire, and as structurally sound as anything else in Chapel Street.

Recently they’ve added even more salt to the pies, after customers complained that they tasted ‘peculiar’ and ‘not like ordinary meat’.

In other news, a man called Mark Corrin disappeared two weeks ago in the immediate vicinity of the pie shop.

For further information contact the proprietor, ‘Gaffer’ McLynskey.

― Rex (Rex), Wednesday, 13 November 2002 20:24 (twenty-three years ago)

The pie shop closed down and turned into a student property that I once lived in with Matt.

It used to serve the worst and horrible pies I've eaten. When I was a wee laddie attending Ormskirk Grammar School myself and a few friends became obsessed with how bad they were and used to buy them every day.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Wednesday, 13 November 2002 22:31 (twenty-three years ago)

two weeks pass...

Sorry, I've been on holiday in New Ormskirk (OK it was New York really) so I didn't thank you for these replies.

I'm a bit upset the shop closed down, because I had plans for making a trip to Ormskirk to see whether those pies were still as salty. (Having said that they were salty enough that there are probably perfectly-preseved pies in the larders of various old Ormskirk ladies). Perhaps I should contact the local paper.

Were the pies better at some stage, do you suppose? I mean, it looked as though that shop had been there for donkeys' years (at least) and it surely can't have depended entirely on the patronage of perverse grammar school boys? Can it?

― Tim (Tim), Thursday, 28 November 2002 10:05 (twenty-two years ago)

It shut about 96ish. I think they got their stock from "Hannah's Quality Pies" of Ormskirk. That's still there if you fancy going wholesale.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Thursday, 28 November 2002 15:30 (twenty-two years ago)

You know, I think I might give it a miss. Thanks for the thought though.

― Tim (Tim), Monday, 2 December 2002 13:40 (twenty-two years ago)

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