Plastic ears for our troops

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Okay. So you're a bit pissed off with me for being stupid. But stupid is how stuid does. And I don't even know what that means.

But consider this: plastic ears for our troops.

I saw a picture today of a highly armed combatant; and then I thought, what with his helmet and all, why not arm them with supersensitive hearing?

The plan is simple: a couple of studs on the helmet, a plastic parabolically aimed cup (or, if costs are an issue, the same thing 3M make their dust masks out of) and someone with a wish to hear more, even though he is wearing a contraption that looks like that Disney character, or like Pikachu.

I defy you to fault this, even though it's a lo-tech kinda thing. On the other hand, if you want to give me a hand, I have coined the slogan: "Like spectacles, but for your ears". Comments welcome, as long as they will save lives.

― Pooster (pooster), Thursday, 3 April 2003 16:17 (twenty-two years ago)

BTW: if you were about to say "it would deafen them if a BFOB (big fuck-off bomb) went off in the vicinity", well, I hate to have to tell you this ... but your hearing is the last thing you will be worrying about. Judicious use is what I'm talking about here! And to me, putting yourself in a place that is likely to be bombed to buggery is not my definition of 'military intelligence'.

― Pooster (pooster), Thursday, 3 April 2003 17:10 (twenty-two years ago)

How do you know about the BFOB? That's classified....

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 4 April 2003 07:52 (twenty-two years ago)

While we're at it, how about giving them some of those novelty Groucho Marx nose/glasses combinations? I'm fairly certain that's what Saddam was wearing when he (or one of his many doppelgangers) made his first TV appearance of the war. I wonder if Saddam's henchmen have playing cards featuring the faces of American marinees? Perhaps they're somewhere out there having a nice game of bridge - whoever loses has to run naked around the bombed presidential palace with electrodes on his testicles.

― Wouldn't you like to know (Amused), Monday, 14 April 2003 12:36 (twenty-two years ago)

You have all misunderstood. You are all so wrong it's maddening.

The plan is to invade Iraq with Plastickeers, not plastic ears. Plastickeers are like Musketeers, except they drive Morris Minor cars and use Tupperware as ammunition. The Sta-Fresh container in which you can hermetically seal your cornflakes can inflict terrible damage when hurled at an unsuspecting Iraqi looter by a frothy-haired multi-level-marketing grandmother, believe me.

― C J (C J), Monday, 14 April 2003 13:04 (twenty-two years ago)

I think perhaps the West could bring the entire Arab world to it's knees with Tupperware parties, but the lingerie parties might have to wait a few years. Although, did anyone else see the picture in the paper today of Saddam's 'love-nest'. It was quite laughable, especially the booby picture of a woman with snake hands lying on a devil's altar and trapping a strapping young lad in her sinewy clutches. Surely an evil dictator can do better than this.

― Wouldn't you like to know (Amused), Monday, 14 April 2003 14:06 (twenty-two years ago)

And there, I have done it again. That is me, never posting on this board ever again, since there is no 'edit' facility. Stupid me! I am quite certain that my brain is being slowly pickled what with my alcohol consumption. Soon they will have to change this board to 'Ask a zombie'.

― Wouldn't you like to know (Amused), Monday, 14 April 2003 15:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Funny that. It used to be called "Ask A WereCheetah"

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Monday, 14 April 2003 20:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Didn't it used to be Ask A Smoker?

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Tuesday, 15 April 2003 11:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Ask a wanker? I imagine that might get a little out of control.

― Wouldn't you like to know (Amused), Tuesday, 15 April 2003 13:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Typing one handed while your mind was on other things would reduce the number of quality postings on here tremendously.

Wait. Maybe not.

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 15 April 2003 14:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Typing one handed while your hand was on other things would be even worse.

― Wouldn't you like to know (Amused), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 07:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Define "worse" in this context

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 08:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Pah I type "no-handed" if you know what I mean.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 09:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Typing "no-handed" but only hitting individual keys = something most men would keep quiet about, surely?

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 09:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Urrggghh! But I have to say, you must have a very small appendage to be able to manage to hit only one key at once.

― Wouldn't you like to know (Amused), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 09:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd never have thought of that!

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 09:18 (twenty-two years ago)

You jinxed me CJ, you minx. Jinx minx.

― Wouldn't you like to know (Amused), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 09:21 (twenty-two years ago)

You have to keep your fingers crossed now until a black cat crosses your path. It's a new rule I have made up.

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 09:26 (twenty-two years ago)

hgfterytu kl;poidsaytr

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 09:45 (twenty-two years ago)

show off!

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 09:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Hmm, might have to visit my pal JC tonight, she has a black cat named Azrael.

― Wouldn't you like to know (Amused), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 09:51 (twenty-two years ago)

You know how you spend an hour spewing invective at everyone in sight, and then you accidentally hit the back button and it's all lost? Huh? Isn't that just the worst?

BTW: editor, you am da minx. CJ is blameless and pure, as anyone around these parts will tell you.

― Pooster (pooster), Sunday, 20 April 2003 22:01 (twenty-two years ago)

What about that pony? You know, the one in the "back room"?

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Monday, 21 April 2003 01:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Ssshh, you'll "ruin" it for "everyone"

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 21 April 2003 08:19 (twenty-two years ago)

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