lava lamp - can i replace the water in it?

replacing the "water" is no problem. just use light mineral oil available at any corner chemist's. the real challenge is to locate several new fetusus to float inside. back in the day (when they were selling lava lamps by the gross at every market stall and methadone clinic), you could score a replacement fetus or three at any rusty hanger surgery. in a pinch, they were 6 a bob frozen at tesco's. the world is different now. with mullahs (or in bushy's case double secret mullahs) running the show, you're lucky to find enough stem cells for a good pot of char. my guess -- and it's just that -- is that unless you're tapped in, you'll have to resort to some type of mock fetus. trying filling your mouth with licorice allsorts and an eccles cake, chew it well, then spit the lot into glass. add a jigger of shandy and inspect every hour. at some point you will get a passable mock fetus. the match doesn't have to be exact. i mean it's not as though anyone ever stares at a lava lamp unimpaired. also try oysters, the big fat ones.

If you could aquire some embryonic fluid and a LIVE fetus...that would be ace.

Wouldn't the heat from the lava lamp poach the foetus, though?

And on a separate, but not entirely unrelated note, does anyone have a good cure for sudden onset queasiness?

CJ, take one foetus and four Enos, blend well, dilute with orange juice. Drink. Puke. The nausea should pass.

Sorry! That was very bad of me.

Does anyone have a good cure for the darkest horrors?

Yeah, light up your darkest horrors with foetus lava lamp!

Ok Ok I will stop it now. It's very sick but you have to blame hurley for starting it in the first place.

If you could get it hot enough, you could use REAL lava...yeah...and have some little ceramic Pompeiians bobbing around...

for millions of years even the most primitive forms of life have floated their fetal offspring in light oil for meditation and illumination. don't try to pin this on me. which, of course, begs the obvious question: straight pin or safety. or, stated differently (and more precisely): fetus, classic or dud??

Hatpin.

Dead foetuses don't wear hats

Dead hats don't tell tales

What is this sartorial theme which is creeping upon us? And why has Lynskey gone quiet?
Has Celeste forced him to wear a suitable tuxedo?

Lynskey has gone into a self-imposed exile due to Jim's relentless attempts to destroy his coat. Sensible man.

Perhaps, just perhaps...He doesn't want anyone to know...

WHAT'S IN HIS POCKETS!

Fags, fags and loose change. LET THE WORLD KNOW!

And lighters with a "suspicious" burn mark, lots of them.

Occasionally his house keys.

So I'm at home watching "Clockers" and thinking about the issues it raises.

One of the main ones I can think of is that when art tackles a subject it renders it history and therefore meaningless. A lot of the great works are wishing away a pestering emotional bon mot. At least this is what "Clockers" is saying to me right now.

Yo C J!

You know ... sod your queasiness, I am in a far worse position. I recently highlighted the fact that I woke up and found my roight arrum completely dead, owing to the fact that I must have slept on it very heavily. News update: on trying to go to the toilet, I discovered that my leg was in the same state of extreme anaesthesia. I demand to know: what the hell position do you have to sleep in to lie on your leg to make it go Num? Or maybe I had a stroke.

Anyway, back to the thread: All yous, what's the funniest thing you ever had in your pockets? Mine was a piece of fossilised poo. I don't know where it's gone, but I did compose a theme tune for it, to the tune of 'Crocodile Shoes'. It went: 'Fossilised poo, fossilised poo...' etc. It was more a John Lennon sort of song than a Macca ballad. I wish I had my piece of fossilised poo back. I miss him. That prehistoric Mr Hankey. Didn't need inoculations, and you could go on holiday for weeks without having to get a friend to look after him. Sob.

We was so poor when I was a lad me Mum would cut the pockets out of me trousers so's I'd have something to play with.

"Or maybe I had a stroke"

What you do in the privacy of your own bathroom is entirely your own affair, and is clearly in the realms of "too much information" for me right now.

Do you know that Pooster has a video for sale?

"Pooster in the Bathroom"

It's quite poor, really. Grainey, poor sound and the rubber duck won't allow his face to be shown.

The Rubber Duck made him sign some sort of legal thingy?

Yeah, I've seen it, the rubber duck stole the show by doing a rendition of singing in the rain. As for Pooster, there was some kind of blurred figure in the background repeatedly shaking his right arm.

He wasn't wanking though, he was doing the Hokey-Cokey.

The duck has been offered a leading role in the forthcoming re-make of the Marx Brothers classic "Duck Soup" and it seems curiosly excited about this. Still, that's ducks for you. Stupid as mud.

curiously, even

We call it the Hokey-Pokey in my country, but drugs are not as plentiful there and the toilet water goes the opposite way. I thought he was just trying to revive his numb arm to be honest.

The thought of people "Doing The Hokey-Pokey" has just provided an interesting mental picture for me.

Lol, yeah it's really when they put the left leg in that it starts to get a bit out of control - and that's even before the 'shaking it all about' starts. That's what it's all about.

And there was me thinking it was all about the Benjamins

If Pooster is trying to revive His Numb Arm, he is foolish indeed. It was a catastrophic box-office flop the first time and two of the original backers are still in hospital.

And as for that musical of his about the girl from Ormskirk and the malfunctioning android from Cheltenham, well, no wonder he had to run away and hide in Ashdown Forest...

Excuse me?

Could someone help me with Linkey here?

He's been sitting in front of this silly clothes dryer for two days now, mumbling something about "Clockers" and I'm afraid his eyes are going to stay like that.

Here. Help me get him undressed...a warm bath should help. How in the world did he manage to button his shirt in back? Ok. Let's get those pants off and...

OH

MY

GOD!

He's tried to circumcise himself again!

Oh, Jeez, this is too much. Call Jarlid, I think he has some heavy gloves and a bucket.

Rex, the sequel 'His Numb Arm Strikes Back' was much better.

Thanks to you pesky blather, I had a dream about filling a giant lava lamp with multicoloured goldfish last night. The effect, I have to say, was absolutely gorgeous, but I got scared they might be poisoned by the psychedelic hydrocarbon glop in there and things started going awry. I ended up dreaming that the devil was going to make me die on the stroke of midnight, and I had plenty of hilarity-free adventures trying to tie up all my unfinished business before said hour.

Sounds like a romp! Yikes. How your dream went from lavafishlamp to the devil's coming to get me, I just don't know, but dreams have a strange habit of warping out like that, don't they?

I had a dream about Orli Bloom and a fruit cocktail, the effect was also absolutely gorgeous also and I had plenty of hilarious adventures trying to tie up ... oh well, never mind. ;)