Exponential existentialists

The objectivists, who hate shovels, are stashing them there, thinking you won't notice the smell.

You know...Out of sight, out of mind.

But if it's out of mind then does it really exist?

Not only does it exist, it's starting to smell.

Ring up the Luddites and tell them you have some "supporters" for them who need transpotation. They'll be walking, of course, with wheelbarows, but be patient. Duct tape and plastic might help.

cor.

Duct tape and plastic? That little known punk rock band?

No, no. You are probably thinking of "Plasticized Venting Sealant", that esoteric chamber music duo who, having extra fingers on both hands, play multiple instruments at the same time.

Of course I could be wrong.

I haven't heard any music since my Chihuahua lost her harmonica.

So I'm at home watching "Clockers".

One chap says to another chap "Have you been smoking crack?".

I have never tried crack. I doubtless will when the cardboard box and the beard of weasels beckon and this does not bode well. If it is good as it should be you should be able to tell from three miles away that someone was on crack. But I live in an idealised middle class brick bubble that resembles some sort of behaviour experiment that Channel 4 film with cameras. So what do I know exactly?

I know that I am watching "Clockers".

Transpotation, Zenster? Is this a brand of alcopop endorsed by Jan Morris?

Incidentally, I have just woken up to find that I have been lying on my right hand for what must have been all of the night. I'd just like to say that it's not true what they say. Unless you're into necrosis.

BTW, you know people talk about 'crap sex'? Why is there no recorded example of 'crap masturbation'?

BTW2: a snippet from my shortly-to-be-published autobiography, "What the fuck was that all about then?":

Explaining the failure of a relationship to a close and dear friend, I said: "You know those Hollywood movie scenarios for relationships where the couple have nothing in common but great sex? Well, it was like that, but without the sex."

Crap masturbation,

CRAP MASTURBATION?

I, Zen Clown, am a fucking, bloody (by our lady) expert in the arena of crap masturbation. In my younger years I was reticent, even shy but now, with my rather unruly grey beard, I am wont to sit on the porch swing, in full view of passers-by, demonstrating ability that has taken a lifetime to aquire.

Why is it so crappy?

I have absolutely no cooperation what so ever from the "little fellow".

Since the disapearance of my beloved Sue...my life has been empty.

By the way...

"transpotation", Mister Poo, is the art of making nifty, portable woodwind instruments out of potatoes.

As if you didn't know.

I'm sorry, I think you are mistaken there Zen - may I call you Zen, btw?

"transpotation" is the ancient art of turning a variety of liquids into something drinkable. Carlsberg, mostly.

You may call me whatever you like, young lady, if, indeed, you are, a post-infant female person, as long as you call me to dinner.(ha ha ha ha ha ha)Beg pardon. (I have absolutely no control over my mind (or my body)). Once upon a time I was a perfectly normal person, a sucessfull businessman actually. (I left the "spelling" to the "help")I became quite wealthy simply by wandering in the woods, naked, by the way, and collecting various animal droppings which I encased in plastic and sold, at a substantial profit, to wealthy people in large cities who thought "wildlife" was something out of a Disney cartoon or perhaps some exclusive "rave" that they, in their ivory towers were unaware of. Oh, well, enough about me. Do you have any pictures of yourself? Naked? Do you like moss? How are you with hatpins? Oh, my. I see I'm rushing things here. Forget the moss and hatpins. Just the naked pictures will do for now. No "close-ups" please as I am easily frightened.

Now.

Where were we? Potatoes? Potability? Carlsberg? I am totally bumfuzzeled.

Ah. A shit salesman. Lovely. I admire entrepreneurial skill, and the ability to spot a niche market.

I do own a hatpin as it happens (just the one), but I'm not so good with moss - I tend to sit on the roof and kick off the moss because a few of the verses they've got me quite cross. You know how it is.

And as for naked photographs - are you completely bonkers? There are some things which should never ever see the light of day, and I am one of them. Trust me on this.

How about an elbow then, in a wool sweater, from a distance, in the twilight, on a foggy day.

I am quite desperate.

Sorry to be late, but did you really class Carlsberg as drinkable, CJ?
Presumably only when pissed as a rat and at the stage when a party seven and that funny bottle with a lizard in both look attractive?

By the time I've knocked back a dozen large jugs of Carlsberg at the Hong Kong Rugby Sevens I'm really past caring that it tastes like TCP. I also like the way it makes my ankles feel as though they are fashioned from cotton wool.

Mmmm .... lizards! Num.

CJ, I have it on good authority that if you pick up pregnant lizards they will "spew out baby lizards". Extra num.

In your world, maybe, but not round these parts.

I don't like lizards. I hate the way their eyes are all swivelly. Never trust anything with swivelly eyes, my Mum always said.

I haven't noticed that they have swivelly eyes,I guess I am too busy avoiding the slithery little things. The worst ones are legless lizards. Do you get those here in England? What is up with the whole 'I'm not a snake I just resemble one' thing. I am sure that it's a survival tactic that backfired pretty quickly once homo sapiens came on the scene. Might have worked on the fluffy mammals, but it's likely to get you a shovel in the head with me.

Similar to the leg-free badgers of the Three Counties area, reactionary evolutionary bastards.

They make brilliant two-tone fireside rugs though!

Which can be bought in the LAST EVER edition of the Innovations catalogue, featuring in a Mail on Sunday magazine near YOU soon.

Ooh oh get me a solar powered plant waterer.

And a cardigan straightener.

and some nightvision goggles.

Why? You already own all of the above, techno-boy.

Just because its dark, don't think I can't see you hiding there.

this thread was interesting

*aw shucks*

sounds of babies being murdered ringtones site. [URL=the gravid moaning of your parents making the beast with two backs]qwest ringtones[/URL]: ringtones site, Free fucking ringtones here, Download the sound of your last breath, transported direct from the future FREE. [url=http://www.la-ringtones.com]nextel ringtones[/url] from website .

Ooooooh! Thank you! That was just what I needed.