"There's too many of 'em" growled Det. Insp Skip Polenta of the Ormskirk CID. "Kid's see a pun and they think yeah, that looks lke a bit of fun. Yeah, that's pretty cool. maybe my mates will think I'm hard. But no-one's laughing when they TAKE YOUR FUCKING ARM OFF, so come on, hand 'em in."
And who are we to argue with the Plod? So please, for the good of yourselves, for the good of society, for the good of the
children, please,
please, hand your puns in here.― Matt (Matt), Saturday, 19 April 2003 14:15 (twenty-two years ago)
"Smashing Pun King" is an anagram of "Spunks in gingham" ... I wonder if our fresh-DNA'd, innocent new generation of dew-eyed, pony/pig-tailed daughters is really ready for punophiles lurking in every half-deserted street and muttering retreat. Not to speak of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels. And you can cut out that back-rubbing against window panes as well, cheeky monkey. Oh, I'm just getting carried away with the sordidness of it all ... excuse me.
Since we're talking of and about puns, I was shocked to hear today on the Radio 4 programme 'Quote ... Unquote' some woman recounting the fucking hackneyed Dorothy Parker commonplace involving horticulture. What surprised me was that the audience laughed; how Conservative do you have to be never to have heard that bloody pun before? I ask you.
Some puns are funny though, and should be allowed through the ring of steel that is closing in under Matt's all-seeing, all-knowing jackboot. Hmm ... anyone for a game of mixed-metaphors?
If the iron clog should stomp down permanently on The Pun, and the Marlboro Lights do indeed go out across Europe, bring me your tired, your poor, your huddled puns, care of the St George's Vaults, Cheltenham. I shall try to put them all up in my flat pending the restitution of literary sanity.
In the meantime, let's all campaign to get our policemen sent to Baghdad to show them how it's done. Then I vote we go loot Harry Middleton Cycles.
Are you with me, Brothers?
― Pooster (pooster), Sunday, 20 April 2003 21:40 (twenty-two years ago)
I am willing to surrender this and ONLY this and don't come peeking into my cupboards for any more or I'll shove my cane up your...
"A wealthy, retired marine biologist lived in a largish home on the beach and kept a dolphin, as an on going experiment, in his swimming pool. He noticed that if he fed the dolphin a diet of seagulls, it's ageing process slowed to nill. He daily trapped seagulls and one morning was returning home and his neighbor's very old pet lion had curled up and fallen asleep on his front porch. He stepped over the old beast and proceeded to the pool. The next day, Federal Agents came to his door and arrested him for Transporting gulls across a sedate lion for immortal porpoises.'"
― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Monday, 21 April 2003 02:14 (twenty-two years ago)
Hurray! My pun compound has an inmate! Time to make with the goggles and manacles.
― Matt (Matt), Monday, 21 April 2003 08:18 (twenty-two years ago)
It's getting lonely in here. Could I have ONE hand free? You know, for a quick "date"?
― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 03:59 (twenty-two years ago)
It a-pears my o-pineapple currys no flavor around here. I'm guava back off and watch "Clockers".
― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 22:48 (twenty-two years ago)
Scarper, its the Peelers.
― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Friday, 25 April 2003 09:40 (twenty-two years ago)
five months pass...