Rumble in the Jungle

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Now don't get me wrong - I was the first to start cheering when I heard of ITV's clever plan to ship a dozen minor TV 'celebrities' off to the Australian jungle to fend for themselves (though I drew the line at actually watching the programme). A motley assortment of weather presenters, sportsmen, chefs, interior designers and coke addicts living on a diet of flatulence-inducing beans had tremendous potential, I'll agree. Sounded fun, wasn't.

However, I am extremely disappointed to learn that the programme makers at ITV bought return airline tickets for these people, and have allowed them back home again.

To whom should I direct my complaints?

― C J (C J), Thursday, 22 May 2003 13:29 (twenty-two years ago)

No-one. You should try and invent a time machine.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Thursday, 22 May 2003 15:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Sadly that would require a more intimate knowledge of the theory of relativity and/or wormholes than I currently possess. In order to travel backwards in time, it would require the thermodynamic equivalent of releasing all the energy of my mass twice over - I have just been practising this by running full-tilt across the office, but have succeeded only in coming a cropper over the filing cabinet, bruising my shins quite badly in the process.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 22 May 2003 16:37 (twenty-two years ago)

I have just finished watching the final to American Idol 2. It was more evil than the filthiest porn I've ever seen.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 22 May 2003 22:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Ouch! Your shins.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 22 May 2003 22:47 (twenty-two years ago)

More evil? Then i think i'd probably like it.

― Robin (RJM), Friday, 23 May 2003 16:00 (twenty-two years ago)

is an enormously fat negro castrato chanteur really the latest rage in american idolatry?? what will i do now with a container-load of rumsfeld bobble-heads, 6000 unsold farrah fawcett posters, and forty cases of novelty breast steins?? last time i listen to faith popcorn.

breasts shmests. bring on the big macs and coppertone QT.

― hurley (hurley), Friday, 23 May 2003 17:20 (twenty-two years ago)

How much for the Farrah Fawcett posters. People keep "borrowing" mine and I'm down to 437.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Friday, 23 May 2003 17:59 (twenty-two years ago)

you can have the lot for a map of the stars' homes.

― hurley (hurley), Friday, 23 May 2003 18:27 (twenty-two years ago)

correction: tsars' homes

― hurley (hurley), Friday, 23 May 2003 18:28 (twenty-two years ago)

actually, both. and instead of a map, a rice cake topographical model.

― hurley (hurley), Friday, 23 May 2003 18:29 (twenty-two years ago)

with long long legs and plenty of blond.

― hurley (hurley), Friday, 23 May 2003 18:29 (twenty-two years ago)

and a ginger beer to wash it down.

― hurley (hurley), Friday, 23 May 2003 18:31 (twenty-two years ago)

7 New Answers my arse.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Friday, 23 May 2003 23:19 (twenty-two years ago)

sold!

― hurley (hurley), Friday, 23 May 2003 23:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I lied earlier; I've never owned more than 237 Farrah posters. I need some more because the nipples have been licked off of the ones I have.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Saturday, 24 May 2003 00:15 (twenty-two years ago)

they'll grow back with a little water and barry white.

― hurley (hurley), Saturday, 24 May 2003 11:50 (twenty-two years ago)

It's not the missing nipples that's so disturbing, more the fact that the posters look sort of splattered.

― C J (C J), Saturday, 24 May 2003 12:56 (twenty-two years ago)

He has this problem with dribble

― Weebleman (StillSimon), Monday, 26 May 2003 05:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Much like Berger. Good ridance. Enjoy Leeds.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Monday, 26 May 2003 11:11 (twenty-two years ago)

My roof leaks.

That's all...

really...

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Monday, 26 May 2003 20:51 (twenty-two years ago)

http://home.t-online.de/home/Benjamin.Buescher/Bilder/zoidberg.gif

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Tuesday, 27 May 2003 14:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Again with the lobster jokes already etc. I still want detailed blueprints of the tsars homes.

― Matt (Matt), Tuesday, 27 May 2003 23:46 (twenty-two years ago)

y'know, the ones with the ducts

― Matt (Matt), Tuesday, 27 May 2003 23:46 (twenty-two years ago)

despite the detailed engravures in baedeker, the tsars all lives in teepees. they moved with the herd. except of course that last time.

― hurley (hurley), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 13:44 (twenty-two years ago)

The reason that they became static was due to the Great Vegetarian Movement that disdained the eating of herds and they all took to foraging for nuts and berries. The local bear population, fearing long lunch lines, killed and ate every last one of them.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 22:20 (twenty-two years ago)

the stronger bears, kown as "line jumpers" naturally profited most from this state of affairs. The creation of a martial bear state (under it's leader Winnie, Militaristic, Expansionist) became a problem for the international community at large and something had to be done and that, son, is how I met your mother and invented the lightbulb.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 29 May 2003 12:43 (twenty-two years ago)

the weaker bears, known as "line backers" due to their defensive play, migrated from the area and formed the Chicago Bears. Except of course for Cuddles McHoneypaws who was signed to the Washington Redskins and went to live in a teepee.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 29 May 2003 18:21 (twenty-two years ago)

"Teepee or not teepee, that is the question..."

Wm Slightlytremblingspere

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Friday, 30 May 2003 00:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Informational note:

Some of you may be wondering, and you should, why bears are so popular if they knock people down, rip off their clothes and skin and eat them, dead or not? Sure, part of it is political, but seen from afar, they are CUTE. Teepees, on the other hand, stand in stark contrast to their environment and they are POINTED! WELL! Nobody likes pointed things and that explains why you have never seen a cute, cuddley stuffed "Teddy Teepee". And...

What was the question?

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Friday, 30 May 2003 01:08 (twenty-two years ago)

one year passes...

How many Farrah Fawcett posters are you down to now, Zen?

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 April 2005 08:08 (twenty years ago)

Kudos to CJ for bringing back some of the "good old days".

Some of these people, however, should be tarred and fethered. (and learn to spel)

Farrah's famous mammarys have gone so far south I now sit on a stool rather than standing on tip-toes.

By the by, C, I need another picture of you. A fresh one. It needn't be nude. I can't remember how long I've had your picture on my wall but it's begining to fade and I'm having visions of Dorian Gray.(Or Grey, even Oscar wasn't sure.)

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Thursday, 7 April 2005 08:56 (twenty years ago)

Oh CJ? I'll be 59 on Saturday. A nudie pic would be a thrill. The shock may kill me but as Hellen Keller said "Life is either a great adventure or nothing."

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Thursday, 7 April 2005 09:09 (twenty years ago)

Please stop this, you're being really creepy again.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 April 2005 11:06 (twenty years ago)

CJ, should I assume you are a very large woman, considering the great adventure Zen expects from your nudie pic?

When I read some of these ealier posts I assumed Zen's nipples had been licked off. No big loss, I thought, as the expression "Useless as tits on a bull" came to mind.

― MSW (MSW), Thursday, 7 April 2005 12:09 (twenty years ago)

Oh yes, assume away. I'm quite horrible. If I were to send out a nude picture of myself (not that I have any, mind you) it would be enough to put someone off their lunch pretty smartish, I can tell you. I'm thinking of marketing myself as an aid to dieting.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 April 2005 13:03 (twenty years ago)

http://www.nice-tits.org/

http://www.nice-tits.org/titbits/feature_picture.jpg

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 7 April 2005 17:54 (twenty years ago)

I love teasing CJ. She truly is beautiful and her shyness magnifies her beauty.

Matt, on the other hand, is a horrible person. He says "fuck" and other terrible shit.

I wish CJ, the Adorable, would motor over to Ormskirk, find Matt, the Abhorrible,(Clue: He works with frogs.)and bitch slap the hell out of him.

(Note of Caution: If you two end up sleeping together, it will ruin my whole plan.)

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Thursday, 7 April 2005 21:04 (twenty years ago)

Alright...we have given this enough time now. Some important questions need to be asked:

Did CJ sleep with Matt?
Did the earth move for either of them?
Can ZC's plan now be claimed as a ruin?
Who slapped whom?
Is anyone on a diet and what is this new cure called?

― MSW (MSW), Thursday, 14 April 2005 19:56 (twenty years ago)

What?
The?
Fuck?

This particular line of enquiry stops here.

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 15 April 2005 08:46 (twenty years ago)

I think you protest too much. There is some juicy truth hiding here. Come on people, start digging!

― MSW (MSW), Friday, 15 April 2005 13:30 (twenty years ago)

Are we going to China again?

― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 15 April 2005 21:32 (twenty years ago)

China? Gosh there is more dirt here than I imagined!!!

― MSW (MSW), Monday, 18 April 2005 13:37 (twenty years ago)

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