Quest for a Weeble

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Stap me vitals! I?ve just learned that Weebleman is not, as I previously believed, the guy who contributed to the old AAD as ?TRD? and ?Shopper?s Friend?.

Consequently I withdraw the allegations made on our R.I.P. thread that he (a) is fat and (b) lives in Dulwich ? though I would plead in extenuation that he sounds like just the sort of dodgy geezer who?d do both, and in a quite shameless manner.

But now, of course, I?ve been set back on my heels, whatever that may mean, and assuming I do actually have heels and am not the vast shapeless blob which has just been washed up in Chile, though that?s more or less what I feel like, and the photo?s no uglier than the one I had taken yesterday for my new National Library of Scotland reader?s ticket, but that by the by.

You see ? and follow me closely here ? if Weebleman is not in fact my old, amply proportioned crony in Dulwich, it follows that Weebleman must be ? someone else.

But who?

Do I know him? Is he yet another avenging spectre from my squalid past, looming up out of the Internet like a thing that looms up out of things?

Or is he someone in my current life, such as Mary Moriarty or the very old man with a hearing aid who totters around Leith dressed up as a cowboy?

Is he an unacknowledged member of the Ormskirk Posse ? Ormskirk?s answer to Gummo Marx, perchance?

Could it be that I was mistaken in thinking that Lynskey?s father (a known contributor to the old AAD) was the bloke who signed himself ?Mike Dad?, and that it is, in point of fact, Weebleman who bears the blood-guilt of having unleashed our beloved Porl upon the world?

Or is this Weeble a purely random Weeble ? someone who, like Aimless or Pete Andrews, drifted in off the Web and found he?d blundered into his spiritual home?

Let me make one thing crystal clear, as my old friend and mentor Richard Nixon used to say. Like all of us drunks, I revere Weebleman. Whoever he is, he?s a damn good thing.

And I fully accept that the ability to admit ignorance and to tolerate uncertainty is a mark of maturity. And I?m as mature as the next man, particularly if the next man is Methuselah or Zen Clown.

But I?m haunted by the fear that Weebleman thinks I do know who he is; and that when he reads these words the scales will fall from whatever it is that Weeblemen have instead of eyes, and he?ll no longer respect me as a person, which is what I have hitherto tried to persuade him that I am.

Then again ? oh, the hell with it. Whose round is it? And don?t say ?Yours, you obese, unemployable miser,? because that happens to be a very vulgar thing to say.

― Rex (Rex), Friday, 4 July 2003 03:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, the Weeblemeister . . . . he's just this guy . . . . .

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Friday, 4 July 2003 13:02 (twenty-two years ago)

both random and a spectre- isn't serendipity a wonderful thing.

I would have to confess to being fatter than of yore, but I have never lived in either Dulwich or the great wen of Ormskirk.

And of course it's your round. I wouldn't dream of being vulgar for, oh, 20 or 30 seconds at least.

― Weebleman (StillSimon), Friday, 4 July 2003 15:47 (twenty-two years ago)

That shit's fucked up

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Saturday, 5 July 2003 00:41 (twenty-two years ago)

That was less than 20 seconds, my dear chap

― Weebleman (StillSimon), Sunday, 6 July 2003 05:29 (twenty-two years ago)

That's 20 seconds of fucked up shit.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Sunday, 6 July 2003 12:01 (twenty-two years ago)

You want Weeble? I got Weeble.

http://www.mailorderexpress.com/cgi/pfind.pl?BPC=8/TOK=1/IMG=1/PB=1/EXFIND=fla9/page=results.html

(I like the Ice Cream Van Weeble best)

― C J (C J), Sunday, 6 July 2003 18:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Or like this, even :

http://www.mailorderexpress.com/cgi/pfind.pl?BPC=8/TOK=1/IMG=1/PB=1/EXFIND=fla9/page=results.html

(d'oh!)

― C J (C J), Sunday, 6 July 2003 18:13 (twenty-two years ago)

You mean... they still exist? I was labouring under the misapprehension that they had all been routed, crushed and brutallly torched by an armoured WaffenPlaymobil squad! Vive la Résistance! Vive les Weebles!

See, Playmobil troops have arms... therefore they are so much better at holding flamethrowers. Weebles wobble, and they don't fall down... but they are very good at melting. Such a terrible thing to befall such a pacific people. It was all documented, during the Legoland Trails. Several Playmobil high-ups were condemnded to being placed in a particularly sunny early Learning Centre shop window until they became pastel coloured.

― Pooster (pooster), Sunday, 6 July 2003 21:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Since then, Playmbobil people have been forbidden to wear any uniform other than can be found in a provincial fancy-dress hire shop in Manitoba:

http://www.playmobil.de/is-bin/INTERSHOP.enfinity/eCS/Store/de/-/DEM/PM_Storefront-Start

― Pooster (pooster), Sunday, 6 July 2003 21:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Weeble double entendres #1:
Once the Weeble Fireman has doused the flames, he can zip down the ladder poised for more action on the ground.

― Pooster (pooster), Sunday, 6 July 2003 21:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Weeble double entendres #2:
There is, of course, space in the van for an additional Weeble...

― Pooster (pooster), Sunday, 6 July 2003 21:28 (twenty-two years ago)

And another thing, Rexster... you and your gigantic blob of blubber: "It has only one tentacle left. It could be a new species or the remains of a whale."

Since when did whales get tentacles? Strikes me your Ms Elsa Cabrera there is woefully out of her depth. Or maybe she meant "testicle".

Now here's an interesting article. http://members.tripod.com/burns_mike/a/giantoctopus
No doubt some wag will post the 'exploding cetacean' mpeg on here before too long too! Can't wait!

― Pooster (pooster), Sunday, 6 July 2003 22:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I told you I couldn't wait!!! Here it is!!!
http://perp.com/whale/barry.html

I like Dave Barry. I once got him to email my fiancée to remind her that it was her duty to marry me. He followed up on his part of the bargain; unfortunately, she didn't.

― Pooster (pooster), Sunday, 6 July 2003 22:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Wierdo

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Sunday, 6 July 2003 22:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't know whether to laugh or cry, so instead I shall unfold a deckchair and read a week old G2 article about Fassbinder or something.

― Matt (Matt), Sunday, 6 July 2003 23:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Somebody get me a malt.

― Matt (Matt), Sunday, 6 July 2003 23:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Here's a malt.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Monday, 7 July 2003 13:23 (twenty-two years ago)

that's not a weeble, that's my wife.

― hurley (hurley), Thursday, 10 July 2003 19:29 (twenty-two years ago)

ET FUCKING SET RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Thursday, 10 July 2003 23:08 (twenty-two years ago)

No, that's your wife.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 10 July 2003 23:28 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread is in danger of disappearing up its own rogue tentacle, so gather round, everyone, and we’ll have a nice sing-song, using these ‘Pooster Praise’ songbooks. Come on, Lynskey, sit yourself down at this unusually bulky upright piano and open the lid, there’s a good misanthrope.

Hang on, why is the piano kicking you in the groin?

Oh, so that’s Hurley’s wife! My mistake, though she really shouldn’t have worn those tiny golden slippers with that shiny dark-brown dress, complete with hood.

― Rex (Rex), Sunday, 13 July 2003 18:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I notice you don't mention her keys, but perhaps that's best

― Weebleman (StillSimon), Monday, 14 July 2003 20:35 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm still not coming out until you cease this nonsense.

― Pooster (pooster), Monday, 14 July 2003 22:45 (twenty-two years ago)

You're gay?

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Monday, 14 July 2003 23:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Be careful here, Poo. If you implicate me, I'll deny I ever knew you.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 02:32 (twenty-two years ago)

None of you exist really, do you? There's probably just one seven year old girl with an overactive thyroid making all of these posts.

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 11:14 (twenty-two years ago)

There is. I've met her.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 12:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Is she the rather strange Lenore, the cute dead girl?

― Weebleman (StillSimon), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 12:50 (twenty-two years ago)

I thought Lenore was a fabric conditioner

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 15:07 (twenty-two years ago)

"Nevermore!"

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 17:57 (twenty-two years ago)

http://ublib.buffalo.edu/libraries/units/lml/comics/pages/images/LenorePANEL.jpg

that Lenore

― Weebleman (StillSimon), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 20:38 (twenty-two years ago)

It would be a pity if Lenore added a perfectly good thread to the list of her victims. In defence of my immortality, then, (and do stop me if you have heard this before), does anyone know where I can get some Blissium?
The supply world may have changed since we last enquired.

― Weebleman (StillSimon), Sunday, 20 July 2003 20:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Thank you Zen... I think that reference passed everyone else by, but I just wanted to say: Well done, chap. BTW, you know the statue over the door? Perhaps you can get the char to clean that bird shit off of it one time...

― Pooster (pooster), Sunday, 20 July 2003 23:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, how could you think it of me, Pooster? But in the guise of Skippy Bolitho I have already said all I intend to say about Poe.

― Rex (Rex), Monday, 21 July 2003 00:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Rex, I commend you on your choice of a good and proper Cornish name, should you ever feel the need to don the mantle of a Trewarthan or a Bottreaux I may well shed a tear.

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 21 July 2003 03:25 (twenty-two years ago)

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