have you ever cheated?

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I read the other day in a magazine that 50% of relationships end because someone was unfaithful. Do you really think that that is true. it seems high to me

― sam wallace (punky), Friday, 25 July 2003 18:04 (twenty-two years ago)

I seem to recall that once during a particularly tense game of chess I found my right flank exposed by a foolish and rash advance of the bishop to an attacking posyion supporting my queen. This left a rook and two pawns to close down columns 6-8 in the face of two knights and a pawn supported by a bishop. Well, this game meant a lot to me, so at this juncture naturally I threw acid in my opponents eyes and then danced around calling him "mr girly acid-eyes." He lost his sight and I won the game. To this day when I see him I repress my shame and scream "ooh do your eyes hurt? DO THEY?" Luckily he can't retaliate as he is blind.

― Matt (Matt), Saturday, 26 July 2003 00:56 (twenty-two years ago)

One time I was petting my neighbor's poodle and my chihuahua walked in.

THAT was ugly.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Saturday, 26 July 2003 17:01 (twenty-two years ago)

The poodle?

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Saturday, 26 July 2003 18:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Sam, I’m afraid I didn’t have the motivation to respond to your inquiry, so instead I abducted an old man I met in the street and forced him to write this dull, shifty, non-committal reply – and then I posted it with my name on it, and no one ever suspected! Hah!

― Rex (Rex), Sunday, 27 July 2003 03:48 (twenty-two years ago)

That's cheating

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Sunday, 27 July 2003 11:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I caught on straightaway.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Sunday, 27 July 2003 17:01 (twenty-two years ago)

I really believe that would depend on what the definition of "is" is.

― Ðµdë §téè£, Sunday, 27 July 2003 23:05 (twenty-two years ago)

I think he means "is"

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Monday, 28 July 2003 00:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh "let's" not start "this" "again"

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 28 July 2003 10:15 (twenty-two years ago)

That's your answer for everything.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Monday, 28 July 2003 10:21 (twenty-two years ago)

So anyway Sam Wallace, what are your thoughts on this controversial matter? Ever been tempted to play dicky-cunty behind your partners back? You've posted this question and then stayed silent, so I put it to you that you like to watch.

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 28 July 2003 10:25 (twenty-two years ago)

I put it to him that he likes to make MOSAICS of said acts in his spare times. "Look at me . . . look at my floor full of SHAGGING!"

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Monday, 28 July 2003 10:40 (twenty-two years ago)

I put it to him that his "MOSAICS" are in the fifth person and consist of him pictured overhearing a conversation between 2 people, one of whom has recently witnessed some people shagging.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Tuesday, 29 July 2003 10:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Like this?

http://www.classicalhomeschooling.org/images/cicero1.jpg

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 29 July 2003 17:35 (twenty-two years ago)

That's a lady sucking someone's spinal cord out of their cervical thingy, surely? Nothing erotic about that.. is there...?

― Pooster (pooster), Tuesday, 29 July 2003 21:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Depends if you're a scabemoroph or not.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Tuesday, 29 July 2003 22:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Rubbish! Magazines do not whereof they speak, even when they develop laryngitis and must communicate strictly through writing. The case in hand is yet another illustration. Relationships end because everything ends and I can prove this mathematically, if you provide me with an infinite supply of cocktail napkins.

For example, I once had a relationship with a Corgi. While not a happy relationship, it qualified in the essential ingredient, in that I had made the Corgi's acquaintance and I had it's phone number scribbled in my address book. (I find cocktail napkins very handy for this purpose, too.) Then the Corgi (a notoriously faithful creature) choked to death while trying to swallow an athletic stocking.

There was the end of that relationship I can tell you. No infidelity was ever broached or even contemplated. I can't even fathom what would constitute unfaithfulness in such a relationship. I could cite you many, many more examples equally pungent and to the point. My peronal diary (written entirely on the backs of envelopes and on bits of the Daily Mail) is replete with such stuff. Simply replete I tell you.

― Aimless, Wednesday, 6 August 2003 16:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Corgi?

http://www.corgi-gas.com/index.asp

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 6 August 2003 21:26 (twenty-two years ago)

We interrupt this thread to bring you an urgent message. Police have issued this photograph of a man they wish to question in connection with two hundred and twelve indescribably disgusting homicides:

http://www.corgi-gas.com/images/indexinstaller02.jpg

Members of the public are advised not to approach him under any circumstances as he looks as if he might turn out to be quite boring.

― Rex (Rex), Thursday, 7 August 2003 22:32 (twenty-two years ago)

That's Phil from Neighbours!

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Thursday, 7 August 2003 22:36 (twenty-two years ago)

This man, he resembles my father. And quite boring, I think not. You see, this man was a woman who was man. "Gender issues?", you ask. None would be the answer. I say it would be, becauase as it turns out, this man-woman-man who resembles my father was utterly consumed with withering its nethers into a suprisingly aesthetically pleasing androgenetic lump.

― rudeboy (rudeboy), Thursday, 7 August 2003 22:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Nein, for there is a factoru turning out cold-eyed killers located mid atlanitc for they have receding hairlines and pleasant expressions which bely their murderous intent, for Phil from neighbours read Angela dad in "My so-called life" was he in the building when OJ was framed? was he fuck, the man's a pro.

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 8 August 2003 10:40 (twenty-two years ago)

... suprisingly aesthetically pleasing androgenetic lump.

Did I forget to mention that he carries it around in his big black box? Sales, you know. Steadily getting harder, (like the clumpy lump), to distinguish one's self absent some gimmick driven pitch to "catch their attention" these days.

Once, a nervous Phil once consulted me, via phone, on its use as a party favor in a pinch -- a slice held between Ritz crackers and all that.

Apparently the food service provider failed to show for the party that was to celebrate Phil's final scientifically enhanced biological change. Phil had only a package of molded baloney and the aforementioned crackers to serve and was highly embarassed as this was his only appetizer. (You see, he had already skimped on drink --an assortment of tiny liquor bottles stolen from the minibar of the Carlton where he stayed during his opertion that were already half filled with tap water from previously less than honest guests.)

Of course, I strongly advised against deli slicing the lump simply for the sake of appearance. I thought it a prudent move as I was to be the only guest.

― rudeboy (rudeboy), Sunday, 10 August 2003 15:28 (twenty-two years ago)

An excerpt from the almost tearful phone conversation:

Phil: I feel so ashamed.
Me: No need Phil. Things will be fine.
Phil: You sure you won't mind if there are no edibles?
Me: No, I won't mind.
Phil: I'd feel much better serving you something.
Me: Don't serve me the lump Phil.
Phil: But, I feel so horrible about this. I'm just going to shave off an ounce or two. You've been such a good friend.
Me: Phil, do not serve me the lump.
Phil: You're just being polite. I know you'll be disapp...
Me: Damb it, you deviant pubically lacerated abnormality! You serve me that shit and I'm not coming over.
Phil: Well, okay. If you're sure.
Me: I'm sure Phil.
Phil: Okay. *mumbling* You'll never know anyway.
Me: What was that Phil?
Phil: I said "Hope to you see you straightaway."
Me: Okay. See you soon.
Phil: Okay. See you soon.

― rudeboy (rudeboy), Sunday, 10 August 2003 15:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Pssst... wanna buy some corgi testicles?

― Pooster (pooster), Monday, 11 August 2003 22:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Depends, how thin can you slice them?

― rudeboy (rudeboy), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 02:13 (twenty-two years ago)

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