Warnings

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Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and of the Sadducees, 1 which is hypocrisy. 2 Beware of the scribes, which love to go in long clothing, and love greetings in the market places, and the important seats in the synagogues, and the uppermost rooms at feasts: Which devour widows' houses, and for a pretence make long prayers: these shall receive greater damnation. 3 Take heed to what you hear: with what measure you give out, it will be measured to you: and to you that hear will more be given. 4 Therefore, take heed how you hear: for whoever has, to him shall be given; and whoever has not, from him shall be taken even that which he seems to have. 5 The light of the body is the eye: therefore when your eye is pure, your whole body is full of light; but when your eye is evil, your body is full of light but when your eye is evil, your body is full of darkness. Take heed, therefore that the light which is in you, is notdarkness. 6 And beware of covetousness: for a man's life does not consist in the abundance of things which he possesses. 7 Take heed, lest at any time your hearts be weighted down and carousing, drunkenness, and cares of this life, so that day come upon you unaware. For as a snare shall it come on all them that dwell on the face of the whole earth. 8 Remember, God knows your hearts: for that which is highly esteemed among man is an abomination in the sight of God. 9 And know this, that if the goodman of the house had known what hour the thief would come, he would have watched, and not have allowed his house to be broken through. Therefore you be ready also: for the Son of man comes at an hour when you think not. Who then is that faithful and wise steward, whom his lord shall make ruler over his household, to give them their portion of meat in due season? Blessed is that servant, whom his lord when he comes shall find so doing. Of a truth I say unto you, that he will make him ruler over all that he has. But and if that servant say in his heart, My lord delays him coming; and shall begin to beat the menservants and maidens, and to eat and drink, and to be drunken; The lord of that servant will come in a day when he is not looking for him, and an hour when he is not aware, and will cut him in pieces, and will appoint him his portion with the unbelievers. And that servant, which knew his lord's will, and prepared not himself, neither did according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes. But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes. For unto whomever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more. 10
Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree brings forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree brings forth evil fruit, a good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that brings not forth good fruit is cut down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits you will know them. Be not deceived: for many will come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and the time draws, near: Therefore don't follow after them. 12 Take heed that you don't do your good deeds before men, to be seen of them: otherwise you will have no reward from your Father which is in heaven. Therefore, when you do your good deeds, do not sound a trumpet in front of you, like the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they have their reward. 13 and whoever exalts himself will be humbled; and he that humbles himself will be exalted. 14 Do not despise one of these little ones; for I tell you, that in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven. 15 Have you ever read in the scriptures, The stone which the builders rejected, the same has become the head of the corner: this is the Lord's doing, and it is marvelous in our eyes? And whoever will on this stone will be broken: but on whoever it falls, it will grind him to powder. 16 Whoever therefore will be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation; of him also shall the Son of man be ashamed; when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels. 17 Sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon you 18 and remember, all who are in the graves will hear His voice, and come forth; they that have done good, unto the resurrection of life; and they that have done evil, unto the resurrection of damnation. 19 I am from above and if you do not believe that I am He, you will die in yours sins. 20 And every idle word that men shall speak, they will give account of in the day judgement. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.

King of King's References:
1. Matthew 16:6
2. Luke 12:1
3. Mark 12:38-40
4. Mark 4:24
5. Luke 8:18
6. Luke 11:34-35
7. Luke 12:15
8. Luke 21:34-35
9. Luke 16:15
10. Luke 12:39-48
11. Matthew 7:15-20
12. Luke 21:8
13. Matthew 6:1-2
14. Matthew 23:12
15. Matthew 18:10
16. Matthew 21:42-44
17. Mark 8:38
18 John 5:14
19. John 5:28-29
20. John 8:23-24

Beware, Tuesday, 2 September 2003 17:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Kneel down, my child, and I will show you my Penis, for it is Magnificent. The Lord God bestowed this magnificent Organ upon me for All to marvel.

OK?

I'm putting IT away now.

PRAISE THE LORD! (or the Easter Bunny, whoever shows up)

Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 17:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I fucked an angel once. It was the least fun I've ever had.

Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 17:31 (twenty-one years ago)

I once indulged in a big heroin and mugging bender with Our Lord Jesus himself. It was ace. We knocked over thirty six old people and made over a billion pounds. Then we took so much horse. I mean loads. Jesus was making jokes the whole time and getting his willy out and waving it around. When I left him he was playing with himself and sticking the Koran up his arse.

VOTE HILARY.

Lynskey (Lynskey), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 17:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Manna from heaven! Eat it up before it goes rancid! Oh... it already has.

Aimless, Tuesday, 2 September 2003 19:20 (twenty-one years ago)

If Eric Clapton is God, how come the Israelites got manna... and not cocaine?

Pooster (pooster), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 21:41 (twenty-one years ago)

THEY GOT WHAT THEY DESERVED.

GOD (Zen Clown), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 22:30 (twenty-one years ago)

HAVE YOU EVER TASTED MANNA? NO? TAKE SOME WHITE BREAD AND SOAK IT IN WATER AND EAT THAT. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

GOD (Zen Clown), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 22:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Could someone get up and change this thread? I'm getting queasy.

Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 22:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Righto.

Matt (Matt), Saturday, 6 September 2003 00:05 (twenty-one years ago)

No, can't be arsed.

Matt (Matt), Saturday, 6 September 2003 00:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Listen to yourself, Matt.

First you say "Righto" and then you say "can't be arsed."

This outragious contradiction indicates that you are...

POSSESSED BY THE DEVIL.

Save yourself! Get a can of petrol, pour it on yourself, and set yourself on fire!

It's the only way. I've had to do it twice...last week.

Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Saturday, 6 September 2003 00:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Good for you.

Matt (Matt), Thursday, 11 September 2003 22:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Further indications that Zen Clown is Beelzebub! It's all getting too x-files not to be true!

Wouldn't you like to know (Amused), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:48 (twenty-one years ago)


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