I want to be cooler than everyone else at this forum

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Hi. I've tried drinking but I couldn't handle it, I've tried to appear smart but it just pissed people off, and I just can't bring myself to use lingo. Is there any way I can still be cooler than everyone on this forum? I don't know any famous people. I am desperate.

― maryann, Sunday, 10 November 2002 07:03 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes, I am going to try crack. But knowing my luck I won't be able to handle that either. There must be an easier way. If you aren't smart, good looking, witty, or rich, is there still a way you can make other people feel inferior?

― maryann, Sunday, 10 November 2002 07:06 (twenty-three years ago)

And at the same time turn them into loyal friends.

― maryann, Sunday, 10 November 2002 07:09 (twenty-three years ago)

I say goodbye then and go to devote my life to the academy. Goodbye to all this, so sweet and yet so sour!

― maryann, Sunday, 10 November 2002 09:14 (twenty-three years ago)

I have this appalling feeling of deja vu. Please just for me do not attempt to be cool, weird, crazy or anything else. Be you. Do not measure yourself against other people/aliens/AskADrunkites- difficult, I concede, in view of the blatant perfection in view on this forum, but do give it a try.

― Weebleman (StillSimon), Sunday, 10 November 2002 10:25 (twenty-three years ago)

I recommend a detailed knowledge of nineteenth-century ecclesiastical history. Charles Haddon Spurgeon is the new black!

― Rex (Rex), Sunday, 10 November 2002 12:39 (twenty-three years ago)

Here are the list of things you need to do in order to be cool.

1. Leave New Zealand.
2. Go to Canada.
3. Get a huge blissium habit.
4. Become a skiffle god.
5. Campaign vigorously for hovercraft access for Ormskirk.

ACV's are the new black

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Sunday, 10 November 2002 16:53 (twenty-three years ago)

Further to Rex's machinations, it is also true that Richard Bentley is the new Charles Haddon Spurgeon. Sorry if we(or I)'ve been a bit harsh, maryann. Ignore Jarlyjam's pornowaffle, if you want to be cooler than the people on here I recommend the following -

1. Eat off plates, not the floor, your legs or off windows

2. Stop living in a greasy windowless pit full of empties and shattered dreams

3. Never, ever repeat the same sad old jokes for months up on end

4. Don't go on about your pathetic backwater of a hometown like its some kind of superville. It's just not.

5. Swear loads. Swearing's ace.

Absolutely everyone who has ever posted here is guilty of all these (except for your good self I hope). Stay away and you'll be Mrs. Coolypants, ruler of Cooldom

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Sunday, 10 November 2002 16:59 (twenty-three years ago)

but if you've tried drinking but couldn't handle it, you should fit in really well round here. Assuming of course that you don't let that minor issue stop you drinking- that would be the real mistake

― Weebleman (StillSimon), Sunday, 10 November 2002 21:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Breathing's a pretty simple way to be cooler than most of us. Alternatively, go outside and don't wear a coat.

― Matt (Matt), Sunday, 10 November 2002 22:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Hey, we have windows.

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 11 November 2002 00:29 (twenty-three years ago)

maryann, I find that when I am in need of putting in a smart appearance, I need only visit my bespoke tailor a week or ten days beforehand. Often after just a few days of plying the old needle and thread for sweatshop wages in the back of his shop I find I have earned enough to purchase some hair oil.

― Aimless, Monday, 11 November 2002 04:47 (twenty-three years ago)

Have you tried the oral sex as I recomended? No? Damn! Nobody listens anymore.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Monday, 11 November 2002 04:55 (twenty-three years ago)

"Is there any way I can still be cooler than everyone on this forum?

Ahhhhh, ha ha hahaha, haaaa haha haha, snort, wheeze, HAAAAARRRR! hahaHARRRR.
Oh stop please, I can feel my ribs cracking now! Haaarrrrrr heh hah heee HOOOOOOO!

― Pete Andrews, Monday, 11 November 2002 15:59 (twenty-three years ago)

try shutting yourself in the freezer.

― JSENLIB, Sunday, 17 November 2002 03:58 (twenty-three years ago)

So, JSENLIB - Why is your name a link to an obscure Jobsearch? Why are you posting from Homenet? I've looked at this homenet thing and it seems to be some sort of wierd research "documenting how members of the family use online services such as electronic mail, computerized bulletin boards, online chat groups, and the World Wide Web".

I feel monitored . . .

Bibliography
http://homenet.hcii.cs.cmu.edu/progress/
http://www.anzwers.org/free/esanagri/jobsearch/

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Sunday, 17 November 2002 15:18 (twenty-three years ago)

IT'S ALL A DEEP,DARK SECRET!!! (hysterical laughter follows)

― JSENLIB, Sunday, 17 November 2002 22:14 (twenty-three years ago)

No it is not. Why hide? If you feel you have got something to say - say it, put your name to it, own it - I refer you to the ILx faq - "

"Do I have copyright over things I post on ILx?
Yes."

I know some of our peoplers are reticent about using their old fake monikers here as myself and Jimmy can see your IP, trace it, mailbomb it etc, but we are nice people. We'll keep schtum. We both know secrets about who is who already and you don't see us saying "matt is really porl", "jon stackpool is the cheesemeister" or anything like that.

Come out, come out wherever you are. Are you really so ashamed of your own thoughts that you do not wish to ascribe your name to them? Oh dear.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Monday, 18 November 2002 01:34 (twenty-three years ago)

You swine Lynskey! You promised me solemnly that you'd never reveal my secret earthly identity. Well, faddel and pish to you sir! I call you a poltroon of the first order.

― The Cheesemeister, Monday, 18 November 2002 10:06 (twenty-three years ago)

Sorry, I meant to say "jarl'mai is the cheesemeister". A apologise for the confusion.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Monday, 18 November 2002 12:34 (twenty-three years ago)

Bu...But I'm the Cheesemeister.

― Celeste (Celeste), Monday, 18 November 2002 21:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Why do I have to be Porl?

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 18 November 2002 23:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Because you're so very much alike.

― Celeste (Celeste), Monday, 18 November 2002 23:06 (twenty-three years ago)

i'm not trying to hide my ip at all.

― JSENLIB, Monday, 18 November 2002 23:44 (twenty-three years ago)

And I think I've learned to behave myself, so that Zenophilus Clownii doesn't have to call me Spawn of Hall again. Guess I was a bit stung by that, when I finally viewed the site whilst sober.... no hard feelings, eh?

― Pooster (pooster), Monday, 18 November 2002 23:52 (twenty-three years ago)

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