what's the smallest squid you've ever seen or heard??

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the smallest i've seen or heard is the one i married you betcha!! other than that, the ones that wrote "yellow brick road" inside sir elton were quite small. as were the little squid couple that made lord diplock's wig tails dance whenever he'd shake his fat lobes at a naughty mick or three. i thought i'd found a *really* small one once but it turned out to be, well, you know . . . .

― hurley (hurley), Monday, 22 September 2003 23:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, we used to have a contributor called ‘scottai’ who I originally thought was the Pope (using a pseudonym) but whereas the Pope is still zooming around, being multilingual and stuff, scottai appears to have vanished, and I can’t help fearing he may have been a squid and someone has chopped him up and made calamari out of him, scottai being quite a popular name among squids (I believe). Whether he was an unusually small squid I cannot determine, but he did somehow give that impression, what with not even having a capital S to his name.

But hurley, dear man, here on this board we have a primitive superstition that if anyone uses the words ‘Elton John’ something terrible will happen. Take care, take care.

― Rex (Rex), Tuesday, 23 September 2003 01:03 (twenty-two years ago)

i think i may have some small squid living in my eustschian tubes. bartolommeo eustachio put forth the notion that sea-life was abundant in the human body, on a scale too small to be detected, over 500 years ago. unfortunatly, at that time, he had the reputation of being a fucking idiot and his theories have gone unnoticed until now...

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Tuesday, 23 September 2003 01:10 (twenty-two years ago)

is the current pope full size??

― hurley (hurley), Tuesday, 23 September 2003 16:10 (twenty-two years ago)

It's all a matter of perspective.

― Matt (Matt), Tuesday, 23 September 2003 23:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I wonder what the pope does with those silly hats when they become soiled with perspiration. What with all those robes and everything you just know he's sweating his ass off. Maybe, someday, if humans ever evolve into intelligent entities, there will be, in Vatican City, a museum dedicated to silliness. Hopefully, it will be squid accessable.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Wednesday, 24 September 2003 00:35 (twenty-two years ago)

i can't say for popes, but i was marooned for six years off the coast of new jersey USA with the archbishop of canterbury. at the time we were forcibly put ashore (long story!!), he was wearing his miter. every night for six years we boiled monkey fat and coconuts in that hat for our supper. right after pud, he'd give it a quick wipe with his robe sleeve then pop it back on his head to dry.

we lost touch after a ghurka unit in search of a runaway argentine hors d'oeuvre rescued us one steamy july night. but five years later, i was in line at the buffet behind the archbishop at some garter event (trooping??), and i swear to god he was wearing that same damned hat!!! redolent it was, even then, of monkey gristle and tropical fruit.

when you find a hat that is flattering and fits well, hang onto it like grim death.

― hurley (hurley), Wednesday, 24 September 2003 17:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Did I ever tell you about the time Robbie Williams gave me a hat?

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 25 September 2003 13:36 (twenty-two years ago)

and hat is cockney rhyming slang for . . . .

― hurley (hurley), Thursday, 25 September 2003 13:51 (twenty-two years ago)

A Thesaurus

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Thursday, 25 September 2003 15:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Athesaurus is a name given to a rare and short-lived dinosaur. A nondescript species living in the primitive forests of, perhaps, the Jurasic period. There is speculation among some and disagreement among many regarding the specific characteristics of this creature but one thing that is generally agreed upon is the theory that they were capable of making various sounds all having the same meaning.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Thursday, 25 September 2003 22:55 (twenty-two years ago)

but it was definitely a type of squid, right??

― hurley (hurley), Thursday, 25 September 2003 23:03 (twenty-two years ago)

No, no. The Athesaurus was dry and horny. I'm sorry I failed to mention that many of the various sounds uttered by this creature meant "I wish I had some squid!" Please forgive me if I appeared to wander off-topic. Squid, in those days, were quite large. It took millenia for squid to evolve to the very small state they exist in today. Squid are very adaptable. Athesaurus, however, flourishing it's varied vocabulary, was percieved as a threat by the other dinosuars and was pointed out to the voracious Sweenus Rex who had, not only a taste for squid, but the creatures who likewise desired them.

There is more to this but I find it horribly boring.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Friday, 26 September 2003 01:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Smallest squid I've ever seen: 3/4 inch
Smallest squid I've ever heard: .5 decibel
Smallest squid I've ever lusted after: 800ft
Smallest squid I've ever plagiarised: 6 paragraphs
Smallest squid I've ever equated: x=.2 of full squid over it's own value

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 26 September 2003 09:09 (twenty-two years ago)

sometimes i just like saying "squid." over and over again. same with the phrase "to be taken forthwith to a place of execution."

― hurley (hurley), Friday, 26 September 2003 12:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Whilst out walking on Sandown Pier last weekend, I found a squid. It was small - only about four inches across - and it was weak and shivery, having caught a nasty dose of 'flu from being in the chilly water for so long. I felt sorry for it, and scooped it up into my handbag and brought it home with me where I have been trying to revive it ever since by wrapping it in a fleece blanket and feeding it drops of brandy from a teaspoon. To no avail, however. The poor little thing is still very unwell so I thought I'd bring it in to AAD.

So here's the sick squid I owe you.

― C J (C J), Friday, 26 September 2003 15:55 (twenty-two years ago)

you can stop ringing up PETA, injecting mars bars with botulism, urinating on the salad bars in american-style fast-food chains, etc. the squid in question has been euthanized, at least to the extent that you can call a thirty-minute jack-boot stomping euthanasia. we are now onto a fresh squid. plump he is, though small.

― hurley (hurley), Friday, 26 September 2003 16:47 (twenty-two years ago)

with chorizo

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 26 September 2003 20:53 (twenty-two years ago)

no!! all our squids are screened for STDs. the dutch customers want to see the certificates.

― hurley (hurley), Saturday, 27 September 2003 00:27 (twenty-two years ago)

There is a theory, narrowly uncirculated, that as squid became smaller, they also became more intelligent and while Homosaps were being kept awake by the rampant lice and fleas, they built very small spaceships and some, not all, relocated to another planet inhabited by herbivores. Mankind can't imagine that tentacles are far more versatile than opposing thumbs.

Be afraid, be very afraid.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Saturday, 27 September 2003 21:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Some of my leprechaun friends are becoming upset with this thread.

It seems that they consider squid to be unimportant.

It seems that anytime anyone uses the word "small", they think that they shoud get some sort of royalty.

I recomend that they be ignored.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Sunday, 28 September 2003 02:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Squid? I'll tell ya about squid, laddie. There I was, sittin' on the forward bits up toward the foc'sle an this tentacle thing comes over the gun'all and touches my shoe! Mind ya, we was underway when this happened. So here's this thing foolin' around with my foot and the next thing I know...I'm getting aroused.

Well!

I kicked the thing away from me and retreated belowdeck.

That was 38 years ago and through all of those years I have wondered.. what if...

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Sunday, 28 September 2003 02:33 (twenty-two years ago)

HI WHAT IT IS MADE

― Amazing Randy, Sunday, 28 September 2003 14:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Squid, it's made of squid. Get with the program.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 2 October 2003 23:03 (twenty-two years ago)

SMALL squid. Very small squid.

Jeez.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Thursday, 2 October 2003 23:26 (twenty-two years ago)

I'll swear.

You ask someone to explain Planck's theory reguarding quantum physics and they go on and on.

Ask about small squid and they become idiots.

Jeez.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Thursday, 2 October 2003 23:37 (twenty-two years ago)

...so this squid goes into a bar and says, "Do you serve cephalopods here?", and the bartender pulls out a sawed-off shotgun and splatters him all over the far wall.

I forgot the punchline but it was really funny.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Sunday, 12 October 2003 22:47 (twenty-two years ago)

So this sawn off shotgun goes into a squid bar...

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 13 October 2003 10:55 (twenty-two years ago)

...and a semi-attractive squidess says, "Is that a shell in your chamber or are you just glad to see me?".

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Monday, 13 October 2003 14:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Ba-zing!

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 13 October 2003 15:34 (twenty-two years ago)

When saying "Ba-zing!" there can never be a long enough pause between the Ba and the Zing.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Friday, 17 October 2003 13:38 (twenty-two years ago)

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 17 October 2003 14:52 (twenty-two years ago)

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 17 October 2003 14:53 (twenty-two years ago)

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 17 October 2003 14:54 (twenty-two years ago)

this is getting quite tedious, isn't it?

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 17 October 2003 14:55 (twenty-two years ago)

oh well, that's quite enough of that

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 17 October 2003 14:55 (twenty-two years ago)

-zing!

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 17 October 2003 14:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Perfect.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Saturday, 18 October 2003 04:54 (twenty-two years ago)

"From squid to spam in 60 seconds". Nice.

― Eric Lynch (Lynch), Saturday, 18 October 2003 15:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Mmmm pressed tinned squid.

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 22:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, nothing like calimari early in the morning, right?

― Eric Lynch (Lynch), Thursday, 23 October 2003 15:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes. More calamari.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 23 October 2003 23:20 (twenty-two years ago)

It's the best when battered and deep fried. Too bad not too many people actually like to see the image of a squid as they eat it.

― Eric Lynch (Lynch), Friday, 24 October 2003 16:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I do

― Weebleman (StillSimon), Friday, 24 October 2003 20:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Tentacles! The sweetest part!

But then, when I am preparing a whole frying chicken I am often tempted to grab the headless carcass by the tips of its featherless wings and dance it around the countertop on its footless drumsticks. The mazurka does very well for this.

― Aimless, Saturday, 25 October 2003 01:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Ask Rex about that "Thanksgiving Turkey" incident of his.

Squid.

Goddamn you hurley! You started this shit a month ago and for the last month, I have been preocupied with SQUID!

I dream of them, the horror of the bulgy eyes and snapping beaks of the large ones and, in contrast, the gentle caress of the smaller ones...gentle...erotic..."Can we get to know each other?"...Brrr...That's where the fantasy ends for me.

I met a squid once. Small one. Grabbed it. (Please imagine that we are all underwater)Then...THE SONOFABITCH GRABBED ME! I reached to shuck the damn thing off and IT GRABBED MY OTHER HAND! Well! The next thing I remember is gasping for breath after I got "upstairs".

In all fairness they probably aren't all like that. In fact I've heard of medium sized shrimp being kept as house pets. They really, really love to leave that tank and experience the dry world but they must be kept wet at all times and most squid owners aren't willing to go to the trouble. (Wanna hear something weird? A friend of mine got so enamored of his pet squid that he poked holes in his waterbed until it was just water and TOOK THE THING TO BED WITH HIM!)

Well. The brutal reality of the world of squid is, obviously, beyond human ken.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Saturday, 25 October 2003 03:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Shrimp? Of course I meant squid. Shrimp...well...that would be silly...

"Zen?" "Yes?" "Shut the fuck up, turn off the machine and get your dumb ass to bed." "OK."

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Saturday, 25 October 2003 07:00 (twenty-two years ago)

five months pass...

How big can a sqid get.

― Danny haley, Wednesday, 7 April 2004 18:09 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.cnn.com/2002/TECH/science/07/22/australia.squid/

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 7 April 2004 18:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Bigger than "u".

― Dorien Thomas (Dorien Thomas), Thursday, 8 April 2004 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

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