is buxom is as buxom does??

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

ever caught a waitress giving your steak a good tongue bath?? a well timed incursion into the kitchens is worth a stack of inspection certificates. in the past week alone i have personally caught various waitresses: licking a veal chop; ramming haricots down their cleavage and then feeding them to blushing busboys; nosefucking a blancmange; earfucking a crown roast of lamb; figure skating on a pair of jacket potatoes; and clearing phlegm into a bacon buttie. all en route to my table!!

admittedly, i had flogged, set fire to, bitten, spat on, abandoned at birth, foreclosed on, outed, tried to late term abort and/or red-carded several of the waitresses in question. but it could just as easily have been your meal!! yes, the girls were all busty. and yes, of course that matters. a lot. it always does. especially in here.

and that is precisely my question: is buxom is as buxom does?? and if so, how so??

― hurley (hurley), Friday, 10 October 2003 18:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Here in Montrose, we have to pay extra for that sort of thing.

"As buxom does, thus it is." Socrates (secretly breastfed for 37 years)

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Saturday, 11 October 2003 00:39 (twenty-two years ago)

If besom drunk she be, as hoist do fly anglypta-like down solemn columns what with the throaty whisperings of jezebel beckoning and a sign being trap for lusty shoremen then yes.

― Matt (Matt), Sunday, 12 October 2003 20:31 (twenty-two years ago)

OK -- now we're really getting somewhere. spot on!! but do you sharpen her up on a lathe before dropping her in the mineral oil?? if not, how can you tell EXACTLY which way is magnetic north??

― hurley (hurley), Monday, 13 October 2003 22:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Fasten an bundle of witchhazel and thrust it forth, if untainted by blithe easterlies and a convulsion of obliques be achieved then simply check and check again.

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 11:31 (twenty-two years ago)

one year passes...

i had flogged, set fire to, bitten, spat on, abandoned at birth, foreclosed on, outed, tried to late term abort and/or red-carded several of the waitresses

Flogging - Only temporarily successful. Leads later to surly attitude and potentially worse service.
Setting Fire To - In many restaurants this represents an extreme fire hazard though it does tend to lighten the mood. if you manage to cause her to run amok, doffing her burning clothes and shrieking, leave your tip in Yen or Turkish Lira.
Biting - Extreme danger of catching a variety of diseases including buxom waitressitis. Not recommended unless you have had your shots.
Spitting - Unlikely to be noticed by most waitstaff.
Abandoning at Birth - One of the primary reasons for waitressism. Very irresposible really.
Foreclosing On - Short term this is a fine solution but eventually there will be new tenants. Considering that they could be your dear old Gran or your bartender, do you really want to do this?
Outing - Outing a buxom waitress as such will hardly achieve anything, now will it?
Late Term Aborting - Highly satisfying and their mothers surely have it coming to them no matter how surprised they may claim to be. Discretion is key here unless you're fond of prison rape/state sponsored execution.
Red Carding - This may cause the executive chef to change his formation or bring in new players but it also tends to rest the waitress for the next service and she's likely to come back with a chip on her shoulder, especially if you tell her you're on a potato-free diet. No matter how poor her service to the forwards is, avoid two footed tackles when she's carrying 'hot' food.

We need additional thinking here...

― M. White (Miguelito), Monday, 18 April 2005 17:51 (twenty years ago)

As I pointed out earlier if upon a blithe ridge westfacing a cowbell muglike maid is rolling, then it's largely a matter of getting the hell out of the way.

― Matt (Matt), Tuesday, 19 April 2005 14:16 (twenty years ago)

Not so. Buxom is not as buxom does.

Buxom suffers back pain from walking erect on high street. Buxom causes you pain elsewhere by making you walk erect on high street.

Buxom's shoes never get wet in the rain. Buxom gets you and your shoes wet, and not just in the rain.

When buxom shakes her beauties, she is likely to loose her balance, fall down and expose her panties. If you are standing too close to Buxom when she is shaking, you will get a dreadful headache.

Many a buxom becomes a barmaid. Not bloody likely you will become a barmaid at the establishment as your favourite buxom barmaid.

― MSW (MSW), Tuesday, 19 April 2005 20:56 (twenty years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.