Justify a cause for killing the nearly-dead

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Yeah, I figured I'd make some dishonorable mention of this, but what if most of us grow into old age and our brains start dysfunctioning? What about what happens when we are SO CLOSE to death that we're practically dying? I've heard in a gerontology class that most people in their inbetween phase of living and dying that they're stuck in a nursing home.

Why let them suffer? Yeah, they're our grandparents, parents, mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, neighbors, even. You don't see the hell that they go through because nursing homes are a pastel coloured prison; instead of bars covering the windows, we have nice frilly pink curtains instead. They're so minimal in security, any old fuck can just run right out.

But some of them may have respratory diseases or lung cancer, or (my personal favorite.. yuck) ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE. THE ONE DISEASE THAT JUST ABOUT MAKES YOU BRAINDEAD AT ANY AGE, JUST AS LONG AS YOU ARE OLD. Why do some of us still bother to live when we're on our way out and our bodies are showing it? Don't get me wrong, I'm no pessmist or anything, but aren't some of them suffering? Most oldies live their final years in pain if anything, pain that none of us would like to go through.

So do me a favor: down with nursing homes. The Eskimos are a pretty smart people; whenever one of their own grows too old to be of any care (not necessarily ANY USE, mind you), they send 'em off on their own ice flow away from the group. Either they starve to death, die of extreme temperatures, drown as a result of a melted ice flow or get eaten up by a polar bear. It's ugly, and pro-life activists may even say 'disgusting', 'inhumane', and 'downright nasty', but it's the truth.

And if any of you are taking gerontology, I hope that when you're the age of any patients you may come across, you won't be shitting your pants every five seconds because your anus cannot hold any solid excretions.

THank you, you're welcome, and good night. This is Eric Lynch.

Eric Lynch (Lynch), Saturday, 18 October 2003 15:44 (twenty-two years ago)

If we can make Eric Lynch suffer, maybe he will let us kill him.

Aimless, Saturday, 18 October 2003 17:55 (twenty-two years ago)

When you grow old and your brain starts dysfunctioning, you start posting on AAD.

And you enjoy it, dammit.

C J (C J), Saturday, 18 October 2003 18:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Damn. I didn't know that such a topic was so touchy in a place like this. Okay, fine, I think I'll stop posting here.

Eric Lynch (Lynch), Saturday, 18 October 2003 19:04 (twenty-two years ago)

There isn't a drunk here who wouldn't be delighted to discuss putting the "finishing touch" on some old geezer, preferably using a pillow, so the "topic", as you so quaintly call it, isn't a problem, but rather the plentiful lack of interesting thoughts you apply thereunto.
Hell and damnation, child, if the suffering of other people were a good reason to kill them I could go on an uninterrupted murder spree until I'd wiped out the entire adult population of Iowa, Iceland and Glasgow and I'd only stop there because I'd run out of ammunition and be in need of a good stiff drink.

Now you just go ahead and pick your pimples in public here at Ask A Drunk and call them caviar if you like, but don't expect a polite audience who murmurs, "Oh heavens! That marvelous Eric lynch is pulling fluffy bunnies out of his arse." We don't operate that way -- on the days we are able to function. If you want to stick it out, then you pull your weight, buy your rounds and help us avert the blue miseries like a good chappie. Otherwise the jackals gather and we see who can get the biggest piece of your entrails. All in good fun, of course.

Aimless, Saturday, 18 October 2003 21:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Of course I can always alter his posts.

Lynskey (Lynskey), Saturday, 18 October 2003 21:49 (twenty-two years ago)

How about making an Alter with him on a post?

Maybe surrounded with alot of old sick people to poke fun at him?

Just a thot.

еdë §téè£, Sunday, 19 October 2003 00:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Would smoking be permitted?

Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Sunday, 19 October 2003 06:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Fire?

Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Sunday, 19 October 2003 06:25 (twenty-two years ago)


Sorry.
I was just reading my Bible and was learning about "burnt offerings" and assumed that God must love barbeque and after all, what's the fun of someone on a post without a fire?

Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Sunday, 19 October 2003 06:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Quite so, Zen. Hence the popularity of the Catherine Wheel.

C J (C J), Sunday, 19 October 2003 11:17 (twenty-two years ago)

You know, you all are right. I lack a hook, a finishing touch. So I should find some more interesting ways to kill off the elderly and KILL THEM ALL. AHAHAH lol rofl lmao wtf omgz whatever.

in the Crucible, there was this one old geezer guy that got stones pressed on his intestines until he exploded into icky yucky fleshy red goo, and then everyone else thought it was funny to get hung from a board. (the movie was downright hilarious; Proctor, Nurse and some fat chick all said the Apostles' creed in unison *just* as they were getting hung. It's not supposed to be funny, but just realize that it's a goddamn movie.)


Burnt offerings are also good. Barbecued elderly, anyone? Don't forget the marinade and the lemon juice.. (some people, like my nutso parents like to use 7up, but that was way back then.) The Incans used young girls to offer into a firey pit for the sun god.

Eric Lynch (Lynch), Sunday, 19 October 2003 21:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Movie? Crucible? Right, first things first, dogboy, it's a fucking PLAY.

Lynskey (Lynskey), Monday, 20 October 2003 11:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Play? Crucible? Right, first things first, birdman, it's a theatre in Sheffield.

Matt (Matt), Monday, 20 October 2003 12:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Sorry...SHEFFIELD

Matt (Matt), Monday, 20 October 2003 12:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Don't mention it.

Sheffield (jarlrmai), Monday, 20 October 2003 12:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I saw Ken Stott in it once, magnificent.

Lynskey (Lynskey), Monday, 20 October 2003 14:37 (twenty-two years ago)

In Sheffield?

C J (C J), Monday, 20 October 2003 18:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Preston. The poor mans Sheffield

Lynskey (Lynskey), Monday, 20 October 2003 21:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I saw it in Garstang, the poor man's Preston.

Matt (Matt), Monday, 20 October 2003 22:07 (twenty-two years ago)

two years pass...
On reflection I have come to the conclusion that Preston is the poor man's Preston. My apologies to the good people of Garstang.

Matt (Matt), Thursday, 2 February 2006 08:23 (nineteen years ago)

Garstang has good people??
What will they thinf of next?

Geoffrey Judge ( Ivor Feltersnatch), Thursday, 2 February 2006 13:01 (nineteen years ago)

Maybe they should think of a better fucking spell checker

Geoffrey Judge ( Ivor Feltersnatch), Thursday, 2 February 2006 13:02 (nineteen years ago)

What's a fucking spell checker? Christine Keeler with a dictionary?

C J (C J), Thursday, 2 February 2006 21:40 (nineteen years ago)

no not her, someone much much younger

HH, Thursday, 2 February 2006 23:20 (nineteen years ago)

(insert Harry Potter joke here)

Matt (Matt), Friday, 3 February 2006 01:18 (nineteen years ago)


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