You know that film?

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You haven't seen it if you haven't seen it projected simultaneously on four tilted screens coated with lipgloss. My favourite bit is the part where the guy is sat on the sofa and he starts talking. The concession girl would have have got a big fat tip right there and then, if she hadn't been a forgotten relic of times gone by. I would have given the organist a pat on the back for the very same reasons. Fun for all the family.

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Thursday, 13 November 2003 04:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, yes.

All of that is obvious.

What about the goats?

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Thursday, 13 November 2003 11:25 (twenty-two years ago)

lady goats don't have horns!!

and by the way, your so-called "miracle" wormer is a crock. literally a crock.

― hurley (hurley), Friday, 14 November 2003 02:59 (twenty-two years ago)

two months pass...

Humbug. Clearly the projectionist has been paid to ensure that your evening is an unpleasant mix of post-coital despair and stupid Hungarian sideways cigarette muttering. I mean, does anying beleive FOR ONE SECOND that North by Northwest qould have beenmade were it not for the very intrinsic EXCIETEMENT of planes? Check yourself before you riggedy wreck yourself. S'all about tha cropdustas, G.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 22 January 2004 03:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I have always liked planes. Rebate planes are good- rabbet planes to our American friends- but shoulder planes, smoothing planes, plough planes, jointers, bull-nose and chariot planes are nice too. Not forgetting chamfer and beading planes. Bought a nice Record 073 recently and a cheap 042 is calling.

I am touched that Matt shares my excitement.

This should help Google no end.

― Weebleman (StillSimon), Sunday, 25 January 2004 10:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Jeez, Weeb. As an old carpenter with a reverence for tools, I see you in a whole different light now.

Pay no attention to Matt. He eats cornflakes...dry.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Sunday, 25 January 2004 13:58 (twenty-two years ago)

He also eats frozen vegetables. While they are still frozen!

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Sunday, 25 January 2004 17:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Would this be a good time to mention that I have a couple of spoke shaves?

― C J (C J), Sunday, 25 January 2004 18:12 (twenty-two years ago)

It was worth th price of my computer just to hear you say spoke shaves CJ....... Could you email me a wav file please?

Pretty please???

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!

― Ðµdë §téè£, Sunday, 25 January 2004 21:08 (twenty-two years ago)

In this neck of the woods, we have some Amish and Mennonite folks and they don't shave their spokes. The youngsters, however, out of sight of the Elders, shave THEIR spokes claiming it cuts down on wind resistance.

Kids these days.......

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Sunday, 25 January 2004 22:02 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.geocities.com/cj_the_unruly/spokeshave.wav

― C J (C J), Sunday, 25 January 2004 22:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Page not available....... :(

― Ðµdë §téè£, Monday, 26 January 2004 01:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey CJ?

I guess you know I'M available, I...

(Shut up. asshole.)

Oh, well, I was just saying that I'd like to...

(Stop it! I know what you are thinking. I live in your mind.)

Say. Who the hell are you, anyway?

(I am your alter ego and I am a gentleman and you are an asshole.)

So? What's your point?

(CJ is a beatiful, intelligent woman and all you can think about is getting her in bed.)

So? What's wrong with that?

(The problem is, you dumb fuck, is that CJ is young and beautiful and you, on the other hand, are an old ugly man.)

Oh. Well. Matt likes me doesn't he?

(He thinks you are an old, pathetic, ugly man.)

You meam he's just being nice?

(He hasn't sprayed you, has he? Yes. He's just being nice.)

Well what about CJ, she....

( CJ WILL spray you and then she will kick you so hard in that "special place" that you won't breathe for ten minutes. )

Well, what do you suggest that I do?

( I suggest that you shut the fuck up and go to bed. )

Ok. Can I THINK about CJ?

( Yes. As long as you don't TOUCH anything.)

Rats!

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Monday, 26 January 2004 05:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh dear

― C J (C J), Monday, 26 January 2004 06:10 (twenty-two years ago)

CJ, I thank you.

I am forever in your debt.

YGM :)

― Ðµdë §téè£, Monday, 26 January 2004 06:58 (twenty-two years ago)

So the internet has fulfilled it's intended purpose, the recording and distribution of the words "Spoke Shave"

It must now be destroyed.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Monday, 26 January 2004 14:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Mom always said that I would do something special, I never thought that the being the reciever of the message for the destruction of the internet would that something.

And I was so happy too..... :(

― Ðµdë §téè£, Monday, 26 January 2004 23:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I have not been privy to any files, wav, mill, bastard, none of those!

I'm sorry to complain but I feel, well, sort of 'left out'.

*sigh* That is, I suppose, as it should be but I SO wanted to hear CJ's voice.

(Have I ever mentioned that I am very old and lonely and bald and malnourished and lonely and it's cold here and lonely and Dude, bless his soul, calling me and talking dirty just leaves me longing for more of life.)

I don't think I really know what a wav file is or what to do with it but if someone will send me one, I'll try not to lose it...or break it.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 01:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey Matt?

YOU know all about this esoteric computer stuff. Would YOU send me one of these wavy thingies? I'd like to hear you say "toy boat" three times, real fast. Aimless can do it but he won't.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 01:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Zen, I certainly would be glad to send said wav file to you.....if I were allowed to.

I had to digitally sign a form for CJ swearing that I would not use or alter the file in any way from the original.

There also was an addendum stating explicitly that you were never to have access to the file.

Sorry.

― Ðµdë §téè£, Tuesday, 27 January 2004 02:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Zen,

YGM!

but ummmm it's NOT a wav file.....

No, it's that.... ummmm...... picture, yeah picture of that goat that ....ummmmm I'm selling on Ebay yeah thats it Ebay.

― Ðµdë §téè£, Tuesday, 27 January 2004 02:26 (twenty-two years ago)

What is this "YGM" stuff?

Oh.

I see.

You people have discovered the fact that I am an idiot.

Well.......................................

If I can ever think of something to say you can bet your ass I will.........

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 03:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Well!

Finally!

Someone sent me a wav file. I couldn't understand it. It was from someone named Momar. Say. Could it be that Kadafi guy over in Libia who wants to be friends with everyone? Hey Momar? If that was you, just because I live within 60 miles of the B2 base does not mean I have anything to do with it. Could you send me some sand? My hourglass has leaked and only goes for 53 minutes.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 09:57 (twenty-two years ago)

four months pass...

What is a "spoke shave"? Please explain.

― Momar, Wednesday, 16 June 2004 18:28 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.patented-antiques.com/images/WEB Sale Catagories/WEB Tools/Misc tools/Misc Tools Written/shaves_misc_w/double_spoke2.jpg

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 19:15 (twenty-one years ago)

RATS!!

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 19:16 (twenty-one years ago)

http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:qys4qWy3OG8J:www.twosmiths.ca/media/Work%2520Images/Horizontal/spokeshave.jpg

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 19:21 (twenty-one years ago)

DOUBLE RATS!!!!

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 19:22 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.patented-antiques.com/images/WEB http://www.patented-antiques.com/images/WEB">

http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:qys4qWy3OG8J:www.twosmiths.ca/media/Work%2520Images/Horizontal/spokeshave.jpg

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 20:39 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.patented-antiques.com/images/WEB

http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:qys4qWy3OG8J:www.twosmiths.ca/media/Work%2520Images/Horizontal/spokeshave.jpg

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 20:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry Zen, did my best. Rats!! Sheesh.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 20:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Who started this damn spokeshave business anyway? I'll...Oh...It was CJ.

Nevermind.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 21:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Like the old saying goes: "Nothing like a bonny lass with a spokeshave can bring out the incompetence in a man."

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 21:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Is that anything like a sporkshiv? In the KFP (Kentucky Federal Penitentiary) hand fashioned sporkshivs were all that kept me from much unpleasantness.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 21:41 (twenty-one years ago)

A couple of bars of soap in a sock worked for me.

Attitude adjustment with a hygiene product.

It's a good thing.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:48 (twenty-one years ago)

"He's unconscious...but he smells nice."

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 17 June 2004 17:12 (twenty-one years ago)

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