Famous Lurkers Show Yourselves

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There's all manner of rumours . . . . SHOW YOURSELVES

― The Docktor, Saturday, 7 February 2004 13:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Hello young man. I must confess I first stumbled across this place whilst looking for vital information about Robin Cook for a picture I was drawing. Keep up the good work!

― John Prescott, Saturday, 7 February 2004 13:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Really, John? That's pretty much why I first came here too. Since then I've been using it as a place to steal both my jokes from. How did the drawing go? Mine turned out ok, but it made him look a bit to dignified. I was trying to capture his essential vulnerability.

― Louis Theroux, Saturday, 7 February 2004 13:05 (twenty-one years ago)

It's a problem when trying to draw Robin. It's all about softening the contours and making him look slightly mournful.

― John Prescott, Saturday, 7 February 2004 13:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Hi kids, Bellamy here.

Love the board, especially the top-level ornathological (sp?) discussion.

― David Bellamy, Saturday, 7 February 2004 13:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Hi David. Maybe you could help me and Louis out with our drawings? Oh no, hang on, I'm thinking of that other beardy guy who's obsessed with animals. Harris. I should make a goddamn law against you both.

Love to the wife (hehe).

― John Prescott, Saturday, 7 February 2004 13:14 (twenty-one years ago)

You've had his wife? ROFL!

― Louis Theroux, Saturday, 7 February 2004 13:16 (twenty-one years ago)

How's it going Ask A Drunk? Big Ron Atkinson here.

I've been reading Ask A Drunk for a goodly while - Guy Whittingham turned me onto it when I was in charge of Sheff Wed, back in the old Greenspun days. For a while I thought that Guy was posing as Sue Denim, but it can't have been. The logs and stuff showed that he was getting rings run round him by David Batty at Ewood Park when some of Sue's posts were made. Silly me.

Hi David! Not seen you since that party at Johnathon Aitken's house a few years ago. How's the wife? (hehe)

― Big70n34, Saturday, 7 February 2004 13:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Fuck's sake. This is why I stick to IRC. Cunts.

― David Bellamy, Saturday, 7 February 2004 13:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Best. Thread. Ever.

― Sophie Raworth, Saturday, 7 February 2004 13:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Nice Board.

I WILL DESTROY YOU! COWER BEFORE ME!

― Galactus, Saturday, 7 February 2004 13:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Yo!!!!!!!!! Guys, can I get me a looksee at these pics then?

Hi Ask A Drunkers, yo, where Lynskey at? I not seen him post for like loads OMGROFLTIPM!!!!!

Shout out to DMX! KORITFW!

― Robin Cook, Saturday, 7 February 2004 13:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Here's mine

http://www.coastaltown.nildram.co.uk/porl/cook.jpg

Whaddya think? Is it going in the green room?

― John Prescott, Saturday, 7 February 2004 13:38 (twenty-one years ago)

WTF? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

It looks like Noel fucking Edmonds!

― Robin Cook, Saturday, 7 February 2004 13:40 (twenty-one years ago)

John, I've emailed you. Ron, I've talked about this with you before. Remember the DOD forums? I got you banned there and I can get you banned here.

― David Bellamy, Saturday, 7 February 2004 13:46 (twenty-one years ago)

U R Gay

― barrysheene, Saturday, 7 February 2004 13:46 (twenty-one years ago)

LOL!

― Sophie Raworth, Saturday, 7 February 2004 13:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Robin - here's mine - I know it's not very good (drawing was always my dad's speciality I thought I'd give it a go because every other time I tag directly onto his career path it seems to equal £££££££££££)

http://www.oxfordstudent.com/photos/2003-02-27/0128.jpeg

― Louis Theroux, Saturday, 7 February 2004 13:52 (twenty-one years ago)

A) That's Geoff Hoon
B) It's a photo

― Robin Cook, Saturday, 7 February 2004 13:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Shit.

Sorry I put up the wrong pic.

― Louis Theroux, Saturday, 7 February 2004 13:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Is that really Barry Sheene? I fucking doubt it. Listen you simpering little kids I can and will do something about this. What kind of sad idiots are you to follow me round the web giving me grief? What the fuck did I do to you?

WANKERS!

(Who's the mods on this forum?)

― David Bellamy, Saturday, 7 February 2004 13:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry, here it is

http://www.coastaltown.nildram.co.uk/porl/dorrell.jpg

― Louis Theroux, Saturday, 7 February 2004 14:06 (twenty-one years ago)

A) Nice crayons
B) THAT'S STEVEN FUCKING DORRELL

― Robin Cook, Saturday, 7 February 2004 14:07 (twenty-one years ago)

DAMMIT!

― Louis Theroux, Saturday, 7 February 2004 14:08 (twenty-one years ago)

LOL!

― Sophie Raworth, Saturday, 7 February 2004 14:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Wow, that's a lot of capslock. Hi, Jeremy "Ironman" Irons here. I've been reading AAD off and on since I got sick of my opinions on Bubba Sparxx shouted down by that cunt Jess Harvell on ILM.

Can't stop long, I'm going to a fancy dress party at Coolio's place with David Cronenberg (namedrop, namedrop). I'm going as Hannibal and he's going as B.A.! Hang on, he's on AIM right now - I'll see if I can get him on.

BTW - I love the stuff about Ormskirk. I stayed there once while I was researching for a film. Is the Buck still really shitty?

― Snori Ymerej, Saturday, 7 February 2004 14:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I've just emailed Lynskey, Jarlrma (sp?) and Matt. You idiots are going down.

― David Bellamy, Saturday, 7 February 2004 14:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Greetings Horror Fans! David Cronenberg reporting!

To ge honest I've not looked at this place much but Jeremy and Coolio are always going on about it.

Keep on keeping on! Good luck to you all

― BodyhorrorDave, Saturday, 7 February 2004 14:20 (twenty-one years ago)

To BE honest. Sorry about that, I'm trying to get this Mr. T headpiece on.

YOU AIN'T GETTING ME ON NO BUFFET CAR, FOOL! Jeremy is there going to be a decent spread or should I book us into The Olive Lounge?

― BodyhorrorDave, Saturday, 7 February 2004 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

You can just talk to me on AIM you know, David. You're such a luddite at times!!!! Anyway, my taxi's nearly here. See you in 15.

― Snori Ymerej, Saturday, 7 February 2004 14:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh and there will be ample food. Coolio's good like that.

― Snori Ymerej, Saturday, 7 February 2004 14:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Excellent work.

― Matt (Matt), Saturday, 7 February 2004 17:49 (twenty-one years ago)

It IS excellent but it's kinda scary, ain't it?

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Saturday, 7 February 2004 19:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I wouldn't be so sure about Coolios buffet, like I was at his gaff for Dennis Irwin and Dave Grohls joint birthday party and all he had was those "pineapple and cheese on a cocktail stick" things, I mean granted the sticks were gold but still.... you get me?

― Will Self, Saturday, 7 February 2004 21:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Too true Will, Coolio's a cock plain and simple. Fuck him and fuck his wanky buffets!!!

Have you got those Mp3s yet?

― Nick Hancock, Saturday, 7 February 2004 21:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Step forward Cheesemiester! I caught that reference to cheese! Obviously
you have been studying Terran.

"Famous Lurkers Show Yourselves!"

Woody Allen...I know you're out there.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Saturday, 7 February 2004 22:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey Sophie. You in for a bit of spanking action?

― David Mellor, Sunday, 8 February 2004 02:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha "l337writer"

― Matt (Matt), Sunday, 8 February 2004 11:52 (twenty-one years ago)

This is all a bit funky, isn't it?

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Sunday, 8 February 2004 14:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Funky as in George Clinton, or funky as in Damon Albarn's attempts to make world music?

― Matt (Matt), Sunday, 8 February 2004 18:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Funky as in gibbon

― C J (C J), Sunday, 8 February 2004 20:19 (twenty-one years ago)

What is this this this this this this this this this this this this this ah funkiness you ah refer to? Does does does does does does does does does it play i i i i i i i in the lower leagues?

― David Mellor, Sunday, 8 February 2004 20:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Is that some kind of rap?
A sort of toe sucking Paul Hardcastle?
I don't get out much, so I'm easily impressed, but not that easily

― Weebleman (StillSimon), Sunday, 8 February 2004 22:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Look! Something shiny!

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 9 February 2004 12:35 (twenty-one years ago)

oooh shiny....wait a minute, it's a knife, nooo it's the ORMSKIRK RIPPER we'll all be slaughtered like cattle in our beds.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Monday, 9 February 2004 13:00 (twenty-one years ago)

You have cattle in your bed?

― C J (C J), Monday, 9 February 2004 13:58 (twenty-one years ago)

at least now i know what it's like to have the skin ripped from your limbs by windblown sand, sand i might add that is also getting into your tuna sandwich and making it taste rather *gritty* and *altogether unpleasant*. in such circumstances, it is hard to read maps, hard to pick the sweetcorn out of your tuna, hard to care whether your part is "straight" or even "on the right (meaning "correct as per your usual custom," not starboard) side of your damn head, hard to keep your mind on something else so you won't let her down (again), hard to remember to say "please." in fact, it's so bloody painful that i doubt very much whether many people would even be able to focus on the extent to which they'd let themselves and others down in these respects. i, for one, would steel myself against the agony by wrapping my brain-grease hot and tight around that one name: "lynskey." lynskey the destroyer, lynskey who has betrayed all of us and everything we killed nazis for, lynskey who puts his lips on your straw when you go to get napkins, lynskey who makes tiny deposits to your checquing account just to play with your mind, lynskey whose name is french but which is spelt in the alsatian manner, lynskey who could have saved us when we stumbled but sprayed the gym class with shandy instead, lynskey whom we loved like an angry goiter -- pop, he was gone, or as if.

but i digress. this is all like biting, high-speed sand now.

― hurley (hurley), Monday, 9 February 2004 15:46 (twenty-one years ago)

You still here?

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Monday, 9 February 2004 21:21 (twenty-one years ago)

"You have cattle in your bed?"

Ermintrude duvet cover...

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 12:44 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm incredibly jealous now :)

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

only detroit would think of bunging an in-line V8 into cattle and turning the blighters loose at silverstone. my god the oversteer nearly ripped my toenails out and to say the transmission was *vague* throughout the midband would be like caroling to a rail-car of urine soaked frog pensioners. but the doppler from the pits was to die for . . . .

― hurley (hurley), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 20:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Make light of caroling all you want, Mr. hurley. I love it and I don't care who knows.

(Who makes fun of Caroling? Those who can't.)

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 03:58 (twenty-one years ago)

MOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOO. i can't even describe it. it had bloody six or seven syllables -- and the microtones. JESUS my nose is bleeding again.

and then we ate hamburger hot off the tarmac.

when i die, i don't want to go to claridges, i want to got to silverstone on V8 cattle day.

― hurley (hurley), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 15:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Wasn't "The Microtones" a midget quartet popular in the '60s ?

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Thursday, 12 February 2004 02:24 (twenty-one years ago)

one month passes...

How do Lurkers become famous?

regards,

REB

...no, really!

― Rik E Boy (Rik E Boy), Thursday, 18 March 2004 00:49 (twenty-one years ago)

They are famous for other reasons, such as presenting a television show, or singing a popular song.

Certainly not for reading but never posting on a small eccentric internet message board.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 18 March 2004 14:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Apart from Hurley. Hurley's famous.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 18 March 2004 14:42 (twenty-one years ago)

But Hurley posts. At least I think he does... I mean I see words but..maybe i've been mistaken maybe its all a lie, a dream, a tortured creation of random neuron misfirings?

Oh no wait they're in the server logs.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 18 March 2004 16:56 (twenty-one years ago)

This is a free country ah with rights for its citizens and all the amenities one would expect in a tolerant first world society and I will not accept foreign intervention in english, nay british life ah......what's that you say? Takeover? At the Bridge? £142 million?
Damien Duff??
Ah I'd like to take ah this opportunity to ah welcome our new Russian Overlords
Maty they find our pliant backsides a suitable home to park their ah no doubt astonishing royal appendages
I personally volunteer to ah warm the royal standard ah in my mouth

― David Mellor, Saturday, 20 March 2004 16:49 (twenty-one years ago)

GO AWAY

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Sunday, 21 March 2004 01:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Linskey? If I may, I'll handle this...

David? Pay no mind to that nasty heterosexual person.

Here. Come into my parlor. It's too warm? Well, you see, I LIKE things warm. Sit down. We'll talk. Oh, my. Are you perspiring? Would you be more comfortable without that silk shirt and those leather pants? Here. Let's just divest you of those confining things. I'll help you with that shirt. My. Are those buttons real mother of pearl? Ok, almost done and...oh, my. What a beautiful bra! Pick it out yourself? Lovely. You know, David, I can hardly look at a bra without touching...Why! You rascal! there's nothing in there! What? It helps you "get in the mood"? I can understand things like that. I can't have really enjoyable sex without my teddy bear. Now.
for those horribly constricting pants. We'll just slip them off and...Oh! My! I was expecting panties! You rascal! (Notices 'his' isn't bigger than 'mine') I see that you are a little nervous, don't know what to do with your hands. Here. Let's play a game. You be a naughty inmate and I'll be the warden. Here. Let's put these handcuffs on you...no...behind your back, silly. Having fun? I would say so! You could put someone's eye out with that thing! Want to have some REAL fun? Want to go into the bedroom? Here. Right through this door. No. It's not the front door. You are obviously excited and therefore confused. Come on.

*Opens door and kicks his naked ass out*

You see? Lynskey? These things CAN be handled in a diplomatic manner.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Sunday, 21 March 2004 02:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I was aware of the darkness surrounding me. A light from within me reached out into the darkness. The darkness resisted at first, then gave way.

What's with all the Chelsea fag bashing? A valuable influx of cash into Britain, I'd say. Zen, your 'diplomacy's a tad sadistic. Makes it sound as if your enjoying yourself. Silk shirt and leather pants?! That guy's a classic rock roady on holiday with no more than a passing penchant for ladies undergarments. And the worst is, he's gonna have to pick his bloodied but unbowed ass up from the bottom of the stairs, climb back up, and HEADBUT the door to knock since you pinned the benighted fool's arms behind him. Were I you I'd toss the keys down the block. What time do they bring the medicine?

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 22 March 2004 16:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Heh, heh.

I don't HAVE the key. I pilfered those cuffs from the local constable while he was asleep on a "stake-out". HE'S got the key and the cuffs are engraved: "To Hubert from Mom in appreciation for all those nice things from the 'evidence room'." When Hubert encounters a naked handcuff thief maybe he'll give ol' Dave a "night stick ride".

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Monday, 22 March 2004 22:06 (twenty-one years ago)

*Ahem* The MEDICINE?

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 22 March 2004 22:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Ah, yes. The "MEDICINE".

Firstly, I must ask that you keep your voice down.
(I'm not sure that ALL of it is completely legal, you see. and I would prefer not to discuss it here. It's obvious that some of these people on AAD are "recovering".)...
"In the fell clutch of circumstance", as it were.

(My apologies to Wm.E.Henley for the rude, rude, use of his words here.)

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Tuesday, 23 March 2004 01:26 (twenty-one years ago)

My sincerest apologies. Meet you out back by the dumpster where we can talk in private, etc...

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 23 March 2004 16:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Please continue to keep your voices down, though. Some of us in this dumpster are trying to sleep.

― Rex (Rex), Wednesday, 24 March 2004 00:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Shsssss.

"Wynken, Blynken and Nod one night
Sailed off in a wooden shoe,_
Sailed on a river of misty light
Into a sea of misty dew...

Shsss. He's asleep now...

*tiptoes away as lid, caught by the wind comes crashing closed, not only waking Mr. Waitrose & Co., but causing him to shit his pants.*

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Wednesday, 24 March 2004 03:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Zen said 'dew', heh heh.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 24 March 2004 16:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Did not. That was Eugene Field.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Wednesday, 24 March 2004 20:03 (twenty-one years ago)

two weeks pass...

Dew dew. (That's Welsh. Not in the dumpster, under the drain-lid. Good terrorist hide-out.) *Clang!*

― Dorien Thomas (Dorien Thomas), Monday, 12 April 2004 19:54 (twenty-one years ago)

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