Do you have a friend like this?

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Little Mad Phil.

Here are some of his best quotes. Verbatim.

I wish I had the faith to be an atheist.

(To a mutual acquaintance called Rick:) I hope you don't take this personally, but I don't like you.

I'm getting nostalgic about my imminent death.

I'm lost. I understand, but I'm lost.

Maybe I should tell her that my ugliness is only skin-deep.

I've never voted in my life and I've never voted since.

Regret is the bedrock of wisdom (though he's not sure if he'd heard that one already).

I'm brave enough to admit I'm the biggest coward about.

(re: Spielberg movies) I'm sick of being redeemed.

(re: Chich, a friend of ours) I must admit. His everlasting smile, his optimism, and his love of life, does piss me off.

I'm going home to stuff some lambs' hearts. I'm going through my Hammer Horror cooking phase at the moment.

I was massaging her breasts for an hour or so and talking to her, and basically I depressed her into having sex with me.

That's the vertigo of growing up.

(re: Germaine Greer) She's so irritating that I find her attractive.

(And his latest masterpiece, came out today!:) I've only got a small brain, but it carries a large amount of ignorance.

― Dorien Thomas (Dorien Thomas), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 15:30 (twenty-one years ago)

That's why I drink.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 15:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Come. To. Ormskirk.

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes come to Ormskirk. we'll meet you in the Buck, bring food.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 13:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Do you guys know any girls we can depress into having sex?

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 14:22 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.ship.edu/academic/study_abroad/pics/ormskirk.jpg

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 19:14 (twenty-one years ago)

If that's your house, Jarlr'mai, I'm on my way! (Croquet out the back?)

― Dorien Thomas (Dorien Thomas), Thursday, 15 April 2004 19:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Ol' Orme envisioned buildings like that but he was allergic to brick.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Thursday, 15 April 2004 20:28 (twenty-one years ago)

There's a mansion in Mid-Wales of around those proportions called Gregynog, half-beamed, the lot. But apparently it's one of the earliest buildings made entirely of reinforced concrete. So do we feel proud of the achievement? Or ashamed at the deception? Or both?

― Dorien Thomas (Dorien Thomas), Friday, 16 April 2004 21:41 (twenty-one years ago)

It's not hard to not feel nothing at neither.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 22 April 2004 08:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Whenever I see Welsh place names, I always have to spell them out backwards too in case they're hiding a little joke, like Llareggub.

I can't find any jokes in Gonygerg, but believe me I've tried.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 22 April 2004 09:03 (twenty-one years ago)

This is REALLY FUCKING CREEPY!!!!!!!!!!!! (Do not read if you hate Jon!)

― http://ilx.wh3rd.net/thread.php?msgid=4535158, Thursday, 22 April 2004 10:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll be back. I'm still working on that quadruple negative.

― Dorien Thomas (Dorien Thomas), Thursday, 22 April 2004 15:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Are you ice-skating again?

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 22 April 2004 20:44 (twenty-one years ago)

After he fails for the fourth time, he'll go back to conjugating the number 7 and when he wakes up...well...he'll be clueless then, too.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Thursday, 22 April 2004 21:15 (twenty-one years ago)

'conjugating', eh? So that's what you call it in Missouri.

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 22 April 2004 21:51 (twenty-one years ago)

No.

In Missouri, we call it "Fun for the Whole Family".

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Thursday, 22 April 2004 22:03 (twenty-one years ago)

You're funnin' me.

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 22 April 2004 22:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd never do that.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Thursday, 22 April 2004 23:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Technically it's a septuple negative. It's all about the clauses.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 22 April 2004 23:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I think you should leave Santa's family out of this.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Friday, 23 April 2004 01:55 (twenty-one years ago)

I just came up with a twisted idea for a porno.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 23 April 2004 17:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah. "Conjugation: 7". A door-to-door Latin teacher knocks on the door of an out-of-the-way house in Missouri on a really hot day. He's tired and dusty and is delighted to be invited in for a glass of cold home-made lemonade. He sits on the sofa, and as he is amo, amas, amatting, the family all give each other knowing smiles. "Gee, it's hot!" says Junior. "Anybody mind if I....?" etc. Mm. Has possibilities.

― Dorien Thomas (Dorien Thomas), Wednesday, 28 April 2004 16:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Sic, Junior, pedicabo ego uos et irrumabo.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 28 April 2004 17:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I think I know what happens next. He takes off his trousers to reveal an improbable penis. The family exchange knowing smiles. he proceeds to do the hot daughter as follows: blowjob, missionary, doggy, something allowing an entertaining camera angle, reverse cowgirl or something, some more penetration, he refers to her as bitch, she goes mm, he comes on her face. You and your "possibilities".

(NB there is other "action" proceeding throughout this interlude, it follows much the same routine as described above).

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 28 April 2004 23:54 (twenty-one years ago)

If anyone of the cast at any point says "Do you have a friend like this?" we all win TEN WHOLE POUNDS.

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 28 April 2004 23:55 (twenty-one years ago)

How many pints will that buy?

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 29 April 2004 14:17 (twenty-one years ago)

I just came up with a twisted idea for a porno.

I was thinking more along the lines of "Mrs. Claus' Elfin Gangbang, Vol 1"

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 29 April 2004 16:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Is Rudolph in that one?

― C J (C J), Thursday, 29 April 2004 20:06 (twenty-one years ago)

only his nose

― Weebleman (StillSimon), Thursday, 29 April 2004 20:31 (twenty-one years ago)

What part does that play?

― C J (C J), Friday, 30 April 2004 13:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Fluffer.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 30 April 2004 15:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought they didn't let poor Rudolph join in all their reindeer games? I bet they made him just stand in a corner and use his nose for gently suffused lighting. It's a dog's life, being a reindeer.

― C J (C J), Friday, 30 April 2004 16:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Rudolph's actually does the lighting for the whole series. He's upgraded his nose so he can go as bright as a Musco though for this work he's mostly just pars and 10Ks.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 30 April 2004 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

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