Sleephandlers

It five of this very morning my cautious procession through the ormskirk gloaming was interrupted by a figure. I first noticed them at the top of burscough street, and my gait turned from a purposeful squire-like stride to a more catious approach, suited best perhaps to the poacher. The figure flitted from bin to bin, its motion fluid and sinuous.

As I passed Greenwood's gentlemans outfitters I paused to admire a display of cravats. Whether through accident or design they spelt the initial of my unknowable love, an occurence enough to stop any chap in his tracks. As I stood, one hand on hip and attempted to discern meaning from tis, I saw the figure again, its face reflected and shattered in a fleur-de-lys design. I spun on one heel, to catch it and possibly remonstrate, but it was gone. My curses mere vapour on the incipient dawn.

As I slowed to investigate a sleeping drunk at the base of the clock tower the figure appeared again, lurking by the HSBC. By feigning interest in the digital cameras in the window of Dixons, or Currys or whatever commercial computer-shilling behemoth the bloody shop is I was able to inch closer, until I could quite clearly hear its shallow and rapid breaths.

A quick twist and lunge manouevre later In sat astide the creature, holding it sternly by utilising "The Imperial Grip".

"State your purpose" I barked. The creature glared balefully, with yellow in its eyes.

"It is not given to you to know my purposssse" it hissed, spitting small fragments of what appeared, to all intents and purposes, to be remnnants of Kofte Kebab "only know that I exissssst as part of a secret counssssssilllll initiative to regulate your ssssssssssllllleeeepp. Which is my purpossssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssse. Our office is room 3a, opening hours eight til ssssix. My ssssssssssuuuupervisor isssss Mr Fanshawe. My name isss Melvyn. It isss not given to you to know my purpoossssseeee."

There then followed a ten minute converstaion about G-funk. Wherein miraculously we both managed to avoid name-dropping Nate Dogg. Who'd have thought? Not me, not for a second.