My tapeworm, the drunk

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I have come to the conclusion that my tape-worm is a tippler. If I go for more than 16 hours without getting squiffy, my stomach gurgles, my bowels become restive, my mood alters menacingly, and my eyes twitch arhythmically and my toes shake. Can anyone provide me with any literature on what the modern day parasite's drinking preferences are? Neat? On the rocks? Mixed drinks? Exotic? Wine? Aquavit? Palm Wine? Aqua-Velvet? In the spirit, no pun intended, of hopitality and good housekeeping I'd really like to see the old boy happy and placid.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 4 June 2004 21:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll bet Matt could contribute to this. He, in his professional capacity, has something to do with alcohol and frogs.

Now. I understand that tapeworms and frogs aren't the same, but distinctions of that sort are not always entirely relevant to these threads.

Mine likes Millwaukee's Best beer sipped slowly throughout the day and after supper, if there is one, Canadian Mist and cola.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Saturday, 5 June 2004 00:25 (twenty-one years ago)

"I'd really like to see the old boy happy and placid."

Wanna trade?

My 'old boy' is sad and flaccid.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Saturday, 5 June 2004 00:54 (twenty-one years ago)

"tape-WORM"? What makes you think you've got only one? You probably have an army in there.

سنی
اسلام

― HEAVE HO, Saturday, 5 June 2004 21:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Army tapeworms...

They might be descendants of that famous tapeworm army that crossed the Alps in elephants.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Sunday, 6 June 2004 01:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Would that be Taenia the Hun?

― Ðµdë §téè£, Sunday, 6 June 2004 03:02 (twenty-one years ago)

This might explain the regularity of my matutinal reveille flatulence.

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 7 June 2004 14:34 (twenty-one years ago)

eight track or cassette?? in my experience, the eight track tape worms are always either seals and croft "diamond grill" or meatloaf "fat out of hell." they also hiss like girley-men (easily mistaken for the farts) and crack in the cold leather. i'd go for cassette if given a choice. down the prison they pry two or three spice grills "spice grills" from twixt the cheeks of hefty boys each and every. try that with a pair of eight tracks, fat bottom or no.

true story: in the navy was two guys with tape worms. couldn't stand each other (the worms, that is). at night, after lights out, we'd all like candles and these bloats would sidle up to each other *ass backwards*, nearly cheek to cheek. the worms 'ud pop out and chew the living crop out of each mother. way gross. the winner'd pop home like johnny-rabbit down the hole; the loser'd be hangin' limp like a sad little asshole string tie. or a chow fun noodle. clap clap then a big blow out the lights. happy days.

what was the question??

― hurley (hurley), Monday, 7 June 2004 20:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I think Michael was wondering about the best way to get his tapeworm drunk. "Mister Pisiformis" he calls it in formal company.
I, personally think the question was posed as a masked excuse to drink.
Everyone knows you don't have to get your tapeworm drunk...they're going to your room with you anyway.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 00:58 (twenty-one years ago)

One night someone from the assessor's office thought I'd said 'Piciformes' and proceded to snigger for the rest of the party. Later he was found naked, shaved, bound and covered to his nostrils in wallpaper glue. As much as I would have enjoyed meting out this kind of suffering to the swine, it wasn't me. Had an alibi, a witness put me in my room all night with a bottle and two glasses.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:52 (twenty-one years ago)

<<what was the question??>>

i wasn't asking; i was telling.

― hurley (hurley), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 18:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Your question is telling?

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 20:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I think this whole thread is questionable.

On the bright side: We'll never run out of tapeworms.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 21:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Or booze...

Praise Jesus.

(And Miller Brewing Co. and the concoctors of Canadian Mist.)

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 21:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Praise boozy Jesus
Booze praisy Jesus, etc... until blasphemy becomes dull.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 22:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I remember the first time that I saw a paisley Jesus..... all the colors and tracers and everything..... I was like whoa... he was like here, take a chill pill.

Then everything got really weird.

― Ðµdë §téè£, Wednesday, 9 June 2004 00:33 (twenty-one years ago)

the only problem with paisley jesus is that when you cut him up for bowties the paisleys are *too big*. fine for four-in-hand ties, but so what?? there should be a mini-paisly jesus. that would be perfect. then you could do wedding sets: regular paisley jesus cut down for the cummerbunds; mini-paisley jesus for the bowties. that would be ace.

― hurley (hurley), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 13:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Have you thought about trying the tartan Jesus, which is available in lots of different colours? The clan Maclachlan one is especially nice.

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Booze Praisy Jesus of the clan Maclachlan! Have you seen him turn the water to single malt? It'll bring a delicious tear to your eye.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 15:15 (twenty-one years ago)

just a bad case of VD. that dark ooze is NOT single malt. but the way he screams when he pisses is enough to make you cry; i'll give you that.

― hurley (hurley), Thursday, 10 June 2004 14:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Jeeze, hurley. You're about to gross-out the ol' Clown here.

Excellent!

(If memory serves me, I was dripping green after that encounter in Kaoshiung.)

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Thursday, 10 June 2004 16:26 (twenty-one years ago)

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son one of the worst cases ever of the chaude pisse that whosoever
relieveth himself and not scream should not just pish, but have everlasting peace of mind.

Zen, as they told us when I was stationed with the legations back in the day, 'You dip, you drip.' Unless you're referring to something like putting greens. Dripping greens are associated with which sport then?

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 18:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Crown bowling, I think.

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 05:25 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.insiemepermonza.com/image/Coronaferrea.jpg

My friend Dagobert and I went bowling with this crown once, quite some time ago. Of course it was better filled and I can tell you Frankly, we never had more fun.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 14:51 (twenty-one years ago)

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