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Extra credit for working in grebes, hatpins or Dude Steele in new or novel ways.

― Aimless (Aimless), Wednesday, 23 June 2004 23:45 (twenty-one years ago)

As it happens I'm working in Dude Steel as we speak. The words "unholy mess" leap immediately to mind.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 24 June 2004 10:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm working in Oxford. It's not much better.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 24 June 2004 14:26 (twenty-one years ago)

"I'm going to send you to Oxford"

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 25 June 2004 11:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I hatpinned the grebe. Dude Steel is pushing up daisies. As soon as I find a way to cross the Isis, you're next.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 25 June 2004 14:14 (twenty-one years ago)

You don't scare me*

*this may be a lie

― C J (C J), Friday, 25 June 2004 16:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm scared of the current.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 25 June 2004 17:31 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm wary of the future.

― C J (C J), Friday, 25 June 2004 18:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I fear the future currants.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 25 June 2004 18:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I dream of being a sultana

― C J (C J), Friday, 25 June 2004 19:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Raisin' the dead would be the dodgy one

― Weebleman (StillSimon), Friday, 25 June 2004 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Death by Dried Fruit!!! Sounds like something Livia would do.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 25 June 2004 20:53 (twenty-one years ago)

My favourite death threat:

"Before I'm through with you, I'll be wearing your kidneys on a string 'round my neck and feeding your teeth to the grebes in the park."

― Aimless (Aimless), Friday, 25 June 2004 23:08 (twenty-one years ago)

You've never actually made that death threat to anyone though, have you?

― C J (C J), Saturday, 26 June 2004 22:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Show her the kidneys, Aimless.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Sunday, 27 June 2004 01:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I keep it in my dresser drawer along with some loose coins, several unredeemable cigarette coupons and a small plastic figurine of a liturgist. I would not part with it for the world, or some negotiable portion thereof. One does not cast pearls before swine, present company excepted.

― Aimless (Aimless), Sunday, 27 June 2004 04:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Which reminds me. "Die, you filthy pig-swine!" has the virtue of simplicity and is perfectly apt for application to swine of all types and sizes.

― Aimless (Aimless), Sunday, 27 June 2004 15:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Except for those exceptional swine which are freshly washed and well-groomed.

― Michael White (Hereward), Sunday, 27 June 2004 16:50 (twenty-one years ago)

but they undoubtedly have fithy minds

― Weebleman (StillSimon), Sunday, 27 June 2004 16:55 (twenty-one years ago)

sorry teensy Edward Lear moment- FILTHY, I tell you, FILTHY, is what I meant to say

― Weebleman (StillSimon), Sunday, 27 June 2004 16:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Fizzy lisp?

― Michael White (Hereward), Sunday, 27 June 2004 18:17 (twenty-one years ago)

That would be a great name for a cocktail.

― C J (C J), Sunday, 27 June 2004 19:42 (twenty-one years ago)

ingredients?

― Weebleman (StillSimon), Sunday, 27 June 2004 20:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Carbonated water and rohypnol.

― Matt (Matt), Sunday, 27 June 2004 22:55 (twenty-one years ago)

That makes you sound like a Very Bad Man who might be well-versed in whipping up the odd date rape beverage (complete with maraschino cherry, a slice of lemon, sparkly straws and little cocktail umbrella).

I think a Fizzy Lisp would be Tia Maria, Cointreau, Baileys and Babycham.

(I actually just typed "date rate" back there by mistake, so now my mind has wandered off in a new direction and I have a mental picture of you holding up score cards at the end of the evening to let the laydees know if they've been up to par or not)

― C J (C J), Monday, 28 June 2004 04:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I am a pure and spotless vigilante for justice. Anyway, I have never found Rohypnol to be anywhere near as effective as sports cars.

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 28 June 2004 07:47 (twenty-one years ago)

The combination of both is lethal, n'est-ce pas?

A 'Fizzy Lisp' would be a coconut and vodka on the rocks with a splash of both soda and creme de cassis.

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 28 June 2004 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

two months pass...

a friend once told me... ill string you up to the ceiling by your intestines and pull out your beating heart.

I perfer... I''ll rip out your tounge and use it to paint my boat if you say another word you little shi... dogs mess if you're a kid.

still, quick and simple is... You're dead, mother ****er! A school classic.

― i hate life, Saturday, 28 August 2004 20:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I like that old saw: "I'll tear off your head and piss down your windpipe!"

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Sunday, 29 August 2004 01:32 (twenty-one years ago)

It was a bit harsh to have said it to the vicar though.

― C J (C J), Sunday, 29 August 2004 11:07 (twenty-one years ago)

I suppose, but he and I were drinking, you see, and he mentioned that he lacked sexual excitement and being straight, it was the only thing I could think of to say. Later, we got naked and whipped ourselves with stinging nettles and although he claims to have talked to God, I felt silly. I don't know. Is it appropriate to talk to God while sprouting an enormous erection? I guess he knows what he's doing. He's a Vicar, after all, and I am a doorman for a chihuahua.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Sunday, 29 August 2004 19:56 (twenty-one years ago)

eight months pass...

Anyone received any new death threats recently?

― C J (C J), Sunday, 8 May 2005 09:07 (twenty years ago)

Sadly not, I clearly haven't been trying hard enough. I did however threaten someone with a promise of sending them to Stevenage, deeming Coventry to be no threat sufficient.

― Matt (Matt), Sunday, 8 May 2005 21:13 (twenty years ago)

I killed a man just to watch him die, then I missed it due to some milk I had on the stove boiling over.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Monday, 9 May 2005 12:41 (twenty years ago)

Death has not been directed in my direction re: wish form. Should I be sad or glad?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 9 May 2005 13:56 (twenty years ago)

Death...

A thing to look forward to. A thing to disdain.

Death...

A situation most maligned by many but enevitable to all.

― Grim Reaper, Monday, 9 May 2005 16:38 (twenty years ago)

Only the same old ones, CJ. I tire of this monotony.

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 14:34 (twenty years ago)

Aimless threatened to kill me if I didn't die soon. I have so much respect for the man, I have been looking for a suitable ocean cliff and mentally practicing a swan-dive to the rocks below. I'll need the rocks to successfully terminate myself because if I hit water, I'll probably feel silly because I can swim like a fish. I refuse to embarrass myself and my chihuahua by attempting suicide. Tigger keeps dropping my .38 at my feet thinking that if I "off" myself, she can live with the neighbors, partake of table scraps and lie on the couch being constantly fondled. I don't blame her. I think I'd like that myself.

"To be or not to be" ect, ect. (Can you dig it? The ol' clown's quoting "Hamhocks".)

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Thursday, 12 May 2005 04:03 (twenty years ago)

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