how to tell if bump on head is a tick??

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without resort to a mirror or an assistant, that is. whenever i travel in ticky places, i am generally alone and without a mirror (you actually need two mirrors to check your scalp properly). my scalp is itchy and rough in the best of times. after a day of brushing it against low flung boughs, i can work up a pretty sweaty case of tick paranoia. when i feel a crusty bump, i try to lever it up with my thumb, try to feel the flutter of little legs, try to find a *waist*, but nothing doing. and then it's a lighter fluid shampoo for sure, which nine time out of ten ends up in fiery mess and weeks of reconstructive surgery (tell me you can resist torching any ethanolized scalp, even your own -- THAT SMELL!!). needless to say, i never pump my own gas.

but i digress. is there an easy way to tell -- again, without a mirror or third party assistance (counting the tick as #2 [Ayi, yi, yi, yi!!]) whether a crusty scalpal bulge is a blood sucking tick?? christ, i'm itching right now.

― hurley (hurley), Friday, 15 October 2004 14:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I wish I could help. Other than scraping at it with a clam shell, thus removing it, regardless of it's true nature. If it IS a tick, it will, eventually fall off after it has had it's fill.

Personally, I never leave the house unless there is snow on the ground.

Good luck.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Friday, 15 October 2004 17:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Burn your house to the ground. Buy a new house.

If nothing else, you'll have a new house.

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 15 October 2004 23:08 (twenty-one years ago)

The easiest way is just grab the nearest razor knife and cut out a plug of scalp about the size of a silver dollar.

Note the orientation of the hair on the plug.

Now that the plug is removed from your head it will be quite easy to examine and determine if the bump really is a tick or not.

If it is a tick then you will need to carefully extract the tick from this patch of scalp.

Replace silver dollar sized clump of scalp onto your head in the proper orientation.

Your may need to us a little duct tape to help to hold it in place until it reattaches.......

― Ðµdë §téè£, Saturday, 16 October 2004 01:02 (twenty-one years ago)

sounds perfect in theory. problem is, once i get to sawing with the razor i know i'll end up going way overboard. it's just the way it is.

― hurley (hurley), Saturday, 16 October 2004 10:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Rubbing alcohol will repel ticks. So there you have a razorless solution, hurley. Immerse your head in a bucket of alcohol for thirty minutes or so and, provided you are still breathing, examine the spots you see on the surface of the liquid. Many of these will be mere tricks of your eyes but some may be ticks or other hangers on. By the way, I wouldn't recommend smoking while you do this unless you're particularly interested in 3rd dgree burns or facial reconstuctive surgery though flame too will frighten off the little blighters.

Alternatively, you could break into the primate house of your local zoo, befriend a good grooming species (almoast any will do) and sit back while your new friends clean your scalp of all edible pests. Almost like a spa visit, eh?

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 15:29 (twenty-one years ago)

hurley? The zoo visit sounds like an excellent idea but if you have an aversion to breaking and entering, you might check out 'rentamonkey.com'.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 16:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Nothing worse than some simian skank in a tube top, miniskirt, push-me-over heels and cheap looking lipstick who picks nits off of your scalp, falls in love with your cat, and steals all the fruit out of your house - but, hey, Saturday night is Saturday night.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 22:20 (twenty-one years ago)

The full address is

http://www.rentamonkey.com/

― Ðµdë §téè£, Wednesday, 20 October 2004 00:38 (twenty-one years ago)

guys -- will write more when i come up for air. the monkey thing worked out aces. we will honeymoon at tenerife. i will euthanize her just at the moment. perfectly legal with the lesser apes. my scalp, meanwhile, is gun butt smooth. xxoo

― hurley (hurley), Thursday, 21 October 2004 20:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought that "rentamonkey" thing was simply a figment of my imagination. You know? For fun. Then I learned that it is real.

I now find myself suffering from severe trepidation regarding the once imaginary monster under my bed.

I dashed into my bedroom, grabbed a few things, my wallet, that frilly underware Dude sent me, my Hawaiian shirt signed by Don Ho, and my copy of "How to make a Million Dollars by Faking Automobile Injuries". I locked the door.

I sleep on the couch now. Sometimes I hear banging on the door and a feminine voice screaming "Let me out, you bastard! I have to use the bathroom!". I'm not fooled. It's the monster pretending to be Sheila. Even if it really IS Sheila, she could stand to lose a few pounds and the carpet in there needs to be replaced anyway.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Thursday, 21 October 2004 20:55 (twenty-one years ago)

hurley,

I'm all teary eyed. I do love a good romance story.

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 21 October 2004 22:35 (twenty-one years ago)

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