Are zombies dead?

It's well known that, in many areas, the dead still vote and from what I have gathered, there are some elected officials who show no trace of any living brain function. If it weren't for the unslakable thirst for human blood and their penchant for home trepanning (with reliably dire consequences for the trepannee), I don't think I'd mind zombies all that much, dead or not.

We need better zombie questions.

Whither ghouls?

Maître d’Hotel: Section mort-vivant ou non? Cervelles?

This afternoon whilst shopping I was accosted by a diminutive market researcher. She beckoned me hither and yon through a maze of corridors and extensive staircasery and led me to a room wherein literally tens of people sat at laptops. She asked me if I wanted any tea. I said yes I did want some tea. She asked me if I wanted any milk in my tea. I said yes I did want milk in my tea. she frowned slightly and said that some people didn't like milk in their, preferring lemon. I replied that I believed this to be the case, but nevertheless I wanted a modicum of milk. I had the feeling that I had let her down in some way.

Upon being seated at my own laptop, I was confronted with a questionnaire of such mind boggling inanity that I found myself staring intently at a crack on the wall, it was only then that I noticed that all of my fellows were doing the same. As they were thus distracted, it was relatively easy for me to make my escape back to the life and bustle of the street.

It is my contention, therefore, that Market Research is in fact for creating and army of THE LIVING DEAD, residing in poorly decorated offices all over the land, waiting for their moment to strike. I could be wrong, of course.