It's not CJ's birthday! Or mine either!

Well,

I could go on and on about the Eiffel Tower.

rivets...yes...2.5 mil. It's a little known fact that hundreds of off-season grape stompers found enployment MAKING those rivets. THEIR contribution goes unnoticed.

The French are famous for building silly things.

The Elephant of the Bastile that Hugo's Gavroche lived in, the Magonet Line, the Eiffel Tower, the statue of liberty...

Liberty...The French pity what we have become.

My inamorata and I just toured the Hotel Meurice http://www.meuricehotel.com/uk/presentation.htm (she is a travel agent) and the 7th Floor Royal Suite with its terrace and incredible view of all of Paris invluding Monsieur Eiffel's tower. She was tarted up right royally, besuined with shimmering lights. What a tramp.

I think I saw the video of Paris (hilton) invluding Monsieur Eiffel.

But it wasn't his tower that she invluded......

Did she swallow the rivets or spit them out?

( Stop it Zen! You filthy, filthy creature! )

It's in my dictionary! "invluding",noun, the ability to suck a rivet out of 1" steel.

Besuined BTW was meant to be besequined but I have yet again coined a new word.

I hope you realize, Michael, that by addressing your own typos before we get to them, you are ruining our fun.

On a serious note: еdë §téè£ is having his buttocks besequined to celebrate his birthday next tuesday. He is going to spend the entire day, much to the chagrin of his family and co-workers, in his "birthday suit" and he thinks the sequins will add "pizazz".

I'm just kidding, of course. In commemoration of that magnificent milestone, I am having a map of Ohio tatooed on my chest.

A relief map?

Great idea Matt!

I just happen to have this huge knife......

Lets carve out a place for Lake Erie right here about where his heart used to be.

As for the Ohio River, I say we make a gash from here on the left side of his torso diagonally down and to the right side. Remember the Ohio is 975 miles long so we need to maintain the proper scale.

Don't forget that Ohio is famous for its Mound Builder Indians. Maybe you could use a ball pein hammer and raise assorted pup knots as you see fit.

Cher Monsieur Clown,

Sory two ruein yur funn abowt teh tipos. Ie promiss naught too due hit anee moore.

Yoor fiend,

Micheale

It's OK, Michael, I dont spel gud to.

Because of derogatory remarks about my impending tatoo, I have changed my mind.

I am either going to be embellished with a map of Europe or America.

Before I decide, I will need to commune with my "southern peninsula" and try to determine if it would rather be Italy or Florida...

Not Cornwall?

Don't knock it til you've tried it.

I can assure you Matt that under no circumstances would I even consider knocking Zen's Cornwall, not to mention trying it.

Perhaps Zen's choice of map should reflect the character of his peninsula. I may be able to help.

Is the peninsula in question a flat, humid swamp, and when you speak of it your auditor instantly thinks - 'swarms of huge, disagreeable bugs'?

Or is your peninsula an ancient dusty ruin, repeatedly sacked and vandalized, and when you speak of it your auditor instantly thinks - corruption?

Or, in keeping with Mr. White's suggestion, is your peninsula quaint, small, drippy and when you speak of it your auditor instantly thinks - pasty?

At the risk of provoking Aimless's infamous bad temper, I should like to point out that both Florida and Italy bring the word 'corruption' to mind. I find it sad that Herr Clown has limited his cartographic fancy to Europe and America as this rather limits his peninsular options.

Infamous bad temper? I would have you know my temperment is as mild and meek as a lamb on heavy sedatives. This condition holds true for all times and all seasons, with the sole exception of those few times when pin-headed, mealy-mouthed, pimple-faced, long-nosed, wry-necked boobies spout such unmitigated shite as to push me beyond all human endurance and tempt me to use untemperate language I would not ordinarily countenance and a tone of voice I would normally consider harsh, loud and abhorrent, should they be used in another situation.

I don't consider that to be an "infamous bad temper". It is merely my exuberant animal spirits and Irish playfulness coming to the fore.

untemperate?

Yes. To distinguish it from 'intemperate', which I am not under any circumstances, even those cited above - you rolling barrel of man-bosoms, you mass of microbial uncleanliness, you simpering pollution on the face of god, you spineless, faceless, piss-toping, untemperate nitwit ... unless I mistake my man and you are not the Michael White I am thinking of. If so, please excuse my boorish display of high animal spirits. That other Michael White brings out my peevishness as no other can.

Did I say "peevishness"? I'm sorry. I meant to say "exuberant animal spirits."

"exuberant animal spirits."

That reminds me of "aberrant animal spirits" which reminds me of
еdë §téè£.

Happy Birthday, Dude. Remember to disable the smoke detectors before lighting the candles.

I have found that the intemperate use of ardent spirits allays much of the bitterness of being captive in this carnal envelope and temporal jail. To each, however, his own.

I would like to take this opportunity to address some of the more egregious errors in Aimless's catalog of invective (vide supra).

I may be a barrel of man-bosoms ('virteats' in the jargon of my family) but I do not roll. I perambulate in a sinuous (and oft-times vinous) fashion that avoids any topsy-turvying except that occasioned by circumstances independant of my own will.

I am not a mass and one of the most salient benefits of the medicinal use of strong liquors is the consequent macrobial holocaust that occurs in one's organism.

I neither simper nor pollute the face of any deities despite countless gross and inconscionable outrages on their part.

I am sure even Aimless will admit that it's rather hard to quaff bottle after bottle of champagne when bereft of the use of so rudimentary a part of humanNow, architecture as a spine. I am confident I will be acquitted of this particular charge.

Faceless? Legless, at times to be sure, but even I am sometimes recognized by the idiosyncrasies of my countenance.

I may 'take the piss' at times but I am no urophile.

I will, in good conscience, confess to a high degree of nitwittery.

Now, I trust Aimless will understand that it is not through any personal animosity that I have been compelled to call attention to his previous post to several authorities including PETA and RSPCA, but to that solicitude for the welfare of dumb beasts which is the mark of enlightened civilizations. His repeated admission to the use of spirits derived from animals troubles and repulses me. No teetotaller, I will brook no condemnation of a man enjoying the fruits of the vine or Mr. Barleycorn's distillations, but to resort to spirits derived from flesh is to regress to the level of mere savagery and, in pagan mockery, to blaspheme the holy miracle of transubstantiation.

Mr. Steel, I send you my wishes for the happiest of birthdays.

"I have found that the intemperate use of ardent spirits.............. to blaspheme the holy miracle of transubstantiation."

I wanted to say something like that but I'm using my dictionary to press some snowflakes for my collection.

I thank you for the birthday wishes and it has been a nice birthday.

I received an 8 year old juniper Bonsai tree from my mother, father, sister, and bro.in law in a beautiful rectangular royal blue planter.

Mr. Miyagi would be proud of it. I love it!

‚¨?j‚¢

That didn't come out right, did it?

Omedetou