Where do they keep it and what do they do with it?

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

As anybody who doesn't know me well can attest, I am not a very materialistic person and I'm more than happy to share. It seems, however, that people are continually taking offense or taking umbrage, and I'm worried I may eventually run out. I don't know too much personally, but I'm curious as to how much offense and umbrage a body can produce and what organ secretes them. Additionally, where do these people keep the stuff and should I ask them to give it back?

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 16:56 (twenty years ago)

I'm (hic) waiting....

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 11 March 2005 07:42 (twenty years ago)

An interesting question.

Umbrage is secreted by the umbilicus in very limited quanities. The average person may not give umbrage more than once a decade, so your concern in that regard is well-merited.

Offense, however is generated in tremendous quantities by the intestines (aka "offals") and the avergae person exudes (or extrudes) offense on a daily basis. Humans gathered in large numbers give correspondingly greater offense (cf armies, mobs and football crowds). Think of the last wedding you attended. The larger it was, the more likely you took away with several wheelbarrow loads of offense.

The only known anodyne for this is Blissium.

― Aimless (Aimless), Friday, 11 March 2005 19:11 (twenty years ago)

two weeks pass...

Offense is produced by many organs, not the offals. The mouth for instance is a large producer of Offense. Mouthed Offence is the most deadly. Usually odourless (although Halitosis does provide some advance warning)it creeps out and attacks when you least expect it. No fear of running out - your mouth can produce an endless supply. Your generous contributions are stopped only by death, which may account for all the violence in this world.

― MSW, Tuesday, 29 March 2005 13:52 (twenty years ago)

Welcome aboard MW.

― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 16:24 (twenty years ago)

I seldom take offense or umbrage but I have been known to take the piss a few times, and now I have several jars of it in the fridge and am at a loss to know what to do with it all. Any suggestions??

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 09:02 (twenty years ago)

Sell it on e-bay. You can say it's a spot remover called 'Piss Off'.

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 30 March 2005 16:43 (twenty years ago)

Drink it. Icy cold, straight from the fridge, it looks like beer. Alter the flavour by moderating your diet. Asparagus for example, appears to have an overnight impact on the bouquet. Refrain from offering it to friends when they drop by for a visit, but do watch the fun when the greedy ones head straight to your fridge to help themselves without asking first!

― MSW, Wednesday, 30 March 2005 18:55 (twenty years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.