We deserve better than this

I too am raged...out and in...

I don't, however, salivate at hills but rather the restless sea.

I smell fish. Pass the tartar sauce.

If we stand together, with a untied front, we can defeat this. The people together will no longer be silenced in the face of this disgrace. Come one and come all, to arms citoyens! Are we going to allow this? What will you say to your grandchildren? And how will you avoid spitting on them?

Consarn it! You radicals are all atitter agin about something that's none of yer cottin pickin' business. Cayn't a man go for a quiet walk in the park without hearin' y'all's bullhorns and bullshit? When I was a kid we'd get a whuppin' for complainin' but if'n so much as one y'all cuts his foot off or dies from food poisonin' and ya won't shut up, ya lily-livered pantywaists!

When, in the course of human events, our souls are tried, not just by obnoxious siblings or puppies shitting on the parlour floor, but greater, more significant things, things that vex the very gods. Vending machines that keep their product and your money, devious oysters that cause one to harm one's hand while trying to liberate them from their shells, girls who tease to the point of madness and then say "I'm saving it for my future husband.", parents who make us bow our heads and pretend to give thanks for the swill we are doomed to endure...

The list goes on and on...

I rally with Matt...Let's untie our fronts! Liberate our ventrical appendages! Resist! Fight! Fight,if necessary!

As odd as it sounds I feel that I must speak up as the voice of reason.

Sure, we could band together with our farm implements, torches, barrels of burning oil, and coarse linnen cloth as a united force and rush them but to what end would these hasty actions resolve the problem?

Don't get me wrong.... I am upset over the recent turn of events also. Maybe moreso than some of you may know since this has both directly and indirectly impacted my immediate and extended family. I am unsure what action our clan will take in these matters but I can assure you all that a blind fury is not the correct answer.

Perhaps we should form a committee, elected from amongst ourselves, to go sit face to face with them and sue for recompense due to their outlandish acts of vile and deceitful violation of our peaceful gathering.

We should deplore, nay, DEMAND that they remove their noses from our business and leave us be.

Violence never solved anything..... that is unless they fail to listen to reason.

Then I say we put them in leg irons and take them swimming!

I concur.

DANGLE those participles! END those sentences with prepositions! Say "ain't" in proper context! Misquote Shakespheare! Use the Bible as a doorstop, entice rabbits to eat meat, lace bananas with blissium and watch monkeys become enlightened, hang a carp on a chain around your neck and say that God told you to do it, read Goethe, Nietzsche, Ayn Rand and Alan Watts and pretend that you are STILL stupid.

Excuse me. You may not remember me. I am Professor Phidias P Phosh. I am being held captive by Ursulin nuns somewhere in Spain and all of my food and drink, I suspect, is laced with Viagra. They claim to be using me as an example so that the young girls in their charge can become acquainted with "the evils of the flesh" but I suspect darker motives.

I must go now...Sister Laverne is coming to use me. She has not yet entered my room but as bathing is, to them, considered to be a pagan ritual, I can smell her coming...

(The foregoing message was smuggled to me by a dwarf milkman who refused to give his name.)

Surely you meant to say an 'achondroplasitic milk-person', no?

No.

I am with you all, but must we wear coarse linen cloth? It gives me such a rash in all the important places.

No, no, no, no..... you've gotten it all wrong.

WE go completely naked.

The linen cloth is a weapon that we use to chafe them in a most irratating way.

Not another naked crusade, please. Running about male and naked is not one of life's pleasures. Frankly, it is best avoided by those optimistically endowed. Helps the rest of the population feel good about themselves too.

optimistically endowed?

Happy Jack?

I find myself, at this point, in a very delicate condition of wonder.

Please don't touch me.

Right on sister! Let's all burn our bras, that'll teach the oppressive patriachy to stop, well, oppressing us. ( I always suspected you were a woman Aimless and your passionate pleas of an end to swallowing has confirmed it! By the by you are far too articulate to be a man).

Who here ever supposed Aimless to be a 'man'. Weremarmot, Siberian anteater, Pileated hipponocerous, three toed albino racing sloth, yes, perhaps, but a 'man'?

Save those bras if they are made of linen. They can be put to good use on your oppressors, as instruments of chaffing.

Heck, does no one likes to swallow?