He walks in...

As he is almost out the door he glances down at the floor and notices a smallish suitcase with the initials H.T.K. across the latches.

On the ground beside the suitcase is an unopened envelope with the word "Pansnatydin" scrawled in green ink.

There are a selection of swarthy gentlemen clustered exitably around a table in the corner. Talking to two very tall Nazis who, in their black overcoats with swastika armbands are in NO WAY conspicuous.

a garden variety dinosaur is tied up at the back of the room

Weeping huge tears while packs of small rodents scurry back and forth sneering at it.

The dinosaur has pooped and created a dreadful stench. The Nazis are quite disturbed by it. One starts to tap his foot whilst another orders an inquisition lamp to be brought in immediately. The tears have started to melt the poop and a brown stream flows through the middle of the room. One of the Nazi's walks over to the suitcase and caresses it. Alarminly, the suitcase begins to grow! The stroking Nazi turns to the others and asks, "Vhat kind of zoot khase ees theese?"
"Herr, don ta-uch eet!", comes the reply from the Nazi with the biggest boots. "Eet is made from foreskins of dee jews. Eet eese ower latest seekrat wep-on".

Whereupon the swarthy gentelmen throw off their disguises and reveal themselves to be well-armed Hassidim who make short work of the Nazis and feed their remains to the Dinosaur who turns strangely purple following his meal. Soon he launches into song:

"I love Jew
Jew love me
We're a happy family
With a great big hug
And a kiss from me to you
Won't you say you love me too?",

and the Hassidim are forced to shoot him too.

NEXT EPISODE: Rats!! We're Trapped!

A Japanese gentleman, wearing dark glasses, sits in a corner of the room, sipping mother's milk and fondeling a gerbil.

Short pause for questions before we continue:

How would you know he is Japanese if wearing dark glasses?
Sipping from a nipple, perhaps?
Whose mother donated milk (or is it metaphorical)?
What part of a gerbil is fondable?
Did M White mistake gerbils for rats?

When we continue, may I ask the Japanese man not be allowed to stick the poor rodent up his bum-hole (a richandfamous fashion a few years ago for those living in Malibu Beach - remember?).

A more significant question, Sir, is how does the gerbil feel about all of this?

(What?)

This is "Ask a Drunk" there are mo rules.

(Are you drunk? You make no sense whatsoever.)

Precisely.

Pissricely.
Pisslicley.
Prizzeyezly.
Uh, right.

More wine, Sir?

[mutely holds out glass and nods]

The 'Clown is drunk tonight.

I think being soused is totally approate (i'm drunk, fuck spelling and grammer)

I would like to propose a toast to Jacob Wu (heh,heh), his charming, beautiful, enchanting, tolerant, ect. wife, and Charles Bukowski

The 'Clown is drunk tonight.

I think being soused is totally approate (i'm drunk, fuck spelling and grammer)

I would like to propose a toast to Jacob Wu (heh,heh), his charming, beautiful, enchanting, tolerant, ect. wife, and Charles Bukowski.

Oh my.

I'm stuttering.

That's hurley's job.

[holds out glass for another refill] Keep it coming, Clown.

Clown...? ... Clown? Oh, horseshit. Where did that man go?

[he looks at the floor, looks again, rubs his eyes in disbelief]

Zen, zatchoo? Wuh-foh you down there? No. Don't get up. I can pour my own. I think.

[he grabs the nearest bottle. wrong one. he grabs its twin.]

Ah!

[he turns the bottle bottom up. shakes it. peers down the neck.]

eh! Fug all. Zen! Time to go to the store!

[Zen snores. very loudly.]

Shite! Hurley! CJ? Michael?

You're damn lucky that I have this here hollow wooden leg full of Tequilla........ Leftover from the last party, sure but thirsty really doesn't care now does it?

Drinks are on me!!!!!!!!

Literally

What name did Dude answer to...Shite?

Actually my given name is Michael but I reacted to the "Oh, horseshit." portion of the post.

I saw a drunkard in need and gladly offered to help in what little way I could.... little because I am short and my wooden legs are almost as big as bowling pins.

There, my secret is out. :)

His father was a tree.

I always said Dude's delivery was a little wooden.

His mother was a badger then, who ate the berry, which she soon lovingly defecated in a sunny spot, thereby giving life to little Dude.