Somebody kick my arse - please

I suppose this admission means my volunteers may approach the task with less than full vigor and confidence. I am willing to take that chance.

from heny

from heny

I have no idea as to what you are are refering to. Does this have something to do with hovercraft or is it an "inside" British joke.

You know, Matt, we Yanks can come up with shit like that. Not me, of course, I'm not inventive enough, but Dude or Aimless or Michael I'm sure could could come up with something...

(Hey Zen? You are really, really drunk, aren't you?)

Yeah

(Shut up.)

Ok.

"question and answer"
he sat naked and drunk in a room of summer
night, running the blade of the knife
under his fingernails, smiling, thinking
of all the letters he had received
telling him that
the way he lived and wrote about
that--
it had kept them going when
all seemed
truly
hopeless.

putting the blade on the table, he
flicked it with a finger
and it whirled
in a flashing circle
under the light.

who the hell is going to save
me? he
thought.

as the knife stopped spinning
the answer came:
you're going to have to
save yourself.

still smiling,
a: he lit a
cigarette
b: he poured
another
drink
c: gave the blade
another
spin.

--from The Last Night of the Earth Poems

Charles Bukowski (1920-1994)

It ain't easy...Being a real drunk.

It isn't easy.

First there is the opening of the bottle (it's OK for Aimless, his man servant does it), then there is the pouring into the glass (or open mouth depending on what you are drinking) Then there is remembering to open your mouth. Many a time there has been an unfortunate lapse in this department leading to having to drink without any pants on.

Having to fetch yourself a refill is not without it's problems. Is there a dignified way to fall flat on your face when leaving a bar stool?? NO! is the simple answer to that.

Being a drunk is an extremely hazardous thing to do, and should rank alongside other extreme sports, and I nominate it for inclusion in the Olympics. I hope I have your support in this matter. Please contact Juan Antonio Samaranch to demand it's inclusion. If that sport for wimps known as Ski Jumping can make it so can the Bar Crawl

It could be done as an event similar to the septathlon, and include events such as "The race for last orders" "The jostle for the bathroom" and the "Half marathon stagger"
All those in favour raise your right hand, but only if there is a full glass in it!!

That is the most magnificent salute I can muster.

It's the one where you tongue kiss an ugly old barfly floosie as long as you can while she has a mouth half full of her own fresh puke. Extra points scored for removing her dentures using only your tongue!

Dude is not a drunk, therefore his membership in this forum is honorary. I shudder to think what he would be like with a snoot-full.

But that is just so over the top.

(it's making zen homesick.... don't let him kid ya)

Rubbish! Modern puke-making techniques are such that you could age it in a plastic lined BOX and the quality would still be equivalent. If you want to save space for long-distance treks, I advise distillation.