Is celibacy unhealthy?

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I have been celibate for about eight years now and I have gone quite mad.

Perhaps, like Aimless, I should take a hike, or like Matt, serve up a frog.

I am quite at sea about this and I welcome any suggestions anyone may have.

I miss Sue and her hatpins...

A puncture wound was't sex, per se, but it WAS sensual.

― Zen Clown, Tuesday, 16 August 2005 11:47 (nineteen years ago)

Ah, Celibate, is that another word for married??
What you need, Zen, is a hobby!
Have you tried tried "Bungee Climbing" It is like Bungee Jumping but you see how far up you can get befeore the inevitable happens.
Personally I find snail breeding an absorbing hobby, if a bit fast for me these days.
Or you could try the kite flying.
A good place is where there is plenty of open space around you for example the local airport with its flat ground and unobstructed view is always good.
Anyone any other suggestions to rescue Zen from a life of non-stop sex and enjoyment? Or is he doomed to wander forever looking at young ladies and fantisizing about corn flakes??

― Geoffrey Judge ( Ivor Feltersnatch), Tuesday, 16 August 2005 14:21 (nineteen years ago)

Call the Coast Guard if you're at sea, Zen. They know all about this kind of thing, though I thought that the sea receded from Missouri many millions of years ago.

― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 16 August 2005 15:24 (nineteen years ago)

I hate to break it to you, Zen, but sex will not cure your madness. It is irreversible - although it can be turned inside out.

― Aimless (Aimless), Tuesday, 16 August 2005 16:47 (nineteen years ago)

I suggest you are celibate because you are quite mad dear sir. I suggest you get thee to a psychiatric facility to partake of the bountiful grinding and writhing that occurs there. Put a tinfoil hat on your head and approach the nearest young lass who is being generous with her cash, laughter and tears, she will no doubt be equally bounteous in handing out sexual favours and you shall be cured!

― Anna. (Anna.), Wednesday, 17 August 2005 00:55 (nineteen years ago)

one year passes...

celibacy is a good way to give yourself an important lifestyle choice as a substitute for just not having sex in a long time.

― titchyschneider (titchyschneider), Friday, 2 February 2007 14:36 (eighteen years ago)

Thanks

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Saturday, 3 February 2007 18:57 (eighteen years ago)

celibacy is ok as long as u remmeber 2 clean yur pipes

― UART variations (ex machina), Sunday, 4 February 2007 08:30 (eighteen years ago)

getbackinyourpigcage.jpg

― Copy (2) {AWOL} v ECC 28/05/06 (Lynskey), Sunday, 4 February 2007 10:35 (eighteen years ago)

I always get "celibacy" confused with "celery", for some reason.

― C J (C J), Monday, 5 February 2007 13:53 (eighteen years ago)

I thought your crudités tasted funny.

― M. White (Miguelito), Monday, 5 February 2007 15:15 (eighteen years ago)

That's why they're called amuse-gueules, I presume.

― C J (C J), Monday, 5 February 2007 15:24 (eighteen years ago)

I don't know what's so amusing about celibacy.

― M. White (Miguelito), Monday, 5 February 2007 15:51 (eighteen years ago)

It can be quite entertaining for those not undergoing it.

― Matt (Matt), Tuesday, 6 February 2007 19:49 (eighteen years ago)

So can mumps.

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 7 February 2007 09:22 (eighteen years ago)

It's true, many's the time I've been glared at by complete acquaintances for my churlish laughing/pointing antics.

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 7 February 2007 10:12 (eighteen years ago)

What about your incomplete acquaintances?

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 7 February 2007 10:53 (eighteen years ago)

what is the exact criteria for being celibate? i think i am going to give it a go.

― titchyschneider (titchyschneider), Wednesday, 7 February 2007 16:16 (eighteen years ago)

According to my understanding, you must move to the Celebes Islands.

― Aimless (Aimless), Wednesday, 7 February 2007 17:46 (eighteen years ago)

You don't have to move there, Aimless, merely take up the nationality.

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 7 February 2007 19:03 (eighteen years ago)

Take it up where, I'm not sure, though.

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 7 February 2007 19:03 (eighteen years ago)

The temptation to respond to that last post with "THE SHITTER" was nearly overpowering. I'm glad I resisted the urge.

― Copy (2) {AWOL} v ECC 28/05/06 (Lynskey), Wednesday, 7 February 2007 22:13 (eighteen years ago)

Goodness! Are the Celebes one of those accomodating places that will sell you a passport in consideration of a goodly sum? Yes. Now that I think on it, that must be what all those Irish priests do. The good Lord knows they don't all live in the Celebes full time.

― Aimless (Aimless), Thursday, 8 February 2007 01:14 (eighteen years ago)

The leasehold to the Celebes Island, having been acquired via moderately entertaining takeover mit gunz in the midst of the poltical upheavals of the late 1780's by a particularly stringent group of Jacobins from an almost astonishingly accomodating group of Plaid Cymru seperatists is, oddly enough, currently held by Eric Lynch, late of this parish. I believe he's currently using them to store dead children. So if you don't mind a frankly worrying amount of small shoes, by all means move. If you do, I recommend the Cuddlebumpkin isles immediately to the south where everyone is happy and they'll sell you a passport for a fiver. They're owned by Sade, yes, that Sade. That's where she's been since "Smooth Operator". She bought some islands. God knows why. Maybe so you could move there and not have sex.

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 9 February 2007 00:10 (eighteen years ago)

Not have sex with Sade?

― C J (C J), Friday, 9 February 2007 11:47 (eighteen years ago)

Nor anyone else. Not even Mark King from Level 42. Or Sinitta.

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 9 February 2007 12:25 (eighteen years ago)

So the Celebes is a group of islands populated by celebs? Is that similar to Neckar being populated by people who have necks?

― C J (C J), Friday, 9 February 2007 12:30 (eighteen years ago)

I couldn't possibly comment on that, but I came away from a recent visit to the Isle of Wight absolutely terrified.

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 9 February 2007 17:25 (eighteen years ago)

Wight supremacists?

― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 9 February 2007 18:12 (eighteen years ago)

Nah. Michael Barrymore, probably.

― C J (C J), Friday, 9 February 2007 18:51 (eighteen years ago)

Ahh the Drew Ducks Dan.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Saturday, 10 February 2007 19:08 (eighteen years ago)

Sandown Deeper and Down

― Copy (2) {AWOL} v ECC 28/05/06 (Lynskey), Saturday, 10 February 2007 19:12 (eighteen years ago)

Shanklin all over.

― C J (C J), Saturday, 10 February 2007 19:31 (eighteen years ago)

I was the last to post when the ship went down, and the first to post here again in the new SS Ask A Drunk. Rah me!

― C J, Thursday, 22 February 2007 09:16 (eighteen years ago)

Interesting makeover, our new quarters. Where's the cellar?

― Matt, Thursday, 22 February 2007 15:04 (eighteen years ago)

Would you care for some Amontillado, Matt? I have a nice cask of it right down here.

― Michael White, Thursday, 22 February 2007 15:29 (eighteen years ago)

Who wouldn't, Michael? It's a trifle chilly for Fino.

― Matt, Thursday, 22 February 2007 21:09 (eighteen years ago)

mmm, sherry trifle.

― C J, Friday, 23 February 2007 10:24 (eighteen years ago)

I wouldn't trifle with Sherry, she's got bottle, they say.

― Michael White, Friday, 23 February 2007 14:54 (eighteen years ago)

are all of you lynskey, or just some of you?

― hurley, Friday, 23 February 2007 22:16 (eighteen years ago)

guys, i am drunk at 3:30 on saturday. dedication. seriously.

my thoughts: celibacy: not good. but sometimes smart.

― tehresa, Saturday, 24 February 2007 20:36 (eighteen years ago)

hurley, it's never all of me, but sometimes as much as both legs have been known to be lynskey.

theresa, Ça cirrhose!

― Michael White, Sunday, 25 February 2007 09:09 (eighteen years ago)

Hello, this makes five nights in a row for me, and my first post to the durnk board. Such self-control!

― Laurel, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 07:00 (eighteen years ago)

Now that is a marvellous effort

― Matt, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 10:23 (eighteen years ago)

Aks a durnk, get a durnk answer.

― Michael White, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 15:39 (eighteen years ago)

Oh god it's day 8 and I hope there's a sixer of Bud around here somewhere or else I will be forced to make herbal tea.

― Laurel, Saturday, 3 March 2007 09:06 (eighteen years ago)

Check behind the sofa, you left some there on day 4.

― Matt, Saturday, 3 March 2007 09:26 (eighteen years ago)

Damn the sofa. I'm convinced it eats all the packs of cigarettes that fall out of my pockets.

― Laurel, Saturday, 3 March 2007 09:27 (eighteen years ago)

It sells them in playgrounds to middle-school kids. It's saving up for more cushions.

― Matt, Saturday, 3 March 2007 09:31 (eighteen years ago)

*I* didn't get to smoke in middle school, why should they? And on my dime, no less.

― Laurel, Saturday, 3 March 2007 09:33 (eighteen years ago)

Hey, don't shoot the messenger. Ask your sofa, is my advice. Maybe stage an intervention.

― Matt, Saturday, 3 March 2007 09:35 (eighteen years ago)

I tried to stage an intervention once but the Producer and Director both showed up wasted and kept falling off the stage.

It was horrid but the reviews were fair to good. The critics thought it was a comedy.

I pressed a few of the roses that were thrown then framed them.

The tomatoes and spoiled beets didn't do so well in the pressing.......

― Ðµdë §téè£, Saturday, 3 March 2007 19:42 (eighteen years ago)

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